The Five Best Ways to Curse Yourself


Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying, so a curse without cause does not alight~ Proverbs 26:2 NASB

 The word curse or curses is used a total of 178 times in the Bible. The conspicuously large number of times the word is used in the biblical text has led many to believe that God is all about cursing people. A lot of folks (including some Christians) believe God spends His spare time scanning the planet looking for those He can lay a horrible hex on.

  In the interest of fairness, I feel the need to point out that the only record I could find of God actually cursing anyone or anything is in the book of Genesis. In chapter three God lays out a series of curses related to Adam and Eve’s disobedience in the garden of Eden.

 Issues of fairness aside, the Bible does not hesitate to reference the concept of curses.  The better part of Deuteronomy twenty-eight is just one long list of ghastly curses that will befall the Israelite people if they don’t get their spiritual act together and keep it that way. That passage coupled with the many other references to the word beg the question: Does God curse people for doing the wrong thing?

 I think not.

 Not that I don’t believe curses are a real thing. There are simply too many biblical references to the subject for a serious Christian to dismiss the whole thing as twaddle or voodoo. That said, God does not curse people willy-nilly just because they displease or annoy Him.

 It’s a bit more complicated than all that.

 God has designed the universe in such a way that if we do certain things certain consequences are inevitable. If someone places their hand on a hot stove, pain predictably follows. God does not cause anyone to put their hand on a stove and God certainly does not burn anyone’s hand.  Consequences occur because they are built into the design of the universe.  God doesn’t curse us.  We curse ourselves.  Following are four weird ways we bring curses on our own stupid selves.

 We curse ourselves when we refuse to break sinful patterns of the past-

 Many believe they are cursed to do stupid stuff because they a had a parent or grandparent or great-grandparent who did stupid stuff.  They believe that because some distant relative sinned in some foolhardy way God cursed the entire family line to sin exactly the same way for the rest of history.  It is true that patterns of sinful behavior run in families. It is also true that sinful behavior and attitudes can run deep. That said, the Bible makes it clear that God does not hold children responsible for the sins of the parents (Ezekiel 18:1-32). Furthermore, these types of curses are not difficult to break. Once a person repents of a sinful attitude or behavior the curse is broken.  Case closed.    

 We curse ourselves when we harshly judge situations we don’t understand or haven’t lived through-

 Back in the day my husband and I had some friends who were extremely critical and vocal in their criticism of how we parented our oldest daughter. We weren’t strict enough, we let her stay up too late, we let her eat too much candy, we didn’t discipline her enough or in the correct way. We naturally assumed that when these people had kids their kids would be the best behaved, sweetest, most well-mannered children in the history of children. They weren’t. They were awful. Those children were so dreadfully awful that both sets of grandparents refused to babysit them. I don’t say this to gloat (at least I am trying not to) I say this to make a point. When we judge people, we tend to repeat the same sins of the people we judge (Matthew 7:2), typically, we do this without even realizing we are doing it.

 We curse ourselves when we choose to become bitter-

 Anytime we chose the path of bitterness over the path of forgiveness we are cursed to become exactly like the people we refuse to forgive. I am not entirely certain why or how this happens. That said, I have observed it happen enough times to know it’s a real thing. I suspect we become like the person we are bitter towards because bitterness causes us to become extremely focused (in a very unhealthy way) on that one person. Having so much of our mental energy focused on the negative aspects of one person causes us, over time, to take on the characteristics of that person without being aware of what we are doing. So, if you do not wish to become a mirror image of your gossipy, critical Mother or your angry, alcoholic Father I strongly suggest you forgive immediately (Hebrews 12:15).  

 We curse ourselves when we refuse the Holy Spirit-  

 Anytime God tells us to do anything in His word or the Holy Spirit prompts us to action and we choose to ignore those promptings we curse ourselves.  Ignoring God hardens our hearts (Hebrews 3:7-8, Hebrews 4:7). The harder our hearts become the more difficult it becomes to discern truth from God’s word, to hear His still-small voice or even to care when the Holy Spirit prompts us to action.

 That perhaps is the worst curse of all.

Seven Marriage Killing Behaviors

Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction~ Proverbs 17:19 NIV

 Marriage season is upon us once again and because my husband and I have reached the stage in life where we get invited to attend a lot of weddings I have been thinking quite a bit about the subject of marriage.  More specifically I have been thinking about why some marriages go the distance and others don’t.

 Contemporary wisdom tells us that prevention is key to avoiding marital shipwrecks.  Finding the right person, getting the right counseling beforehand and “being ready for marriage” are exalted as the gold standard of divorce prevention. It would be the height of foolishness to argue against the need for relational compatibility and pre-marital counseling. The importance of those things is obvious, and while I don’t think anyone is ever truly “ready for marriage”. Reaching a certain level of maturity before getting married is without question helpful to the over-all success of any marriage.  

 That said.

 All the pre-marital preparation in the world will not overcome stupidity, meanness, willful sin or relationship mismanagement. What we do after the vows are said is every bit as important (if not more so) than what we do before they are said. There are a number of common blunders people make in marriage that go way beyond mere mistakes, poor choices or communication snafus.  They are behaviors and attitudes that will literally kill a marriage if they are not corrected (and repented of) quickly.  

 The seven marriage killers are:

 The silent treatment-

 The silent treatment is a control tactic used by narcissistic people to bring about change they want to see in the relationship without actually discussing issues or compromising on solutions to problems. The silent treatment is at best, a sign of serious emotional immaturity and at worst it is a serious form of abuse. Those who use it need to understand that it tends to backfire over time. In the beginning of a relationship most partners will respond to silence by doing whatever they think needs to be done to get the conversation started again and the relationship back on track. That said, healthy people will eventually tire of the game playing and begin to distance themselves emotionally from the silencer, if emotional distance is not course-corrected in a marriage divorce is almost always inevitable. It all comes down to learning to use your words and being willing to compromise (Ephesians 5:21). It’s what grown-ups do in grown-up relationships.   

 Pornography-

 Conventional “wisdom” tells us that pornography is only a problem if one party in the relationship objects or if one person looks at pornography without the other being present. This “wisdom” is worldly idiocy. Nothing does more to create an environment where sin can flourish or erodes trust between two people more quickly than pornography (Exodus 20:14). Looking at pornography is the act of bringing other people into the part of the relationship that was intended (by God) for only the husband and the wife. Bringing pornography into a marriage directly contradicts the command given in Hebrews 13:4 to “keep the marriage bed pure and undefiled”. Pornography is not an acceptable or smart way to “spice things up”.

 Deceit-

 Deceitfulness can take on many different forms including emotional affairs, physical affairs, hiding financial information or just generally keeping secrets from the other person. Whatever form deceitfulness takes it puts up walls in the relationship and destroys trust. Marriages simply will not survive without trust.  (Leviticus 19:11, Colossians 3:9, Proverbs 17:19, Deuteronomy 5:18).

 Using sex as a weapon

 Sex is one of those sticky-wicket issues that most couples avoid talking about to the detriment of the relationship. Don’t. Sex is one of the key reasons most people (especially Christian people) get married so it ought to be discussed. Do not get in the habit of withholding sex as “punishment” for real or imagined offenses. It’s not nice and it’s not biblical (1stCorinthians 7:4).

 Disrespect-  

 Disrespect covers a whole range of behaviors. It encompasses screaming, rudeness, spitefulness and not taking the other person’s desires, preferences or needs into consideration.  The worst and most damaging kind of disrespect almost always involves the words we use (Proverbs 12:18, Colossians 4:6, Ephesians 4:29). Cursing, belittling or name-calling during a conflict is a surefire way to kill romantic love quickly.  If we all just obeyed the command Jesus gave in Matthew 7:12 and treated our spouse how we want to be treated the vast majority of marital problems would disappear overnight.

 Abuse-

  Seriously, this one is a no-brainer (Malachi 2:15-17). If it’s a problem in your marriage get help immediately.

 Refusing to become a team-

 No marriage will survive unless the husband and the wife are both one-hundred percent committed to the good of the other. Once we say “I do” it ceases to be about us and becomes about the two of us (Matthew 19:5-6). Teamwork in marriage means willingly sacrificing our own personal wants, needs and desires at least some of the time for the good of the other person and the relationship (Ephesians 5:20-33) . If at any time sacrificing becomes habitually one-sided the team will crumble and so will the marriage.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four Myths that Wreck Marriages


For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, the two will become one flesh. So, they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate~ Mark 10:7-10

I have observed that Christians universally hold marriage in high regard irrespective of their denominational affiliation. The vast majority of Christians marry. Most Christians who are not married wish that they were. Marriage conferences are ubiquitous in Christian circles and the vast majority of books written on the subject of marriage were written by Christian authors. 

 All that being said, the divorce rate among Christians remains stubbornly high and nothing any of us do seems to budge it.

I am convinced that the problem is not with our attitude toward divorce. I have never met a Christian (or anyone else) who advocated for divorce or who felt divorce was a desirable outcome. I believe the problem lies in how many Christians view marriage. We have bought into some dangerous myths regarding marriage. 

It is not my intention to heap guilt on the divorced. Most divorced people have experienced more than enough guilt for a lifetime and I have no desire to add to their pile. I do want to attempt to save some relationships by sharing some common (and hurtful) myths we believe about marriage:

Myth #1 There is one “right” way to do marriage-

My husband and I are not big fans of marriage conferences. Mostly because they tend to offer one-size-fits-all solutions to complex problems. The speaker typically begins by informing the audience that there is a “detailed biblical blueprint for marriage” and if followed to the letter the relationship is “guaranteed to be successful.” It is true that the Bible offers clear teaching on what a Christian marriage should look like. The essential components of a healthy,  Christian marriage include faithfulness (Hebrews 13:4), mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21), love (Ephesians 5:25), respect (Ephesians 5:33, 1st Peter 3:7), as well as an understanding of responsibilities within marriage (1st Corinthians 7:2-5, Colossians 3). The how of working all that out simply does not exist anywhere in the biblical text. I believe the Bible is intentionally vague on this issue because it’s up to each individual couple to figure out what all that looks like within the confines of their own relationship.Anytime someone presents a “detailed blueprint” for marriage, the blueprint tends to ignore the reality that every couple is different, all marriages are unique and the needs of individuals change over time. There is no one way to do the details of marriage as long as the relationship itself is built on mutual respect, love, kindness, and forgiveness.

Myth #2 Words don’t matter-

Words hurt, and if we hurt others often enough with our words any love that was once present dies a slow and agonizing death. Telling your wife she is a fat pig, or calling your husband a stupid moron is the quickest and most efficient way to destroy a marriage. The best advice my husband and I were ever given was to speak kindly to each other even during conflict. Choosing our words wisely does not mean that we ignore issues or never disagree. It just means that we say what needs to be said without attacking the personhood of our spouse.

Myth #3 Love means being accepted exactly the way I am- 

The self-esteem movement has taught us that we are all unique, flawless creatures designed by our Maker to bless the universe with our existence. Self-examination is not a big part of the self-esteem movement so when someone comes along who refuses to affirm our “uniqueness” as perfection, our initial instinct is to simply ignore their negativity and/or cut them out of our lives. The Bible teaches that the truth sets us free (John 8:32) and marriage was designed by God to reveal the (sometimes ugly) truth about ourselves.  It is essential we face the reality no one is perfect and we all have things we need to change about ourselves (Romans 3:23). We love others well when we demonstrate a willingness to change the behaviors that are creating conflict in our relationship.

Myth #4 Marriage is all about finding the right one- 

This lie is the stuff of fairy tales and is at the root of every other lie we believe about marriage. This myth implies that there is only one person who is suited to each of us and finding that one person guarantees a blissful union.  Hard work, personal responsibility and commitment to personal growth are not a big part of the “right one” mythology. Some spiritualize the myth by telling themselves that if they aren’t happy “they didn’t find the one God had for them”. Happily married people will tell you that a successful marriage is more about being the right person than finding the right person. Marriages are successful when both parties are willing to work through conflict, serve one another, find common ground, and meet each other’s needs (1stCorinthians 13, 1stCorinthians 7:3-4, Ephesians 5:33). Compatibility should not be overlooked when choosing a spouse, but it is possible to find a person with whom you have perfect compatibility and still destroy the relationship with pettiness, spitefulness, selfishness, and disrespect. 

 

The Thing that’s Killing the Church

 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land He has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe His commands, His laws and His decrees that I am giving you this day~ Deuteronomy 8:10-11 NIV

 It is painfully evident that a moral and cultural sea change has taken place in Western civilization over the course of the last five decades. Some of the changes that have taken place have been tremendously positive (civil rights for minorities, advances in communication, a decrease in world-wide hunger, etc.).

 Others have been far less beneficial.

 The divorce rate has nearly doubled. Abortion has gone from being a blessedly infrequent and prohibited event (in most states) to legal and appallingly routine all over the country. Marijuana has become legally permissible in twenty-nine states and its usage has been normalized nearly everywhere. Our baffling obsession with the nonsensical political views of celebrities has grown while the health and wellbeing of the family has tanked. After a quick look at any newscast or social media feed it is difficult to believe that there was ever a time without reality television, school shootings, terrorist attacks or sexting; or that there was a time when we all knew what gender we were simply by looking at the box the doctor checked on our birth certificates.

 Sigh. 

 The real question (and the one that is seldom asked) is how in the heck did we get here? What caused this massive sea change in cultural norms?

 Finding people and things to blame for the societal madness is not difficult. Value-neutral public education, self-serving politicians, violent and sexually explicit entertainment, materialism, and liberal churches are all convenient scapegoats for our rapidly declining standards of morality and good sense. As bad as all of those things are, they are simply unpleasant symptoms of a much bigger and more pernicious malady.

 The real problem is with the deep sense of complacency that has overcome the Western world. Complacency (according to dictionary.com) can defined as:

 A quiet feeling of security, while unaware of some potential danger.

 Complacency overtakes us when we forget that life is full of danger (especially from a spiritual perspective) and begin to let things happen rather than make things happen. The nature of humanity is such that complacency is something that must be fought or it just naturally takes root in our lives.   There are at least four areas where we must shake off the spiritual lethargy that has taken root in Western Christianity or we will lose the culture (and a big portion of the church) in the next two decades.

 The first is:

 Politics-

 I do not now, nor have I ever, believed that Christians are called to transform the world through political means. True and lasting transformation is always a result of heart change, and heart change is something only God can orchestrate (Ezekiel 11:19, Ezekiel 23:36).  That being said, Christians are called to pray for those in political leadership.  (1st Timothy 2:1-3). God would never expect His people to pray for anything out of complete ignorance.  We are called to be informed and politically active on whatever level God allows. We can all vote.  Therefore, at the very least, Christians have an obligation to pray for political change and to work to vote out those opposed to the rule of law, who support evil or are who are openly anti-family.  

 Parenting-

 For all intents and purposes, Christian parents have lost the better part of a generation to secularism, humanism and hedonism. If this trend does not change quickly we will lose another generation to the same values. The trend will change when parents get serious about God, godly discipline, marriage, and generally just being grown-ups again. If you don’t know how to parent from a Christian perspective, read a Christian parenting book (written by someone whose kids are actually grown) or find someone older who raised their kids well and learn from them (Titus 2:4).  Christian people must take the lead in this area or no one will, and nothing will ever change (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Matthew 5:19).    

 Education-

  Value-neutral education is devastating the moral fabric of the Western world. Christian parents need to get actively involved in the education of their children. This means either removing our kids from the public system or doing the hard work of finding out what our kids are being taught and fighting the battles that need to be fought within the system. I have learned from personal experience that fighting these battles is never easy or fun, and it won’t make you popular. That said, it is the only way to make education better for all children.

 Our spiritual lives-

 Weak spirituality manifests itself in cheap grace and the belief that repentance is only something that non-Christians need to do. We become spiritually strong by relentlessly assessing our own spiritual health, repenting when necessary and making God the center of every part of our lives.

 Sadly, because we have a republican President, American Christians are becoming increasingly more complacent. We need to remember that there will not be a republican in office forever and this is not the time to give into complacency. This is the time to pray, repent, share our faith and seek the Lord like we’ve never done before.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Parent Without Cursing the Future

Teach them His decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave~ Exodus 18:20 NIV

 A theme that remains consistent throughout the Bible is the notion of blessings and curses (Leviticus 28, Deuteronomy 30:19, Psalm 128:2, Proverbs 10:6, Malachi 2:2, 1st Corinthians 9:2). The Bible clearly communicates that certain attitudes and activities bring with them blessings and other (usually opposite) attitudes and behaviors bring with them curses.

 I, for one, have never been a big proponent of the view that the Almighty is sitting around heaven scrutinizing the actions of people searching feverishly for opportunities to bring curses down on people, their children, or their children’s children. Rather, I believe that we bring curses on others and ourselves (sometimes unwittingly) with the choices we make in this life.

 There is no area where this is truer than in the arena of parenting.

 The notion that parents bless or curse their children (sometimes without knowing it) is a biblical one (Ezekiel 18:2, Psalm 37:26, Proverbs 31:27-29, Ephesians 6:1-4). However, this concept is not just a Christian notion. It’s an idea even an idiot can grasp. One does not need a crystal ball to see that a child born to a married Mother and Father, determined to provide a stable and loving home, will have a much greater chance of success in life than a child born to a poor, drug-addicted Mother and an indifferent baby-daddy.

 It’s common sense.

 There is more to the notion of blessing children (and future generations) than simple economics or even marital status, and it’s bigger than just our kids or grandkids. No man (or woman) is an island; therefore the values one generation sows into their children impacts society in powerful ways, sometimes for generations to come. It is not excessively melodramatic to say that history can be altered (for good or bad) by the parenting choices of a single generation.

 That said, as a society we aren’t exactly hitting it out of the ballpark in this area. In fact, judging from the sorry state of our culture, we are long overdue for a gut check in how we parent our kids. I believe there are five changes we desperately need to make if we want to parent in a way that blesses rather than curses our children and our culture.

 Beginning with:

 Living lives free of addiction-

 Nothing does more to curse future generations than a drug, alcohol, or porn addiction. Period. The most productive thing one generation can for another is to stay off of drugs.

Letting kids lose-

 Educated middle-class American parents are undoubtedly some of the kindest and best-intentioned parents in the history of the world. Alas, the road to hell really is paved with good intentions. In an effort to shield children from the hurt, frustration and disappointment we all encountered as children we do stuff that looks and feels merciful and kind (like giving everyone a trophy). However, those acts of kindness keep kids from growing into adults who know how to work for what they want and who can handle the setbacks of life with grace and resilience. Kids who are not taught to handle disappointment inevitably grow into adults who act out and hurt others when the going gets tough.

 Being the leader-

 Some child-rearing “experts” have duped parents into believing that children instinctively know what is best for them. This twaddle is going to create a leadership crisis in the future because we learn to lead by following. Young children (under seven) are by their very nature immature, egotistical and for all practical purposes kind of dumb. God gave kids parents to teach them to be healthy, altruistic, thoughtful human beings (Ephesians 6:1). We do that by taking the reins and making most of the decisions when they are very young (under seven) and then coaching them into good decision-making (while still giving them freedom to fail), as they get older.  

 Being in the room-

 In order to parent well, parents need to be fully present; it is all but impossible to be fully present while playing a game on your phone or perusing Facebook. Furthermore, kids learn to be good communicators (a prerequisite for a healthy future) by communicating. No one communicates effectively while preoccupied by a screen.

 Teaching them to work-

 The Bible clearly teaches that work is good (Colossians 3:23, 2nd Thessalonians 3:10). Work is important because it keeps us out of trouble, makes us productive, teaches us to manage our time and gives us the ability to share with those less fortunate. I firmly believe that young people should have at least one job working with the public. Working with people will keep them humble and free from the sin of elitism (James 2:1-9).  

 Fearing God-

 Loving God is good (Deuteronomy 11:1, Mark 12:30), but fearing Him is better (Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 10:27, Leviticus 25:7). This is because the fear of the Lord leads to wisdom, (Psalm 111:10) obedience, (Psalm 128:1) the shunning of evil, (Job 28:28) long life (Psalm 14:27) and all of that leads to a society that thrives. We teach kids to fear God by teaching them that God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do.

 Anyone with eyes can see that our culture has serious problems. Most of our problems are a result of the choices parents have made with their children over the course of the last four decades. It is not too late to course correct, but it will take parents acting like parents again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Six Things that Must be Done if We Really Want to End Gun Violence

 Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established~ Proverbs 24:3 NKJV

By now, pretty much everyone reading this is aware that there was another horrific school shooting last week, this time in the state of Florida.

 The shooter was troubled young man with a hazy past who suffered from a plethora of shockingly obvious psychological problems. That said, at this point there is little to be gained from discussing the shooter, the body count, the young man’s family situation, or even the appalling number of local, state and federal agencies who bungled the job of preventing this bizarrely preventable tragedy.

 All that is painfully irrelevant at this point.

 It seems to me that it’s far more productive to discuss what we can do to fix the flaming-hot-dumpster-fire of a mess we have made out of our society. News outlets have interviewed a number of high school students who are understandably panicked about their safety and concerned for the future. It’s become painfully obvious that too many of these people are having their fear exploited by manipulative activists who are feeding them the lie that there is a quick fix to our nation’s problem with random gun violence.

 No such fix exists because the problem with gun violence is not about guns; it’s about people and the condition of their hearts (Jeremiah 17:9). The number of gun owners in this country has actually decreased over the course of the last century. During the same period, more restrictions have been placed on who can and cannot own guns and yet gun violence has risen sharply in recent decades. This detail is troublesome and it ought to motivate us to dig deeper rather than simply looking for a quick fix to a complicated issue.

 Gun violence can be slowed substantially if we as a society are willing to do a little soul searching and make some changes in our attitudes and behaviors (Mark 1:15, Acts 3:19).

 Those changes must include:

 An end to the drug culture-

 Over the course of the last three decades there has been a sharp increase in the number of children born to drug using mothers. These babies tend to grow into children and young adults with intellectual deficits who have a tough time in school and later with securing gainful employment. Children born to drug-using mothers tend to struggle with impulse control, anti-social behavior, relationship skills, making responsible choices, and anger (all risks for violent behavior). I am not suggesting that all children born to drug-using mothers are doomed to be school shooters, or that every school shooter was born with drugs in their system. I am saying straight up that every single time a child is born to a drug user the risk-pool for violent behavior is increased by one. If young people want to change the future of this country and decrease the risk of violence they should seek to end the drug culture.

 Getting married and staying that way-

 Loving, healthy, stable two-parent homes rarely produce mass-murders. If we as a society want to reduce gun violence we should celebrate intact families and encourage young people to build said families.

 An end to celebrating narcissism-

 We live in a pathetically sad age of me, me, and more me. Selfies are actually a thing and people are marrying themselves for the love-of-all-that-is-good-and-decent. If we want to change the future we must change our focus (Leviticus 19:18, Romans 13:8, Matthew 22:36-40). When a child spends their youth focusing entirely on his or her feelings and needs-to the exclusion of everyone else’s feelings and needs-it makes it shockingly easy for some of them to hurt other people and not feel bad about it.

 Fighting for reform in public schools-

 For decades now, public schools have sought to carefully craft a value-neutral environment. This means avoiding teaching children values that might be considered controversial out fear of offending a family who might have a differing set of values. The problem with not teaching values is that values are as much caught as they are taught. If one does not teach the value that human life should be protected and nurtured at all costs, then some kids will catch the value that taking a human life (or seventeen human lives, or a hundred human lives) is not really that big of a deal. Parents and students should demand more from their public schools.

 Ending our love-affair with violent entertainment-

 Seriously. There is no way Game of Thrones, Dexter, American Horror Story and violent video games are making us better, healthier and more compassionate people. If we want to end violence in our schools we have to stop feeding children (and adults) an unending diet of violent and vile entertainment that hardens hearts and sears consciences.

 Going to church-

 I hesitated to add this one—not because I doubt the value of church but because without the heart change that can only come through a relationship with Jesus, simply attending church can easily devolve into a meaningless exercise that does little for anyone. That said, church is God’s chosen vehicle for bringing truth to those who don’t know Him and for training those who do know Him (Ephesians 1:22, Ephesians 4:11-16). It is also the place where we learn what God requires of people (Mark 1:15, Acts 16:31, 1st John 3:23) and where (if church is being done right) we develop a desire to please Him by treating other people with respect, kindness and mercy (Micah 6:8).

 Truth be told, even the best laws are incapable of changing a single human heart and without changed hearts societies remain sick. If we want to make our society better we have to become better people and we cannot do that without God (Ezekiel 36:26).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Christians Really Ought to Care About the Whole Gender Debate

Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day~ Genesis 1:31 NKJV

Monday, in the middle of my weeknight routine (making dinner and catching-up on the news) a story came on that captured my attention. The Episcopal Church in Washington D.C. has voted to end the use of male pronouns in reference to God and has decided instead to:

 Utilize expansive language for God from the rich sources of feminine, masculine, and non-binary imagery for God found in Scripture and tradition”

 For the record, I was not the least bit surprised by this news. The leadership of the Episcopal Church exchanged the truth of God for a pack of lies decades ago. This decision was simply the next logical step in the plummeting moral and spiritual death-spiral.

 What did surprise me was the impression I got that I should blog about it this week. I did not hear an audible voice or anything that dramatic, I simply had a strong sense that God wanted me to write about the subject of gender and why Christians ought to concern themselves with this issue.

 I would love to tell you that I compliantly whipped out my computer and began writing. I didn’t. Instead, I made a list in my head of all the reasons why I thought this topic was a terrible idea. The list started with the always profound “I don’t want to” and moved on to “this is a complicated theological issue that few people care about”, “how the Episcopalian Church chooses to address God doesn’t really matter”. I think the highlight of the list was “but, God, I really want to write about something cheery this week”.

 Sadly, the list just got whinier from there.

 In the end, I decided that God was right (as usual). This issue matters because it runs far deeper than how we view and address God. At the heart of this issue is how we respond to reality, the veracity of the Bible, what kind of society we will become and most notably for the Church:

 Will Christians continue to worship the God of the Bible or will we reshape God into an image we are more comfortable with?

 Here are four facts to consider as the gender debate heats up in churches as well as the culture. First:

 God does not identify as genderless, androgynous or female

 This point is so ridiculously rudimentary I almost skipped over it entirely, but tragically, it needs to be stated. Like it or not, the God of the Bible identifies as male, and anyone who states otherwise is either hopelessly deceived or openly attempting to deceive others. Period. No sincere biblical scholar has ever found even the teeniest scrap of evidence that God has ever identified Himself as anything other than male anywhere in the Bible. Furthermore, Jesus is the very image of God (Colossians 1:15, Hebrews 1:1-3) and He was born male (Luke 2:21) and identified as a male (John 5:19). If God chooses to identify Himself as male it is in our best interest to do the same.

 Attacking the notion of gender is an all-out assault on God’s declaration that His creation is “very good” –

 God did not declare creation to be “very good” until after He created both man and woman (Genesis1:31). In God’s estimation creation was missing something significant and precious right up until the moment that it was made complete with human maleness and human femaleness. Even the most diehard gender-bending liberal has to admit that the world would be much less exciting and life less interesting if the world was stripped of the differences between men and women.

 Rejecting God’s nature (maleness), is really an attempt to undermine everything that God says about everything-

At the root of this debate is the question of whether or not God, the Bible and Christian tradition can be trusted. If God lied about being male (or wasn’t clever enough to know how to explain what He really is) then everything God says about everything becomes even more suspect than it already is in the culture.

 When we deny the truth regarding gender we deny reality and denying reality is dangerous-

 When God created living things He made them (with a few notable exceptions) male and female (Genesis 6:19, Genesis 7:16). We see the male/female pattern throughout all of creation. Gender (maleness and femaleness) is a fundamental aspect of life on this planet. Anytime human beings seek to deny a clearly obvious aspect of reality they cease being reasonable and lose any sense they once had (Romans 1:19-23). Rejecting the obvious is how our culture has ended up with the gender-unicorn (yes, it’s a real thing) and an oversized flow chart identifying 63 different genders (another real thing), it’s also how we arrived at the point where it’s offensive to call someone ‘him’ or ‘her’ even if they are a him or a her. The only way to end the madness is to accept reality.

 What the Episcopal Church does and doesn’t do undoubtedly feels irrelevant to most people reading this blog. It is not. The Episcopalian Church is the proverbial canary in the coalmine. They are, from a historical perspective, always the first denomination to embrace outrageously unbiblical positions long before those ideas take off in the greater culture. I normally do not advocate for getting involved in cultural warfare. However, the notion of two genders and a God who identifies Himself as male is a fight worth having.

 Truth is at stake.

 

 

 

Raising a Kid Who Has a Conscience

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it~ Proverbs 22:6 NKJV

The disturbing slaughter in Las Vegas last week caused me to think about a subject I rarely tackle in this blog: parenting. It struck me as I was watching the news that anytime there is a mass shooting the first thing we do is search for a motive to make sense of the senseless. If the killer is a minor we want to know if the killer was bullied by his peers or abused by his parents. If the shooter is an adult we want to know if the shooting was racially or religiously motivated. If those scenarios don’t fit, we search madly for something else to explain away the behavior of the killer: like a job loss or a mental illness.

 Stephen Paddock’s motivations are proving difficult to pin down. By all accounts he was financially secure, not obviously political, not obviously religious and apparently not angry about anything in particular. He was also seemingly in his right mind right up until the moment he opened fire on a crowd of strangers.

 Those facts make this mess much harder to sort out, until you look for the one denominator common to all mass shooters: a shocking absence of conscience.

 The Bible teaches that all humans are born into this world with a rudimentary conscience that bears witness to two simple truths. The first truth being that God is (Romans 1:19-20). The second is that some sins including murder, adultery and theft are universally wrong (Romans 2:14). The Bible teaches that a conscience can be seared or stunted by willful sin in adulthood, poor parenting in childhood and exposure to bad teaching or evil people (1st Corinthians 15:33, 1st Timothy 4:2, Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 29:17).

 The best time to develop a conscience and prevent the types of tragedies we saw this past week in Las Vegas is early childhood (Proverbs 22:6). Following are five simple strategies to help your child develop a conscience. Starting with:

 Teach your child to put the needs of others first- 1st Corinthians 10:24

 Many parenting programs place teaching children to put-up boundaries as the number one parenting priority. Kids do need to learn healthy boundaries, especially when it comes to inappropriate touching. Kids also need to understand that it’s okay to say “no” to a person who is taking advantage of them. However, sometimes “boundaries” is just another word for selfishness. In order to develop a healthy conscience children need to learn that everyone else is every bit as important and special as they are. This is achieved by teaching them to put other people first, taking turns, sharing when they don’t feel like it and speaking to others (including their parents) respectfully.

 Teach kids to fear God- Proverbs 1:7

 If you’re teaching your kids to love God, you are only doing half the job. Kids also need to understand that God is the all-powerful and all-knowing Creator of the universe and that He expects people to show their love for Him through obedience to His commands (John 14:15, John 14:23-24, Luke 11:28). Kids also need to know that there will come a day when God will judge all people for everything they do, both good and bad (Revelation 20:12-13). When kids understand these basic facts it incentivizes them to do right by other people.

Expect Gratitude- 2nd Timothy 3:1-3

 Not in a “you should be grateful I fed you today, you miserable little wretch” sort of way. That is simply never okay. However, there are times when kids need to be reminded to be grateful for the things other people work hard to provide. It’s also good to expose kids to people who are less fortunate than they are. Exposure to the less fortunate will make them compassionate, thankful people. Appreciative, kindhearted people do not open fire on crowds of strangers.

 Teach kids to think about how their words and actions affect others- Matthew 7:12

 Children do not naturally think of others, nor do they automatically comprehend how their actions affect others. Kids who are not taught to think of others tend to grow-up to be the type of people who call-in sick when they’re not sick, cheat on their spouse or commit crimes without thinking about how their behavior will affect others.

 Only praise actual achievement- Proverbs 14:25

 Kids do need to be encouraged. However, telling children they did something awesome when they did something ordinary is a lie that inflates their ego and causes them to think they are better and smarter than they really are. This creates an ideal breeding ground for pride and arrogance to take root in their hearts. Prideful, arrogant people rarely care about others and caring about others is the foundation for building a healthy conscience.

 I know absolutely nothing about Steven Paddocks childhood nor do I know how his conscience became seared to the point where he felt okay about opening fire on a crowd of strangers. I do know that normal people with healthy consciences simply do not do such things. I also know that teaching kids to care about others and to fear their Creator is the one thing we can all do to prevent tragedies like this one in the future.

The Real Reason Marriages Fail

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate~ Mark 10:7-9 NIV

 I recently had a conversation with a friend that can only be described as a full-scale bummer.

 My friend informed me, with tears in her eyes, that she and her husband were splitting up after more than two decades together (she did not initiate the divorce). This news was heartbreaking on at least a dozen different levels. We’ve known these people a long time, our kids kind of grew up together, we love them both and two decades is a long time to invest in anything, especially something that doesn’t end well. This couple has adult children who are grieving deeply. Both the husband and the wife are professing Christians and the split has tested the kids belief that God is good and that love can overcome any obstacle.

 This sad news got me thinking about the subject of marriage in general and why marriages fail in particular. It occurred to me that although most folks know going-in that marriage takes a lot of energy and hard work, virtually all marriages begin on a hopeful note. No one I have ever known (or heard of) has entered into marriage anticipating failure or hoping things don’t work out.

 This truth begs the question: 

If most folks know from the get-go that marriage will not be easy then why do so many marriages fail with such depressing regularity?

 We’ve all heard the sad statistics: roughly one-third to one-half of all marriages in America end in divorce. Most of us have also heard the reasons given for divorce: sex/infidelity, money problems and poor communication.

 I do not dispute the divorce statistics. I do dispute the reasons given for divorce. I believe that the causes typically given for divorce are actually just symptoms of the actual causes of divorce. We will never change the divorce rate until we get real about why people divorce.

 Marriages struggle and die not because of big problems that cannot be worked out. Relationships struggle and die for three far less discussed reasons.

 The first is…

 Selfishness-

 According to the trusty word wizards at Dictionary.com selfishness is defined as “ being devoted to or caring only for one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc. regardless of others”. When we carry an attitude of selfishness into marriage it manifests itself in a lack of thoughtfulness or consideration for others. A friend (who has since repented) confessed that for years he bought his wife a big beautiful chocolate cake every year on her birthday. Not because she loved chocolate (she hated it passionately) but because he loved chocolate and it was a good excuse for him to eat the kind of cake he liked. Over time selfishness erodes positive feelings and leaves the other person (no matter how long-suffering they may be) feeling hurt and possibly even vengeful towards their spouse. If by some miracle the marriage survives, the love won’t.

 A refusal to obey the command given to husbands and wives in Ephesian’s 5:21-

 Most Christians are aware of the commands given to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:22-33. Women are told to submit to their husbands and husbands are commanded to love their wives. What most Christians don’t know is that the verse directly preceding those verses (Ephesians 5:21) commands spouses to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Mutual submission is the act of adopting an attitude of mutual cooperation and compromise in all things. Submitting to one another in marriage may mean having sex more often than you would prefer or doing chores that don’t necessarily appeal to you after a long day at work. Mutual submission means giving rather than taking and not holding a grudge over what you don’t get.

 Unwillingness to change-

 A wise person once described marriage as “God’s ultimate growth opportunity”. However, if you are unwilling to change, you will never grow or become better. Christians are more capable of change than any other people on earth because the Holy Spirit is guiding them in all things. Refusing to change is ultimately a refusal to grow and the greatest indicator of immaturity on earth.

 A very wise pastor friend of mine once said “any two reasonably mature Christians can make a marriage work if they are BOTH willing to put in the necessary effort.” That man understood a truth many of us have willingly forgotten: that divorce is unnecessary if both parties are willing to die to self and submit to God.

 

 

 

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Defending a Cause I Believe In

                                                                                                                                                     Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from God. Psalm 127:3 NIV

 I just finished reading an article that left me feeling rather melancholy.

 The article was originally published in Marie Claire magazine, and is entitled “Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They Never Had Kids”. The writer tells the stories of women from around the world who freely admit that they seriously regret having kids.

 I am a bit of a skeptic, so at first I was dubious. Surely, the author was overstating the extent of the issue to get clicks and sell magazines. However, some quick research revealed that this is indeed a real thing. I found dozens of articles on the subject and a plethora of chat rooms and support groups that serve as safe spaces for women who sincerely wish they never had kids.

 My first impulse was to judge.

 Not because they feel the way they feel. I learned long ago that feelings (unlike actions) are not something that can be easily controlled. And as someone who has had some pretty inappropriate thoughts and feelings concerning all sorts of things and people I would never judge anyone for feeling a particular way.

 That said, I struggle to withhold judgment when I see folks vomiting up their feelings all over cyberspace. Call me old-fashioned, but even in the age of compulsive over-sharing I still believe there are circumstances where it is thoroughly appropriate to shut our pie-holes and keep some feelings bottled-up nice and tight.

 Because defending a cause is a far more noble pursuit than judging others I’m going to drop the judgment and attempt to make a defense for the cause of Motherhood. I will not attempt to feed you some insipid or overly spiritualized line about how fulfilling and blissful every moment of motherhood is, that is simply not true. Like most things in life mothering does have its moments of blissful fulfillment, but it’s far from easy and blissful especially in the early years.

 As the Mother of four I know that while you’re in the middle of raising young children, parenting FEELS like a lot of hard work and frustration punctuated with moments of agonizing self-doubt. But as someone who has raised kids to adulthood I can also tell you that mothering is worth the effort for four reasons:

 Mothering impacts the future like nothing else-

 To my eternal shame my children know very little about their great-Grandmother. She died long before they were born and I doubt any of them could tell me her first name. They certainly don’t know what she did for a living or any details concerning her overall net worth. However, I see a lot of the attitudes she modeled including fair-mindedness, generosity, and the value of hard work living on in them. She sowed those ideals into me and I have done my level best to pass her legacy on to them. Most people a hundred years from now will not know or care about what you did for a living but they will know exactly what you valued in life because they will see those values living on in future generations.

 Mothering is the best discipleship opportunity you are ever going to get-

 Most Christians long to make a spiritual impact on the future. Sadly, few of us feel we are given much of an opportunity to affect spiritual change in others. Parenting gives us the better part of two decades to impart spiritual truth into the hearts of our kids. If we go the extra mile and live the truth we teach we will make a significant spiritual impact on the lives of the kids we raise and they in turn will make an impact on future generations.

 Mothering has the power to make us better people-

 Mothering reveals in living color every single one of our shortcomings and less-than-healthy coping mechanisms. When our weaknesses are exposed we have two options, we can ignore reality or we can become better people. There is nothing quite like having a couple of kids watching to give us the incentive needed to work at becoming better people.

 Parenting makes us dependent on God for wisdom and direction-

 Seriously, anyone who has parented for more than an hour knows that parenting is scary. Being scared causes a lot of people to look to God and we are all better people when we are looking to God for insight and assistance.

 For decades now women have been fed the lie that motherhood is a waste of our time, energy, and talents. That lie is fostered in blogs and magazine articles promoting a survivor approach to parenting, snarky memes belittling motherhood and cutesy signs inscribed with “charming” little adages like “Mommy needs vodka” and “don’t mind the mess the children are being a**holes”. With those attitudes so deeply rooted in our culture it’s not surprising that many women regret having kids. As Christian women it is incumbent on us to take the long view of things and remember that we are not called to live comfortable, stress-free lives today, rather we are called to live for future generations.