Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character~ 1st Corinthians 15:33 NIV
I subscribe to a number of Christian leadership blogs, podcasts and websites. Most of the stuff I subscribe to is pretty good. A few are hit or miss and one or two are just kind of meh. The best ones consistently tackle issues I have never thought very deeply about, challenge my biases, and help me think more imaginatively about problem solving. The not-so-great ones tend to hit on the same dozen or so issues over and over again and never really give any answers, just raise a lot questions.
Over the course of the last couple of years, I have noted a clear trend regarding the subject matter of many of the blogs I subscribe to. All of them have been encouraging Christians to be bolder in their pursuit of authentic and meaningful friendships with sinners (their word, not mine). A few have openly scolded other Christians for not having and pursuing more intimate friendships with non-Christians. Every article I’ve read on the subject holds Jesus up as the example we ought to follow when it comes to pursuing friendships with “sinners”.
For the record, I believe with all my heart Christians ought to pursue friendships with non-Christian people (more on that later). However, I am convinced this teaching trend has become dangerously unbalanced because it presumes without offering cautions.
I will begin with the presumptions.
The most common presumption is that Jesus spent most or all of His time just chilling with sinners. To hear many pastors and teachers tell it, Jesus spent every moment of His life on earth at the local bars, crack houses and brothels hugging and high-fiving the local riff-raff.
A careful reading of the gospels reveals that Jesus did indeed attend events and parties where “sinners” were present (a very big deal in His world). We also know that Jesus was kind and welcoming to everyone (including sinners) and He definitely wasn’t shy about interacting with sinners or building meaningful relationships with very messed-up people (Luke 19:1-9, John 4). However, that was one part of His over-all ministry. Jesus spent most of His time with the twelve disciples and others (Luke 8:1-3, Luke 10:1) who were interested in following Jesus and learning to live a holy life.
The second assumption many make is that the culture Jesus ministered in was exactly like the culture we live in.
Its’ simply not true.
Jesus lived in and ministered to a predominately Jewish culture where even the most messed-up “sinners” understood exactly what the Bible had to say about sin (John 4, Luke 9:1-9). This meant that the pre-evangelistic work of helping folks recognize the reality that they are sinners in need of redemption was done long before they came into contact with Jesus. We live in a post-Christian/atheistic culture where few people know or care about what the Bible has to say about much of anything. Even fewer feel guilt or remorse over their behavior. This difference is subtle and may seem trivial. However, it’s a difference that dramatically affects the dynamics of interacting with non-Christians. At the very least it makes spiritually productive conversations more difficult, and relationships trickier to navigate.
Some are assuming we are all a heck of lot more like Jesus than we actually are. Jesus was the perfect, sinless Son of God on a mission to save the world from the bondage and consequences of sin.
We are not Jesus.
Even in our redeemed state we are still people who possess a sin nature (1st John 1:8). We are people who have been saved by the kindness and mercy of a seriously benevolent God and nothing else (Ephesians 2:9). We are also people who have been commanded by a holy God to live a life of purity, holiness and righteousness (1st Corinthians 1:2, Ephesians 5:3, 1st Thessalonians 4:7, 1st Peter 1:14-16, Hebrews 12:14). Our calling to holiness is sometimes made more difficult by our choice of friendships (Proverbs 13:20, Psalm 1, 1st Corinthians 15:33).
All that being said, I still really believe Christians ought to be intentional about seeking out friendships with non-Christian people. People have to be led to Jesus and the only way that will happen in this culture will be through cultivating relationships. However, we need to initiate relationships with non-Christian people wisely and prayerfully, keeping two truths firmly in mind.
First, the Bible warns us repeatedly concerning the dangers of spending an inappropriate amount of time around those who may tempt us to sin (Jude 22, 2nd Corinthians 6:14-15, 1st John 2:15-16). Secondly, we need to remember that we will NEVER lead anyone to Jesus if we make a habit out of sinning with them.
5 thoughts on “Should Christians and Non-Christians be Friends?”
I bring up the “we are not Jesus” point often. It isn’t that I don’t have non-Christian friends, but I am cautious about how it impacts me. I believe Christians need to have boundaries on certain things and when I have set those boundaries, other Christians get mad. They say it is my responsibility to lead the people I withdraw from to Jesus. I don’t know where they get these sorts of things. It is the Holy Spirit’s responsibility and people can be used, but I won’t continually take verbal lashing from both sides for refusing to take verbal lashings.
I’m glad you wrote this, it is nice to see someone else with the same thought process.
I couldn’t agree more Rebecca. It’s a good thing to have non-Christian friends. But it’s also good to be aware of how those friends are influencing us. If we lose our saltiness we are no good to anyone. I fear too many of us have lost our ability to make a spiritual difference because we have become too much like the people we are supposed to be reaching!
I think that is because Scripture is misunderstood by many believers. We are often swayed by proof-texting rather than taking the time to read Scripture in context. 🙁
Thanks, Lisa. Well written and important help. It is hard sometimes to know how to draw the boundries, but essential to maintain a balanced walk in the Lord. I think that it is important to pray for Holy Spirit guidance to draw the people we should build those relationships with. I am discovering that it is nit a cut and dried process as there are so many avenues that draw others into our arena of space. Loved these thoughts and concerns you shared.
I hope we can have an opportunity to visit over lunch your next trip here.
Thank you for the kind words Sue, I agree that knowing when and how to draw boundaries is hard. It certainly takes prayer coupled with a lot of wisdom. I miss you my friend, I will be in Arizona in November we will have to do another long lunch 😊