Sex, Gender and The Church-

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them- Genesis 1:26a-27 NIV

Like most people over forty, I have witnessed a great deal of change over my lifetime. 

Some of the changes have been desirable. An example being, the world has improved dramatically for female-kind in my generation. I believe I can speak on behalf of all women everywhere when I say that no sane woman would choose to be born female at any other time in human history. Other changes have been less than great and some have been simply awful. 

Music has certainly not improved. Respect for the law enforcement and other forms of authority has plummeted.  Politics are nastier and more dishonest than they used to be. Parenting has become more child-centered than it once was. Most children probably view this as a win. However, the rest of society is less than delighted with the outcome.  As dramatic as some of those changes have been it’s fair to say that no realm has seen more change than the area of gender and sexual expression.

Back in the day, there were men and woman. Those two options pretty much covered the gender gamut. A man might wish he was a woman or dress like a woman but all of society would have agreed that if a man was born with a penis he was a man.  There were women who impersonated men but it never occurred to anyone that a woman behaving like a man might actually be a man. How one chose to express their sexuality (gay, straight, bi-sexual) had no bearing on whether or not a person was male or female. Gender was determined by a thing called biology. 

Biology is so 1955.

There is now a whole gender spectrum to choose from. Among the plethora of options, one can now be male, female, androgynous, transgender, gender queer, non-binary, gay, straight, bi-sexual, pansexual, asexual, gay trans, bi-sexual-trans, binary trans, gender questioning and gender fluid. 

Sigh. 

Most Christians have struggled to address this issue in a rational, respectful and kind way. Mainly because any objection to or questioning of the gender spectrum is perceived by most non-Christians and some Christians to be transphobic, homophobic, regressive and mean. Consequently, Christians have either ignored the problem altogether, avoided discussing it outside of Christian circles or ridiculed the whole situation openly. Regrettably, none of the aforementioned strategies actually do anything to help Christians act as salt and light in our world (Matthew 5:13-16). 

Ephesians 6:14 tells us that we are to stand against evil ideas. In order to do that we have to understand from a biblical perspective what’s wrong with a particular philosophy and where it will likely lead us. 

The gender spectrum is clearly a scheme of Satan (Ephesians 6:11). The notion that there is a gender smorgasbord out there with dozens of different options from which to choose is an assault on God’s design. It is also a direct contradiction to God’s assertion that He created human beings as male and female only (Genesis 1:27). This particular assault is intended to generate doubt concerning the goodness and truthfulness of God in the minds of people who are struggling with questions regarding sex, sexuality and gender. It’s critical we remember Satan has been planting doubt concerning the goodness and truthfulness of God since the dawn of humanity (Genesis 3:1) 

Our culture has rejected the Creator and gender identity and sexuality have become a religion to some who have spurned belief in God (Romans 1:24-32). This explains the peculiar post-modern practice of folks introducing themselves by stating their name, sexual orientation and gender identity. Sexuality and gender give their life meaning and is where they find their identity. 

The situation we find ourselves in should not drive us to despair or hateful rhetoric. Rather, we should be overwhelmed with grief for a generation that has lost its way morally, spiritually and sexually. There are four practical things Christians can do to help lead our culture back to a healthier understanding of sexuality and back into relationship with God. 

Christians must figure out ways to:

Love our neighbors- 

We should look for ways to love everyone, even those super messy people who freak us out a little bit. We must search for ways to engage people who are different from us. They need to know we serve a God who loves them and who wants to free them from the spiritual and sexual bondage they’ve gotten themselves into.   

Pray for a return to moral and spiritual reason-

Christians are commanded to make a practice of praying for everyone all the time (Ephesians 6:18, 1stThessalonians 5:17). We should be especially intentional about praying for individuals whose lifestyles concern us. Our prayers really will make a difference in their lives and prayer empowers us to love people who are different from us. 

Model healthy gender roles– 

There are Christians who believe it is wrong for men to cook or do housework because it’s “not manly” and an “affront to God”.  Others believe that women should never work outside the home or attend university. There are still Christians who sincerely believe a woman should remain “under the authority “of her Father until she is married. These absurdly antiquated ideas are almost impossible to backup biblically without twisting Scripture and they make Christianity look really weird to non-Christians. 

 Speak the truth in love-

Admittedly, this is tricky but it must be done. We have to find ways to engage people in hard conversations where we tell them the truth in loving tones and with a spirit of humility rather that self-righteousness (Ephesians 4:15). 

Six (seriously, not legalistic) Rules That Will Keep You From Going Totally Sideways In Life

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel~ Philippians 1:27 NIV  

I am not really much of a rule-follower.   

That being said, there was brief period early-on in my Christianity when I had a short but ill-fated love affair with legalism. Needless to say, it was not my finest hour. Over time through Bible study, the guidance of a gentle mentor, and some spiritual growth I concluded that laws are intended for law-breakers (1stTimothy 1:9). It is now my firmly held conviction that if Christians would simply seek wisdom, follow biblical principles and obey God, there would be little need for rules. 

That being said.

Recently, I was thinking about how one person can be incredibly successful from a spiritual perspective while another person in a similar set of circumstances can go completely sideways and end up shipwrecking both their lives and their faith (1stTimothy 1:18-19). As I was thinking through the how and why of all that. I came-up with was a list of attitudes and behaviors that spiritually successful people tend to have (Galatians 5:22-23, Colossians 1:9-11). Then I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to come up with a way to express my thoughts without using the “rules” word. Ultimately, it was just too hard. Sigh. 

Following are a few rules that if followed, pretty much guarantee spiritual success, regardless of circumstances: 

Be teachable-

Being teachable is basically just being open to the notion that we might be wrong about something (doctrine, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors). Being teachable means owning it when we are not doing life well or we need help or guidance from other people. Being teachable is the polar opposite of being prideful. Teachable people ask God on a regular basis to reveal their blind spots and the areas of their lives that need work.  Then they ask for help and seek wisdom. Help and wisdom can come in the form of a wise friend, a Christian counselor, Christian books, a pastor or a spiritual mentor. What matters is that we are willing to humble ourselves and ask for it when we need it. 

Be obedient-

There has been some serious misunderstanding regarding obedience and legalism in recent years. For the better part of the 20thcentury the cultural pendulum in church world swung towards extreme legalism.  Beginning in the 1980’s the pendulum began to swing in the extreme opposite direction which eventually landed us where we are at now (extreme worldliness).  The simplest definition of legalism is the practice of adding manmade rules to straightforward biblical commands. For example: Christians are commanded to avoid sexual immorality (sex before marriage, adultery, homosexuality, pornography, prostitution etc.) Christians are NOT told to abstain from dating or told to only practice courtship or to avoid kissing or dancing. It is legalistic (adding to God’s commands) to prohibit dating, dancing or kissing. However, it is clearly NOT legalistic to tell someone to stop hooking-up with strangers or to obey the Bible (1stThessalonians 4:3-8, 1stTimothy 1:10, 1stCorinthians 6:8-10, 1stCorinthians 6:15).

Engage the world around you- 

We only get one shot at life on this planet (Hebrews 9:27) and our time here is so short that the Bible refers to human life as a flower that springs up for a season (1stPeter 1:24, Job 14:1-2). Furthermore, every season of life tends to be shorter than we think it will be. We only have so much time to be married, parent our children, love our neighbors, pastor our churches, lead the people around us and/or impact our workplaces for Jesus.  It would benefit us all to put down our phones, shut off the T.V. and be a lot more intentional about engaging the world and the people in it. Not only would we have a bigger impact on our world we would also enjoy our time here more.  

Recognize and run from unhealthy people and situations-

Sadly, in this fallen world there are individuals and situations that can be detrimental to our spiritual and emotional health. Those folks repeatedly take us to a place where we doubt God, lose faith in our ability to do the things God has called us to do and sometimes they even cause us to sin (Matthew 18:6, Luke 17:1). I am not a big supporter of simply cutting people out of our lives without a really good reason. That said, there are situations where a little (or a lot of) distance is just wise.

Become a friend of God-

Believe God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do. Get to know Him on a personal level rather than simply acquiring information about Him and God will call you His friend (James 2:23).   

 Develop people- 

Jesus spent the vast majority of His time helping people to become better and healthier versions of themselves. He wants us to do the same. Make a point of helping friends, strangers, co-workers and subordinates to become the best version of themselves they can become. In the process you will become an improved version of you. 

Five Deceptions that Will Eventually Wreck Us-

 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen~ Romans 1:25 NIV

The year 2018 will not go down in history as a legislative win for the old and sick in the state of Oregon. In early 2018 the Oregon State Senate passed House Bill 4135 into law. This “landmark piece of legislation” allows “health care professionals” to permanently withhold food and water from dementia patients.

Seriously.  Let the magnitude of that sink in for a minute.  

 I get that a bill that was signed into law over a year ago is old news. I also get that these types of laws have become so routine that only a few hardcore, pro-life nut-jobs (like me) even get excited about them anymore.  I mention it now because this morning I read an article reporting that the Oregon Legislature is looking to expand the law to include a broader class of people than just dementia patients (Isaiah 5:20).

Sigh.

Because my brain works in strange ways (that I don’t even understand most of the time) the article got me thinking about lies and deception. More specifically it got me thinking about the lies and deceptions our culture has come to believe and how those deceptions are directly contributing to the moral quagmire we find ourselves in. Some of the lies are subtle others are more obvious. The problem with lies is that all lies hurt people and lead both the liar and those who believe the lie away from God, biblical justice and good sense (Isaiah 59:14). 

After I read the article I made a quick mental list of some the lies we have come to believe.  There were so many I had a tough time whittling the list down to a number that would be readable in reasonable period of time. 

Here are the top five: 

#1- Expediency should be the north star that guides our decision making- 

This is the lie that inspires otherwise decent people to do away with the old, sick and those who have yet to be born.  Any time convenience becomes the end goal of any situation, a corner must be cut somewhere. This is not a huge loss if we are talking about purchasing some bakery cupcakes to save ourselves a little time and effort. It is a huge loss to our humanness if we are cutting lives short in an effort to pander to our own desire for expediency and convenience (Proverbs 11:19).     

#2- Right now is all that matters- 

We have evolved into a “live in the now” kinda culture. Nowhere is this more obvious than with with children and gender transitions. In some places three-year-old children are being socially transitioned and kids as young nine are being surgically and chemically transitioned to a sex other than the one they were assigned at birth. The reasoning behind this madness is that these kids want what they want “right now”. God forbid anyone deny a child something they want right this minute (Proverbs 22:15a). Few “professionals” are thinking through the possible psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual consequences these choices might have on kids long-term. Sadly, even fewer people are asking why anyone would allow a human being who is not fully grown to consent to something that can never really be fully undone (Proverbs 20:25). 

#3- People should only do what makes them happy-

 Happiness is a feeling or mood that tends to be short-lived and extremely centered on self. Finding happiness is complicated by the fact that even under the most ideal of circumstances happiness is something that is challenging to hang onto. As a result, once we begin down the path of “making ourselves happy” the pursuit of happiness becomes a never-ending quest that is nearly impossible to achieve or maintain.  This is partly because the stuff that make us happy (or unhappy) tends to change frequently. On Tuesday donuts might make me supremely happy and on Friday the mere thought of them might make me queasy. Because happiness is such an unstable and selfish emotion when we do things solely for the sake of our personal happiness we tend to hurt a lot of people (including ourselves) in the process of “making ourselves happy”. 

#4- Government has all the answers- 

 For the record, I do not believe that individual people who work in government are evil, they are just people.  That being said, government is not a person. Government is a big giant soulless entity. All soulless entities lack sensitivity, ethics, logical thought, and wisdom. Therefore, government cannot logic out the needs of individuals or make sensible judgments about individual situations. Even in the best of situations government is all about one-size-fits-all solutions. We should always remember that nothing loves expediency and convenience more than a big giant soulless entity. 

#5- If I believe something is true then it is- 

This is the lying-est lie of them all. Sadly, this lie has become accepted dogma because we have taught that feelings about a given issue should be given the same legitimacy as verifiable facts regarding the same issue. As a result, any triggering of hurt feelings (no matter how silly the origin) is cause for alarm and sometimes even corrective action. It looks and feels compassionate to care excessively about a person’s feelings. However, feelings are just feelings, they aren’t always based on what’s real. It is critical we remember that feelings have never set anyone free from anything but truth sets people free all the time (John 8:32). 

Five Things Church People Do that are Wrecking the Church

 

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out and that times of refreshing may come from the Lord~ Acts 3:19 NIV

 Recently, I have been wondering why the church is not having a bigger impact on our world.

 It should be.

 Seriously, the Church should be hitting it out of the park right now. The advent of the internet has made the Bible widely available to nearly everyone.  There are more solid Christian resources (radio, television, podcasts and books) available to more people in more languages than at any other time in history. Higher rates of literacy mean more people are capable of accessing and making the most of available resources. But, sadly no one could accuse the church of setting the world on fire (metaphorically speaking) at this point in history.

 This means that the church is not completing the one task that Jesus commanded us to accomplish (Matthew 28:16-20). I understand that one very real danger in talking about “the church” in broad terms is that sometimes we forget the church isn’t a building, group of leaders or an institution. The church is people who identify as followers of Jesus (1stCorinthians 12).  So, if the church isn’t getting the job done it means that individual people are the problem rather than some nebulous institution or group of leaders.

 The problems the church is having are not the fault of every person in the church. However, there are too many people in the church who do things or allow things that are simply unacceptable for God’s holy people (Ephesians 5:3-18). The list includes:

Church people have not really dealt with the sin of racism-

 The whole notion that some skin colors, genders or races are somehow superior to others is a weird and sinful social construct that has no place in churches (Colossians 3:11, Galatians 3:28, John 3:16). Every person regardless of race, skin color or gender is both equally loved and equally in need of a savior in God’s eyes. Therefore, prejudice and bigotry have no place in the church. Alas, some church people have failed to really take hold of that message and live it out in their day-to-day lives. The church’s reputation is suffering as a result.  

 Church people do not model healthy male-female relationships-

 I do not understand why a place filled with people who are commanded to practice self-control (Galatians 5:22, Titus 2:11-12, 2ndPeter 1:5) is the only place on earth where men and women cannot work together without things getting decidedly weird. By “weird” I mean sex becoming an issue in some way. Christians have managed to convince themselves that men and women are incapable of actually practicing self-restraint where sex is concerned and this has become a self-fulling prophecy in many Christian circles. We do need to be vigilant concerning the appearance of evil and I know all about the Billy Graham rule (conceived by Billy Graham rather than Jesus). That said, I do not believe separation of men and women in church settings is either biblical or the answer to the problem of sexual immorality in the church. That standard has created at least as many problems as it has solved. It does not require adult Christians to practice self-discipline (a biblical mandate) and because of that standard church people tend to become suspicious anytime they see men and women together (even if they work in the same church). Female opinions have effectively been silenced in the church out of fear that if a woman is near a man who is not her husband sexual sin of some sort will swiftly commence. We must do better. Even the pagans have figured this one out. We should too because it’s hurting our effectiveness and our witness.

  Church people worry about protecting institutions rather than people-

 Too many Christian women have been pressured into staying in marriages that really should have ended (due to sexual sin or physical abuse) because some church leaders care more about the institution of marriage than they do about the woman in said marriage. Then there are the thousands of children who have been sexually abused and deprived of justice because too many people in the church care more about the institution of the church than the souls of abused kids (James 1:27, Isaiah 10:1-3). Not cool. Not biblical. Not okay.

 Church people tolerate pornography-

 Anytime a Christian man is caught in sexual sin the first question asked is always: “Is it just pornography?”.  Every. Stinkin. Time. The “just” is ALWAYS put in front of the word pornography. As if pornography without some other form of sexual deviancy attached to it is somehow less sinful than other sexual sins. Pornography is every bit as sinful as “having an affair” (maybe even worse) because “having an affair” (unless the sex is with a prostitute) is almost always a consequence of some sort of a problem in the marriage. Affairs rarely occur in a vacuum, something else is always wrong: communication is poor, the couple is not connecting, the couple is unkind to one another, eventually one partner pursues companionship with someone else.  Conversely, pornography and sex with prostitutes is a result of lust, lack of self-discipline and covetousness. I am categorically not stating that an affair is acceptable simply because a person is in a difficult marriage (it doesn’t work that way). I am saying that the church will never have a measurable spiritual impact on the culture unless we deal with the sin of pornography in our own ranks.

 Church people don’t evangelize-

 \Seriously, we just don’t. A recent study revealed that forty-seven percent of all millennials actually believe it is wrong to evangelize the lost. Sadly, very few Christians have ever shared their faith with anyone and sixty-four percent believe that evangelism is an optional activity for Christians. Until we change this one thing we won’t change anything.

The Real Reason the Pro-life Movement Has not Changed Many Minds

 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools~ Romans 1:20-22 NIV

I am profoundly and deeply pro-life.

 One of the earliest convictions I experienced as a new Christian was the belief that God Himself is the author and giver of human life. Because God is the giver of life human life should always be protected and nurtured by God’s people.

 I have also walked the pro-life talk.

 I am the mother of four children. One of those children is adopted. I have worked or served in nearly every area of the pro-life movement. My husband and I have sat on the boards of countless pro-life organizations and I worked for three years as the director of a Pregnancy Help Center.  I have marched in the marches, handed out the info and organized various fundraising rallies, walks and banquets. I have cried with anxious and hurting women who were experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.

 I do not say all that to boast or to make myself sound better than I really am. There are many in the pro-life movement who have worked harder, done more and been far more faithful to the cause than I have been. Rather, I say all that so that readers will understand exactly how brokenhearted I was when I heard the horrific details of the New York state abortion bill that was signed into law on the 46thanniversary of Roe vs. Wade.  The law effectively legalizes abortion up until the very moment of birth for any and all reasons. It allows midwives, physician assistants and nurses to perform abortions. The law also repeals all legal protections for babies born alive after a failed abortion (it happens).

 The passing of this law broke my heart, and not just for the children who will surely die because of it. I was devastated because I fear this law is proof-positive that the pro-life movement has failed to do the very thing it was formed to do.

  In the forty-six years since Roe vs. Wade became law science has effectively proven two things. First, a fetus is human. Secondly, human life begins at the point of conception. Pro-abortion zealots with even an ounce of intellectual integrity freely concede those two facts.

  Nonetheless.

 Abortion is still legal and dreadfully common. Abortion has also become weirdly fashionable. The number of abortions in America has increased in recent years; and there are now online forums where women talk about their abortions proudly, as a badge of honor rather than a sad chapter in their life.  When Governor Andrew Cuomo signed the New York bill into law he received a standing ovation from the senate. The city of New York celebrated this “landmark legislation” by lighting up the World Trade Center in pink lights. New York is not the first state in the union to ratify a similar law.

 Sigh.

 Good, God-fearing people have fought the pro-life fight for nearly half a century and abortion is still legal and anything but rare. Furthermore, according to the Pew Research Center the majority of Americans (fifty-eight percent) sincerely believe that abortion should be legal in all or most situations. Thankfully, most (eighty percent) are still civilized enough to believe that third trimester abortions should not happen. That said, most believe abortion should be legal and widely available to anyone who thinks they need one.

 It’s time we asked ourselves why.

 Here’s the thing. I sincerely believe that the problem does not lie with what people know about abortion. The problem lies with how people feel about abortion. Everybody knows it’s a baby.  Even the morally bankrupt morons gleefully whooping and hollering over the passing of their stupid bill know for a fact that the law is about killing babies. Abortionists abort babies, not teddy bears or turtles or masses of tissue.  We don’t even need science to tell us that. All science has done is confirm what our consciences already know (Romans 1:21-28).

 It’s a baby, stupid.

 The pro-life movement has worked tirelessly to change minds. Most in the pro-life movement (including me) believed that when people understood the science behind the pro-life arguments that their minds would be changed and hearts would soon follow. We forgot (or never knew) that it is only heart-felt, bone-level conviction (rather than intellectual acknowledgement) that keeps people from changing their minds back to their previous beliefs when life gets tough or the arguments for the other side get persuasive and/or sophisticated.

 The pro-life movement has done a lot of good things. Those things should continue to be done. The pro-life community should lovingly engage, educate, lobby congress, help the hurting, provide for the needy and raise money for the cause. That said, Christians (of all stripes) should preach the gospel boldly and pray fervently that God brings spiritual revival to our world. Only God can change a human heart and without heart-change the abortion statistics will stay the same.  

 

 

 

Four Ways Churches Unintentionally Promote Sexual Sin

Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. So, watch yourselves~ Luke 17:1 & 3 NIV

 Most of the stupid things we do are not done deliberately.  Most people just kind of fumble around blindly doing stuff without putting a whole lot of thought into the long-term consequences of their actions.  

 Sadly, this is even true of some Christians.   

  Too many Christians make too many decisions out of impulse or reflex. Sadly, most of us do not put any more thought into the unintended consequences our actions than anyone else does. This unfortunate reality has merged with a tendency to look at what the culture is doing rather than thinking through issues from a Biblical perspective.

 Sadly, these predispositions always play themselves out in one of two equally wrong responses. Either Christians do a “Christian” version of whatever is popular with the culture; or conversely, we go so far in the opposite direction of what the world is doing that we become a peculiar, cartoon-like version of what God intended the Church to be.

 Nowhere is this truer than in the area of sex.

 On one end of the spectrum, there are churches that have lowered their sexual standards in an effort to help unbelievers feel more comfortable in church settings. As a result, these churches have unwittingly adopted the same attitudes towards sex that non-Christians have. In other situations, Christians have been guilty of embracing a slightly more “Christian” version of a worldly standard. For example: many believers do not really have a problem with an engaged couple having sex before marriage (so long as they are careful keep it on the down-low). However, some of these same people are appalled at the mere thought of two Christians living together before marriage.

 Conversely, there are churches and Christians whose entire religious identity is built around preventing sexual activity of any kind from taking place in the lives of unmarried people. Those churches (and Christians) spend more time addressing the spiritual threats of swimsuits, hand-holding and premarital front-hugs than they do discussing salvation and related issues such as repentance and discipleship. This is not only a serious derailment from the churches principal mission (Matthew 28:17-20, 2nd Timothy 2:4, Matthew 10:8) it also makes Christians look like a bunch of sex-obsessed weirdos.  

 Sigh.

 The absurdity of all this aside, perhaps the biggest problem with how churches handle sexuality these days is that we have gotten to a place where we unintentionally promote sexual sin in four ways:

 The church is far too soft on the sin of adultery (especially where men are concerned)-

 The immense pressure placed on Christian women to forgive their cheating husbands simply cannot be overstated. Women are too-often coerced by well-intentioned but ridiculously overeager clergy to forgive their husband’s infidelity (and restore the relationship) right away. This typically happens long before the woman has processed her grief or the man has demonstrated sincere repentance. This has resulted in a shocking number of Christian men (and some women) who appear to have no qualms about committing adultery over and over again (Proverbs 6:32). It has also created a subculture of women (and a few men) who have been shamed into doing something they are under no biblical obligation to do (Matthew 5:32). Forgiveness is essential in every situation (Matthew 6:15). However, marital reconciliation should only take place if the one who was sinned against is truly willing and the adulterer (male or female) has demonstrated sincere repentance and a readiness to grow into a better spouse and Jesus follower.  Anything less simply encourages sinful behavior in the church by minimizing consequences in specific situations (1stCorinthians 5:11).

 We do not treat pornography like a serious sin-

 If I hear one more Christian leader refer to pornography as “just pornography” I will need to be medicated and/or physically restrained. Sixty-eight percent of all Christian men routinely view pornography precisely because it is regarded as a lightweight and trivial sin. Choosing to view pornography is not only a categorically icky form of sexual immorality (Hebrews 12:16, Hebrews 13:4) it is also a clear violation of Matthew 5:28. Like most sins, the sin of viewing pornography leads to other sins such as hypocrisy, adultery, dehumanizing others through lust, spiritual and social isolation and even an inability to perform the “marital duty” (1st Corinthians 7:3).

 The church is still inclined to cover-up pedophilia-

 The Catholic church has gotten a lot of bad press over this issue recently. However, it is far from unheard of in Protestant and Evangelical churches.  A valued leader gets accused of touching a child inappropriately and the church decides to deal with the problem “in-house”. At that point the whole messy mess gets swept under the rug or the leader is simply asked to leave the church. This is never okay. Every accusation should be thoroughly investigated by the proper authorities (the Elder or Deacon board does not count). Yes, this is hard, yes it makes the church look bad but not nearly as bad as it does when the church covers-up sin. 

 We don’t help young adults to date-

 The Bible is clear that marriage is a virtuous, noble and necessary thing (Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 18:22, Hebrews 13:4). That being said, for some inexplicable reason there is a ton of shame in the Christian culture surrounding Christians participating in the process of finding a spouse (dating).  Because dating is taboo in many Christian churches most churches do not give Christian kids a lot of instruction on how or who to date and there are literally no opportunities for Christian young people to get to know each other inside the church. As a result, most young people date outside of the church which leads to a lot of missteps (Tinder, bars, campus parties, drunken hook-ups). Those missteps inevitably end in sexual immorality and sometimes even a departure from the faith. Maybe it’s time for churches to be intentional about setting-up opportunities for young Christians from similar denominations to get to know one another so they can get married; rather than shame them for having a natural desire to find a spouse.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Should Women (or anyone) Always be Believed?

One witness is not enough to convict anyone accused of any crime or offense they may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses~ Deuteronomy 19:15 NIV

 I am a woman (obviously) and as a woman I have been offended on behalf of women-kind countless times throughout my life.

 I simply do not have the words to describe the level of moral outrage my little seven-year-old self-experienced the day my mother casually informed me that women were not allowed to vote until 1920. As a teenager I was appalled to learn that throughout most of human history women were not considered to be reliable witnesses in most courts of law.  It still makes me angry that women in some Islamic countries are not allowed to drive cars or decide for themselves who they will marry.  

 Because I am a woman and because I have been offended on behalf of women-kind more times than I care to recall.  One might be inclined to think that I would be elated with the new line of reasoning that has emerged from the Senatorial Goat Rodeo/Kavanaugh Hearings asserting that women who claim they have been sexually assaulted “should always be believed”. 

 I do not believe women should ever be dismissed out-of-hand when they claim to have been assaulted, I believe every woman has a right to be heard. Furthermore, I have argued for years that rape is clearly a hate crime and should be charged as such. I believe that reports of sexual assault should be thoroughly investigated and that perpetrators (once it is proven they are actually perpetrators) should be punished for the crimes they have committed.  

 That being said, it is my sincerely held belief that we are setting a dangerous (and quite possibly insane) standard with our sudden insistence that “all women should be believed” regardless of the evidence (or lack thereof).  I am convinced (as a woman) that women should not always be believed for six reasons:

 Women are people-

  I have known a lot of people in my life and I have never known a person (male or female) who could say (without lying) that they never lie (Psalm 5:9, 1st John 1:10). Even otherwise decent people lie on occasion. People lie for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes people lie because telling a lie is less complicated than telling the truth. Sometimes people lie because it benefits them in some way. Sometimes people lie to avoid hurting other people’s feelings. Sometimes people lie to avoid conflicts. Sometimes people lie to inflame conflicts or because telling a lie advances a personal agenda they have. Some people tell lies because they have underlying mental health issues that need to be dealt with. Because it is categorically true that all people lie (at least occasionally). Serious allegations should be thoroughly investigated before anyone (male or female) is simply believed.

 Fairness-

 It is simply unfair to believe one group of people over another group of people simply because of their DNA. If we as a society choose to “believe all women” without clear-cut evidence that individual women are telling the truth about a particular situation we will be guilty of perpetuating injustice and oppression on another group of people (in this case men). Societies that encourage oppression and injustice tend to have very messy revolutions.  Revolutions rarely end well. We do not want a revolution.

 People have a sin nature-

 Because all people (male and female) are sinners at the core of their being (Romans 3:23).  Sometimes even “good” people do things out of selfish and/or evil motives (Galatians 5:19-21). The whole point of having a court system is to keep our individual sin natures from running wild and hurting other people (Romans 13:1-5).

 Memories can be faulty-

 It has been proven that even the most vivid of memories can be factually incorrect. It’s called false memory syndrome and it’s a real thing (Google it). Those with false memory syndrome sincerely believe that the event they “remember” happening to them actually happened. There are people who have confessed to crimes they did not commit because they were suffering from false memory syndrome. There have also been cases of people who claimed to be innocent of crimes who were imprisoned based on a memory someone had who were later exonerated (usually because of DNA evidence). Simply choosing to believe everyone based on a memory they have is dangerous because memories are complex and sometimes unreliable.

 Due process-

  It is the law in this country that we assume people to be innocent until they are proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt (Deuteronomy 19:15). We do this because our founders understood that anytime a court refuses to allow due process people get hurt (badly). The Salem Witch Trials serve as the ultimate example of what can happen when people in power make decisions based on uncorroborated testimony rather than facts, evidence, logic and truth. Sadly, the recent Carnival of Dysfunction (Kavanaugh Hearings) bear a much closer resemblance to the Salem Witch trials than they do to an unbiased and civilized search for truth.  

 No one sane wants to see baseless allegations (about anything) weaponized in the future-

 Events have transpired in recent weeks that should panic thinking people everywhere. The strategies employed during the Bret Kavanaugh hearings have been nauseatingly reminiscent of the show-trials of Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia. Unsubstantiated allegations were weaponized to discredit a man simply because he holds the “wrong” political views. The same thing that happened to Bret Kavanaugh could happen to anyone of us at any time. The key to preventing the loss of our Republic is to return to the standard of believing people (men and women) only when the facts support belief.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What the Kavanaugh Hearings Say About Us

Buy the truth and do not sell it— wisdom, instruction and insight as well~ Proverbs 23:23 NIV

 My husband and I are not exactly world travelers.  In almost three decades of marriage we have left the continental U.S. exactly once (to build houses in Juarez, Mexico). This past week we broke with our pathetic tradition of staying put and made our first trip to Europe. We spent almost two weeks in Ireland and loved every minute of it.  We found the people of Ireland to be genuinely warm, good-natured and hysterically funny. They were quick to engage in conversation with anyone willing to learn about the history of their country.

  In the mornings we drank truly terrible coffee and watched the European news stations (BBC and Sky). The thing about European news is that it’s really short on actual news stories. There were quite a few biased views regarding Brexit and negative opinion pieces thinly disguised as actual news concerning the American president.  However, all the other stories tended to be focused on the environment, events that took place decades ago that have zero relevance to life in this decade and lifestyle pieces. Sadly, European news makes American news look downright illuminating.

 Sigh.

 The one relevant news event that managed to make it across the pond was the scandal brewing at the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings. The newscasters in Europe went to great lengths to cover every salacious aspect of the story in grim detail. Most of them had a tough time hiding their glee at the prospect of this particular nominee going down in flames.  

 It goes without saying (but I will say it anyway) that I have no clue what exactly happened between Bret Kavanaugh and his accuser. No one does. It is the ultimate he-said she-said.  It is clearly evident that Ms. Ford sincerely believes something happened and has experienced pain and trauma. Whether or not it was at the hands of Bret Kavanaugh could not be less clear.  That aside, I believe that most of us are missing the bigger picture. This hearing is about bigger things than this hearing.  Sadly, how the Kavanaugh inquiry is being handled says a lot about where we might be headed as a culture. Following are four major concerns we should all have about this situation and how it’s being conducted.

 We are rapidly devolving into a people that believes that the hoped-for outcome of any given situation always justifies the means used to achieve that outcome-

 It is clear that the allegations leveled against Kavanaugh are absurdly partisan at their foundation. If this were not true the matter would have been handled quietly and Ms. Ford would not have become a public figure. It’s clear the Democrats desperately want to prevent Kavanaugh from being confirmed before the mid-term elections because they are hoping to gain enough seats in November to prevent the President from confirming more Justices during his remaining time office. If they succeed they will effectively prevent the President from transforming the political landscape for a generation or more. I do not agree with what the Dems are attempting to do but I do understand what’s motivating them. They believe that the direction the country is headed in under this administration is wrong. Rather than trust the process (as Republicans were forced to do) they have chosen to ruin the reputation of a man based on what can only be described as the thinnest of evidence just so they can get their desired outcome (a more liberal America). It’s a corrupt political move and ultimately it will hurt everyone including the Dems (Proverbs 28:10, Amos 5:14).  

 We have decided that past injustice towards a particular group validates present injustice towards a different group-

 It goes without saying that women have been treated unfairly by men in the past (Proverbs 22:8). Until very recently women were not permitted to vote, own property or even decide the direction of their own futures. Additionally, women were seldom believed when they were raped or sexually harassed. Even when they were believed they were frequently blamed for the assault. That said, just because women have been treated badly in the past it does not make it okay to accuse men without evidence in the present (Psalm 5:5). Nor does past injustice towards women automatically make every present allegation against men true.

  We could easily be setting victims of sexual assault back a hundred years-

 Cultural pendulums tend to swing dramatically. So, if we as a society choose to simply believe (and act on) every accusation of sexual assault (no matter how flimsy the evidence). Sooner or later the pendulum is bound to swing back to a place where no one is believed. That will be a sad day for everyone.   

 We are becoming a people who lack moral insight and wisdom-  

 There has been endless dialog surrounding this investigation (Job 13:5) however, none of the talk has centered on the prevention of sexual assault or the prevention of false accusations of sexual assault. We need to get back to a place where we are teaching our boys as well as our girls that attending parties where drunkenness is the sought-after outcome is dangerous and could easily lead to traumatic, life-altering consequences for everyone involved (Proverbs 1:7, Psalm 119:104).

 Period.

 

 

Sex and Sin – Why Words Matter

In spite of all this you say, ‘I am innocent; He is not angry with me.’ But I will pass judgment on you because you say, ‘I have not sinned’~ Jeremiah 2:34-36 NIV

 It really kind of goes without saying (but I will say it anyway) that the world we live in is a flaming-hot-dumpster-fire of a mess right now.

 Church attendance is down, biblical ignorance is up and Christian kids are leaving the faith faster than rats abandoning a sinking ship. Thanks to rampant immorality at every level in church leadership Christians have completely lost their moral authority in the culture and (short of a miracle) we will not be getting it back anytime soon. Those are just the problems inside the church. The problems outside the church are bigger, messier and will be even trickier to solve.

 Gender confusion is officially the new normal. Being born with a penis or a vagina is no longer something to be considered when we evaluate whether or not an individual is male or female and it is considered anti-science to suggest that there might possibly be fewer than sixty-three genders (Genesis 1:27). Mental health professionals and many educators are working overtime to eliminate the notion of masculinity as it is now thought to be toxic. Despite that fact gender reassignment surgeries are the latest rage among high school girls.

 Drug use has become appallingly common among every age group and social demographic. Divorce has become so routine that social commenters have coined the term “starter marriage”.  It is now considered an act of hate speech to suggest that anything some people find pleasurable is somehow morally wrong.

 Sigh.

 I do not pretend that I know everything there is to know about everything. Most of the time I am painfully aware of the fact that I really don’t know what I don’t know about most stuff. However, there is one thing I do know for absolute certain. There is simply no way we will get out of the mess we’re in until the church takes the lead and gets back into the business of calling sin, sin.   

 The problem that’s developed with Christians reframing sin in new (and far less offensive) terms was brought to my attention recently when I was asked to review a Bible study/curriculum intended to support, educate and guide women whose husbands have been routinely sexually immoral (adultery, pornography, homosexuality, etc.). All the women going through the curriculum have professing Christian husbands who are attending a similar study.

 The authors of the curriculum clearly have good intentions and it’s evident they want to help women who are suffering through no fault of their own. Good intentions notwithstanding, the execution of the program fails epically short. This is mostly due to the language the writers elected to use. Rather than labeling the men who have willfully chosen to disobey God and break their marriage vows with terms like ne’er-do-wells, reprobates or adulterers (Hebrews 13:5, Hebrews 12:16, 1st Corinthians 6:18-20). The men are simply referred to by the sanitary term of “sex addicts”. If the men begin misbehaving after a period of repentance their behavior is called a “relapse”.  

 The women are instructed to be endlessly patient with their straying husbands and to do everything within their power to keep their marriages intact. Not once were the women (who were sinned against) coached to treat their stubbornly unrepentant husbands like unbelievers or to go to the elders of their Church and ask for church discipline to be applied to the cheaters (1st Timothy 1:20, 1st Corinthians 5:5). Instead the women were encouraged to “make a safety plan” in the event of a “relapse”. None of the safety plans included putting the guy out on the street until he gets his act together and repents permanently (Exodus 20:14, Proverbs 6:32, Matthew 5:27-28, 1stCorinthians 5:9-11).

 Insert eye roll here.

 I understand that most of the men we refer to as “sex addicts” have experienced serious childhood trauma. The writers of the curriculum do an excellent job of explaining the roots of addiction and how childhood trauma tends to create addictive tendencies in some people. That being said, there was precious little said about taking personal responsibility for sin, the need for ongoing repentance or the role obedience to the Holy Spirit plays in living a life of holiness. Nor was there much said about God’s ability to permanently transform the heart (and behavior) of a sinful human being.

 Sadly, there are examples everywhere of framing sinful behavior in more positive terms. Drug use is a disease, drunkenness is alcoholism and most sins are now called “mistakes” or “moral failures”. Language matters and the language we are choosing to use in the church is at least part of the reason Christians are not taking personal responsibility for their sin. Sex addiction sounds like a malady to be cured while “sexual immorality” sounds like the terrible choice that it is. No one can fix a problem they refuse to name or be honest about. Truth-be-told, men who cheat on their wives are not sex addicts. They are people who have chosen to let their sin nature run wild and they will be judged for it if they refuse to repent (Hebrews 10:30, 1st Corinthians 6:9-10).

 The church does no one any favors by withholding that fundamental truth (Ephesians 4:15-16).

Breaking Free From the Sin That Threatens Us All

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more~ Psalm 71:20-21 NIV

 Sin is a strange thing.

 There are sins that (thankfully) seem to be unique to a few (seriously creepy) individuals. We might joke about murder. However, few of us actually kill people.  Even fewer people joke about cannibalism, human sacrifice or most of the sins listed in Leviticus chapter twenty. Thankfully even fewer people commit those sins (if they do I choose to remain blissfully ignorant). 

 Then there are the other sins.

 Those irksome, run-of-the-mill sins that sprout-up like weeds in a garden. The sins we all (no matter how good we appear to be on the outside) struggle with at some point in our lives (1stCorinthians 10:13). There is simply no one in all of human history who has not grappled with lust, inappropriate anger, jealousy, hatred, selfish ambition and the inclination to gossip (Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3:5-6).

 Bitterness is another one of those sins. Scripture clearly instructs Christians to avoid becoming bitter and remaining bitter (Ephesians 4:31, Hebrews 12:15). That being said, most of us (if we’re honest) will admit to giving into the sin of bitterness at some point.  

Truth-be-told, few people become bitter without reason. This reality can lead bitter people to feeling justified and even extraordinarily righteous as they wallow around in the anger and resentment that inevitably leads to bitterness.  Regrettably, I am well-acquainted with the sin of bitterness. I learned first-hand over the course of several miserable and painfully unproductive years that bitterness is one of those sins that hurts us far more than it hurts the people who have sinned against us.

 It is critical we understand that God does not forbid bitterness because it is never defensible, logical or understandable. God forbids bitterness because bitterness gradually obliterates every good thing God has done in us.  At the root of a bitter spirit is unforgiveness. Unforgiveness causes us to miss the grace of God and prevents us from experiencing the Christian life in all of its beauty and fullness (Matthew 6:14-15, Hebrews 12:15, Luke 17:4).

 The ways we can become bitter are endless. Something as small and seemingly insignificant as being offended or ignored can cause a bitter root to develop in more sensitive people. An unfaithful spouse, a twofaced friend, an unpleasant childhood or ongoing injustice can cause bitterness in even the most thick-skinned of individuals.  

 Because bitterness is such a common sin and because it is something we are cautioned to avoid at all costs there are at least four things every Christian needs to understand about bitterness.

 Bitterness makes spiritual growth impossible-

 It does not matter how many Bible studies the bitter person attends (or teaches). Nor does it matter how much of the Bible someone can repeat verbatim. There is something about the choice to remain bitter that makes it impossible for that person to apply the truth they have learned (or taught) to their own life. Any learning that does take place is typically just empty academic agreement (head knowledge) rather than a full emotional and intellectual adoption of truth we have understood and embraced (heart knowledge). Satan celebrates when Christians become bitter because bitterness keeps Christians stuck in a cycle of obtaining knowledge without actually growing (2nd Timothy3:7).

 Bitterness halts clear communication with God-

 Bitterness is a sin (Ephesians 4:31). Repentance from sin is the only way to restore clear and unrestricted communication with God (2nd Chronicles 7:14, Daniel 9:1-19). Sadly, bitterness blinds us to the lack of communication we have with God, making it more difficult to get right Him.

 We have a responsibility to prevent our own bitterness-

 There will always be situations that come into our lives that have the potential to make us bitter. Some of those situations are one-hundred-percent unforeseeable and therefore entirely unavoidable. That being said, the author of the book of Hebrews tells the readers of the book to “see to it” that no “bitter root grows up”. The writer is instructing Christians to process and forgive offenses as quickly and completely as humanly possible.  Likewise, Christians should be very careful about voluntarily placing themselves in situations where bitterness is an obvious and foreseeable end result of said situation (Ephesians 5:15).

 Behaving in a way that causes others to become bitter is as sinful as bitterness-

 The New Testament clearly teaches a principal of mutual accountability when it comes to sin (Matthew 18:6). For example: Christians are clearly forbidden from committing adultery (Exodus 20:14, Mark 7:21). That being said, spouses are cautioned against refusing each other sexually because doing so could tempt their spouse to commit adultery (1st Corinthians 7:1-5). Obviously, a lack of “IT” in a marriage does not make adultery acceptable to God (Hebrews 13:4). However, it does make the other partner accountable to God for their refusal to obey Scripture.  Similarly, each person is responsible before God for their own choice to become bitter. However, we have an obligation to live in such a way that we do not give people just cause to become bitter. If we don’t we will be accountable to God for our refusal to obey Scripture.

 There is only one way to deal with bitterness-

 Forgive.

 Seriously.  It really is that simple. Let go of any bitterness you are holding onto and let God be the judge and jury of the other person.

 It’s His job (1st Samuel 24:12, Hebrews 4:13, 1st Peter 4:5).