Category: Family

A Response to the Guy Who Called My Views on Marriage Naive

Lisa M. Price4 Comments

 You do well when you obey the Holy Writings which say, “You must love your neighbor as you love yourself”~ James 2:8 NLV  

Dear Guy who called my views on marriage naïve (AKA Tim),

 Contrary to how things probably look, I really am not a jerk who has been ignoring you or your comment. It appeared in my inbox late Monday night and, frankly, it was long and I was tired, too tired to read it thoroughly, let alone formulate a lucid response. When I did get around to giving your comment a thorough reading, it didn’t take me long to realize your feelings on the subject of marriage merited more of a forum than a hasty reply would allow.

So here goes.

 Your comment was polite and articulate (a rare thing in the blogosphere). However, it did seem to indicate that you’ve had some unfortunate personal experiences with marriage and for that I am truly sorry. It is not my intention to underplay the power of your personal experience or the experiences of millions of people who have faced the pain of divorce. I have never experienced the trauma of divorce. However, I do have friends and family members who have, and even from the outside looking in, it’s clear that divorce sucks. Everything humanly possible should be done to prevent it.

 All that being said, it’s really not fair to blame marriage when marriages end. Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not an entity or a living being or even an institution. Marriage is a contract—a legal, moral and spiritual contract—and every contract becomes over time a situation involving people. A contract cannot be blamed for the conduct of the parties who signed on to the terms of the deal.  

Responsibility for the death of a relationship has to lie squarely at the feet of the people in the relationship. Admittedly, fault is seldom equally distributed. One party quite often carries the lion’s share of the blame for the demise of the relationship. Marriages struggle and end for many reasons, but at the root of all lay almost always one or two issues.

 The roots of divorce frequently go back to unrealistic expectations long before the “I do’s.” The romantic notion of soul mates has set up millions of couples for failure. The myth of the “right one” is a silly fairytale. No matter how well matched and compatible a couple is in the beginning, no marriage can survive gross mismanagement of the relationship.

 Furthermore, marriage will not make an unhappy person happy, nor will marriage solve underlying problems or character issues in the lives of the people getting married. Weddings are not magic bullets we can shoot at loneliness, laziness, poor self-image, meanness, sloppy relationship skills or general discontent. Those problems must be dealt with long before the wedding day or the relationship will be doomed.

 Selfishness is a cancer that kills many marriages. Self-centeredness shows up in big and little ways in marriage. Rudeness, cheating, overspending, laziness, stinginess, dishonesty, withholding sex and lack of attention to the likes and dislikes of the other person all reveal a heart that is unwilling to work on the relationship. Perhaps self-centeredness is epitomized most clearly in a refusal to apologize, acknowledge bad behavior and take responsibility for problems in the relationship.  

Unhealthy patterns of communication are another relationship killer. Giving the silent treatment, name-calling, screaming, criticizing and relentlessly bringing up past misdeeds is a sure-fire way to effectively poison a marriage.  

You called my views on marriage naïve because I listed the established benefits of a stable, happy marriage. The benefits of matrimony include good physical and mental health, financial security, well-adjusted children and a good sex life. It is not naïve to believe in something that has been proven. Naiveté is found in believing that there is somehow a superior, less painful alternative to marriage.  

The alternatives to marriage are limited: cohabitation, serial monogamy and singleness. Singleness is not a realistic alternative for most of us, leaving cohabitation and serial monogamy. Cohabitation and serial monogamy offer none of the benefits to individuals, children and society that marriage does and yet the end of those relationships are every bit as psychologically painful and financially costly as divorce.

 Marriage is not perfect, Tim, because people are not perfect. The solution to the problems in marriages is not to look for a viable alternative to marriage. Nor is the answer to avoid marriage altogether; the world would be a dull and gloomy place indeed without the security and camaraderie of enduring relationships. The answer to the marriage quandary is to educate people, before and after they say “I do,” on how to have the kind of relationships everyone wants to have. The real solution is to gently come alongside those who are struggling in their relationships and show them a better, less painful alternative to divorce.            

Contrary to what the World tells us Marriage is a Good Thing-

Lisa M. Price2 Comments

 

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor~ Ecclesiastes 4:9 NASB

 I am knee-deep in research for a talk I will give at a conference this spring. The conference will be centered on social attitudes towards marriage and family and how those issues are affecting non-profit organizations. In preparation I have read innumerable scholarly articles that all point solidly to the depressing and too real fact that marriage rates in Western countries are declining at an alarming rate.

 Why?

 Experts point to rapid social change, moral relativism and some welfare programs as causes for shifting attitudes that have led to a decline in marriage rates. The theories are endless and interesting. But even the most interesting theories can get a bit tedious after reading pages and pages of them. I loathe anything tedious or dull. So I did a bit of unscientific research of my own. I contacted some millennials friends of mine and asked them to share their views on the subject of marriage and family.

 A small number (one to be exact) of those I queried had optimistic attitudes towards marriage and were confident that their marriage would be successful. Twenty-one-year-old Jordyn said:

“Marriage is not an outdated institution by any means! I believe that it is something God gave us and when God created Adam. I dream about getting married all the time. I have seen healthy marriages and that is what I strive for.”

 The bulk of the responses were more cynical and sadly similar to a statement made by an anonymous twenty-something:

“My views on marriage are mostly negative. My Mother and Father have been together for 23 years but are not married because they felt marriage was bad luck. I have seen most of my family members get married and later divorced. I have never understood marriage and have always been told, “It’s just a piece of paper.””

 For many young people in our society marriage is viewed as an antiquated and pointless societal construct. Or worse: marriage is thought to be unnecessary, impractical and the foundation of all sorts of sexual frustration. I for one am sick and tired of having marriage dissed. Marriage is the foundation of human civilization and deserves respect for five reasons:

 Marriage makes people better-

  Literally. It does. Societies in times past esteemed marriage because they understood a truth that “enlightened” moderns have foolishly forgotten. Marriage makes us better. Married men and women commit fewer crimes, are less likely to be addicted to drugs or alcohol, take better care of their children, give more to charitable causes and are more likely to vote and be actively involved in their communities.

 Marriage promotes healthy living-

 On average, married people exercise more, eat better, live longer and have fewer serious health issues. They also suffer from depression at lower rates than single people. This is yet another way marriage benefits all of society: healthier people result in lower healthcare costs for everyone.

 Married people are sexier than single people-

 Well, maybe not sexier exactly; but married people do have more sex than single people. Ten percent of single men ages 18-24 report having sex more than twice a week, while married men in the same age group report having sex an average of four times a week. Married men and women in every age group report having more frequent sex than their single counterparts in the same age group. Married people also report higher rates of sexual satisfaction. So that’s something. 

 The children of married people have better outcomes-

 The facts are indisputable. Marriage benefits children. Regardless of income levels, children with married parents do better and go farther in life. They get into less trouble, do better in school, and are more likely to graduate from both high school and college. Children born out of wedlock are sicker, more likely to be depressed, more likely to use drugs or alcohol and are less likely to attend college.

 Married people have more money-

 If you long for economic stability the smartest thing you can do is to get married and stay that way. Married men make more money than single or divorced men in the same jobs. The household incomes of married women are fifty percent higher than the household incomes of single women. Married people tend to have more assets and retirement savings than single people.

 Maggie Gallagher, author of The Case for Marriage, sums up the benefits of getting married and staying that way succinctly:

 Being married gives men a new sense of responsibility towards work. It reduces substance abuse. It creates more meaning and satisfaction in life for individuals. It provides a legal partner that, as in all economic partnerships, allows one to make more money and manage it better. Moreover, the act of marriage increases a couple’s confidence that theirs is a permanent union.

 Contrary to popular opinion, when marriages fail or struggle it’s not because there is anything wrong with marriage. Marriage is a gift from God and all of God’s gifts are good. People are the ones who mess up God’s gifts. If we want our marriages to be healthy we have to look to the one who made marriage, rather than to our own understanding of the subject.

 Sources Consulted:

A Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially by Maggie Gallagher

“Changing Patterns of Nonmarital Childbearing in the United States,” Stephanie Ventura, M.A. Division of Vital Statistics

“How Welfare Undermines Marriage and What to Do About It” Robert Rector

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The One Skill Every Child Must Have to Survive

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 Last week marked the beginning of winter semester at the university where my son Alex attends college. He and I caught up after his first day of classes and chatted about his day.

 Just when I thought our little talk was drawing to a close, Alex said something that promptly reinvigorated the conversation. He casually mentioned that he’d had a tough time getting around school that day. Apparently the campus was swarming with parents who were hanging out, introducing themselves to the professors, looking for things, and even attending classes with their children.

 I was suddenly intrigued and bursting with questions…

 Really?

Was it parents’ day? (If so, why wasn’t I invited???)

Was there a problem at the airport, forcing parents to stay in Tucson?

Were the parents actually sitting in on the classes?

Were the kids embarrassed, sitting with their parents in college classes?

Were the professors annoyed?

 My son explained that it was not parent’s day, nor were there any issues at the airport that he was aware of. Some of his younger friends had informed him that not only did parents introduce themselves to the professors and sit in on the classes, but a few raised their hands to ask questions on behalf of their children. Surprisingly, the kids seemed to be perfectly okay with the unofficial “bring your parents to college day” but there was some serious eye-rolling going on among the professors.

 At first I thought the whole thing was a little weird and kind of funny. It simply never occurred to me to attend college classes with my kids. I just presumed that if they were old enough to enroll in college, they were capable of introducing themselves to the professors, finding nourishment, and locating their classrooms without my assistance.

 Later, I was struck by how unfunny the whole thing actually was. This sort of thing is a symptom of a problem that cripples many middle-class kids. Well-meaning parents have become so fearful regarding their kids’ safety, comfort level, and overall happiness that they have gone to extremes to shield their kids from harm or distress. In the process, some have missed the entire point of parenting and failed to teach the one skill everyone needs to survive in this world: Self-management

 Self-managers know when they are hungry, tired, cranky or sick and they understand how to deal with those issues appropriately. Self-mangers are not afraid to participate in life because they know how to recognize and protect themselves from dangerous people and situations. Self-managers take care of their own needs, treat people the way they wish to be treated, problem solve, have common sense and self-discipline, and are capable of healthy communication with other human beings. A child should be adept at the basics of self-management by the time they reach puberty. Sadly, most are not.

 There are three ways parents can teach self-management.

 Encourage children to take controlled risks-

 There is a lot of debate over how many and what type of risks children should be permitted to take. Some believe kids should be insulated from even the most remote danger. These are the people who want to hand out bulletproof blankets to kindergarteners and put helmets on children before recess. Others think kids should be permitted to wander completely unsupervised. Wisdom lies between the two extremes. Children cannot learn to manage risk without taking risks, and they learn by doing. Kids should be coached about safety and then given age-appropriate opportunities to walk to the park alone, pay for things, ride their bikes unsupervised and walk around a store or mall without Mom and Dad by their side.

 Limit the use of technology-

 Good communication skills are essential to self-management. Technology (especially texting) keeps kids from developing the skills necessary to actually talk with other human beings. Kids need face-to-face communication to learn to read non-verbal cues and to understand how their words affect others. If kids are allowed a cell phone before puberty, parents should insist it’s used for phone calls only.

 Do not eliminate negative consequences-

 Consequences are the fruit of choices. We do kids a disservice when we cushion them from negative consequences. If a child is inconsiderate, irresponsible, rude or careless they should be made to deal with the fallout of their choices even if it’s inconvenient or embarrassing for Mom and Dad.

 In the early years, parenting is all about protection and provision. Loving parents do everything within their power to provide for and guarantee that no harm befalls their young child. As kids mature, parenting priorities must shift. If they don’t kids will grow up with all of the passions and aspirations of adults while missing the maturity and wisdom to manage and make the most of those passions and aspirations. The skills gained through the teaching of self-management lay the groundwork for a life of productivity, happiness and holiness. Without the capacity to self-manage, no one—no matter how loved they were in the early years—will ever reach his or her God-given potential.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do we Build Others Up?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing~ 1st Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

 When our oldest daughter was in the ninth grade, her science teacher had each of his students construct a Rube Goldberg device over Christmas break. For the uninitiated, a Rube Goldberg machine is a device built using an excess of absurdly complicated pulleys, levers, moving parts and gizmos that all work together to tell a funny story and perform a simple task. The project represented a sizable portion of our daughter’s semester grade.

 Five things were apparent within an hour of receiving the details of the assignment:

  1. Rube Goldberg machines are not the sort of project the average student can complete without parental assistance.
  2. The teacher was a vacation-spoiling troll
  3. The assignment was clearly intended to separate mechanically skilled (smart) parents from mechanically challenged (stupid) parents.
  4. My husband and I fell solidly into the second category.
  5. I was harboring some very unhealthy feelings towards the teacher.

 Thank heavens I married a clever man because I quickly devolved into a puddle of emotional goo and proceeded to rant bitterly against tyrannical teachers who assign tasks that are impossible to accomplish without time and money from parents. I might very well have been standing in the exact same spot ranting when school started back up if it were not for the rational actions of my quick-witted husband.

 Alan called his stepdad (who happened to have an engineering degree) and invited him and my mother-in-law to visit over the Christmas break. It turned out to be a win for everyone. The in-laws were elated to spend some quality time with our kids and the grown-ups had a very pleasant visit. Her teacher was spared an unpleasant phone call and our daughter got an A on the project.

 The experience taught me that the building of anything is serious business. I still couldn’t build a Rube Goldberg machine if my life depended on it. But I did learn there are some some parallels to the building of things and the building-up of people.

Both require a solid plan, careful thought and some real skill.

 The New Testament has precious little to say about the constructing of structures. But it does give a great deal of coaching on the building-up of people. Christians are told repeatedly to grow the body of Christ by looking for ways to build others up (1st Thessalonians 5:9-11, Ephesians 4:29, Romans 15:2, Hebrews 10:24-25). Parents are to build up children, husbands are to build-up their wives, wives should build-up their husbands, and Church leaders and members are to look for ways to build one another (Colossians 3, Ephesians 5:1-6:13). There is a lot that goes into the building–up of others but it all begins with three foundational elements:

 Relationship- 1st Corinthians 16:14

 One of the more profound truths I learned from watching my father-in-law build that device is that the wrong foundation will doom an otherwise well-constructed device (Matthew 7:24-27). The same is true with people. For people the foundation for building needs to be a loving relationship and healthy communication. Without relationship and rapport, efforts to build up another person can feel an awful lot like meddling or even malice.

 Encouragement- Hebrews 3:13

 Too often encouragement devolves into hollow praise and gracious but meaningless words we express to the people we like. Biblical encouragement is a form of nurturing that is intended to stimulate spiritual and emotional growth in people. This empowers people to become the totality of what God intends them to be. Well-timed words of encouragement and exhortation can spur others on towards love and good deeds when life gets tough and faith is fading. Encouragement can be life-changing when it is born out of relationship and careful observation of the character, abilities and gifts of person we want to encourage.   

 Truthful words- Ephesians 4:15

 Building people occasionally necessitates some gentle and kindhearted truth telling. When someone we love is headed in the wrong direction or engaging in potentially damaging behavior the most loving thing we can do is to tell him or her what the outcome of that behavior might be. Truth telling should never be harsh or punitive. Truth telling should be done lovingly with relationship and the long-term spiritual growth of the person in mind.

 Building others up is not about ignoring bad behavior or raising self-esteem through empty words of flattery. The building of people is serious business that, if done right, empowers others to do and be all they can for the Kingdom of God. The building of people is not optional for Christians. It is a command that, if obeyed, does as much for the one doing the building as it does for those being built up. 

 

 

 

 

 

How “Love” is Crippling our Kids-

Lisa M. Price3 Comments

Capricious children will rule over them, the people will be oppressed; each one by another, and each one by his neighbor. The youth will storm against the elder and the inferior against the honorable~ Isaiah 3:4b-5 NASB

 Society has become progressively more child-centered over the course of the last few decades.

 Many of these changes have been good.

Research has raised awareness concerning the educational, medical and emotional needs of growing children. Parents readily invest more of their time, energy and treasure in raising kids than at any other time in history. Educators are much more in tune with the developmental needs of each individual child. As a result, school is far more interesting than it was “back in the day”.

 The societal focus on children has also brought with it a greater awareness of child abuse and neglect. Physical discipline of any kind is now frowned upon and has been replaced with more “enlightened” forms of discipline.

I am all for anything that brings awareness to the horrors of child abuse. However, I fear we have exchanged physical abuse and emotional neglect with a different kind of child abuse. A form of abuse  that is much more socially acceptable but every bit as crippling to the long-term health and well being of children.

 I call this new form of child abuse “insulation.” Insulation happens when well-intentioned parents go beyond protecting their children from harmful influences or danger. Parents who insulate attempt to shield their kids from every kind of distress, pain, sadness, discomfort, discouragement or discontent. Some of the more common methods of insulation are:

 Demanding teachers give kids grades they have not earned

Refusing to expose kids to unfamiliar foods for fear they won’t like them

Insisting swings and other “dangerous” equipment be removed from playgrounds

Piling on undeserved praise

Allowing laziness and irresponsibility

Failing to tell children “no” when they are doing something unsafe or unkind

Delaying the teaching of necessary life skills (cooking, cleaning, driving, money management)

Neglecting to correct disrespect or rudeness

Anxiety over offending your child

Operating as a mediator with teachers and other authority figures

 There is nothing inherently wrong with attempting to make childhood pleasant for kids. Nor is it wrong to want to protect children from danger. The world we live in is full of evil people and genuine threats. One of the primary obligations of parents and guardians is to shelter innocent children from unsafe people and risky situations.

 Trouble comes when parents endeavor to shield their children from unpleasant or painful situations that teach kids truth about life. A scraped knee is painful, but the pain effectively communicates to a child the truth concerning their physical limitations. A bad grade won’t kill a student, but the embarrassment that comes with a bad grade may instill in them the importance of working hard to avoid the embarrassment of failure. If a child is never encouraged to try new foods they are robbed of the joy of discovering foods they do like.

 Childhood is far too brief to fritter away time puffing kids up with unjustified praise or setting them up for disappointment by creating a fictitious reality where kids get things without taking responsibility or working hard. Childhood is the only time parents get to teach kids all they will need to know to navigate the rigors of the adult world. One aspect of preparing kids for adulthood is guiding them through unpleasant or challenging experiences, not eliminating them entirely.

 Parents should train kids to negotiate with teachers or coaches, rather than doing it for them. This gives kids the confidence and skills needed to deal with supervisors and managers in the future. Parents need to demand respect and teach etiquette because respect for others, civility and good manners make children and grown-ups more likable and more marketable in the professional world. Refusing to correct disrespect sets a child up to be disliked and passed over for opportunities.

 Insulation is born out of a faulty view of love. Love is more than just squishy, squashy, sloppy sentimentality. Love is more than a urge to bless and shelter. Authentic love is multifaceted and complex. It is patient and kind, but it is also honest, tough and future focused. Love wants what is best long-term. Love looks beyond childhood and prepares for adulthood. Love pushes kids to try new things, to be courageous, protects when appropriate and corrects when necessary. Authentic love, provides kids a start that will serve them well over the course their lifetime.

 

 

 

What are the “Benefits” of Gossip?

Lisa M. Price4 Comments

There’s nothing so delicious as the taste of gossip! It melts in your mouth~ Proverbs 18:8 CEV

 I have settled into a predictable morning routine.

It goes something like this: I wake up, stumble to the kitchen, pour a cup of coffee and fight to appear engaged while the youngest girl chatters on  incessantly.

Following is more coffee, more chatter, and a valiant effort on my part to ensure the lunches packed are at least somewhat healthy. I herd the girls out the door, savor the quiet, drink more coffee, read my Bible, drink more coffee and do a quick workout while I catch up on what’s going on in the world.

Yesterday, I finished the last of the coffee, climbed on the exercise bike and became so absorbed in working off my caffeine buzz that I was only marginally tuned in to the news program. That is, until a chirpy anchorwoman declared in an insanely happy tone that a recent study has determined gossip is actually good for us.

WHAT????

I will not tell a lie.

For one fleeting and truly blissful moment I was elated. For an “inquisitive” person such as myself this story was without question the best news ever. All of my dreams had finally come true. I was being given permission to cave to my baser instincts, engage in gossip and improve my health all at the same time. Just as I was preparing to call my best friend to tell her the good news I remembered something about the perils of buying into worldly wisdom and I decided it might be wise dig a little deeper. I found the related article and read it carefully. The author spoke glowingly of the benefits of gossip. According to the author, gossip will:

Tell you how to behave on your job

Help you to understand and improve your social standing

Inform members of a group which behaviors are socially acceptable

Possibly lead to self-improvement

Reading about the alleged benefits of a behavior God calls a sin (Romans 1:29) made me wonder what exactly God would say if we could get His unfiltered opinion of that article. I bet it would be interesting. He wasn’t available for comment, so I turned to the book of Proverbs instead. Proverbs cautions us on the more negative aspects of gossip, including:

Nobody actually likes a gossip- Proverbs 17:28, Proverbs 20:19

Everyone enjoys listening to a juicy piece of gossip, but nobody wants to be a victim of gossip. We all know intuitively that a gossipy person cannot be trusted. That’s why few gossips have many close friends. Smart people avoid a gossip like the plague once they realize anyone who will talk with you about another person will talk about you to other people.

Gossip is rarely completely true- Proverbs 26:20-22

Gossip is notoriously unreliable. Mostly because gossipers also tend to be liars. It’s part of what makes gossip so dang interesting. The frame of the story may be true but the details are almost always made out to be more fascinating and salacious than they really are.

Gossip is the number one cause of family brokenness-Proverbs 6:19, Proverbs 16:28

At the root of every unhappy family is at least one person who repeats unkind words and circulates gossip. Sometimes this person is another family member; sometimes it’s a “friend” of the family who likes to stir the pot and keep everyone at odds with each other. Beware of any “friend” who wants to know too much of your family business. They don’t have your best interests at heart.

Gossip ruins the gossiper- Proverbs 13:3, Proverbs 16:28

There is something about spreading stories and sharing personal information that eventually twists a person and destroys their character. If a person gossips for long enough they will develop an insatiable appetite for more and more information to share with others. This happens because the sharing of information makes them feel powerful and important. If there is no actual information to share, they will enhance stories that are true and even lie in order to continue feeling important.

All supposed benefits aside, there are undoubtedly less destructive ways to learn about your social standing, understand the world around you, and improve your social standing and yourself. Consuming gossip is like eating a deep-fried Twinkie: it feels good while we do it, but the long term effects are kind of gross. Passing along gossip is like sprinkling arsenic on chocolate cupcakes. It’s a pleasant way to ruin lives.

Four Ways we Ruin our Kids-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him- Psalm 127:3

Attitude and mindset matters. It’s simply a fact that our mindset concerning a given issue or situation will have a huge impact on what we do and how we operate in that situation (Matthew 15:18-19, Philippians 4:8-9) .

This is true of pretty much everything.

However, in my humble estimation, there is no subject where mindset matters more than parenting children. There are mindsets or attitudes parents (and grandparents) adopt, sometimes unknowingly, that will seriously affect our ability to parent (or grandparent) well. Most of these mindsets are actually lies that we’ve bought into. If we allow ourselves to continue believing these lies, the outcome will eventually ruin our kids.

Sigh.

Fortunately, knowing truth sets us free to glorify God in every task He puts before us (John 8:32). Following are four lies our culture believes about parenting that are literally ruining our kids:

We should do everything for our kids–

This is probably the most dangerous lie that has taken root in the modern parenting culture. Many well meaning Moms and Dads will literally knock themselves out to do everything but breathe for their children. They do their dishes, pick up their stuff, pack their lunches, clean their rooms and pay for luxuries long after kids should be doing or providing those things for themselves. Some well-meaning parents even do their kid’s homework for them. This mindset is incredibly harmful because it FEELS loving and kind but it teaches nothing, produces laziness, and ensures a sense of entitlement going into adulthood. All this crazy doing effectively cripples kids for life and makes failure almost inevitable. It’s better, more productive and far more loving to teach our kids how to do things for themselves and reward them for a job well done (Proverbs 10:4, Hebrews 6:12, Proverbs 3:1, Proverbs 13:1).

Cultural influences don’t really matter all that much-

The 24-hour news cycle has produced a generation of adults who worry about strange things. Parents worry themselves sick about school shootings, Ebola, random kidnappings and what will happen if their kids don’t learn to play an instrument or get into the “right” school. It’s not as if those things never happen or don’t matter. However, they are all less likely to hurt a kid than the dangerous ideas and corrupting influences they are exposed to on television or through peers and social media. Bad things happen, but kids are much more likely to be harmed by the influence of a friend or what they see on TikTok than to become a victim of a school shooting (1st Corinthians 15:33). God wants us to control the things we can control and trust Him to protect our kids from the things we cannot control (Matthew 6:25-24, Luke 12:22-34) .

Guilt is always bad-

Parenting and guilt go hand in hand. Parental guilt begins in pregnancy, gathers momentum throughout early childhood, reaches a peak in the teen years and continues…well, until you die. Guilt is not automatically a bad thing. If handled wisely, guilt can be a powerful motivator towards transformation and better parenting. Guilt is a bad thing when parents are driven to do things, buy things, tolerate bad behavior or indulge their children’s whims out of guilt. Next time you feel guilty about a parenting issue, stop and analyze the feeling. If you can change something, (like yelling or not spending enough time with your kid) change it. If the guilt is coming out of something you can’t change, don’t try and compensate for it with more material blessings (Isaiah 30:15, 2nd Corinthians 7:10).

Character is secondary to success-

Because every kid is human every kid has character issues that must be dealt with before they reach adulthood or those issues will become hard baked into their personality. All kids will lie. Some kids mistreat other kids. Most kids shirk responsibility, disrespect adults and tend toward laziness. Our children’s flaws are a result of their human nature (Jeremiah 17:9, Hosea 10:2). These flaws need to be dealt with decisively. Not blamed on bad teachers, television, other children, gluten or video games. All of those things may contribute to a kid’s issues, but they are not the cause.

Twenty-five years of parenting have taught me that time is short and we have to take advantage of the teachable moments because those moments do not last forever. When we are deep in the trenches of diapers and temper-tantrums it’s hard to imagine that that our kids will ever grow up and make adult decisions and choices, but they do, and it all happens very quickly. Smart parents decide early on what kind of an adult they want produce. Then they are intentional about sowing those qualities into their children. Our attitude toward the process makes or breaks our ability to sow truth into our kids while we have them.

The Little Girl-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live~ Deuteronomy 30:19

 Recently Pope Francis tarnished his image as the hip, cool Pope when he came out with a bold, rabble-rousing condemnation of recreational drug legalization. Pope Francis could not have been more unequivocal about his feelings regarding drug legalization. His message stated in part…

 “The problem of drug use is not solved with more drugs.”

 He went on to clarify…

 “Drug addiction is an evil, and with evil there can be no yielding or compromise. To think that harm can be reduced by permitting drug addicts to use narcotics in no way resolves the problem.”

 The internet went wild with disapproval over the Pope’s archaic views. The haters were out in full force, overjoyed to bash the Pope, organized religion, and anyone ridiculous enough to believe there’s a God who cares about drug use or any other moral issue. There were some weary attempts at defending the use of marijuana made by pointing out that alcohol is legal and widely used (I, for one fail to see how one is connected to the other).

 Then there were the gloomy souls who seemed sincerely baffled that a Christian leader who appears to be as left-leaning and cool as Pope Francis could be opposed to recreational drug use. But by far the most common sentiment asserted by those who wish to legalize drugs was the tired line that is rapidly becoming the rallying cry of our civilization:

 “People should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies!”

 As I read page after page of comments extolling the virtues of personal sovereignty and unlimited freedom, I couldn’t help but think of the little girl who lives upstairs in the room that used to be my office.

 She’s a precious little thing.

 She has long, dark blonde hair, wonderfully expressive hazel eyes, and a mischievous smile. She adores animals and is currently campaigning hard for a hamster that she intends to name Sir Edward Fluff Ball. She loves to swim in our pool and she likes craft projects (Psalm 127:3).

Her favorite color changes almost daily.

 She is the daughter of a relative, the offspring of two people who sincerely believed that they had the right to do whatever they wanted with their own bodies. A few years ago her Mother died from choices she made with her own body. 

 Moving in with us was tough on her in the beginning, but she is becoming a bit more comfortable in our home all the time. Although they are much older, she enjoys spending time with our kids. She and my husband share a love of the silly and absurd that is bringing them together. She and I have connected over decorating her room and a mutual love of stories. Her growing bond with our family does not keep her from crying sometimes because she misses her Mom and yearns to live with her Dad.

 She is a bright and imaginative girl.

She reads above grade level and performs well in school. Unfortunately, she struggles more than most kids her age with impulse-control issues, remembering things and telling time. On nights when sleep evades me I worry that her problems are more than childish immaturity. My gut tells me her issues may very well be the outcome of choices her Mother made with her own body while she was pregnant.

 Her story is far from unique.

There are millions of little girls and boys just like her. Children who are the human fallout of arrogant and foolish choices their parents have made with their own bodies. Children who are plagued by nightmares, children who struggle to connect with their peers, children who long for an ordinary life with their biological parents.

Children who cry themselves to sleep at night.

 The vast majority of those children do not have the advantages she has. Most are not as naturally bright as she is. Nor do they have extended families that are able and willing to pick up the slack for parents who are busy making choices that prevent them from parenting their children properly. The less fortunate children are fated to become cogs in the wheel of an apathetic, overburdened public system. A system that lacks the human element necessary to help children mature to adulthood in a healthy way.

A system we all pay for.

 Sadly, societies reap what they sow as surely as individuals do (Hosea 8:7). I fear the harvest we will reap in the coming years with these kids, as we loudly and arrogantly demand the right to do whatever we want with our own bodies.

 In an ideal world, we would not need laws to tell individuals what they can and cannot do with their own bodies. In an ideal world, people would make wise, unselfish, rational choices with their bodies. In an ideal world all people would cheerfully agree that an individual’s right to make choices should end at the place where those choices begin to negatively affect others. In an ideal world, there would not be any children like the little girl who lives upstairs in the room that used to be my office.