Category: Love

Four Practical ways to Love the Unlovable Without Enabling Sin-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

We urge you, brothers and sisters, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek what is good for one another and for all people- 1st Thessalonians 5:14-15 NASB 

One of the most challenging aspects of being twenty-first century follower of Jesus is the disparity between how Christians are commanded to behave in Scripture and how the world encourages people to behave. This contrast is especially glaring when it comes to dealing with the unlovable among us.

The message we get from the world concerning this subject could not be more straight-forward and clear. Most non-Christians (including most secular counselors) believe and teach that unlovable people should be ejected from one’s life as quickly and efficiently as possible. If a friend, co-worker, parent, child or spouse is needy, rude, selfish, sinful or even just kind of dumb that person should be given the old heave-ho the second they indicate a lack of willingness (or ability) to change. 

I won’t lie. 

My flesh finds the counsel of the world appealing in this situation.  Life is short and unlovable people are, well, not fun to love. So, why waste time and energy on anyone who is less than awesome or reluctant to change?

Well. 

As much as I like this advice on a personal level, I also find it super hard to rationalize from a biblical perspective. Nowhere in the Bible are we given permission to eliminate unlovable people from our lives. Truly evil people, yes, the Bible has no issue with Christians avoiding truly evil, totally unrepentant people. We are also called to avoid those who might corrupt our character (1st Corinthians 15:33). That being said, Jesus made it abundantly clear that we are to love the unlovable (Matthew 5:44-46, Luke 6:27-32) and even pray (nice prayers) for those who mistreat us, even when they do it on purpose. Jesus followed His own admittedly hard advice. He prayed for those who crucified Him (Luke 23:34) and loved the man who would eventually turn Him over to be crucified (Judas). He forgave Peter for denying Him three times and He forgives US for ALL the really stupid stuff we do. None of us are Jesus. However, God has given us the power (through the indwelling Holy Spirit) do what Jesus did (John 14:11-13, Matthew 7:7, Luke 10:19). Here’s how to love an unlovable person without enabling bad behavior that makes the person even more unlovable:

Set and enforce limits- 

Unlovable people are oftentimes boundary busters. They overstep, ask for more than is reasonable and show little (or no) respect for what other people want or how they feel. This can become a valid source of bitterness for the person whose boundaries are being busted. Bitterness is bad. It should be avoided at all costs (Ephesians 4:30-31, Hebrews 12:15). The answer to this problem is not to kick the unlovable person to the curb. All that does is make the unlovable person bitter. The answer is to set limits for the person who will not set limits for themselves. There does not need to be a lot of discussion around these limits. Just decide what you will and will not do and then stick to your guns. This will keep you from becoming bitter. Getting free from the bondage of bitterness frees us up to love from the heart. 

Forgive as often as necessary- 

Forgiving others is something Christians are straight-up commanded to do (Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:15-35, Mark 11:25-26). However, contrary to popular belief forgiveness is not something we do for other people. Most people we need to forgive do not care all that much about being forgiven. Most unlovable people are more than happy to keep on making other people angry and bitter. Forgiveness is something we do for the sake of our own souls. Forgiving others is truly the ultimate in selfcare. When we forgive an unlovable person God frees us from anger, resentment and bitterness (Ephesians 4:31, Hebrews 12:15). That freedom allows us to love (and forgive) others joyfully, whether they deserve it or not. 

Fight for the good- 

Fighting for the good does not mean putting up with endless abuse, sin or disrespect. In fact, fighting for the good is the exact opposite of putting up with all sorts of sinful behavior in the name of being “loving”. It is not loving to allow people to sin; in fact, it’s the exact opposite of loving someone.  We fight for the good when we lovingly confront sin and refuse (in a kind way) to allow people to sin against us or anyone else (Galatians 6:1-5,1stThessalonians 5:14, James 5:19-20). Paul’s experience with Peter in Galatians 2:11-13 is a perfect example of this in action. The apostle Peter was sinning against Paul and the gentile Christians by refusing to eat with them when the Jews were around. Paul called him out on it and (apparently) Peter repented and started treating everyone the same all the time. If Paul had refused to confront Peter on his behavior it would have surely led to more sin. Not good. 

And finally, we must:

Do the things- 

We must behave in a loving way towards unlovable people whether we feel the desire to do so or not. Showing kindness and love is not optional for believers in Jesus. It’s a command (Ephesians 4:32, Luke 6:35, Colossians 3:12, 2nd Timothy 2:24). It’s also the key to loving the unlovable in such a way they experience God’s love and care for all people. When we love the unlovable from the heart we become the hands and feet of Jesus in a sin-sick world. 

How does one Christian Protect the Faith of Another?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples: if you have love for one another- John 13:34-35 NASB

This week as I was reading through Matthew eighteen, I came across a statement Jesus made that no one really likes to talk about. Mostly, because no one really likes to think about what it really means:

Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to the person through whom the stumbling block comes! Matthew 18:7

Contextually this verse is a part of a greater statement Jesus made about the faith of children. Because this verse (on the surface at least) appears to be ONLY about children it is rarely given the consideration it probably deserves. 

I suspect Jesus wants us to apply a broader brush.

Matthew eighteen is not just about the faith of “children” because Jesus says that all people must become “as children” in order to enter the Kingdom of God. So, when Jesus talks about people causing other people to stumble, I believe we should assume He is giving a general warning about how we conduct ourselves as Christians (Luke 17:1, Romans 14:13, 1st Corinthians 8:9). 

HOWEVER.

We should all assume that causing a child to sin, whether they love Jesus—or not— is a particularly outrageous form of wickedness that genuine Christians will avoid like the literal plaque. Seriously. 

But I digress. 

Jesus’ warning begs a couple of questions: 

What is a stumbling block? 

How does one person cause another to stumble? 

Inquiring minds want to know, because inquiring minds recognize this issue is obviously a VERY big deal to Jesus.  A stumbling block is something one person does that causes another person to doubt the goodness of God or causes them to think it’s okay to do something that is unwise or even wrong. When we avoid certain attitudes and behaviors we protect the faith of those around us and we avoid becoming a stumbling block. Ultimately, it’s all about loving people well and avoiding the following:

Grumbling- 

I’m will not belabor this point, mostly because I wrote in-depth about grumbling just last week. Nevertheless, there are things that bear repeating. This is one of them. Grumbling, and its ugly counterparts (complaining, fault-finding, lack of gratitude) are contagious and can easily cause those weaker in the faith to stumble especially when the grumbling is focused on other Christians and/or Christian leaders.

Refusing to Grow-

Paul describes the church as a body where all the members are connected to one another. Not only that— we need one another (1st Corinthians 12:12-26). One way this works is through older Christians modeling the path of spiritual maturity to younger (or newer) believers (Titus 2:1-5). Anytime a believer refuses to grow and mature in Christ (Colossians 3, 2nd Peter 1:3-11) they hurt themselves and all the younger and/or less mature Christians who need to their positive example to aid in their own growth. 

Demanding perfection from others-

Nothing is more discouraging or sure to create a stumbling block with a new believer than an older believer who lacks patience and grace (1st Corinthians 13:4, 1st Thessalonians 5:14). New believers are a little bit like children (3rd John 1:4). Children are by their very nature messy, they make a lot of mistakes and sometimes they create chaos (1st Corinthians 13:11, 1st John 2:1-2).  Actual children and spiritual children need the big people around them to love them well and patiently lead them towards adulthood. They do not need people to make them feel like failures when they miss the mark. 

Being flippant about our Christian freedom-

Contrary to popular belief, Christian freedom is not about getting away with as much stuff as we can without getting sideways with God. True Christian freedom is about having a clear conscience and the spiritual power/moral fortitude to do what’s right (Galatians 5:1). When we use grace and/or Christian freedom as an excuse to walk as close to sin as possible we quickly become a stumbling block to others, especially those who are newer to the faith or who have a delicate conscience (1st Corinthians 8:9, Galatians 5:13, 1st Peter 2:1).

 Never getting around to the repentance part- 

Repentance is central to the Christian faith (Matthew 3:2-8, Luke 13:3, Acts 3:19, 2nd Corinthians 7:10, Revelation 2:5). However, many Christians lack a solid theology of repentance. We must understand that true repentance is not simply about changing our behavior. Repentance is about aligning our thinking about every issue under the sun to God’s way of thinking. When we think the way God thinks our behavior inevitably comes into line with God’s will (Romans 12:1-2) 

And finally, we become a stumbling block when we let people’s problems or issues in life keep us from investing in them or loving them well. Christians are called to be as much like Jesus as possible. Jesus was the ultimate investor in people. He was willing to die (the biggest investment one can make) so that we could have forgiveness for sin, a clear conscience, eternal life and relationship with God. We are most like Jesus when we are willing to look past a person’s problems and love them anyway. Love like that means we never become a stumbling block to anyone (1st Peter 4:8).

How We Cultivate a Good Heart-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart– Proverbs 27:19 NIV

The heart. It’s the biggest of deals. 

the Bible teaches that the human “heart” is more than just an organ in our body. It is who we really are. It is the source of all our thoughts, feelings, actions and words (Proverbs 4:27, James 3:14). Because it is the source of so many critical aspects of our character, it is ultimately the determiner of our path in life. If our heart is good and pure, our choices and actions will be (for the most part) honoring to God, good for us and life-giving to those we love. Conversely, those with a sinful, prideful, unbelieving or hard heart are incapable of submitting their lives to God in a meaningful way, no matter how much they SAY they want to do good and honor God (1st Samuel 24:13, Matthew 15:8, Matthew 15:17-19, Proverbs 21:4, Proverbs 19:3). 

The Bible teaches we have a measure of control over the spiritual state of our own heart and the choices we make (Psalm 73:1, Matthew 5:8, 1st Timothy 1:5, 2nd Timothy 2:22, Hebrews 10:22). This is in direct contrast to the worldly belief that our choices (good or bad) are due to how we have been treated or are a result of trauma we have experienced. The Bible holds adults accountable for the choices they make because those choices are a direct result of the state of their heart, not the fault of other people. Wise Christians monitor, protect and deal with the condition of their heart because they understand it is one of the primary tasks of the spiritual growth process (Luke 21:34, Philippians 4:6-8). If one fails at this critical task they will be unable to live the Christian life with any degree of real success.

Sigh. 

No one wants that.

We cultivate a heart that pleases God by making a commitment to the following five action steps.

Taking our spiritual temperature often-  

Our life is full of indicators that reveal the state of our heart. Ww ought to ask ourselves the following questions on a regular basis: What is my go-to for entertainment? Is it full of sex, violence and darkness? Or is it pretty clean? Do I have a problem with lust? What kind of language do I use? Is it encouraging and spiritual or is it full of innuendos and cursing?  Do I routinely pray, read the Bible and attend church?  How and where do I spend my money? If, after asking ourselves these questions we discover our lives are mostly focused on the worldly, carnal and selfish, it is incumbent on us to change direction (Mark 7:21, Luke 6:44-45, Ephesians 5:3-5, 2nd Corinthians 9:6-7). Pronto. 

Choosing to walk in the righteousness of Jesus daily-  

In Ephesians 6:14 the apostle Paul tells his readers to put on the “breastplate of righteousness”. The purpose of a “breastplate” in biblical times was to protect the heart from damage. Paul wants his readers to understand that righteous attitudes and behavior protect our hearts from spiritual damage and moral defilement. There is good and bad news here. The bad news is that none of us (saved or unsaved) have any righteousness of our own. Our greatest acts of righteousness and goodness are like filthy rags compared to the righteousness and goodness of God (Isaiah 64:6). The good news is that Christians do have access to all of Jesus’ righteousness. When we put on righteousness of Jesus we are doing two things, first we are asking Jesus to empower us to walk in HIS righteousness. Second, we are reminding ourselves to act like Jesus instead of our own sinful, rotten, self-involved selves. When we choose to walk in the righteousness of Jesus our hearts are safeguarded from defilement and sin (Psalm 24:4). That’s why it’s called a breastplate of righteousness. 

Maintaining emotional distance from things and people that do not share our beliefs- 

It is perfectly okay to participate in secular activities and have friendly relationships with non-Christians (Matthew 9:9-12). It is impossible to impact the world for Jesus without relationships with non-Christian people. However, it is spiritually unwise to make our greatest emotional investments in people and activities that do not enrich our faith (1st Corinthians 15:33, 1st John 4:5, James 4:4). Anytime we habitually choose the secular over the sacred we run the very real risk of turning our hearts away from the sacred. When that happens loving the world becomes our new normal and our hearts become hard toward the things of God (1st John 2:15-17). 

Feeding our minds and souls good things- 

A healthy soul and a pure heart don’t just happen. We must go after them persistently (Proverbs 2:1-11, Psalm 19:7-14). Intentionality about reading the Bible, spending time with Christian friends, prayer and listening to Christian music goes a long way towards cultivating a healthy soul and a pure heart (James 1:27, Psalm 119:105, Acts 2:42, Matthew 26:41). 

And finally:

Life is full of events, people and situations that can weigh our hearts down with unresolved anger, unforgiveness and just plain old spiritual weariness (2nd Timothy 3:12, 1st Thessalonians 3:3).  If we are not extremely watchful and wise, Satan will use these times to plant seeds of bitterness, resentment and cynicism.  Our responsibility during these painful seasons is to rest in the Lord, trust His plan and be obedient to the things we do understand (Romans 15:13, Ephesians 4:26-27, Matthew 6:15, Proverbs 3:5-6, James 1:1-2). When we do that we have a good heart and live a life that pleases, honors and glorifies God (Matthew 5:8, Matthew 25:23). 

It doesn’t get any better than that. 

Love or Knowledge-What Matters More?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God’s mysterious plan, which is Christ himself. In him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge- Colossians 2:2-3 NLT

There has been a debate raging in the Church for two thousand years. It centers around the question: which is more important to the practice of Christianity: love or knowledge? 

Love is hands-down the popular favorite.  

Team love argues (quite persuasively, I might add) it is love, rather than knowledge at the heart of what Jesus taught were the two greatest commands (Matthew 22:37-40). Furthermore, team love contends, there are like, zero Bible verses instructing Christians to attain knowledge for the sake of knowledge. However, there are a surplus of verses commanding Christians to love others for the sake of love and to love even when it’s unsound and makes no sense whatsoever. (John 13:34-35, Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27-35, Romans 13:8-10, 1st Peter 1:22, 1st Peter 4:8, 1st Corinthians 13). 

Team knowledge has a much tougher time of things, but, bless their sweet hearts, they do try. Team knowledge believes knowledge has a protective element to it. Therefore, knowledge protects Christians from embracing ideas and beliefs that lead even devoted believers away from right thinking and living (Galatians 5:7-10, 1st Corinthians 9:24, Proverbs 18:15, Hosea 4:6, 1st Timothy 2:4, Titus 1:1, Colossians 3:9-10, Psalm 119:66). 

The Apostle Paul would have sent everyone on both sides of this argument a firmly worded letter. In a message to the Philippian congregation Paul says this: 


This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight’ Philippians 1:9 NIV

The Apostle Paul understood some realities both teams tend to forget, namely that love and knowledge work in conjunction with one another. Love on its own often devolves into sloppy sentimentalism. Sloppy sentimentalism looks a lot like biblical love but the end of the day sloppy sentimentalism is really all about making people feel good about themselves no matter how messy, dysfunctional or in need of transformation they may be.  Love without knowledge feels good, but it lacks wisdom, it has no discernment, so it risks people missing heaven due to a lack of understanding about how to get there (Matthew 7:13-14, Matthew 7:21-24). Conversely, knowledge without love is accurate, precise and truthful but it inevitably lacks empathy and kindness. Jesus’ issues with the Pharisees revolved almost entirely around their insistence on a hard adherence to biblical truth with zero grace, compassion or love (John 8:1-11, Matthew 12:1-14). Knowledge gives people the information necessary to get them to heaven but it lacks the compassion and kindness that leads people to fall in love with Jesus and repent of their sins (Romans 2:4).  The Apostle Paul wanted Jesus’ people to have knowledge of the following four areas:

Knowledge of Jesus-

Jesus is the author, perfecter and foundation of everything Christians believe about everything (Hebrews 12:2, John 1:1-5). Nonetheless, there is all sorts of weird teachings and beliefs floating around about Jesus. As a result, a lot of folks think they know a lot about Jesus and what He had to say about all kinds of issues and good many of those people are dead wrong. The only way to know what Jesus had to say about anything is to dig deep into the Scriptures and discover the biblical Jesus for ourselves. Knowledge of the biblical Jesus keep us from being swept away by false teachers that present Jesus as something He’s not (Matthew 24:4-5, Jude 1:4, 2nd Peter 2:1-3, 2ndTimothy 3:1-8). 

Knowledge of what to avoid-

The Bible tells us what to do.  The Bible also it gives us all kinds of valuable knowledge about what not to do. When a person knows the Bible, they know it’s spiritually dangerous to get overly involved with those who have proven themselves to have bad character (1st Corinthians 15:33, 1st Corinthians 5:11). They also understand the dangers of adopting worldly philosophies (Colossians 2:4), legalism (Colossians 2:16-19, Galatians 3), willful sin (Hebrews 6:4-6) sexual immorality (1st Thessalonians 4:1-3, 1st Corinthians 6:18), racism and sexism (Galatians 3:28, Colossians 3:11), just to name a few. This kind of knowledge naturally leads to discernment and wisdom. Wisdom and discernment are the two most protective characteristics a person can have (Proverbs 4:5-6, Proverbs 19:8, Proverbs 15:14, Proverbs 17:24). 

Knowledge of what to do-

Christianity is not just about knowing doctrinal truth and being right (1st Corinthians 13:2), nor is it simply about what we shouldn’t do. Christianity is mostly about doing (Matthew 25:31-45, Romans 12:4-21).  Christians are called to preach the gospel, care for the less fortunate, mourn with those who mourn and just generally act as the hands and feet of Jesus in every situation they find themselves (Romans 7:4, 1st Corinthians 12:27). Knowing what we are to do and doing it keeps us from the pitfalls of legalism and the self-righteousness that can result from spiritual learning without an equal amount of spiritual action.  

Knowledge of the grace of God-  

The grace of God is the lynchpin of Christianity. Everything about the faith rests on this one issue. Unfortunately, teaching about grace has become one dimensional, focused entirely on forgiveness and the role it plays in salvation (Ephesians 2:8-9). There is so much more to grace than forgiveness. God’s grace allows us to do things and endure hardship and difficulty normal humans simply cannot (2nd Corinthians 2:9, James 4:6-7). Grace teaches us how live lives of self-control and godliness (Titus 2:11-13). Grace also empowers us to do the works of righteousness we were saved to do (Ephesians 2:10). Truly understanding the grace of God is gamechanger for Christians. 

When our love for Jesus and each other overflows with knowledge of God and His word we are truly unstoppable from a spiritual perspective. 

The Mind-blowing Implications of “God with us”-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

“Behold, the virgin will conceive and give birth to a Son, and they shall name Him Immanuel,” which translated means, “God with us.”- Matthew 1:23 NASB 

God with us.

In my humble opinion those three little words are the three most mind-blowing in all of Scripture (Isaiah 7:14, Matthew 1:23). 

The very notion the God of the universe, the holy, righteous maker of all things, the God who dwells apart from sin in unapproachable light would leave His home in heaven and visit earth is in and of itself, well, kind of mind-blowing (1st Timothy 6:15-16). It would stand to reason considering the state of this sorry planet that if God were to show up He would shame His creation or punish His creation or at the very least give His creation a sternly worded lecture.  Instead God came to earth to model the right way to live, commune with and eventually die for the sins of a bunch of created beings who were all living in rebellion to Him (John 13:12-17, Romans 5:6).  

What kind of God does that? 

Seriously. 

All that being said, it has not escaped my notice that humans often miss the forest for the trees when it comes the whole idea of God being with us, especially this time of year. The cultural trappings of Christmas are delightful and joyous and I am convinced God loves joy and is delighted to see His children celebrate. Nonetheless, decorating our homes, putting up lights, attending parties, making tasty treats and buying gifts do little to help us remember the God of the universe showed up in our world just to let us know He loves us in spite of our many defects and issues (John 3:16). Truth-be-told, as fun as they are, all the cultural trappings of Christmas are a huge distraction from the mind-blowing truth of “God with us”. Even many of our Christian celebrations fail to capture the magnitude and meaning of those three little words. It’s easy to get so caught up in the songs and stories of Christmas we forget the sweet little baby in the manger grew up to do some big things for us we were totally incapable of doing for ourselves. (Romans 5:8). The first coming of Jesus had a huge impact on human life. Some of the mind-blowing implications of God choosing to be with us are as follows: 

We can be at peace with God- 

The primary reason Jesus came to earth was to broker peace between God and the human race. Our sin separated us from God, making authentic relationship with God impossible (Genesis 3:8). Jesus death and resurrection paid the price for sin (Luke 22-24). However, this does not mean every person on earth automatically has peace with God just because Jesus showed up and died for our sins. Peace with God is a choice each person has to make. We choose peace with God when we place our faith in Jesus and the work He did on the cross. We know our faith in Jesus is the real deal when it is accompanied by a desire to repent of our sin and live for the one who saved us.

We can live at peace with ourselves- 

Without question the toughest thing about being human is having to live with our own shortcomings and the fallout of our own sinful, selfish choices. Becoming a Christian does not automatically remove the consequences of our past choices but it does remove the guilt. Knowing the God of the universe has forgiven us makes it much easier to forgive ourselves (Ephesians 2:1-6, 1st John 1:9, 1st John 2:1) It also makes it possible for us to move on to bigger and better things that bring God glory and personal peace to our hearts (Romans 5:1-2, Galatians 6:8-10).

We can be transformed– 

Perhaps the greatest practical implication of God being with us is that His presence in our lives empowers personal transformation (2nd Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 6:15).  Meaning we can actually change. This is the biggest of deals, because prior to the coming of Jesus people could change their actions but not their hearts. Evil and unbelieving people were stuck in their sin forever with NO hope of real transformation. Jesus’ coming changed all that forever. Now, because, Jesus’ presence indwells the people who believe in Him, His presence gives everyone who wants it the power needed to change not just our actions but also our hearts. Because of Jesus every day is a new beginning and we can be better people tomorrow than we are today. 

And finally:

God’s people are honored with the best job ever. In a very real sense Jesus left a great deal of work undone before He ascended into heaven (Acts 1:9). This was not an oversight or an error. Jesus left the honor of finishing up all that needed to be done up to ordinary Christians (2nd Corinthians 4:7-11). The apostle Paul went so far as to say Christians are “ambassadors” of Christ (2nd Corinthians 5:20) and that God literally makes His appeals for salvation to the unsaved through us. God trusts normal, everyday people to do an eternity-impacting job simply because He loves us enough to save us and work through us. 

Now, that’s something to celebrate. 

The Responsibilities Husbands and Wives Have to One Another in a Christian Marriage-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you- Ephesians 4:29a and 32 NIV

I recently experienced a low-level existential crisis. 

It all started when a young woman I tend to think of as a spiritual daughter asked for some advice on finding some good marriage books.  I am beyond proud of this girl for the way she is choosing to live her life. I was also honored she would consider me a trustworthy source of information on any subject but especially a subject as critical and personal as marriage. 

However. 

As a general rule, I am reluctant to recommend most marriage books. Mostly because the vast majority of marriage books base all or most of their instruction on the teaching found in Ephesians 5:22-33. There is nothing wrong with the instruction given in Ephesians 5:22-33. It’s a fundamental part of most marriage vows for good reason. The text lays out the roles in a Christian marriage. The husband’s is to lead and love his wife, the wife’s is to submit to and respect her husband.  The problem with relying entirely on this passage to teach about marriage (in my opinion) is that there is more to marriage than just roles.

There is also responsibility. 

Without a thorough understanding of our responsibilities to one another in a Christian marriage the discussion of roles tends to devolve into overly simplistic and sometimes hurtful teaching regarding incredibly complex issues. The best example is found in a popular marriage book that boils all the complexities of the marriage relationship down to love and respect. The book teaches all women want or need is to be loved by their husbands. Conversely, according to the author, all men want or need is to be respected by their wives. If a woman can learn to respect well and a man can learn to love well most marital problems will simply work themselves out. 

It sounds great (because it’s simple). 

However, the book ignores the fact that love cannot exist without respect. No one can sincerely love another person without respecting and behaving in a respectful manner towards that person. When a man is not respectful of his wife any love the woman has for him will die an ugly death sooner or later. It is possible to respect someone without loving (or even liking) them but respect without love always devolves into joyless duty and deep resentment at some point. 

Furthermore.

All Christians (male and female) are obligated to obey and submit to God above every human authority. If a husband instructs his wife to do something God forbids (looking at pornography, putting him above God, bringing another person into the relationship, etc.) then the wife is obligated to obey God—not her husband (Exodus 1:15-20, Acts 5:29, Exodus 20:3, Exodus 20:14). Truth-be-told Christian marriage is meant to reflect the love Jesus has for His people. Therefore, a marriage based entirely on duty or where one person lacks respect for the other is bad for everyone: the wife, the husband and especially the reputation of Jesus. 

Seriously. 

Roles are important in marriage. I would never attempt to argue otherwise. However, understanding our responsibilities as spouses is critical to working out the roles in marriage in way that reflects Jesus and His love for the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Our responsibilities to one another in marriage are as follows: 

To be kind- 

No one has to like or agree with everything their spouse says, does or wants. Nevertheless, every interaction we have with our spouse should be colored with kindness (Romans 12:10, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:12). This means we NEVER resort to name-calling, bullying, contempt or meanness, even when we are justifiably angry or attempting to work out a problem (Ephesians 4:14-15, Ephesians 4:26). 

To work to create an atmosphere of mutual cooperation-  

In most cases a marriage is doomed when one spouse always gets their way and the other spouse is always conceding to the other’s will. Marriage works best and is most reflective of Jesus when each person is seeking to cooperate with and please the other (Ephesians 5:21). In order to create an atmosphere of mutual cooperation everyone involved must be willing to compromise on issues like sex, how money is spent, who which family we celebrate the holidays with and how the kids are raised (1st Corinthians 7:2-5). 

To love our partner with the same love we have for ourself-  

Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he answered by giving to two commandments equal weight (Mark 12:30-31). The first He gave is to love God, the second is to love one’s neighbor in the same way you love yourself. No one sane and healthy is unkind to themselves on purpose. Because our spouse is our closest neighbor it can be argued that no one really loves God if refuse to love the spouse God gave them. 

To follow the “golden rule”-

Everyone knows the golden rule: In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you (Matthew 7:12). Following the golden rule in marriage means we do (or don’t do) what we would want done (or not done) to the other person. This means we don’t interrupt or correct our spouse in front of other people because no one ENJOYS being interrupted or corrected in a public setting. It means we let the other person be the center of attention sometimes because we all want to be the center of attention sometimes.  It means both the husband and the wife care for and serve their spouse because everyone likes to be served and cared for.  

When both parties in the marriage seek to fulfill their responsibilities in marriage the issue of roles becomes less central and much less contentious. No one in the history of marriage has ever had to say: “you’re supposed to be submitting to my authority” or “I don’t feel loved” when both parties are kind and caring. No one pulls the submit card or accuses the other of being unloving when they are following the golden rule and seeking to create an atmosphere of mutual cooperation. 

It’s just not done. 

The Good and Bad News About God’s Love-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it- Hebrews 12:10b-11 NIV

Daniel chapter four is kind of the definition of the term “plot twist” on a whole bunch of different levels.

In the first three chapters of Daniel, King Nebuchadnezzar is presented as a classic toxic villain/narcissistic mastermind. He spends most of his time making wild demands and threatening to murder people in innovative ways (Daniel 2:5-6, Daniel 3:4-6). However, chapter four begins with a cheery personal greeting from none other than King Nebuchadnezzar himself. 

It just gets weirder from there. 

 Beginning in verse two King Nebuchadnezzar humbles his prideful self by loudly and proudly extoling the power, wisdom and sovereignty of the Hebrew God.

When Nebuchadnezzar is done praising the Lord he launches into a super personal and kind of humiliating story. He starts out telling the reader about a weird dream he had. The dream was about a tree. A tree that started small but grew to be tall and incredibly beautiful. The tree was covered with large leaves and lush fruit. The tree eventually covered the whole earth. Birds, animals and people all took shelter in and under this dazzling tree. 

Then. 

Out of nowhere, “a holy one” a “messenger” commands in a loud voice the tree is to be stripped of its leaves and fruit and cut down. Yet, the roots are to remain in the ground and the stump is to be bound with bronze and silver. Then the disembodied voice says: 

Let him be drenched with the dew of heaven, and let him live with the animals among the plants of the earth. Let his mind be changed from that of a man and let him be given the mind of an animal, till seven times pass by for him- Daniel 4:15b-16

Yikes. 

Daniel is brought in to decipher the dream. The prophet is confronted with the rather unpleasant task of informing the King his dream is about him. In a beautiful exchange revealing the affection Daniel and the King have for one another Daniel gently informs Nebuchadnezzar he is the tree and he will be cut down in the prime of his life by a peculiar form of insanity. His only hope is to change course immediately, atone for his many sins and give God the glory he deserves (Daniel 4:19-27). 

In true Nebuchadnezzar fashion, he ignores the warning and just cheerfully goes on with his life. No reflection. No self-examination. No transformation. 

A year later, as Nebuchadnezzar is praising his own awesomeness and patting himself on the back He is struck with insanity and begins eating grass like an ox and living like an animal far removed from human society. This strange behavior continues for seven “times” (most scholars believe this is years while some say months). Then Nebuchadnezzar gives God glory and is back in his right mind and returned to his former position, evidently, with no long-term repercussions.  

This story is fraught with good news and bad news. 

The good news is that, for reasons I will never completely grasp, God loved crazy old Nebuchadnezzar. A LOT.  Its obvious God loved Nebuchadnezzar because God pursued Nebuchadnezzar. 

God was not content to simply allow Nebuchadnezzar to wallow around in his own sinful grossness until he died and went straight to hell. Instead, God warned Nebuchadnezzar in a dream he was dangerously off course. He informed Nebuchadnezzar what would happen if he refused to change direction. Then God followed through on what he promised. Nebuchadnezzar lost his mind and lived like an animal until he gave God the glory He deserves as the maker and sustainer of all things. 

This is good news for all us.

If the God of the universe can love a mean, impulsive, self-aggrandizing windbag like Nebuchadnezzar He loves all of us.  God gets a lot of bad press these days for being a hateful meanie. Truth-be-told God is good and God is for us. His desire is for all people to be in relationship with Him. God wants a relationship with us so badly He was willing to do the work to make it happen. He sent His only son to pay the penalty for the sins of all of us. All we have to do is believe in Jesus’s life, death and resurrection, repent of our sins and we’re in (Romans 5:6-8, John 3:16). It’s that simple. 

The bad news is the flip side of the good news. Because God loves us He goes after us. He woos us (Deuteronomy 7:9, 1st John 3:1, 1st Corinthians 15:1-4). He attempts to draws us to Himself but if wooing doesn’t get the job done He flat refuses to let us go without a fight. This means He will discipline us in order to bring us into right relationship with Him, or if we already have a relationship with Him He will discipline us to get us back to a healthy place.  Hebrews 12:4-10 tells us God will not allow someone He loves to continue on a sinful path without suffering the consequences of those choices and God loves everyone. 

Hardships, difficulties and trials are not automatically God’s discipline or punishment. Trials serve a million different purposes. They grow us up, increase our endurance, deepen our compassion for other people and intensify our longing for the return of Jesus (James 1:2-4, Jude 1:21, Luke 12:36, 1st Peter 1:3-9, 1st Corinthians 1:3-7). 

All good and necessary things that have nothing to do with punishment.

That being said, every trial we endure, every hardship we walk through should cause us to ask God straight-up if there’s an issue we need to deal with. This ensures a healthy, unbroken relationship with God and that no pain is ever wasted in our lives. 

What was Jesus’ Spiritual Weapon of Choice?

Lisa M. Price4 Comments

 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life-John 3:16 NIV

Love is more than a sweet sentiment. 

It is a formidable spiritual weapon. 

It is not an accident (in my opinion) that the “warfare passage” we find in Ephesians 6:10-20 is preceded by two and a half chapters that spell out in detail what love “looks like” and how our faith and love for others ought to work itself out in our churches, marriages, parent-child relationships and workplaces (Ephesians 4:1-6:9). 

Nor is it an accident the “love passage” found in 1st Corinthians 13:1-13 is sandwiched between passages that cover the ins-and-outs of how Christians should do church, worship and use their spiritual gifts. Paul understood probably better than anyone that love only works as a weapon when it impacts every part of our life. If we don’t get the “love” thing right our spiritual gifts become pointless parlor tricks, our worship never goes further than the ceiling and our churches are powerless to transform the lives of hurting people. 

Love was Jesus’ weapon of choice. 

 Jesus knew everything there was to know about every person He encountered and He still loved each and every one of them deeply and fully (John 3:16). He loved everyone He met in a way they had never been loved before. He did not turn away from the woman caught in adultery (John 8), the demoniac (Mark 5:1-14) or Mary Magdalene (Luke 8:12) or anyone else and for that matter. 

Instead. 

The almighty, all-holy, perfectly clean, absolutely sinless God of the Universe looked the worst humanity had to offer square in the face (literally) and because He was God He saw clearly the ugliness and sin in every person who crossed His path.  He knew exactly how their choices had affected them

And yet:

 He loved them anyway. He loved them by looking beyond their sinful ugliness and the effects of their choices. He met them where they were at and in the process loved them into a state of wholeness and health.  Then He went ahead and did the same thing for the whole human race by dying on the cross to pay the penalty of our sin (Romans 5:8)

Love is critical. It literally has the power to change the trajectory of a person’s life. 

Here’s the thing, though. 

 Love alone— or at least the way our culture defines love is actually dangerous (and icky) because it tends to devolve into a grody form of sloppy sentimentalism.   Twenty-first century love is like the drunk girl at the party who gushes sappy sentiment all over everybody but can’t remember any of what she said the next morning. Contemporary love is all about being okay with the worst in people instead of accepting people where they’re at AND helping them to reach new levels of growth, transformation and health. Sloppy sentimentalism feels delightful and appears to be noble but it isn’t really love because it lacks the power to save anyone from anything. 

Sigh.

 Authentic love: the kind of love that defeats the powers of darkness and changes the trajectory of people’s lives is firmly anchored in biblical truth (Colossians 1:13-14). True Christian love is always characterized by a willingness to resist current cultural beliefs that lead people away from God and into bondage to sin. 

It’s the kind of love Jesus had for people. 

When Jesus freed Mary Magdalene and the demoniac from their demon possession he did not encourage either one of them to go back to the choices that got them demon-possessed in the first place—although those choices may have still felt comfortable to them, even after meeting Jesus. Instead He showed them how they could live free from the sinful choices that led them to a life of bondage and despair.  Jesus did not forgive the woman caught in adultery (John 8) and send her back to her latest partner— instead He told her she should “go and sin no more” because that’s what warfare kind of love does. 

Warfare kind of love sets the captives free with equal measures of truth and grace (Isaiah 42:6-9). 

 Jesus would never have been okay with our culture’s contemporary definition of love. He would be disgusted with drug programs that help people to do drugs “safely” rather than free them from the oppression of their drug use. Jesus is undoubtedly appalled at the notion of encouraging someone confused about their gender to transition because transitioning doesn’t deal with the root hurt, pain or sin that led to their confused state in the first place (Jude 23)  

Jesus grieves deeply when Christians choose to love like the world loves because He knows that real love fights for the best heaven and earth have to offer; instead of simply settling for something easy but vastly inferior to what God wants for all people (2nd Timothy 2:3-5).  

Everyone who has been truly touched by the love of Jesus wants to love like He loved: with a warfare kind of love. We love like Jesus loved by living out the Bible’s standard of righteousness, fearlessly telling people the truth in the most loving way possible and sticking with them through the sometimes-long process of finding authentic freedom and growing into the image of Jesus (2nd Corinthians 3:18, Colossians 3:1-25). 

What is our Political Landscape Telling us?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming– 1st Peter 1:13 NIV

Okay, so a couple of things:

First, our country is a dumpster fire. 

Seriously. It just is.

Second, I’m pretty dang conservative in my political views. I am not conservative because I believe baby Jesus was born with a copy of the constitution in His teeny-tiny hand.  Nor, am I conservative because I believe a person must think a certain way politically in order to become a Christian. I am a conservative because I believe Jesus would be on the side of individual responsibility and personal accountability. Mostly, because responsibility and accountability lead to healthy outcomes and happy people. I also think Jesus would be on the side of life (because He created it) and I’m pretty sure He would be all-in when it comes to limiting the gender spectrum to male and female because it is the design he chose for this world (Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:23-25)  

For most conservatives the last election was a full-scale bummer. It was not what we wanted, or prayed for. I know it could have been way worse. That said, it was still, objectively speaking, extremely discouraging. Who would have thought soaring inflation, layoffs, war, cultural chaos and four-dollar a gallon gas would NOT be punished at the ballot box? But it was not. 

Here’s the thing:

 Christians are commanded to make disciples (Matthew 28:18-20). One aspect of that command is a call to transform whatever culture we happen to be living in into a better, healthier, more Christ-like version of itself. Because that’s the call, we probably ought to spend some time thinking about this election and what it says about the current state of affairs in this country. We also need to figure out God wants us do about that state of affairs.

So here goes:

It is becoming increasingly more clear that we are living in a post-Christian society. The values Christians have traditionally held dear are no longer a part of the greater cultural narrative.   One illustration of this reality is abortion. Fox News conducted a massive exit poll after the 2022 midterm election. Their goal was to discover what issues motivated voters that election cycle. The number one answer was the economy (not a shocker). However, abortion was a very close second.

It was pro-abortion voters who swung the election.   

 This means at least half of our society cares more about keeping abortion legal than they do about their own economic well-being, safety and future prosperity (Leviticus 18:21, Jeremiah 32:35). At least half the people in this country feel killing the unborn is more important than having a healthy bank account or safety in their streets.

Yikes. Let that sink in.

It’s not good.

Every lefty politician who won in the last election campaigned entirely on keeping abortion as available and unrestricted as possible. Love of abortion is not the only sign our civilization is in trouble. Violent crime against complete strangers is way up. Euthanasia is rapidly becoming a new normal and the possible benefits of infanticide are very much up for discussion. It will undoubtedly be offered as an option for new parents at local hospitals in the very near future.  

Our society is literally hurtling backwards in time towards pre-Christian, heathenish ethics. Most folks are motivated by their individual impulses rather than a desire to build a better future for their children and grandchildren. Our obsession with freedom could actually lead to our own extinction. Literally. A large portion of our population is doing everything possible to keep from reproducing in the name of personal freedom. It could be our downfall.  Human beings are becoming more and more savage as our society has begun to value personal freedom over personal responsibility. Our infatuation with freedom will inevitably lead to less actual autonomy. Governments will be forced to step in and control people if they cannot or will not control themselves (Romans 13:4). 

Sigh. 

All that being said. The current chaos could turn out to be a good thing. The culture will likely get worse. Sometimes bad is good. Hard times cause people to think. Whereas prosperity tends to lead to greater acceptance of whatever the cultural norms are and God knows we don’t need any more acceptance of the current cultural norms.  

So, what is a Christian to do? 

First. 

As strangers living in a strange land (and that’s what Christians are) we must do our level best to live within God’s design for the human race (Genesis 1:27, Hebrews 11:13-16, 1st Peter 1:1-2). Christians should get married, have a bunch of kids, work out their problems and stay married. They should also buy houses, build healthy community and strive to be the kindest, most generous people in their cities and towns (Jeremiah 29:4-8). Living joyfully, well and within the boundaries of God’s design is the first step in “making disciples” in our messy, godless, death obsessed culture.

Then. 

We must be prepared to explain to our friends and neighbors the reasons why we do what we do (1st Peter 3:15). We need to pray like crazy for wisdom and power and boldness. Then we need to open our mouths and tell anyone who will listen about Jesus and the hope He brings to even the most messy and shattered lives. We need to give the world the hope we have received and trust our merciful and good God to bring about the change we need.

How Conflict can Save your Marriage-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

So, I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.  Galatians 5:16 NLT

Through the years I have witnessed a lot of divorces and because the vast majority of my friends are Christians, most of those divorces were between couples I am convinced are genuine Christians.  The saddest and most common divorces have been between what I call “long-haulers”.

Long-haulers are couples who stay quietly but miserably married for two, sometimes three or even four decades. Then, seemingly out of nowhere in their fifties or sixties the couple announces to the shock of everyone they know they are getting a divorce

Divorce is never a blessed event. However, these types of divorces are heartbreaking on multiple levels. The people involved always end up feeling they have “wasted” the best, most productive years of their life in a relationship that brought little real intimacy or joy. Long-haulers nearly always have kids, grandkids, a vast network of friends and a church family who are all psychologically, emotionally and/or spiritually impacted by the divorce. Further complicating the whole messy mess, there is almost always is a disturbing lack of emotional, spiritual growth in long-haulers. The lack of growth occurs because both partners are too busy trying to manage the pain of the relationship to focus on their own spiritual development and health (Hebrews 2:1-3). 

The “reason” given for divorce in these types of marriages is almost always the hazy, vague catch-all term: “irreconcilable differences”. Irreconcilable differences simply means there was a very real conflict in the marriage that was never really dealt with openly or honestly (Ephesians 4:26). The unresolved conflict became, over time, a cancer in the relationship that eventually led to the death of the relationship. Sometimes the conflict was over sex.  Either the couple didn’t have much of it over the course of the marriage or one person in the relationship was having way more of it than the other (Exodus 20:14, 1st Corinthians 7:3-5, 1st Corinthians 6:18). Other times the conflict was over things as mundane as the division of labor in the relationship or as complex as money and how it’s allocated in the marriage. Always, the conflict was over communication. At some point it broke down and they stopped talking about everything in life that really matters, which led to isolation, which led to misery, which led to divorce.  

Here’s the thing:

I have had a lot of conversations with a lot of long-haulers and very long-hauler I have spoke with admitted their marriage COULD have been saved if they’d been willing to deal with the problems in the relationship early on. Many have also revealed they feared actually having an argument would make the problems worse. Their fear of conflict kept them from initiating the conflict that might have led to relational healing and a restoration of intimacy. 

Sigh.

The 5th Century military mastermind Sun Tzu once said “sometimes the path to peace is war”. Nowhere is this truer than in marriage. Conflicts that bring issues out into the open where they can be discussed and dealt with are the only path to true peace in a relationship.  

Following are four ways to leverage conflict for a healthy marriage:  

Find a way to discuss the problem- 

It doesn’t matter what kind of problems are present in the marriage. The problem can be sex, kids, in-laws, chores or money. Any problem that gets pushed to the margins and ignored simply creates a large space for the problem as well negative feelings about your spouse to fester and grow. At some point that one problem will begin to have an adverse effect on the rest of the relationship. If you can’t find a way to talk productively to each other get a professional involved. Whatever you do, don’t just hope the problem goes away. It won’t. If it doesn’t get fixed today it will still be there in thirty years and you will want a divorce (Proverbs 24:26, John 8:32). 

Deal with trust issues openly and honestly- 

At the root of bad or blocked communication in marriage is almost always a giant trust issue. This usually happens because there has been a history of sinful behavior with one partner. Sinful behavior includes emotional and/or physical affairs, use of pornography, verbal abuse, mishandling money or any other behavior that has caused one person to become distrustful of the other. The only way to deal with a trust issue is talking about it openly so real healing can take place in the relationship. Oftentimes a professional is needed to help heal the hurt that created the trust issue in the first place. 

No being mean when you talk about an issue- 

Whatever problem the two of you have is the enemy not your spouse. Find a way to deal with the issue at hand without being accusatory or cruel (Galatians 5:15, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:12) . 

No quitting till the problem is worked out- 

The most important rule in any kind of conflict management is: no one gets to quit until the issues are truly resolved and healthy change has taken place in the relationship (Ephesians 4:26). Commit to staying at it until the problem is truly resolved.

Marriage is meant to be a picture of the relationship between Jesus and His people (Ephesians 5:21-33). It is the place where children are nurtured into adulthood and people grow up together. If marriage is done right it becomes a safe place for two people to grow into the image of Jesus. Those are the things worth fighting hard for.

 Literally.