How to Parent Without Cursing the Future

Teach them His decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave~ Exodus 18:20 NIV

 A theme that remains consistent throughout the Bible is the notion of blessings and curses (Leviticus 28, Deuteronomy 30:19, Psalm 128:2, Proverbs 10:6, Malachi 2:2, 1st Corinthians 9:2). The Bible clearly communicates that certain attitudes and activities bring with them blessings and other (usually opposite) attitudes and behaviors bring with them curses.

 I, for one, have never been a big proponent of the view that the Almighty is sitting around heaven scrutinizing the actions of people searching feverishly for opportunities to bring curses down on people, their children, or their children’s children. Rather, I believe that we bring curses on others and ourselves (sometimes unwittingly) with the choices we make in this life.

 There is no area where this is truer than in the arena of parenting.

 The notion that parents bless or curse their children (sometimes without knowing it) is a biblical one (Ezekiel 18:2, Psalm 37:26, Proverbs 31:27-29, Ephesians 6:1-4). However, this concept is not just a Christian notion. It’s an idea even an idiot can grasp. One does not need a crystal ball to see that a child born to a married Mother and Father, determined to provide a stable and loving home, will have a much greater chance of success in life than a child born to a poor, drug-addicted Mother and an indifferent baby-daddy.

 It’s common sense.

 There is more to the notion of blessing children (and future generations) than simple economics or even marital status, and it’s bigger than just our kids or grandkids. No man (or woman) is an island; therefore the values one generation sows into their children impacts society in powerful ways, sometimes for generations to come. It is not excessively melodramatic to say that history can be altered (for good or bad) by the parenting choices of a single generation.

 That said, as a society we aren’t exactly hitting it out of the ballpark in this area. In fact, judging from the sorry state of our culture, we are long overdue for a gut check in how we parent our kids. I believe there are five changes we desperately need to make if we want to parent in a way that blesses rather than curses our children and our culture.

 Beginning with:

 Living lives free of addiction-

 Nothing does more to curse future generations than a drug, alcohol, or porn addiction. Period. The most productive thing one generation can for another is to stay off of drugs.

Letting kids lose-

 Educated middle-class American parents are undoubtedly some of the kindest and best-intentioned parents in the history of the world. Alas, the road to hell really is paved with good intentions. In an effort to shield children from the hurt, frustration and disappointment we all encountered as children we do stuff that looks and feels merciful and kind (like giving everyone a trophy). However, those acts of kindness keep kids from growing into adults who know how to work for what they want and who can handle the setbacks of life with grace and resilience. Kids who are not taught to handle disappointment inevitably grow into adults who act out and hurt others when the going gets tough.

 Being the leader-

 Some child-rearing “experts” have duped parents into believing that children instinctively know what is best for them. This twaddle is going to create a leadership crisis in the future because we learn to lead by following. Young children (under seven) are by their very nature immature, egotistical and for all practical purposes kind of dumb. God gave kids parents to teach them to be healthy, altruistic, thoughtful human beings (Ephesians 6:1). We do that by taking the reins and making most of the decisions when they are very young (under seven) and then coaching them into good decision-making (while still giving them freedom to fail), as they get older.  

 Being in the room-

 In order to parent well, parents need to be fully present; it is all but impossible to be fully present while playing a game on your phone or perusing Facebook. Furthermore, kids learn to be good communicators (a prerequisite for a healthy future) by communicating. No one communicates effectively while preoccupied by a screen.

 Teaching them to work-

 The Bible clearly teaches that work is good (Colossians 3:23, 2nd Thessalonians 3:10). Work is important because it keeps us out of trouble, makes us productive, teaches us to manage our time and gives us the ability to share with those less fortunate. I firmly believe that young people should have at least one job working with the public. Working with people will keep them humble and free from the sin of elitism (James 2:1-9).  

 Fearing God-

 Loving God is good (Deuteronomy 11:1, Mark 12:30), but fearing Him is better (Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 10:27, Leviticus 25:7). This is because the fear of the Lord leads to wisdom, (Psalm 111:10) obedience, (Psalm 128:1) the shunning of evil, (Job 28:28) long life (Psalm 14:27) and all of that leads to a society that thrives. We teach kids to fear God by teaching them that God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do.

 Anyone with eyes can see that our culture has serious problems. Most of our problems are a result of the choices parents have made with their children over the course of the last four decades. It is not too late to course correct, but it will take parents acting like parents again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why the Football Players Who Refuse to Stand Are Not Civil Rights Heroes


I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, 
tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb~ Revelation 7:9 NIV

 This particular blog-post began as an ugly rant against (among other things) my personal loathing of purely symbolic forms of protest. Most of my wrath was targeted at what I see as a stupid, futile and divisive effort to bring attention to the problem of racism in America. After some thought I concluded that the subjects of racism and protests against racism deserve a slightly more nuanced approach than an angry rant.

 So.

 I want to begin by saying that if there was ever something worthy of a protest its racism. Hating or discriminating against anyone because of his or her skin color is patently ridiculous, appallingly prideful, and seriously anti-Christian. Racism is not something that should be tolerated in Christian circles (more on that later) or in a civilized society.

 That said, some have compared the protests of the 1960’s to football players kneeling during the national anthem. There really is no comparison between the heroism of the Civil Rights Movement and the kneeling during the national anthem idiocy we see today.

 With a few notable exceptions (all of them white) the leaders of the Civil Rights Movement were severely marginalized people who lacked power, money, influence and options. There were literally no other alternatives open to them other than peaceful protest to draw attention to their plight. It’s also important to note that those protesters were not attempting to vilify their country or the people in it. They were simply striving to bring much-needed attention to some very real problems plaguing our country.

Furthermore, the Civil Rights Movement had an endgame in mind (i.e. an end to Jim Crow laws and the disenfranchisement of black voters). The leaders of the movement used protests in conjunction with legal action as they worked at a grassroots level to transform attitudes concerning race. Without question, the efforts of those brave men and women paid off. Hearts, minds and laws were changed and as a result America became a better country, not a perfect country, but certainly a better one.

 The football players protesting today are not marginalized poor people living out their lives on the fringes of society. They are in fact some of the wealthiest and most advantaged of all Americans (black or white). If they wanted to do something meaningful to solve the plethora of problems troubling the black community they certainly have the power, influence and financial resources to do almost anything they wanted to do.

 However, these bogus wanna-be’s do not appear to be interested in doing the actual work of becoming change agents. They simply want to bellyache about the issues in the most public, contentious and annoying way imaginable. To add insult to injury, they malign the nation and the people who have made them wealthy beyond reason for playing what is arguably just a really stupid game.

 Sigh.

 I do not begrudge anyone the right to express him or herself in any way they see fit. If overindulged football players want to kneel rather than stand during the anthem that is totally cool with me. That said, I will not be tuning in, nor will I be purchasing any overpriced football fan crap for my family this Christmas.

 But, I digress.

 The real issues here are two-fold.

 First, today’s protests are purely symbolic and I have no words for how much I despise pointless symbolism. The Civil Rights protests were not empty acts of symbolism. Protesters sought to bring attention to racial injustice by doing real things that impacted the cities where the protests took place in peaceable, but consequential ways. Kneeling during the anthem is the equivalent of telling a homeless person to “go, be warm and well fed” (James 2:16). Symbolic fits of melodrama do nothing to solve real problems and ultimately just spread dissension and pit Americans against each other (Proverbs 16:28). It’s simply wrong.

 I am convinced that God does not see skin color the way we see skin color. When God sees the variations in our skin tone He sees the beloved creation that He declared to be “very good” (Genesis 1:27-31). It’s our responsibility as Jesus followers to help our foolish and sin-sick world see the issues of our day the way God sees those issues. We do that by living our lives in a colorblind fashion and by pointing people back to the God who loves everyone and hates biases based on superficial and irrelevant things like skin color (James 2:1, 8-9).

 And by shunning purely symbolic forms of protest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where We Went Wrong With the Millennial Generation

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things~ 1st Corinthians 13:11 NKJV

 Over the last dozen or so years a countless number of articles and blog posts have been written on the subject of the Millennial generation and their well-documented indifference towards organized religion in general and Christianity in particular.

 Most writers focus almost entirely on solving the immediate spiritual crisis. Concerned parties want to reach the eighty percent who have wandered from the faith, before the entire generation is irrevocably lost to secularism, humanism, and atheism. I truly care about reaching the millennial generation on a spiritual level. However, I believe its every bit as imperative we understand how we got into this mess in first place.

 History is always critically important.

 Unless we know where we went wrong in a particular area we will be doomed to repeat the same stupid mistake until we die. Sadly, a countless number of blunders were made with the millennial generation. Parents, schools and churches all carry a share of the blame.

It all began with how my generation was raised.

Few in my generation were ever told we were special or smart when we were kids. This was true even when we did things that were genuinely special or smart. We were seldom permitted to voice our opinions or encouraged to share our thoughts. It was NEVER okay to contradict an adult. So when we became parents we did what Americans do when they encounter a wrong.

 We overcompensated.

 We told our kids a hundred times a day that they were smarter, more special and better informed than any children in the history of forever. If they pooped we threw a party, complete with M&M’s and party hats. If they shared an opinion, we celebrated that opinion no matter how irrational or poorly thought-out it happened to be. We insisted every kid get a trophy and made certain no child ever felt less than AWESOME about his or her academic or athletic abilities, regardless of actual ability.

 Educators were quick to focus on feelings rather than facts and hop on to the self-esteem bandwagon. Discipline went out of fashion and subjects like history were taught from an extremely one-sided perspective. Kids were rarely expected to examine both sides of an issue nor were they taught to judge historical figures actions and attitudes in the context of the time period they lived in. Absurd viewpoints were rarely, if ever challenged in academic settings.

 Churches and youth ministries focused on having fun, forming relationships and making kids feel good about themselves. Learning the Bible was dropped in favor of “service projects” and “doing life together”. The whole notion of sin was marginalized. Youth ministries focused on transforming children not yet out of puberty, including some who exhibited no indications of salvation into “leaders” who would “reach their generation for Jesus”. Do not judge, lest you be judged (Matthew 7:1) was the one Bible verse every high school student memorized.

 The end result of this collective madness has been devastating to our culture.

 Many millennials never let go of childish ideas about life and reality. It’s appallingly common for grown people to think that feelings are more important than facts and that if you believe something to be true then it must be. Many become anxious and overwrought when a flaw is pointed out in their thinking or when a viewpoint that differs from their own is presented. That is why we now have “safe spaces” on college campuses and in workplaces, to shield people from words or ideas that make them uncomfortable.

 Sigh.  

 The most tragic consequences of our folly have manifested themselves in the realm of the spiritual. Many millennials believe that if a Bible verse FEELS wrong to them then the Bible got it wrong on that subject. Because teenagers were placed in positions of spiritual leadership long before they were actually converted, acquired any wisdom or knew much of anything about the Bible; many are prideful and will not tolerate correction, even when the correction comes directly out of the Bible.

 Sadly, that is the root reason many millennials have left the church to “work out their own spiritual experience”. They simply cannot tolerate the fact that there is a higher authority than them, be it God or the Bible.

 We must change the way we look at life, God, parenting, and the nature of reality. It’s time to put away childish thoughts about such things and think like adults, this is especially true for Christians.

 It is time to acknowledge some basic truths: facts are more important than feelings, believing something does not make it true and only children shield themselves from ideas that challenge their thinking or hurt their feelings. While we’re at it we need to get back to the understanding that God is real and due to His position as Creator and Sustainer of all things He really does have a fundamental right to tell us what to do.

 Before it’s too late.

Do Something Small

 

Like most women of my generation, I was taught from birth that I could do anything I wanted to do and become anyone I wanted to become. Some of my earliest memories involve my parents reminding me, in almost reverent tones, that if I studied hard and did well in school I could grow up to be a doctor or a scientist or the first female President of the United States.

 To be honest you, all I really wanted to be was a princess (a queen actually). The notion of transforming the world entered my four-year-old thinking.

 Girls were not the only ones in the seventies and eighties encouraged to dream big about life; boys and girls alike were encouraged to think big about their futures. We were often reminded by parents and teachers that we could change the world if we were willing to work hard and dream big for our futures.

 The “think big, dream big” message was not limited to schoolchildren. Fondness for big thinking made its way into the church world around the same time. With the birth of the first megachurch in the 1970s and the success of evangelists like Billy Graham and Rick Warren, every church was advised to grow big and every Christian exhorted to dream big about what God wanted to do with their life.

 As a leader I have been encouraged in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to nurture every ministry I was involved in into something bigger. Bigger was, by definition, always better than anything small. I confess to totally buying into the “bigger is better” way of looking at ministry, until recently when my perspective was challenged in a big way. No pun intended. Well, okay—maybe a little bit of a pun was intended.

 I just finished The Grasshopper Myth: Big Churches, Small Churches and The Small Thinking that Divides Us by Karl Vaters. To be perfectly truthful, I didn’t really choose to read it. I read it because my senior Pastor bought it for me and e-mailed it to my Kindle. Because he did everything but come over to my house and read it to me I felt obligated to give it a shot. It turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever felt duty-bound to read.

 The writer does not criticize or condemn big churches. He is clear that big churches have their place and meet many legitimate needs within the body of Christ. That said, Vaters does a fantastic job of challenging the notion that bigger is always better. He argues persuasively that the never-ending quest for “butts in seats” and “bucks in the offering” in our churches and ministries has limited our effectiveness because we have been guilty of focusing on increasing our numbers to the exclusion of meeting the spiritual needs of people.

 His views opened up a whole new world of thinking for me. To be perfectly frank most of it was unpleasant and extremely convicting. I was wondered how many Christian leaders (including myself) have been responsible for causing folks to feel that small contributions to the Kingdom are insignificant or even pointless. I also wondered how many precious saints of God have given up on making a difference because they know that they will never be the next Beth Moore or Joel Osteen.

 As I pondered all this, I was struck with the insight that the people who have affected my life the most profoundly are people that most of you have never heard of. The godly men and women who invested in me were not attempting to change the world with their actions but ended up altering my life significantly simply by being obedient to God in the small things.

 It occurred to me that if we would all commit to doing some small things for God really well and really often we might just bring about the changes we have been longing for. So today, in honor of the sweet, mostly overlooked saints who have impacted my life for the better I encourage you to do something small for the Kingdom today. Following is a list of small things you can do that will make a huge difference in someone’s life.

 Babysit for a single Mom

Listen

Make a meal for someone

Forgive someone who hurt you

Visit a shut in

Pray for a stranger

Lead a Bible study

Get to know your neighbors

Share your faith

Volunteer at a school

Commit two hours each week to ministry in your local church

Buy a homeless person a really nice lunch

Invest in the life of a teenager

Initiate a friendship with someone who is different from you

 Recently I heard a quote by Martin Luther King Jr. that resounded in my spirit:

 Not everybody can be famous, but everybody can be great because greatness is determined by service… You only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.”

  Martin Luther King Jr. understood that in God’s economy it’s the small things that make the greatest impact. It’s faithful people with hearts full of grace and souls generated by love, men and women who freely and joyfully do small things in season and out of season, who make the biggest difference and reap the greatest harvest.

 Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin~ Zechariah 4:10