For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it- Hebrews 12:11 ESV
A while back a thirteen-year-old-boy believed to be brandishing a gun was shot by police at 3:00 a.m. in Chicago. Three weeks later a sixteen-year-old girl in Ohio was fatally shot by police as she stabbed another girl.
These events are hardly outliers.
Reports of minor children being killed either by other minors or by police officers attempting to keep minors from committing a crime have become a fairly routine occurrence. Many blame police and police tactics for these heartbreaking events. Anytime there’s a tragedy involving a kid and cop a glut of Monday-morning quarterbacks crawl out of the metaphorical woodwork to second-guess prevailing police tactics and/or the character of the officer involved in the shooting. Others are eager to blame “society” for not caring more about the kids involved. Typically, the lack of care is attributed entirely to the child’s race, sex or socio-economic status.
Blaming either feels like the easy way out to me.
When we blame society for our problems what we are really doing is blaming the government. One of the more peculiar qualities of modern thought is the belief that government is the answer to all our problems. We tend to forget that “the government” is a heartless, soulless, nebulous machine entirely lacking in human feeling, wisdom or insight. There are good people who work in government. I know some of them. However, the government is not emotionally nimble enough to view people as individuals. Neither is government capable of teaching good habits, imparting insight or training a child to put others first or think wisely about life.
Neither is it fair to lay the blame for these situations at the feet of the police. Truth-be-told the police are not, nor were they ever intended to be anything other than the last line of defense between lawbreakers and law-abiding citizens. By the time a police officer is involved in a person’s life a long line of choices has been made that the officer had no control over. There are bad cops and everything possible should be done to weed them out of the ranks. However, most police are decent people who got into their line of work because they genuinely care about people and want to make the world a better place.
The government or the police are not to blame when a sixteen-year-old girl feels stabbing someone is a reasonable response to her frustration or when a thirteen-year-old has access to a gun and the freedom to roam about at three a.m.
That sort of thing is the fruit of a lifetime of horrible parenting (Proverbs 17:25, Proverbs 19:13).
Somewhere over the course of the last couple of decades two equally bad but entirely different kinds of parents have emerged on the scene. The first sees their children as an extension of themselves and believes it their job to orchestrate and micromanage every aspect of their child’s existence. These parents would rather be gunned down than have their kids experience anything painful or difficult. Their greatest fear for their children is trauma. They have bought into the lie that people are not resilient and that any kind of trauma, even relatively minor trauma will devastate their children for life.
All humans experience trauma but for some reason many in our world believe trauma (even minor trauma) is not something people can recover from. Because they have ALL experienced some sort of trauma they see themselves as less than whole and want to prevent their own children from experiencing the same fate. This group of parents is responsible for raising the pearl-clutching millennials who scream “CANCEL” at any idea or opinion that makes them even vaguely uncomfortable (emotional discomfort is a form of trauma). The other group of parents are on the opposite end of the spectrum. They tend to think that once a kid can feed and dress themselves their job is done. These parents typically did experience deep and genuine trauma that was never really addressed (Psalm 147:3) and are self-involved to the point of being completely checked-out of their child’s life. These are the parents who say they can’t stop their thirteen-year-old from doing what they want to do and they’re right. They cannot get their teenagers to obey because they never took healthy authority over them as young children (Hebrews 12:14, Proverbs 5:23).
There are no easy answers to systemic parenting problems in a culture.
The government is incapable of helping. The government is stumped by how many genders there are. They don’t have the wisdom or skills to lead people to better parenting choices. The police can’t help. Police are the last line of defense we slap on a problem before it gets completely out of hand.
The world needs the kind of transformation that only relationship with Jesus can bring. Christians must make a regular practice of praying specifically for families in their communities because parents of all income levels need the kind of wisdom that can only come from God. It’s also imperative Christian parents get their own lives and homes together so other parents start looking to the church for answers. We can’t lead anyone to health if we aren’t healthy. And finally, churches need to get into the business of teaching parents outside of their own walls how to parent instead of focusing on the already healthy parents in their own congregations. When the parents in our communities know what what love really looks like so they will lead their children well.