Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from God. Psalm 127:3 NIV
I just finished reading an article that left me feeling rather melancholy.
The article was originally published in Marie Claire magazine, and is entitled “Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They Never Had Kids”. The writer tells the stories of women from around the world who freely admit that they seriously regret having kids.
I am a bit of a skeptic, so at first I was dubious. Surely, the author was overstating the extent of the issue to get clicks and sell magazines. However, some quick research revealed that this is indeed a real thing. I found dozens of articles on the subject and a plethora of chat rooms and support groups that serve as safe spaces for women who sincerely wish they never had kids.
My first impulse was to judge.
Not because they feel the way they feel. I learned long ago that feelings (unlike actions) are not something that can be easily controlled. And as someone who has had some pretty inappropriate thoughts and feelings concerning all sorts of things and people I would never judge anyone for feeling a particular way.
That said, I struggle to withhold judgment when I see folks vomiting up their feelings all over cyberspace. Call me old-fashioned, but even in the age of compulsive over-sharing I still believe there are circumstances where it is thoroughly appropriate to shut our pie-holes and keep some feelings bottled-up nice and tight.
Because defending a cause is a far more noble pursuit than judging others I’m going to drop the judgment and attempt to make a defense for the cause of Motherhood. I will not attempt to feed you some insipid or overly spiritualized line about how fulfilling and blissful every moment of motherhood is, that is simply not true. Like most things in life mothering does have its moments of blissful fulfillment, but it’s far from easy and blissful especially in the early years.
As the Mother of four I know that while you’re in the middle of raising young children, parenting FEELS like a lot of hard work and frustration punctuated with moments of agonizing self-doubt. But as someone who has raised kids to adulthood I can also tell you that mothering is worth the effort for four reasons:
Mothering impacts the future like nothing else-
To my eternal shame my children know very little about their great-Grandmother. She died long before they were born and I doubt any of them could tell me her first name. They certainly don’t know what she did for a living or any details concerning her overall net worth. However, I see a lot of the attitudes she modeled including fair-mindedness, generosity, and the value of hard work living on in them. She sowed those ideals into me and I have done my level best to pass her legacy on to them. Most people a hundred years from now will not know or care about what you did for a living but they will know exactly what you valued in life because they will see those values living on in future generations.
Mothering is the best discipleship opportunity you are ever going to get-
Most Christians long to make a spiritual impact on the future. Sadly, few of us feel we are given much of an opportunity to affect spiritual change in others. Parenting gives us the better part of two decades to impart spiritual truth into the hearts of our kids. If we go the extra mile and live the truth we teach we will make a significant spiritual impact on the lives of the kids we raise and they in turn will make an impact on future generations.
Mothering has the power to make us better people-
Mothering reveals in living color every single one of our shortcomings and less-than-healthy coping mechanisms. When our weaknesses are exposed we have two options, we can ignore reality or we can become better people. There is nothing quite like having a couple of kids watching to give us the incentive needed to work at becoming better people.
Parenting makes us dependent on God for wisdom and direction-
Seriously, anyone who has parented for more than an hour knows that parenting is scary. Being scared causes a lot of people to look to God and we are all better people when we are looking to God for insight and assistance.
For decades now women have been fed the lie that motherhood is a waste of our time, energy, and talents. That lie is fostered in blogs and magazine articles promoting a survivor approach to parenting, snarky memes belittling motherhood and cutesy signs inscribed with “charming” little adages like “Mommy needs vodka” and “don’t mind the mess the children are being a**holes”. With those attitudes so deeply rooted in our culture it’s not surprising that many women regret having kids. As Christian women it is incumbent on us to take the long view of things and remember that we are not called to live comfortable, stress-free lives today, rather we are called to live for future generations.