Healing from the Hurt of Estrangement-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment


 From now on five members in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law- Luke 12:52-53 NASB

The estrangement phenomenon is more than just a blip on the cultural radar.  Estrangement now qualifies as a bona fide movement. Young adults from every walk of life are going “no-contact” with family members (mostly parents). Estrangement is touted by therapists and supporters as the pinnacle of self-care, self-love and protecting the peace.  There are books available on how to estrange. There are therapists who specialize in helping individuals walk through the no-contact process. There are even support groups that offer encouragement for those who have estranged from their families. 

This whole messy mess was prophesied in Scripture. 

Jesus promised that His teachings and godly values would divide families against one another (Matthew 10:35, Luke 12:53-54, Matthew 24:10). The apostle Paul predicted there would come a day when selfishness, pride, arrogance and unforgiveness would cause adult children to lose natural affection for their family members (2ndTimothy 3:1-5). It was also predicted there would come a day when folks would be unwilling to listen to any teaching that encouraged anything they were not interested in (2nd Timothy 4:3-4). Sadly, this includes forgiveness and sacrificial love for family members (Romans 12:10, 1st Corinthians 13:4-7, Romans 1:28-32).  

Children estrange for a variety of reasons, oftentimes without much advanced warning. Some estrange due to disagreements regarding gender, sexuality, religion, politics and social issue. Most young adults who estrange list abuse as at least one of their motivations for separation. To be fair, there is some generational dispute about what exactly constitutes an abusive childhood. Older adults tend to feel physical abuse, calling a child dehumanizing names and denying a child basic needs is abusive. Younger adults sincerely believe feeling “unseen”, getting in trouble for disobeying parents and not being affirmed for their choices all qualify as abuse.

I will let the Lord sort all that out. It’s above my meager pay grade.

For parents who have children who have estranged the why is often secondary to the hurt, confusion and pain they feel over the loss. Most report estrangement leaving a wound that feels as if it will never heal. Thankfully, God can heal any wound (Psalm 30:2, Psalm 41:4, Psalm 147:3, 1st Peter 2:24) even one as painful as estrangement. Healing doesn’t just happen, in order to receive healing parents must cooperate with God through the process. Healing begins when we choose to: 

Take our cues from the prodigal father- 

When a child goes no contact parents are left in shock. Few saw it coming, most feel an overwhelming desire to help the child see reason.  Helping the child “see reason” typically involves a lot of conversation and texting. Some parents send money or gifts.  Others solicit friends, family and clergy to act as intermediaries. Interestingly, this is the exact opposite of what the prodigal father chose to do (Luke 15:11-32). When his son chose to go no-contact the father did something counter-intuitive, he let his son go and he waited. He didn’t go after his son and beg him to see reason. He didn’t send servants to check and see if his kid was okay, nor did he send little gifts in an attempt to lure the child back into the fold. The father simply kept the door open as he waited for his son to learn whatever hard lessons needed to be learned. When the son came home the father rejoiced and greeted his wayward son in a spirit of compassion and tenderness (more on this later). 

Work on ourselves-

No one in the history of forever as ever done life or parenting perfectly (Romans 3:23, 1st John 1:10). Everyone messes up. This means there are always things that can be acknowledged as mistakes and character issues that can be worked on (2nd Peter 1:3-11, Colossians 3). Acknowledging flaws and choosing to work on ourselves isn’t weakness, nor is it conceding the estrangement was somehow deserved because we behaved like normal human beings who routinely make mistakes. Working on ourselves is simply a humble way to respond to a difficult set of circumstances. Sadly, choosing to act in humility rather than pride is not guaranteed to bring the child back. However, it will ensure Mom or Dad come out the situation a better person no matter what the young adult chooses to do. 

Prepare for the best trust God for the worst-  

Obviously, in no-contact situation the best conceivable outcome is restoration of the relationship (Luke 15:17-23). However, parents must understand that even if their child returns the relationship will not be the same, nor should it be. If there is a no-contact situation, it means, there was brokenness in the relationship that was never recognized.  This is where prayer comes in, it is critical parents pray for their child to come to a place of forgiveness and obedience to God.  They must also the relationship will someday be rebuilt on a better foundation. Parents need to be prepared for hard conversations and truth telling on both sides (Galatians 6:1, James 5:16). No one can prepare for that without God’s help. There is also the possibility the child will never return. In these cases, it is up to the parent to trust God with the soul of their child.  (Luke 15:7, Mark 10:27). 

And finally: 

Forgive- 

Only a few real sickos deliberately hurt their kids. Most parents worked really hard to do the best they could with what they knew at the time.  It is terribly wounding when the child a parent worked hard to love, teach and provide for rejects the efforts that were made and chooses to dwell only on the negative. Parents are NOT commanded to agree with every assessment a child has made concerning the parenting they received. However, every Christian is called to forgive those who wound us (Matthew 6:15, Matthew 18:20-22). Forgiveness means prayer, lots of prayer. Forgiveness, means giving our hurt, pain and disillusionment up to the Lord until the offendedness, hurt and disappointment is replaced with love and grace.  

What if the “Thorn” in our Side is Another Christian?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment


The end of a matter is better than its beginning; Patience of spirit is better than arrogance of spirit. Do not be eager in your spirit to be angry, for anger resides in the heart of fools- Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 NASB

One of the most hotly debated passages of Scripture is 2nd Corinthians 12:7-8. In this passage Paul clearly states that God gave him a “thorn” in his flesh.  Scripture states this “thorn” was a messenger from Satan, something demonic in nature sent to Paul to keep him from becoming excessively prideful. 

Weird. 

No one really knows what Paul’s “thorn” was. I certainly don’t. Nonetheless, a lack of clear understanding has not stopped people from trying to figure it out.  Some believe the “thorn” may have been a particularly alluring temptation the apostle struggled to completely overcome. Others think it may have been poor eyesight; still others believe it was some sort of a physical malady that caused the apostle a great deal of pain. It has been speculated it may have been an embarrassing speech impediment. Some believe it may have been a person who did him wrong (2nd Timothy 4:14). Whatever “it” was made Paul’s life and ministry much more difficult.

We all have thorns. 

We all have issues in our lives that challenge our faith, cause us a great deal of difficulty and make living the Christian life much more challenging. I’m not necessarily sold on the notion that EVERYTHING that falls into this category is from Satan. It is highly likely at least some of the issues that cause us the most trouble are just the unfortunate consequences of living in a fallen world (Genesis 3:17-19, Isaiah 24:5-6, John 16:33). Disease, mean people, kids that go wrong, spouses that wander or financial hardships sometimes are the result of satanic attacks but not always. 

But, what if our thorn in the flesh is another Christian? 

What if the thing generating the most angst, difficulty and chaos in our life is a brother or sister in Christ? What if the person who makes us want to scream and cry and swear is someone, we do ministry with? What if the person we least want to be around is someone we will spend eternity with? 

Yikes. 

It certainly makes things a bit trickier. Interpersonal conflict between Christians happens all the time and is nothing new (Acts 15:36-40, Romans 14:1-23, Philippians 4:2-3, Galatians 2:11).  Truth-be-told, in situations where Christians struggle to find I do believe most of the time Satan is directly involved. I am not saying the person we have a conflict with is some sort of a demonic manifestation sent from Satan to torment us (it might feel that way but it’s not true). However, the friction involved is nearly always a satanic scheme (2nd Corinthians 2:11, Ephesians 6:11). How we handle these situations matters.  Our response to conflict with another Christian can make the difference between ministry moving forward and God being glorified and Christians making Jesus look bad with our interpersonal shenanigans and inability to get along with each other (Psalm 133:1, Ephesians 4:1-3). Some things to remember anytime we find ourselves in conflict with another Christian:

God wants to sharpen you-

There was a time when I thought iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17) meant me hanging out with someone I really liked discussing the ins and outs of our favorite passages of Scripture. I know now that’s just not how it works.  In order for iron to become sharp (and useful) sometimes some sparks need to fly, not for the sake of conflict but so flaws can be revealed (James 4:1-2) and the people involved can become sharper, better and more like Jesus.  Conflict shines light on our issues and the areas we need to grow (2nd Peter 1:3-11). This means that that our first go-to in a conflict (especially with another Christian) should be self-examination (2nd Corinthians 13:5) and prayer for the wisdom to see our own junk. 

Maturity is not automatic-

Becoming a Christian does not automatically make a person spiritually or emotionally mature (Hebrews 5:11-6:3).  This means believers in Jesus can be wrong, codependent, prideful, silly, inflexible, cantankerous, ill-informed and led by worldly passions and attitudes.  We do not give up on these people because we have all been these people at some point in our walk. Instead, we patiently present the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and lovingly model Christian maturity for as long as it takes for God to do His thing in them (Ephesians 4:14-16). 

Not everyone who says they are believer is one- 

Jesus was clear that not everyone in Church or all who profess Christ are the real deal (Matthew 7:16-23, Matthew 13:24-29 and 36-43, Matthew 15:8, Luke 6:42, Luke 12:1). This means that we will bump up against people who say they are Christians but are not. When we suspect we are in one of those situations our role is not to condemn or judge harshly. Instead, we should understand we have a holy obligation before God to pray they will see what they need to see to get right with God. 

And finally,

The bigger picture- 

Eternity is the always the bigger picture for believers in Jesus. This brief little vapor of a life is all about who we become for eternity, who we reach for eternity and how we glorify God for eternity (James 4:14). A little bit of relational effort and willingness to give grace to our brothers and sisters in Christ now goes a long way towards bringing God glory for all eternity.

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Spiritual Survival in a 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 World-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,so that you may prove yourselves to be sons of your Father who is in heaven- Matthew 5:44-45a NASB

Scripture predicts there will come a “day” when the world will be filled with gossipy jerks who slander the innocent without so much as a twinge of regret (1st Corinthians 6:10).   People will be self-obsessed and intent on amassing a large number of followers (Philippians 2:3-4).   Men and women will cut friends and family off without so much as a conversation. No one will be interested in any discussion of forgiveness, reconciliation or interpersonal healing (Matthew 5:23-24, Exodus 20:12, Mark 7:10, Ephesians 6:20). Individuals will be materialistic and thoroughly ungrateful for what they do have, always coveting more (Hebrews 12:28). A large majority will be duplicitous, prideful and unconcerned to the welfare of others (2nd Timothy 3:1-5). 

Sadly, not all of these folks will be unbelieving heathens. Many will be church goers who self-identify as Christ followers (2nd Timothy 3:5). Some will be Church leaders and Christian influencers (Matthew 13:24-30 and Matthew 13:36-43) Many will avoid teachers and doctrine that does not make them feel good about their choices.  Many “Christians” will possess a surfacy goodness but will be lacking the fear of God that makes someone truly godly (Malichi 3:16, Proverbs 8:13, Job 28:28, John 15:14). Many will be led astray, and life will become difficult for the sincerely Christian (2nd Timothy 4:3, Matthew 24:11-12). 

I am convinced the day the apostle Paul predicted would come is here (2nd Timothy 3:1-5). We are living in it.  Things will undoubtedly get worse before the return of Christ, nevertheless we are seeing the first fruits of the fulfillment of Paul’s prophecy in real time. Don’t get me wrong, there have always been evil people, some have even claimed to be Christians.  That being said not since prior to the dawn of the Christian age has evil existed in such a widespread, bold and understated kind of a way. We live in a time when even some “Christians” openly call evil good and good evil (Isaiah 5:20).  

We are called to be salt and light to all people all the time, even in a 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 kind of a world (Matthew 5:13). Living as salt and light in a world like ours requires wisdom and a whole lot of help from the Holy Spirit (John 14:26, Acts 1:8).  Prayer is the starting place of both wisdom and the presence of the Holy Spirit (Colossians 1:9, Acts 8:15). Following are some prayers we should pray daily if we want to survive  life in a 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 world:

Pray for wisdom to interact wisely-  

 Paul warns his readers against building close relationships with 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 people (2nd Timothy 3:5). This is unusual, because Paul does not normally shy away from encouraging evangelism (Romans 1:16, Romans 10:14, Philippians 2:15) or Christian fellowship, even with the messy and spiritually immature.  He commands caution because these folks (for the most part) claim to be Christian and yet their behavior does not line up with biblical teaching concerning some critical issues. Consequently, the inherent danger is that their sin and hypocrisy will become contagious and negatively impact our growth.  Therefore, it is critical we understand the indicators of a 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 kind of a person (excessive pride, covetousness, treating sin lightly, calling evil good, unforgiveness, lack of gratitude, an unwillingness to reconcile) and do everything we can to avoid being changed by their behavior (1st Corinthians 15:33). Our call as believers is to love people deeply but develop such an aversion to sin and sinful attitudes that our presence changes the spiritual tone of every situation, we find ourselves in, no matter what’s going on in the room (Jude 22-23). 

Pray we will all feel appropriate conviction- 

One of the worst things that can happen to a human is to lose the ability to feel gut-level conviction over their sin. Once conviction is gone it’s a hop, skip, and a jump to a seared conscience (1st Timothy 4:2). Once a conscience is seared it is almost impossible for a person to care enough about spiritual things to be saved or return fully to the truth they once embraced (Hebrews 6:4-8, Mark 10:27). Therefore, it is imperative we pray everyone (including us) will feel the appropriate level of conviction for sin. 

Pray the wrong influences will be limited- 

Influence is a big deal these days, to such an extent there are people who actually make a living influencing others (how weird is that?) Sadly, the most powerful influencers in our world are seldom godly or wise (Proverbs 13:20). Christians ought to pray routinely that the right kind of influences will have the loudest voices and the worst will be drowned out by truth and wisdom.  

And finally, 

Pray for discernment-

We really do live in the strangest of times. Behaviors and attitudes once considered sinful (unforgiveness, pride, immodesty) are now thought to be a sign of good mental health. Conversely, behaviors society once saw as universally desirable (humility, modesty, meekness, forgiveness, turning the other cheek) are now thought to be a sign of weakness and foolishness. Times such as ours require discernment and a gut-level commitment to doing life God’s way (Romans 12:2). There are no shortcuts to getting discernment. We can only acquire it through prayer, fellowship with other Christians and a commitment to knowing and obeying God’s word (1st Thessalonians 5:16-18, Proverbs 27:17, 2nd Peter 1:3-11)

Four Things we Need to Give God Permission to Change our Minds About-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Lord, who may reside in Your tent? Who may settle on Your holy hill? One who walks with integrity, practices righteousness, And speaks truth in his heart- Psalm 15:1-2 NASB

This morning I had a long, passionate conversation with the God of the Universe concerning a subject that’s been vexing me in all sorts of different ways (Ephesians 6:18). This discussion was mostly just me railing against everything I don’t like about my current situation.  

For the record, I know that the emotional and spiritual place I found myself this morning is not a good place. I do not advise anyone to “go there” (more on this later). It is not a place I go very often anymore. When I was a younger woman, I could get to this place rather quickly and frequently.  Thankfully, it is no longer a short trip to that place. 

The place I am talking about is this weird mental space where I get so negative about a situation or a person all I can do is make a case against the person or situation in my own mind. Once I let myself “go there” I have a hard time seeing any good at all in the person or situation. This is not something that happens overnight. It takes time and there is almost always a great deal of context surrounding the situation.

As I wrestled through my less than Christ-like feelings I prayed something without really thinking it through. I said: “God, I give you permission to change my mind on this subject”. Then I immediately thought to myself; “self, this is the God of the Universe. He does not need your permission to do anything.” 

The case was closed in my mind.

Then (and this is the weird part) out of nowhere the Holy Spirit informed me (not in a gentle way) that God really does need my permission to change my mind because I have free will (Galatians 5:17, Galatians 6:8). This means I can do whatever I want (1st Corinthians 10:23). I can be wrong if I want to be wrong. I can wallow around in unrestrained negativity if I want to. I can think the worst of people. I can act like a jerk. In the process, I can mess up a lot of stuff for myself and others. I can hurt people. I can blowup relationships I care deeply about.  In the process of all that I can make it whole lot more difficult for the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of others. 

I don’t want to do that (Mark 14:38, Romans 8:5). No one who loves Jesus does. So, it occurred to me that there are at least four things we all need to give God permission to change our mind about. They are:

The people around us-

People are tough. They think weird things. More often than not, weird thinking leads to even weirder behavior.  It is not uncommon for people to hurt us or the people we love with their weird behavior (Psalm 41:9). It is all too easy to believe another person’s weird and/or hurtful behavior is somehow personally directed at us or those we care about. Truth-be-told sometimes it is, but most of the time it isn’t. Our calling is to be open to the reality that the people hurting us aren’t all bad. Most of the time they are just weird and struggling with their own junk (1stCorinthians 13:4, Colossians 3:12-14). 

Circumstances-  

It’s easy to go negative in a fallen world, mostly because circumstances in our world can be brutally hard. Friends betray us, people we love get sick or die and sometimes life is just heartlessly unfair (Genesis 37-40, Matthew 27:45-65). It is all too easy to forget that God sometimes does His very best work in the darkest of circumstances. Quite often the darkness we experience in a given situation is just the prelude to something better than we could have ever imagined (Genesis 45, Matthew 28:1-7).  This means we should stay open to changing our thinking about the situation we find ourselves in. Changing our thinking may or may not change circumstances but it will empower us to trust God in the midst of our confusion and pain. 

What we see- 

One of the hardest things about being human is that we CANNOT see the big picture. Our finiteness makes it impossible (1st Chronicles 16:7). We can only see what we see. Unfortunately, sometimes what we see does not accurately reflect the bigger picture of a given situation. I am convinced this is the primary reason Jesus cautioned against making harsh judgements (Matthew 7:1-2). It is on us to spend time in prayer before we judge what we see. We must also be willing to do a little investigative work before we believe the worst about something we witness. 

The hearts of other people- 

No one can see another person’s heart. This means we have no idea why other people do what they do. They might be doing what they’re doing because they’re evil and they want to hurt people (it happens). However, it’s far more likely that person is just a clueless bumbler completely unaware of how their actions are affecting the people in their orbit. 

Unfortunately, negativity sometimes feels good. This is because allowing ourselves to “go there” feeds the fleshly part of us we are called to crucify (Galatians 5:24). The answer is not to pretend everything is okay when it’s not. The answer is to seek God and ask Him to change our minds and help us to see the bigger picture and give us the power to praise Him through the pain. 

Biblical Counsel for Surviving “One of Those Days”-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. – Psalm 90:14 ESV

A couple of weeks back, I came across a verse that spoke so perfectly to my situation that day I literally laughed out loud, it said: 

Now on one of those days- Luke 8:22a NASB 

 Every human on earth has days when in spite of their best efforts and most fervent prayers nothing goes the way it’s supposed to go.  Other times one of those days is a day when everything is going along okay, then out of nowhere all hell breaks loose and nothing feels good or secure anymore. The details are different in different situations. However, the bottom line is always the same. One of those days is a day (or series of days) where everything goes bad and we find ourselves stuck in a trial and it feels like there is no way it could possibly end in anything but more pain and trouble (John 16:33).

For the disciples their “one of those days” involved a nasty storm that appeared without warning and a Jesus who seemed to be unaware and even indifferent to their panic. For the rest of us, one of those days can comprise almost any set of icky circumstances: a sick spouse, a wayward child, a difficult coworker, a financial disaster, a painful marriage or a loss that has left a hole in our heart. Those days almost always involve the sense that Jesus is oblivious and/or unfeeling towards our situation. In a world as fallen as this one, those days are an unfortunate and inevitable part of life. That said, how we choose to handle those days will define our life and impact how we live out our Christianity.  Following are five things we should do when we find ourselves in “one of those days”. The first is:

Go to Jesus-

To the disciples’ credit this appears to be the very first thing they did (Luke 8:24). It was also without a doubt the smartest thing they could have done. When our first response in a crisis or a trial is to go to our Savior and ask for His help, comfort and direction it helps prevent panic from setting in and enables us to think more clearly. Going to Jesus first reminds our frail, doubting hearts we have not been abandoned in the trial (Psalm 23:4, Isaiah 41:10, Matthew 28:20, Hebrews 13:5). Going to Jesus reminds us God is with us. That knowledge gives us the strength we need to make it to the other side of the storm.  

Embrace the reality that the day is no accident-

In 1st Thessalonians 3:3 the Apostle Paul reminds his readers not to become unsettled by trials because “we were destined for them”. No one really likes a trial. However, understanding the purpose of trials does help make them less painful to process.  God allows us to experience trials so that we can learn to lean on God and become more like Jesus in everything we do (Hebrews 2:9-10, Hebrews 2:18). Trials serve another purpose; trials give us the experience we need to help others suffering through similar circumstances (2nd Corinthians 1:1-6). When Christians choose to help the hurting and marginalized our love for one another shows the world just how real our God is (1st Corinthians 12:7, Ephesians 4:12-13). 

Lean on those around you-

Human beings were never meant to do life solo (Genesis 2:18). We were literally made for relationship with God and with one another. In the earliest days of the Church, we see Christians embracing community and caring for one another (Acts 2:42-47, Hebrews 10:24). Meaningful relationships make the Christian life both easier and more joyful. The best way to manage a difficult day or survive a tough season is with our brothers and sisters in Christ cheering us on (1st Peter 4:8). However, the time to cultivate Christian community is not on “one of those days”. The time to cultivate community is in the easy seasons when life is relatively calm. It’s never too early or too late to begin the process of building healthy relationships in the body of Christ. 

Be open to learning whatever needs to be learned- 

God is good even on one of those days. God demonstrates His goodness by working ALL things out for our eternal good and His eternal glory (Romans 8:28). One way He works things out for our good is by using the difficult circumstances of our lives to help us grow into the people He wants us to become for eternity (2nd Corinthians 4:18). This means trials have a purpose greater than just making us miserable or teaching us things we need to learn about ourselves. Trials refine us and make us better. They also make us better suited for life in heaven. However, in order for trials to work out for our good (James 1:2-4) we must be willing to cooperate with God through the trial. This means being open to learning whatever it is we need to learn. 

And finally, 

Look for someone else to bless- 

Those days are called “those days” because they aren’t easy. One counter-intuitive way to make a hard day better is to look for someone else in worse circumstances to help or bless. Blessing others is not magic. It will not make trial go away.  It will take our minds of ourselves and enable another hurting person to feel the love of Jesus.  

Five Signs of Good Spiritual Health-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment


A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart- Luke 6:43-45 NLT. 

Here’s the thing:

It is totally possible to be a Christian and be a flaming-hot-mess spiritually speaking (James 1:8).  Unfortunately, salvation does not automatically make one spiritually healthy, wise or able to walk out the commands of Scripture without some help and training. All that comes with sanctification (Romans 6:17-22, 1st Thessalonians 4:1-4). Unless someone is saved immediately prior to death (Luke 23:39-43) sanctification is a life-long process all Christians must go through in order to become holy in their actions and attitudes (Romans 12:1-21, Colossians 3:1-25, 1st Peter 1:13-16, 1st Thessalonians 4:1-8). Because sanctification is so critical most of the Apostle Paul’s letters were written to take unruly and spiritually unhealthy believers to a place of spiritual maturity and holiness (Hebrews 12:14, 1st Thessalonians 5:14). Paul understood that flaming-hot-spiritual messes do not glorify God, lead people to Jesus or become the salt and light they were created to be (Matthew 5:13-15, 1st Peter 1:13-16). 

So, what does spiritual health look like? 

Some would say the answer is found in the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). It’s difficult to argue against that logic. No Christian with an iota of biblical understanding would be opposed to love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. The apostle Paul was spot on when he said that “against such things there is no law”. However, every fruit is an outward behavior that can be faked. Therefore, unless the fruits are combined with deep spiritual work aimed at heart change those behaviors are just outward goodness absent any authentic heart change (Matthew 7:21-23, 2nd Corinthians 11:13-15). No one wants that. Following are five signs of good spiritual health:

We Understand the waywardness of the human heart-

Scripture teaches even the nicest people have hearts bent towards self-deception (Jeremiah 17:9, James 1:22-24).  This basically means the heart wants what it wants and will do a lot of shady maneuvering to get what it wants. All this can get done with very little (no) sorrow about the choices involved in getting what it wants. Even God-fearing Christian people are capable of an insane level of self-deception.  Self-awareness is key when it comes to our hearts. We must make a practice of ruthlessly examining our motives and thoughts (2nd Corinthians 13:5). When we learn to examine our motives and thoughts for self-deception, we automatically become less prone to sin and therefore more spiritually healthy. 

We seek to align with God on every issue- 

The Greek word for repent (metanoia) does not mean what most of us think it means (Matthew 3:2, Matthew 4:17, Acts 3:19). Most of us have been taught that “repent” means to change one’s behavior and go another direction. In reality, “repent” means “to change one’s mind”. Once our thinking is aligned with God’s heart on the issues then we are to go in the direction God’s word tells us to go in. The meaning of this one little word teaches us one can be truly obedient to God unless they are in alignment with His revealed truth. This means we should ask God daily to reveal areas of our thinking that are out of alignment with God’s revealed truth. Proper thinking on the issues of life is the foundation spiritual health. 

We love others deeply but know that love is more than friendliness or being “nice”- 

Christian love is difficult in a culture that has redefined love to mean “being nice” or “affirming” a person’s choices no matter how stupid or unbiblical those choices happen to be. Authentic Christian love believes the best of people, fights endlessly for the good of others and prays like a lunatic for those who are lost and hurting.  However, authentic Christian love never affirms or celebrates any behavior, or attitude Jesus did not affirm or celebrate (1stCorinthians 13:4-7). 

We have a moral compass informed by Christian truth- 

We live in an upside-down world that has redefined morality. There are many voices teaching abortion is a gift, greed is good, homosexuality is just another relationship option, and gender is a choice mortals get to make. These same people teach that hate is acceptable (even virtuous) so long as the hatred is aimed at those who disagree with the social standards of our time (2ndTimothy 4:3-4, 2nd Timothy 3:1-5). This makes it absolutely necessary followers of Jesus develop a moral compass independent of popular culture and fully informed by the Bible (Psalm 119:105, Matthew 7:24-26, Hebrews 4:12). 

And finally, healthy followers of Jesus must:

We seek to be filled with both grace and truth- 

Grace loves people unconditionally and truth tells them where their actions and attitudes will lead. It is no easy task to do both at the same time. Jesus is our guide when it comes to this issue. One of the first things the Apostle John tells us about Jesus is that He was filled with both grace and truth all at the same time (John 1:14). Our Lord was not filled to overflowing with grace some of the time and bursting with truth at other times. He was always gracious and He was always truthful. Spiritual health demands we strive to do the same. 

Six Ways People Grieve the Holy Spirit-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, [c]by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption- Ephesians 4:30 NASB 

Contrary to popular belief the Holy Spirit is not a force, inspiration or an it. 

The Holy Spirit is a He. The Holy Spirit is the third member of the Godhead (the Trinity) along with the Father and Jesus Christ (the son). The Holy Spirit takes up residence in the heart of believers at the moment of their salvation (Acts 2:38, Acts 5:32, Acts 10:45, John 3:16, 1st Corinthians 6:19). He then acts as a seal or a promise of future eternal life (Romans 5:5, Ephesians 1:13). 

The Holy Spirit is more than just a seal or a promise. 

He empowers believers to comprehend God’s word and hear the still-small voice of God (John 16:13-15). He enables Christians to live a holy life and provides Christians with the supernatural wisdom and insight necessary to do God’s will (Acts 1:8, Acts 4:31, Acts 15:28). The Holy Spirit also acts as a guide and helper for all God’s people (Luke 12:12, John 14:26, John 16:7-11). 

 At salvation all believers are on a level-playing field where the Holy Spirit is concerned (Acts 2:38). There aren’t some Christians who get blessed with more of the Holy Spirit’s power and some who get stuck with less. We are all equal, equally loved and equally empowered by the Holy Spirit.  That being said, the Bible commands Christians to be “filled’ with the Holy Spirit (Acts 4:8, Ephesians 5:18). This Scriptural command leads me to conclude that in order to access the power, wisdom and leading of the Holy Spirit we must choose daily to do the things that connect us with God (Acts 5:32). These would include (but are not limited to) prayer, acts of charity and kindness, Bible reading and obedience to God’s commands. If a Christian refuses to connect with God, they have less access to the Holy Spirit’s power and influence. Sadly, some Christians are apathetic about working out their salvation “with fear and trembling” as the Bible commands (Philippians 2:12). This explains why some Christians appear to have more of the Holy Spirit’s power than others. 

The Holy Spirit has feelings.

 He loves, feels joy and can even experience profound grief. Because the Holy Spirit lives in God’s people so Christians can grieve Him (Ephesians 4:30). Anytime a Christian chooses to do something that grieves the Holy Spirit, the power of the Spirit is diminished in their lives. Grieving the Holy Spirit is a big deal, it is something we should avoid at all costs. 

We grieve the Holy Spirit when we:  

Refuse to regulate our emotions and control ourselves- 

In Ephesians 4:30 believers told not to grieve the Holy Spirit. Interestingly, all the verses surrounding verse thirty are about self-control and emotional regulation (Ephesians 4:29-32). This means when we give full vent to our rage, hold a grudge, hate, judge unfairly or pridefully elevate ourselves above other people we not only hurt others we also grieve God.  

Commit sexual sin- 

In a very real sense, Christians literally share their bodies with the God of the universe through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit (1st Corinthians 6:19-20). Practically speaking this means anytime we view porn, commit adultery, have sex with someone of the same gender, lust or have sex outside of marriage, we drag the holy, flawless, sinless God of the universe into our immoral antics. God is categorically not a fan of adultery, promiscuity, homosexuality or any type of sexual impurity (Romans 1:18-35, 1st Corinthians 6:9-11) because sexual sin isn’t just about us. It’s also about who we hurt with our choices (1st Thessalonians 4:1-6). Sadly, when we sin sexually, we hurt others as well as the Holy Spirit. This knowledge should stop us cold if we really do have the Spirit of God living in us. 

Lie- 

God hates lying with such a passion He excludes habitual liars from the kingdom of heaven (1st Timothy 1:9-11, Revelation 21:8). Lying grieves the Holy Spirit because God is truth, there is no falsehood in Him (Numbers 23:19, Titus 1:2). When a Christian lies, they do not reflect God accurately to the world because they are doing something God would never do (2nd Corinthians 5:20).  It’s literally our mission to show the world who God really is (1stPeter 2:9, Ephesians 5:1-33). When we lie, we fail to do what were made for. 

Are guided by a desire to self-promote-  

Selfish ambition happens when a Christian uses a platform or gift (church, music, influence) that is upheld as Christian to promote themselves and gain a following. The Holy Spirit hates selfish ambition (Philippians 2:23, James 3:16), mostly because it’s a crafty form of pride. It causes the believer to think (and look like) they are serving God when they are really seeking to glorify themselves as they participate in a super foul form of idolatry (self-worship). 

Refuse to forgive-

Anytime a believer behaves in a way that is in conflict with God’s character they grieve the Holy Spirit. No where is this truer than in the area of forgiveness. God freely forgives the foulest sinner. All the sinner has to do is ask and mean it enough to repent (Psalm 103:2-4, Acts 13:38). Practically speaking, this means we are never more like God than when we choose to forgive someone who clearly does not deserve to be forgiven (Colossians 3:13). Conversely, we are never more out of step with the Holy Spirit than when we hold onto animosity, unforgiveness and resentment (Matthew 6:15). 

And finally:

We grieve the Holy Spirit when we say “no” to God’s agenda for our lives-

The fast track to grieving the Holy Spirit is to refuse God (Hebrews 11:25). We refuse God by saying “no” to His will for lives. There are two ways to refuse God. We refuse God when we willfully decline to do anything He tells us to do in the Bible (1st Samuel 15:22). We also refuse God when we ignore the still small voice urging us to do good and bless others. Conversely, we bring joy to the heart Holy Spirit when we love others well, forgive freely and embrace the calling to glorify God with our lives. 

Six More Lies Satan Really Wants us to Believe-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment


See to it that there is no one who takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception in accordance with human tradition, in accordance with the elementary principles of the world, rather than in accordance with Christ- Colossians 2:8 NASB

Every once in a while I will assume I’m done with something (a project, job, season) and then I discover I’m not. 

Such was the case this last week after I published my last post. As soon as it was published I (as is my practice) asked God what I should write about next. Rather than a clear sense of direction, I got this weird sense I wasn’t done with the previous topic (The Five Lies Satan Most Wants you to Believe). After some prayer, it hit me the lies I discussed last week are the global lies Satan has been peddling since the dawn of time. There are a lot of other lies unique to our time I didn’t talk about.  These lies are deceiving all sorts of people both in the church and outside the church. The six big ones are:

God wants us to be happy- 

He doesn’t, not really. God doesn’t want anyone to be miserable. Satan wants us to believe God loves human misery. However, Jesus came to earth to die for our sins so we could experience an abundant eternal life of peace (shalom) and joy (John 10:10, 1st Peter 3:18, 1st John 4:9-10, Psalm 86:5). So, God clearly is not opposed to happiness. He’s just far more interested in our holiness. God knows happiness is a feeling and the feeling of happiness without the pursuit of holiness will always lead to separation from God. Separation from God leads to misery (sometimes eternal misery). The things Satan tells us will make us happy are almost always bad things like infidelity, venting our rage, theft, sexual immorality, idolatry, substance abuse and selfishness. (Romans 1:18-32, 1stCorinthians 6:9-10, Galatians 5:19-20). God forbids sin because it prevents us from becoming holy and ultimately leads only to brokenness, pain, and death (Romans 5:12, Romans 6:23)

Every boundary is good and life-giving-

Our culture has taken a good idea (boundaries) and weaponized it into one of Satan’s best schemes. Everyone everywhere is hard at work putting up boundaries all over the place.  Most of the time these boundaries are meant to prevent someone from doing something they don’t like. It doesn’t matter if the thing being done is just annoying rather than sinful, boundaries are boundaries. When one of their boundaries are breached (whether it’s reasonable or not), they feel free to cut the offender out of their lives forever. Typically, this punishment is meted out without a justified reason being given or an attempt being made to save the relationship. Satan is a huge fan of the current definition of boundaries because these boundaries most often lead to broken relationships rather than demonstrations of grace, forgiveness, and love (Luke 6:36, Ephesians 4:32, James 2:13, 2nd Peter 3:18).  If a boundary is given to safeguard and encourage a relationship, the boundary is biblical and lifegiving. If the boundary is meant to degrade, punish or shame it is not biblical, nor is it nice. Likewise, if a boundary has effectively cut off a relationship without prolonged conversation and a really good reason: congratulations you’ve bought into one of Satan’s best schemes (2nd Corinthians 2:11, Ephesians 6:10-12) I do understand there are situations of unrepentant abuse that make cutting off a relationship necessary. Nonetheless, those situations should be the exception never the rule.

God has softened His standards in the last two thousand years-

He hasn’t. Everything God declared wrong in the Bible is still wrong in 2026 (Numbers 23:19, Hebrews 13:8). Satan and the world want us to believe social acceptance of behaviors somehow equals God’s acceptance of behaviors. This is a lie.   Liars, thieves, greedy people, the sexually immoral and really anyone who makes a regular practice of any gross sin still will not inherit the kingdom of heaven (1st Corinthians 6:9-11, Galatians 5:19-21, Ephesians 5:5 ). 

We get to choose how we treat people- 

We don’t, not if we want to live lives that honor God. Satan wants people to believe they are the ultimate deciders of who deserves mercy, kindness and respect. No human being is morally qualified to make those decisions. Thankfully, God gives fallible humans very clear instructions on how we are to treat people. None of them are easy to follow but all of them lead to relational peace, reconciliation and God being glorified. Matthew 5:1-48 and Romans 12:1-21 are the best places to start looking for that instruction. 

God’s standards for gender and rules for sexuality are burdensome and outdated- 

Nope, nope and more nope. Satan wants us to believe the lie that the whole notion of two genders is outdated and that God has changed his mind about homosexuality, adultery and promiscuity. He hasn’t because He knows anytime, we choose to reject God’s standards for sexuality and gender it ultimately leads to rejecting God altogether (1st Thessalonians 4:1-8). 

The lies Satan tells are intentionally calculated to convince us the doctrines and truths of Christianity are just a bunch of options we get to choose if we approve of them. This is a dangerous game to get caught up in.  God is truth and when we pick and choose which of His commandments, we will believe and obey we set ourselves up to be our own god. 

This is the fast track to judgment.

The Five Lies Satan Most Wants us to Believe-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

He (the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he tells a lie, he speaks from his own nature, because he is a liar and the father of lies- John 8:44b NASB 

Lies.

There are a million of them out there and for whatever reason human beings are more prone to believe lies than truth. Some lies are relatively innocuous in the grand scheme of life and eternity. All anyone is going to lose trusting an advertisement for a sketchy weight loss product is a little money and maybe some time that would have been better spent at the gym. 

Other lies are far more damaging. 

The lies Satan tells us are the worst (John 8:44). Satan’s lies are the deceptions that keep human beings (saved and unsaved) in bondage and far from God’s plan for their life. These lies cause people (saved and unsaved) to believe things that can derail their life and lead to misery and pain.  Anytime a Christian believes one of Satan’s lies they run the risk of derailing their relationship with God (1st Timothy 1:19-20, 1st Timothy 4:1, Hebrews 12:25). Following are four of the worst: 

God doesn’t care-

This is the lie Satan loves to whisper in our ear anytime life becomes weirdly challenging, or we find ourselves in the midst of some terrible trial that makes zero sense (James 1:1-3, 1st Peter 3:1-7). Even David, a man after God’s own heart wondered from time-to-time if God saw him or cared about his situation (Psalm 13:1-2, Psalm 22:1-2, Psalm 35:17). Anytime we are tempted to believe the lie God doesn’t care or He is uninterested in our pain it’s a good time to pray on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17). The niggling sense God no longer cares about us is ALWAYS a clear indicator the enemy is at work (Ephesians 6:10:17, Daniel 10:12-14). Once you’re prayed up begin looking around for all the ways God is moving because He will be. Satan will try to convince you He isn’t but trust me He is and He is paying careful attention to you and your situation

You’re powerless to change- 

No one who is in Christ is powerless to repent or change. It doesn’t matter how bad the sin or how long it’s been going on (2nd Corinthians 5:17). Freedom is possible. That said, Satan wants to convince Christians they are doomed to live in sinful, self-defeating strongholds that keep them from transformation (Colossians 3:12, Galatians 5:12). It benefits Satan greatly if he can get Christians to believe this particular lie. No one will ever reach their full potential in Christ if they give up on (or never begin) the process of transformation. Change is never easy, even when we are born again.  That said, change is what we were redeemed for (2nd Corinthians 3:18, Ephesians 2:1-10). It helps to understand that change doesn’t start with our behavior. It starts with how and what we think. The first step in creating real and lasting change is to bring our thinking into alignment with God’s word (Romans 12:2). Changing our thinking is not easy because it is more than simple mental agreement to an idea. Changing our thinking is a process that requires time spent in prayer and Bible study with mature Christians with whom we have shared our struggles. As we pray, learn and honestly share, the Holy Spirit works to bring our thinking in alignment with His. As our thinking begins to change so will our behavior. 

What you do in private doesn’t matter- 

It does, because the things we choose to do in secret are almost always wrong.  We know they’re wrong and that’s why we do them in secret. Sin hardens our hearts. A hard heart makes us more willing to sin. Sinning in private gives the enemy an opportunity is door to step into our private world and create sinful strongholds that can become very difficult to break (Mark 9:29, Ephesians 4:27). Therefore, the best policy is to simply be the same person in private as we are in public. Choosing to live a life of transparency and openness blocks Satan from devouring us (1st Peter 5:8). 

God can’t forgive that (whatever that is)-

Satan does not want anyone to actually believe God will forgive their ugliest sins. Believing our sin is unforgivable effectively kills any desire we might have to repent and move towards God and freedom that comes with moving towards God.  God can forgive anything and He will (Isaiah 1:18). All He asks in return is that we have heart willing to leave our life of sin and live in the freedom Jesus promises anyone who repents (Acts: 3:191st John 1:5-10).  

And finally, 

You’re disqualified- 

Satan longs to convince Christians that they are somehow too sinful, too stupid, too old, too young or too whatever to do what they know in their heart God has called them to do. This strategy has kept more Christians off the ministry field than any other lie in the history of lies. It is imperative we remember that if God gives us a desire to see a ministry happen, He wants that desire to grow it into something beautiful and life giving for the body of Christ. Our job is to seek Him for the wisdom, ability and opportunity to make it happen. 

Three Root Causes of Bitter Roots-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you- Ephesians 4:30-32 NASB

Hebrews chapters twelve and thirteen are home to some of the most practical bits of wisdom in all the Bible. The writer encourages all sorts of smart behaviors including living at peace with others, practicing hospitality, cooperation with church leaders, sexual purity and obedience to God (Hebrews 12:14, Hebrews 12:16, Hebrews 13:1-2, Hebrews 12:25). The writer also cautions against foolishness like getting caught up in weird doctrine, greed and sinful living (Hebrews 12:5, Hebrews 13:9, Hebrews 13:17). 

All good stuff. 

The writer also warns readers against allowing a “bitter root” (Hebrews 12:15) to develop in their lives. Some consequences of a “bitter root” include missing the grace of God (yikes) and responsibility for the “defilement” of others (double yikes). 

Anyone who has lived long enough to acquire a little wisdom understands exactly what the writer is saying when they warn against bitterness. If a Christian (or a heathen) chooses to make their home in the bitter barn, they cannot help but become spiteful, judgmental, negative, hard-hearted and a challenge to get along with. Bitter roots also cause us to become deeply disappointed with God (Ephesians 4:31). These are all simply the natural consequences of choosing bitterness (Acts 8:23, Job 10:1). 

If bitterness is not dealt with these mindsets become a permanent part of the bitter person’s heart. This creates hurt, pain and confusion in those in closest proximity to the bitter person. Family almost always gets the worst of it. Most what we think of as generational curses are caused by a bitter root that never got dealt with. It is critical we understand the roots of a bitter root so we can be healed emotionally and spiritually. Healing allows us to live in freedom and pass on a legacy of spiritual and emotional health to the next generation. Following are three roots of a root of bitterness: 

Unmet expectations-

Everyone has expectations. Most folks do not know enough about themselves to know what their expectations are. Knowing what we expect out of life is critical. When we know what we expect from God, our spouse, our adult kids, friends and church family we can easily figure out if expectations are reasonable and fair. Oftentimes we (subconsciously) expect God to bless us with wealth and comfort. We want our friends and spouses to be perfectly tuned in to our needs. We expect our adult children to express gratitude for all our effort and churches to understand and meet all our spiritual and relational needs. These expectations are wildly unrealistic in a fallen world. Other times our expectations are more realistic. We anticipate that our spouse and friends will be loyal, our adult kids will be kind, and our church leaders will behave in a way that is respectable. Although, these expectations are reasonable they are not always met in a fallen world (Romans 3:23). Whether our expectations are reasonable or crazy town, it is critical we learn to recognize when they are not being met so that we can guard against the bitterness that naturally occurs with unmet expectations. 

Trauma-

Trauma is the biggest and most understandable cause of a bitter root. That said, just because something makes sense doesn’t mean we should allow it to become a permanent part of our personality. God cautions against bitterness partly because it steals the joy of living. The last thing a hurting person needs is to have their ability to enjoy life stolen after they endured a trauma.  Traumatic events would include (but are not limited to) rape, sexual abuse, sex trafficking, physical abuse, being denied basic needs (food, water, shelter) and severe mental abuse. It is typically necessary for trauma victims to get help from a professional to move past the very real effects of trauma. Unfortunately, many in our generation have dumbed down the definition of trauma to include events that are disappointing and difficult but not truly traumatic. These events include (but are not limited to) being left out, feeling unheard and not having our expectations (reasonable or unreasonable) met. Those who have experienced disappointment or hurt made need help as well moving past their pain as well. All counseling should have the end-goal in mind of bringing the person to a place of inner peace and forgiveness (more on this later).  

Betrayal- 

Anytime we experience betrayal there is an opportunity for bitterness to take root. This is doubly true if the betrayal was at the hands of someone who should have cared about us, like a parent, spouse, child or close friend. Betrayal needs to be worked through with a wise friend, pastor or Christan counselor to prevent bitterness from becoming permanent.

Bitterness doesn’t happen in a vacuum. 

Bitterness is enticing precisely because there is oftentimes a real reason to be bitter. Only a few insanely sensitive people become bitter without cause. This reality makes it even more critical we fight to be free of bitterness.  

Ultimately, bitter roots are a result of unforgiveness and a lack of spiritual healing (Jeremiah 17:14, Colossians 3:13, Luke 6:37, Psalm 30:2). In order to forgive and get free of bitterness we must receive the truth that God is not the author of evil or sin (Matthew 18:6, Luke 17:1-2). God weeps with those who weep. He was not asleep at the wheel when that person hurt us. Additionally, God will not allow an unrepentant evil person to go unpunished (Isaiah 13:11, Psalm 81:15, Jeremiah 2:18, Luke 20:47, 2nd Thessalonians 1:8-10). When we understand deep in our hearts that God is not the author of our pain it becomes easier to trust Him and let Him exact punishment on those who have caused us pain.