Six Reasons Christians are Leaving the Church

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart- Jeremiah 29:12-13 NIV 

Recently there has been an upsurge in individuals who have abandoned Christianity and renounced their faith in Jesus Christ. Some have been influential Christians like Joshua Harris, Katy Perry and Marty Sampson. There has also been an uptick in average Joes and Janes who have walked away from the faith. Most Christians know someone (or several someone’s) who were once actively involved in church who haven’t attended church in years.  

Most lay the blame for this problem at the feet of church leaders.  I have personally pontificated on more than one occasion and in more than one blogpost about all the ways I believe the church and church leaders have failed to the last two generations of church goers. 

However.

In the interest of objectivity and because it’s critical I do my part to prevent more spiritual fatalities. I feel it is imperative I point out the fact that with a few notable (and incredibly sad) exceptions’ churches have not driven people away.  People have chosen to leave. Individuals who make a heartfelt commitment to Jesus do not just wake up one day and decide to stop serving God. 

There is a process involved in departing the faith that ends with a hardening of the heart and a defection from the faith (Hebrews 3:12-15). It begins with the adoption of attitudes and behaviors that open the door to apostasy. Christians should be on the lookout for those attitudes and behaviors in their own life and they should be ready to come alongside other Christians that are struggling with behaviors that can eventually lead to apostasy.  Those behaviors include: 

 You put a lot of faith in human leaders- 

Human leaders are, under the best of circumstances, a gift from God. If a human leader is fully obedient to Jesus they can lead others into greater understanding of the faith, provide inspiration and give moral direction to other followers of Jesus. However, human leaders are sinners just like everyone else. They lie, have affairs, are tempted to embezzle, become prideful and they get things hopelessly wrong sometimes. Wise Christians never put more faith in a human being, (no matter how wise or knowledgeable that person is) than they do in Jesus. If our love for Jesus is dependent on the virtue of a human leader our love for God will grow cold at some point (Matthew 24:11-12). 

You don’t pray-

According to surveys most Christians (over half) spend less than three minutes a day in prayer. That means most Christians pray over their meals (maybe) and when they find themselves in dire emergencies.  As Christians have begun praying less, more are leaving the faith (Matthew 26:41). I strongly suspect there is a correlation as well as causation between these two issues (Jude 20-21). 

You never really committed to a local church-

Church attendance cannot and will not save anyone from their sin (only Jesus can do that). That said, a Christian who chooses not to connect in a local church will probably at some point be tempted to leave Christianity altogether. This is because church is the place where Christians build relationships and acquire the accountability necessary to get them through seasons of temptation and difficulty.   (Proverbs 27:17). 

You have not done the work necessary to transform your thinking- 

Because we are all sinners from the moment we are born wrong thinking is an integral part of our human operating system. One of the primary tasks of a new Christian is to begin the process of renewing their mind and changing their thinking about just about every subject under the sun (Romans 12:2, 1stCorinthians 14:20, 2nd Peter 3:1). If your attitudes towards sex, relationships, politics and work haven’t changed since you became a Christian it’s possible you are not a Christian or you are in danger of falling away (Hebrews 5:11-12)  

You love secular advice- 

Christians are called to live life by a different set of rules and values than the rest of the world. Non-Christians and immature believers know very little, if anything about how Christians are called to live (Matthew 5:43-48, Romans 12:12-14, Colossians 3:5-6). When we take most of our counsel or direction from those who are ignorant of Christian values (secular talk show hosts, women’s magazines, non-Christian counselors)  our thinking will remain stuck in a secular mindset. No one stuck in a secular mindset is capable of bringing glory to God or bringing anyone else into the Kingdom. (Colossians 3:1-3).  

You love the world a little too much- 

We “love the world” when we take our cues about how to live, love and function from the world’s system rather than from the Bible (John 2:15, Romans 12:2). Loving the world means the values of the world are influencing us and we are not influencing the people God has put around us.  

Sometimes I am overwhelmed to the point of tears that God loves every human on earth with an absurd and crazy passion. However, people have a responsibility to respond to God’s love in humble faith, obedience and with a heart that is determined to persevere in the faith. It’s imperative Christians remember that no one will get a free pass from Jesus on judgment Day because the church disappointed them (Revelation 20:11-15)

Dear Progressive Friend,


Know also that wisdom is like honey for you: If you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off- Proverbs 24:14

Dear Progressives, 

Believe it or not, I totally get you guys. 

I get you in spite of my obvious absence of wokeness and lack of desire to be woke. I understand you because you and I are not all that different from each other.  It’s a fact that conservative Christians and progressives rarely, if ever see eye-to-eye on the how-to’s of much of anything.  Nonetheless, I believe with all my heart that American Progressives want many of the same things Christian conservatives want. 

You want a world where people are respected and cared for. You want a world where people are treated equally and civilly irrespective of where they come from, their gender, or the color of their skin. You want a world where basic human needs are met. You do not want to see the planet ruined for future generations by myopic idiots who care nothing about future generations. You want an educational system that works for everyone. Even for those who happen to be less fortunate or less clever.  

You want good things and I get it. In some ways I think I actually have a clearer understanding of what you want than you do. What you really want is a Christian world. The only real difference between you and me is that you want all the benefits of having a flawlessly Christian world without the Christianity.   

See, here’s the thing. 

The only reason the ideas you love even exist is because of the religion you tend to disparage and dismiss. Prior to the first century there was no real belief in the idea of equality. Period. Until the Christian religion came along, wealth, power, and the ability to dominant others were the only values that mattered. Ideals contemporary people hold dear such as compassion, forgiveness, tolerance and care for the less fortunate were thought to be silly, weak, impractical and frankly a little absurd.  Human beings tended to be born into a situation in life and they remained there until they died. Lucky people were born into influential families. Everyone believed that rich people were intrinsically superior to the poor. It was widely believed that slaves were born slaves because they were bad people and kings were born kings because the gods loved them more than the lowly chumps they ruled over. Because the powerful were thought to be fundamentally better than the weak they were able to do what they wanted to who they wanted to do it to without fear of legal recourse or social stigma. 

This did not make the world a happy place. 

Women, children, slaves and the poor were the biggest losers in that cold and callous world. Farm animals were typically treated better than human females and small children. No country on earth other than Israel recognized the legal rights of slaves’, foreigners, children or women. Most individuals lived out their short lives in wretched poverty, and ignorance. Lack of hope was common place. Literally no one in any government anywhere on earth cared anything at all about the poor and sick. Welfare programs for the poor simply did not exist and medical care was only available to those with the means to pay for it. Hospitals and doctors were under no obligation to treat sick people simply because they were sick. There was no such thing as due process and convicts routinely starved to death in prison.

Then Jesus came into the world.

Jesus valued women and loved children (Matthew 18:10, Luke 17:2, Luke 8:1-3, Luke 10:38-41). The early church was filled with women partly because Christianity offered a sanctuary where women were cherished and partly because early Christians made a practice of saving baby girls who had been abandoned to die by their parents. The apostle Paul made it clear in Galatians 3:26-28 and Colossians 3:11 that there is no room in Christianity for prejudice or sexism and as Christianity spread laws were passed to protect the rights of women, children and foreigners. It is a historical fact that Christian countries were the first to routinely educate little girls. Jesus healed the sick and the idea that sick people were sick because they were cursed by their gods fell out of fashion. Christians were the first to build hospitals for the poor and offer care for the dying. Because early Christians were often imprisoned for their faith they cared deeply about the humane treatment of prisoners and as a result feeding and clothing lawbreakers became standard.  The world changed and continues to change because of the values Christianity planted in the hearts of God’s people two thousand years ago. 

So, here’s the thing.

When we extricate the moral standards, truth claims and ethics of Christianity from the values Christianity made common (fairness, equality, justice, compassion and mercy) we remove the very thing that has made those values work: Jesus. Fear of and reverence for the God of the Bible provides the framework of morality that makes the values we all cherish possible. True Christians behave morally (most of the time) because they believe that someday they will stand before God and give an account for what they do and how they treated people. Without fear of God there is nothing that prevents people from getting wrapped-up in their own self-interest. 

When progressives attack Christianity and its morality the foundation that all human rights were built on is damaged. If that foundation is damaged badly enough we will implode a system that has been making the world a progressively better place for two thousand years.

Four Weird Things People Settle for that Fall Pitifully Short of the Best Things

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom- Psalm 90:12 NIV

Humans do weird things. 

There is zero judgment in the aforementioned statement. I am speaking as a humble human who has been guilty of doing all sorts of weird things at various times in my life. 

I am not alone. 

Most of us will fight to the death for stupid stuff we don’t really want, need, or care anything about. Just about everyone has been guilty at some point of driving away the people they care about the most. And the majority of us have acted in a passive-aggressive way at some point in our lives. Passively-resisting, avoiding direct communication, faking compliance and forgetting things on purpose rather than simply asking for what we want is a very weird thing. Unfortunately, those weird things barely scratch the surface of what humans are capable of when it comes to weird things.  

Seriously.

We also settle for things that are far inferior to what God really wants us to have. We become spiritually lazy and rather than going after the best we settle for things that look and feel “good enough”. Settling for less than God’s best limits our spiritual growth and potential for doing good in this world. Furthermore, evil is accelerating at a startling pace in our day. (2nd Timothy 3:1-3). If Christians want to have any impact at all in these times we cannot afford to settle for anything less than God’s best. Following are four things that have the potential to ruin you spiritually if you choose to settle for them:

Losing influence-

Christians are redeemed for the purpose of influencing others (Matthew 5:14-16) and making a difference in this world (Ephesians 2:10). However, it is possible to forfeit our God-given influence by choosing to blend into and take on the attitudes and behaviors of our culture. If we blend in for long enough we eventually become powerless to effect change and spiritually useless (Matthew 5:13).

Makeovers

Humans are extraordinarily perceptive when comes to sensing social patterns. No sane individual wants to be branded as a weirdo, so we carefully monitor and regulate our public behavior. Christians are pros at this. The minute we get saved we take a look around at what other Christians are doing or not doing and dutifully fall in line. If none of the other Christians are dropping F-bombs we stop dropping F-bombs (at least in front of people). If none of the other Christians are drinking beer we steer clear of beer. If the other Christians are going to Bible study, we get our butts to a Bible study.  We alter our external behavior to fit into whatever Christian culture we are a part of, oftentimes without changing the attitudes of our heart (Romans 12:2).  Regulating behavior is not necessarily wrong or sinful. There are times when it is even healthy (Proverbs 16:32). However, simply copycatting good behavior falls painfully short of God’s will for our lives. God wants more for His people than wrong thinking covered-up with right behavior.  He wants to transform our thinking so that our behavior falls in line with what the Bible says rather than simply settling for behavior that “appears Christian” on the surface. Transformation cannot happen without effort on our part. We have to want it, pray for it and work our tails off to get it (Philippians 2:12, Ephesians 4:17-32). 

Being smart- 

Everybody understands what it means to be smart. Smart people can read, write and solve tricky mathematical equations. Smart people speak well and they know how to get things done. Smart is good. Wisdom is better and infinitely harder to define (Proverbs 2:12-16). Wisdom empowers people to think like God thinks and to see problems, situations and people from His perspective (James 3:17). Wisdom enables people to look at every side of an issue and think through all the conceivable outcomes of issues. Wisdom enables people to know good advice when they hear it and teaches them to tactfully ignore bad counsel (Proverbs 13:10) Wise people know when to give a little so they can get a lot and they know when they should go to war to eventually achieve peace. Wisdom is gift. God bestows wisdom on those humble enough to admit they don’t have it (2nd Chronicles 1:7-12, Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 2:6, James 1:5). 

 Forfeiting the freedom to speak truth for approval–  

It is human nature to hunger for approval and acceptance. However, there are times when that aspect of our human nature bumps up against God’s will for our lives. Anytime a Christian chooses being liked over the freedom to speak out against anything God clearly labels sin we break the heart of God and limit our usefulness for the Kingdom. 

Our world is getting darker and scarier by the day and the darkness is not going anywhere anytime soon (Matthew 24:7-13). In a world where sin is celebrated and there is a clear and present danger that biblical Christianity will be criminalized. It is imperative God’s people do not settle for anything less than being the world changers we are called to be. 

Satan’s Latest Diary Entry

You live in the midst of deception; in their deceit they refuse to acknowledge me,” declares the Lord- Jeremiah 9:6 NIV

Dear Diary, 

Life is perfectly splendid here in hell. 

This morning, I received month-end reports from all department heads. My scheme to distract humans from the truth of God and completely destroy them in the process is exceeding even my wildest expectations.

 Western civilization has bought into the absurd notion that sexual pleasure is the key to happiness and self-actualization.  I have managed to get half the human population so fixated on their own genitals that they are incapable of thinking about much else. The pornography industry has been incredibly useful to me in this area. A few decades back lobbyists for the industry convinced the courts that pornography is a harmless form of “free speech”. Now pornography is available on every smartphone in the land. Generation Z has been exposed to so much pornography that many of them would rather watch other people have sex than actually have sex. The ones that do have sex tend to have some pretty creepy views about the whole thing.  Thanks to my efforts and the porn industry many of them will never be capable of having normal, healthy relationships. 

WINNING!

I love a good lie and I hit on a winner a few years back. I actually persuaded educators, parents and activists that the science of biology is an irrelevant “social construct”. Ridiculous humans now “choose their own gender”. The concept is so obviously preposterous I secretly questioned whether or not I could pull it off. Nevertheless, I am pleased to report that gender confusion is “a thing”. Schools teach kiddos there are dozens of genders to choose from. The results have been magnificent. It is now trendy for children in elementary school to” identify” as “transgender” or “gender fluid”.  I am most pleased with how I convinced parents they should allow their children to “transition”. “Enlightened” parents give doctors (who ought to know better) the go-ahead to pump their kids full of powerful hormone blockers and perform irreversible surgeries on their beloved children. I love it when kids transition. It destroys their natural sex drive and ensures their developing bodies will be mutilated beyond repair. It also guarantees that kids will never be capable of producing children of their own.  I am tremendously eager for those children reach adulthood. They will soon recognize all that was stolen from them due to their parent’s foolishness and desire to appear as openminded by their progressive peers. I predict those kiddos will someday loathe their own parents.  I amaze myself with my own ingenuity. I really am that smart. Seriously. 

But, I digress. 

 Thanks to fake news and self-absorption I haven’t seen so much social turmoil and class envy since the days of the French Revolution (good times).  Americans have the highest standard of living of any country on earth and yet all they do is demonstrate and demand free stuff. It looks as if socialism might be taking root. I adore socialism.  What’s not to love about a system motivated entirely by envy that leads free people to hand their God-given rights over to godless bureaucrats who crave power and control? All I need is a few more of those idiots in power and all my dreams for that stupid country will finally come true. Thanks to media lies they are hovering on the brink of civil war. I LOVE civil war. It’s s just so magnificently bloody and destructive. Christians in America send out more missionaries than any other nation on earth. War will bring that nonsense to a screeching halt and there will be more souls in hell. I see nothing but potential in this situation.

 LOVE IT.  

I was a wee bit disappointed to discover that the abortion rate is down a bit in the U.S.  All is not lost. I am on it.  I have influenced a number of celebrities to glamorize and celebrate their own abortions. Young girls read those glowing testimonials and want to be like the women they admire.  The abortion rate should be rebounding any day now. 

The church has aided me greatly in my efforts in recent years. I have nothing but gratitude for those stupid but well-meaning Christians who bought my lie that talking about sin will keep the church from reaching the lost. Those folks go on and on about the love of God without ever realizing that it is only when people understand their own depravity that they seek God and are healed. Then there are the Christians I convinced that God doesn’t care about how they live. They live exactly like the unsaved people around them, no one is being drawn to Jesus by those people. Perhaps even more helpful to me are those Christians I have led to spread dissention in the church.  Thanks to my inspiration and direction they insist on having their own way in everything and the church stays divided (just how I like it). I see to it that they never consult the Bible to find out if they are right or pray over their own silly stubbornness. As long as I can keep those stupid people from loving one another and uniting together in prayer everything will continue to be perfectly peachy here in hell. 

Satan   

How “Nice” Has Become an Idol We Worship We with Wild Abandon

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols~ 1stJohn 5:21 NIV

“Being nice” is an idol we worship with abandon in Western culture. 

Before you tag-out to write me a long rambling comment listing in horrific detail the countless ways people have become rude, vulgar and belligerent, please hear me out. 

I’m not crazy.  

It is true that there are many people in our culture who become aggressively rude, foulmouthed and abusive at what looks like the tiniest provocation. However, if you look at the context of their aggression; their hostility is nearly always directed at people the aggressors categorize as hateful, rude or disrespectful in some way. 

It is never acceptable to be “not nice” anymore unless, of course someone else is determined to be “not nice”. That said, once the judgment of “not nice” has been established, literally anything goes. It is then acceptable to unleash untold hell on those judged to be “not nice”.  

Sadly, this phenomenon has turned many Christians into a horde of craven fraidy-cats (more on that later).  

This insight came as I was reading an article. The writer of said article believes evangelical support for the President (rather than the churches lack of holiness or the average Christian’s reluctance to share the not-nice parts of the gospel) is hurting our Christian witness in America. He believes that it would be best for Christian voters to dump the President and take our lumps with whoever gets elected next. Rather than discredit the reputation of Christianity with support for the President. 

The primary grievance the writer seemed to have with the President is not his with policies but rather his lack of politeness and absence of niceness. There are opponents of the President who really do have issues with conservative policies. However, they rarely attack those policies. Instead they focus endlessly on the Presidents lack of decorum, dignity and niceness.  

Sigh. 

Our collective obsession with niceness transcends the realm of politics.  Despite laws safeguarding free speech there is an influential movement afoot to shut down any and all speech thought to be “not nice”.  Racist, sexist and homophobic speech has been deemed the least “nice” speech and for good reason. Clever individuals have recognized that the most efficient way to silence someone else’s speech (and to be given the go ahead to be “not nice” to that person) is to twist that person’s speech into something racist, sexist and/or homophobic. Universities have made a practice of suppressing the speech of students who hold views that are thought to be “not nice”. Schools routinely disinvite speakers deemed problematic due to their lack of niceness. Professors have actually been fired from jobs for openly sharing views decreed “not nice”.

There’s more:

The Berkley city council has prohibited the use of gender specific pronouns in their city code because it is “not nice” to call someone a pronoun they don’t identify with. Berkley has determined that it is categorially “not nice” to offend a gender confused person or a woman or anyone so now a manhole cover will be called a “maintenance hole” and manpower will be termed “human effort” and brothers and sisters will now be called “siblings”. 

Welcome to 1984 folks. 

The entire west coast is being taken over by homeless people. Sections of entire cities are no longer fit to do business in. Nothing is being done to correct this problem (or help the homeless) because it has been determined by leadership in those cities that it is “not nice” to make judgments about the lifestyle choices of others. Medical professionals will admit in their more vulnerable moments they are reluctant to tell patients they are overweight or that their lifestyle choices are going to kill them because they do not want to be perceived as “not nice” or “judgmental”. 

The idol of nice has slipped into the church and it IS hurting our witness.  For years now, churches (even evangelical churches) have systematically softened language concerning sin. In some situations, churches have stopped discussing topics—no matter how biblical those topics might be— because someone— somewhere might possibly feel those topics are “not nice”. The teachings of Calvinism have made serious inroads in recent years, even in denominations that are not traditionally Calvinistic. I suspect one of the reasons Calvinism has become trendy is because Calvinism teaches that Christians never have to tell unbelievers they are going to hell or even evangelize them (decidedly “not nice” things). Calvinists believe it is the sole responsibility of the Holy Spirit to reach unbelievers and He does not want or need our help. If these strategies were effective I would support them, but they are not. Church attendance has plummeted as have authentic conversions to Christianity. The vast majority of church growth in recent decades has been what experts call “transfer growth” or Christians simply transferring from one church or denomination to another church or denomination.   

Idols must be dealt with decisively.  That does not mean it is okay to be rude, abusive or foulmouthed. Christians should strive to treat ALL people with the respect, dignity and the consideration that is due any being made in the image of a holy God. It does mean that we stop letting our fear of man outweigh our fear of God. 

It is critical Christians learn to balance “niceness” with truthfulness in a culture that is literally dying right before our very eyes (Ephesians 4:15, Ephesians 4:25). It is the ultimate in fiddling while Rome burns to worry more about being labeled “not nice” than to worry about the souls of people or the future of our civilization.  

Seven Things Christians Can Do to Push Back the Darkness

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed- John 3:20 NIV

I have not been cursed with a ton of vices. 

Drugs, alcohol, and gambling are not enormous temptations for me. Nor am I into video games, binge eating, hoarding, porn or nicotine. I do sometimes use shopping as a stress release. However, I hate credit card debt slightly more than I love shopping so the odds that I will morph into a full-blown shopping addict are fairly slim.   

Politics is my vice. 

Much to the chagrin of my long-suffering and far less politically minded husband, I follow political parties the way a gaming addict follows NFL teams and a gambling addict follows the ponies. The Presidential elections are my super bowl and I begin gearing for them a good two years prior to the actual elections. 

 I love the intrigue and the process of politics. I like to watch the field narrow as the primaries wind down and I love to see the strengths and weakness of each candidate emerge as the race wears on.  As a history geek I am fascinated by the reality that democracy is a relatively new development in human government, having only existed as we know it for a few hundred years.  In my nerdier moments (there are many) I like to ponder the evolution of politics and government. As a Christian I am intrigued by the fact that in our system the election of a single person often has an enormous impact on the political, economic and moral landscape of our nation, sometimes for decades. 

Sadly, I can also fall into the trap of thinking that if the right person or group of people get elected the outcome of those elections will magically alter the moral landscape of our country. Last weekend I found a quote that challenged my belief system: 

We are not seeing terrible things in our culture because we vote the wrong way. We are seeing terrible things in our culture because men love darkness more than light-Voddie Baucham

It is simply a fact that people in our culture love darkness more than they love light (John 3:19). At the heart of every “hot-button” issue of our day is a powerful battle between right and wrong, light and darkness, good and evil. There are a lot of hearts that need changing.  For the record I get that changing hearts is way above my pay grade (and yours). Changing hearts is God’s thing. However, the Bible is clear that individuals do have influence over others and there are things that can be done to push back the darkness.

Beginning with:

Prayer-

No one should talk about prayer or extol the virtues of prayer unless they are willing to actually pray (1st Thessalonians 5:17, Matthew 26:41).  We should all pray because prayer changes things. More importantly prayer changes us.  

Get some theology- 

The whole notion of having a personal theology or holding tightly to a set of beliefs concerning God, the Bible and life has been scoffed at both inside and outside the church in recent years. Even some well-known pastors have publicly criticized Christians who place a high value on Bible study.  The Apostle Paul’s proclamation that “knowledge puffs up” has been taken out of context so many times that most people do not realize that the apostle was referring to knowledge concerning a specific issue (idols).  Christians have been told repeatedly that all they need to do to effectively live out their Christian faith is love God and people.  Believing that “love” is all Christians need to communicate Christ effectively is a tragically immature understanding of both Christianity and love (1st Peter 3:15). In a post-Christian world that does not define the word love by a biblical standard, how do we even know how to love God or love people without theology as a guide? Christians should ask themselves what the Bible says about every issue in life and then study the Bible so they will know the answers (2nd Peter 1:3-9, Proverbs 18:15). 

Live right-

Holy or righteous living is one of the most misunderstood issues our time. There are actual church-going people who believe it is legalistic to expect Christians to live by the standards set in the New Testament. It’s not. Holy living is what gives Christians credibility and the right to speak out concerning the issues of our day (1stCorinthians 1:2, Ephesians 5:3, 1st Thessalonians 4:7, Hebrews 12;14).  

Serve-

Find creative ways to serve inside and outside the church. Love the human race with your actions as well as your words. 

Vote judiciously-

I know I already made it clear that I don’t think politics are the answer to our problems. That said, if Christians vote for leaders who openly embrace darkness we should not be surprised when our world suddenly becomes a darker place. 

Don’t be a jerk-

Seriously. There are enough self-righteous blowhards in this world. We do not need even one more. Love God. Live the way you are supposed to live, speak the truth boldly but lovingly and don’t worry about what the rest of the world does with the truth. God will deal with the world when the time is right (Romans 2:5-6, Hebrews 9:27, Revelations 14:7). 

Don’t waver- 

Have standards. Be shamelessly biblical. Live by those standards and beliefs and whatever you do, do not let the culture persuade you to do anything else. 

The Things That Kill Marriages


As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife~ Proverbs 26:21 NIV

My husband Alan and I are old. This reality is demonstrated in the number of years we have been married. We are currently closing in on the third decade of our marriage. The benefits and blessings of a lasting marriage are too innumerable to count. We have both come to really know another person on the deepest level possible in this life and as a result we have come to grasp what both love and forgiveness really looks like. It is also fair to say that we both know Jesus a little better than we would have without the other and without the challenges that marriage brings. 

One of the sadder realities of a lasting marriage is that over the years we have seen a lot of Christian people we have genuinely loved and respected fail epically at the art of staying married. Besides the obvious and widely understood reasons for marital failure (infidelity, selfishness, finances and in-law issues) most marital failures are the sad result of just a couple (well seven) behaviors and attitudes which always lead to break in relationship. If broken relationships are not mended properly the end result is death of the relationship. Those behaviors include:

Lies-

The ways humans can be deceitful are nearly infinite. They include (but are not limited to) hiding things, emotional affairs, fabricating stories, infidelity, not telling the whole story and helping children to hide sin from the other parent. All deceitfulness is sin (Exodus 20, Leviticus 19:11, Colossians 3:9) and sin poisons marriages. Commit to keeping it honest in your marriage. This commitment will undoubtedly force you to suffer through some uncomfortable moments of truth-telling but overall you will have a healthier, happier more rewarding relationship.  

Disrespect-

With all due respect (no pun intended) to Emerson Eggerichs, author of the popular book Love and Respect, romantic love simply cannot exist or survive without respect for the other person being present in the relationship. Mutual respect is an integral part of love. Relationships lacking in mutual respect die ugly, horrifying deaths (1stPeter 2:17).  Furthermore, contrary to popular belief even touchy-feely, girly-girl types of women need to FEEL respected in order to FEEL loved. We show respect to our spouse by watching our words and being careful about the tone we use. Husbands and wives who respect one another do not make decisions without consulting the other partner and they are always careful to speak well of their spouse to other people.  It is also critical that both the husband and the wife endeavor to behave in a way that is respectful in order for marriages to go the distance (Titus 2:2, 1stTimothy 3:11). 

Pornography addiction- 

I am convinced that at the heart of all addiction is the sin of idolatry. Once an addiction takes root in a person’s life the addict gets something from the addictive behavior that they should only get from God (a sense of wellbeing, relief from stress, comfort, peace). Because idolatry is a serious sin, God cannot bless the relationships or life of someone who is willingly bowing down (metaphorically speaking) to a false God (Exodus 34:17,1st John 5:21).  Further complicating the whole messy mess pornography is the act of inviting a third party into a relationship that was intended only for two people (Exodus 20:14, Hebrews 13:4). Even if the spouse is unaware of the pornography there will be spiritual and emotional consequences to viewing pornography. Intimacy will be compromised, walls will form and trust will be broken. These things can happen without the other person even understanding the nature of the problem. Just don’t. 

Lack of self-awareness on the part of one or both parties- 

Seriously. If a person is not aware of their own behavior and how their behavior is affecting other people they will never fix the problems in a relationship. Self-awareness comes through the practice of regular self-examination (1stCorinthians 11:28, 2ndCorinthians 13:5) and by looking for clues that we are loving our spouse in a way that makes them feel loved and cared for. 

Refusing to change-

No one knows it when they say “I do” but marriage is simply an invitation to change the attitudes and behaviors in our life that desperately need changing. For married people marriage is the tool that God uses to reveal our selfishness, pride and relational shortcomings. If we respond to those revelations by changing our ways, marriage becomes the tool God uses to mold us into the people He wants us to be (Colossians 3:5-12). When we refuse to change the things in our life that cause us or others pain we are effectively refusing God and everything He wants to do in our lives. Refusing God always invites bigger trouble and more pain.   

Unforgiveness-

“I forgive you” is more than just a syrupy sentiment or some empty words we utter to get the positive feels back in our relationship. Forgiveness is the choice to completely let go of hostility, resentment and the right to seek revenge for legitimate wrongs committed against us by another person. Forgiveness is without question the most arduous, gut wrenching, pride busting thing Christians are ordered to do (Matthew 6:15). It is also simply a fact that no marriage will survive without forgiveness.

Expecting everything to be fair and equal-

It won’t be, so the wise thing to do is to get over the notion everything should be fair and equal quickly (Luke 6:38). Marriage is not a fifty/fifty proposition. In a healthy marriage each partner is doing their best to give one hundred percent all the time but no one in the relationship EVER keeps score because scorekeeping always signals the beginning of the end of every marriage.  

Five Deceptions that Will Eventually Wreck Us-

 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen~ Romans 1:25 NIV

The year 2018 will not go down in history as a legislative win for the old and sick in the state of Oregon. In early 2018 the Oregon State Senate passed House Bill 4135 into law. This “landmark piece of legislation” allows “health care professionals” to permanently withhold food and water from dementia patients.

Seriously.  Let the magnitude of that sink in for a minute.  

 I get that a bill that was signed into law over a year ago is old news. I also get that these types of laws have become so routine that only a few hardcore, pro-life nut-jobs (like me) even get excited about them anymore.  I mention it now because this morning I read an article reporting that the Oregon Legislature is looking to expand the law to include a broader class of people than just dementia patients (Isaiah 5:20).

Sigh.

Because my brain works in strange ways (that I don’t even understand most of the time) the article got me thinking about lies and deception. More specifically it got me thinking about the lies and deceptions our culture has come to believe and how those deceptions are directly contributing to the moral quagmire we find ourselves in. Some of the lies are subtle others are more obvious. The problem with lies is that all lies hurt people and lead both the liar and those who believe the lie away from God, biblical justice and good sense (Isaiah 59:14). 

After I read the article I made a quick mental list of some the lies we have come to believe.  There were so many I had a tough time whittling the list down to a number that would be readable in reasonable period of time. 

Here are the top five: 

#1- Expediency should be the north star that guides our decision making- 

This is the lie that inspires otherwise decent people to do away with the old, sick and those who have yet to be born.  Any time convenience becomes the end goal of any situation, a corner must be cut somewhere. This is not a huge loss if we are talking about purchasing some bakery cupcakes to save ourselves a little time and effort. It is a huge loss to our humanness if we are cutting lives short in an effort to pander to our own desire for expediency and convenience (Proverbs 11:19).     

#2- Right now is all that matters- 

We have evolved into a “live in the now” kinda culture. Nowhere is this more obvious than with with children and gender transitions. In some places three-year-old children are being socially transitioned and kids as young nine are being surgically and chemically transitioned to a sex other than the one they were assigned at birth. The reasoning behind this madness is that these kids want what they want “right now”. God forbid anyone deny a child something they want right this minute (Proverbs 22:15a). Few “professionals” are thinking through the possible psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual consequences these choices might have on kids long-term. Sadly, even fewer people are asking why anyone would allow a human being who is not fully grown to consent to something that can never really be fully undone (Proverbs 20:25). 

#3- People should only do what makes them happy-

 Happiness is a feeling or mood that tends to be short-lived and extremely centered on self. Finding happiness is complicated by the fact that even under the most ideal of circumstances happiness is something that is challenging to hang onto. As a result, once we begin down the path of “making ourselves happy” the pursuit of happiness becomes a never-ending quest that is nearly impossible to achieve or maintain.  This is partly because the stuff that make us happy (or unhappy) tends to change frequently. On Tuesday donuts might make me supremely happy and on Friday the mere thought of them might make me queasy. Because happiness is such an unstable and selfish emotion when we do things solely for the sake of our personal happiness we tend to hurt a lot of people (including ourselves) in the process of “making ourselves happy”. 

#4- Government has all the answers- 

 For the record, I do not believe that individual people who work in government are evil, they are just people.  That being said, government is not a person. Government is a big giant soulless entity. All soulless entities lack sensitivity, ethics, logical thought, and wisdom. Therefore, government cannot logic out the needs of individuals or make sensible judgments about individual situations. Even in the best of situations government is all about one-size-fits-all solutions. We should always remember that nothing loves expediency and convenience more than a big giant soulless entity. 

#5- If I believe something is true then it is- 

This is the lying-est lie of them all. Sadly, this lie has become accepted dogma because we have taught that feelings about a given issue should be given the same legitimacy as verifiable facts regarding the same issue. As a result, any triggering of hurt feelings (no matter how silly the origin) is cause for alarm and sometimes even corrective action. It looks and feels compassionate to care excessively about a person’s feelings. However, feelings are just feelings, they aren’t always based on what’s real. It is critical we remember that feelings have never set anyone free from anything but truth sets people free all the time (John 8:32). 

Another Major Church Peeve

 

 My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge~ Hosea 4:6a NIV

 There is a really weird debate taking place right now.

 A growing number of elite female athletes are contending that transgender women (men identifying as women) should not be permitted to compete against women who were born women in athletic competitions. These women assert that women who were born men have some distinct physical advantages over women who were born women. Those advantages include greater overall physical size, superior muscle mass and improved lung capacity.  

 Those who argue for allowing transgender women to compete against biological women in athletic competitions maintain that when a man declares himself to be a woman he is a woman and no one has the right to dispute his interpretation of himself.    

 This is a very weird argument for several reasons:

 First, a generation ago no one would have believed that rational human beings would even be entertaining this discussion. As little as ten years ago it would have been considered utterly daft to argue that a person can change who they are simply by making a declarative statement. Period. It really is that weird. Furthermore, clear-headed people know in their heart-of-hearts that declaring one’s self to be something does not (nor, will it ever) affect reality or change that person’s situation. The fact that this discussion is taking place at all goes a long way towards proving exactly how far we have fallen down the rabbit hole (metaphorically speaking) as a society. Lastly, these crusaders are arguing for something and they have no idea what they are arguing for but they are managing to do it quite well.

 They are arguing for the existence of objective truth.

 Those arguing against allowing biological men to compete in female sports are attempting to hold up two fairly rudimentary standards of objective truth. The first being that men and women are fundamentally different. The second is that desiring something to be true cannot and will not alter the reality of what is true. The problem with these standards is not with the standards, the standards are both perfectly reasonable and demonstrably true. The problem is that all this truth telling is just a little too little and a little too late. The secular world has been denying the existence of objective truth for several decades now. The longer a person (or a society) chooses to believe a lie the less likely they are to believe the truth when they are confronted with it. In other words, the secular world is in no mood to be set straight after a half a century of being allowed to party it up in the land of make-believe.

 Sigh.

 Okay, so here’s the thing:

 It is easy for good Christian people to look at this situation, roll their eyes and feel superior to those who have willingly bought into obvious chicanery and are now paying the price for it.

 However, some of the same disdain for objective truth has crept into Church world.  It is not at all uncommon to hear Christians of all ages use the terms “my truth” and “your truth” as if there are versions of truth that all have equal validity and should be taken equally seriously. It is true that people can interpret the same event in two entirely different ways but only one of the interpretations can actually be true. It is also not uncommon for Christians to say things like “that may be true for you but it’s not true for me”. It is true that there are times when God convicts a Christian that a behavior not forbidden in Scripture is wrong for them, because that thing could become a gateway for them for truly sinful behavior (Romans 14, 1stCorinthians 8:9-13, 1stCorinthians 10:23-31). However, that is an entirely different breed of cat from one person deciding that they should not be held to the same moral standards as every other believer on the planet because they have chosen to believe that God’s judgments on moral issues are wibbly-wobbly and open to interpretation (Judges 21:25). In most evangelical churches love has been held up as the highest value (and for good reason) but we have forgotten that love not built on a foundation of truth inevitably devolves into a puddle of messy, inarticulate sentimentality.  

 All of this really comes down to a weird form of willful ignorance.

 For at least two decades now, Christians have been told that what they believe is irrelevant so long as they really love Jesus and other people. Some teachers and preachers have even argued against the attainment of biblical knowledge because they have misunderstood 1stCorinthians 8:1. Some have taught that Paul was criticizing all biblical knowledge as something that puffs people up with pride. Paul was simply stating that the Corinthians (who are a prime example of Christians who lacked love) (1stCorinthians 11:20-22) “knowledge” concerning the fact that idols are nothing had made them prideful. Their understanding of truth was causing them to ignore the needs of those who had not reached their level of understanding concerning THAT PARTICULAR ISSUE.  If Paul were asserting that biblical knowledge inevitably leads to pride he would have been refuting his own teachings about knowledge found in Ephesians 4:13, Philippians 1:9, Colossians 1:9 and 2ndTimothy 2:25.

 Church world needs to do some intense soul searching on the subjects of truth and love and come to a more balanced conclusion soon, or it will only a matter of time before even evangelical churches fall down the same rabbit hole as the rest of the world.

Seriously.

 

Five Lies Being Shoved Down our Throats About Western Civilization

Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic~ James 3:15 NIV

 Western civilization has become a wildly popular whipping boy.  

 Hardly a day goes by when we do not see some narcissistic politician or a silly celebrity (or a hybrid of the two) waxing eloquent regarding the innumerable “evils” of Western civilization. Most public schools in the West teach entire units detailing how Western civilization has enslaved minorities, devastated the environment, established shady governments, oppressed women and just generally created moral and economic chaos everywhere for everyone. Even many movies and television shows slide subliminal (and not so subliminal) anti-western civilization messages into their storylines.

 It would be intellectually reckless to attempt to argue that Western civilization is somehow faultless. Western civilization is not perfect. Like all civilizations Western civilization is inhabited by human beings who are by their very nature self-centered, ethically flawed and prone to self-deception (Romans 3:23, Galatians 5:18-20). Like produces like. Therefore, flawed beings are incapable of producing anything that is not also seriously flawed (Genesis 5:3, 1st Corinthians 15:22, Romans 5:12-15) 

 Sigh.    

 That said, I have had it up to my eyeballs with the half-truths and absolute lies being circulated via the media regarding Western civilization. Most of what’s being reported is not helpful commentary intended to make the culture better. The rhetoric being tossed around is nihilistic in nature. It is intended to tear down the beliefs, people, organizations and structures that built western civilization, and that includes Christianity.

 Attacks on Western civilization all tend to devolve into an attack on Christianity at some point. This is because Christianity was instrumental in shaping Western thought, education, morals, law and government. The notion that all men are created equal and should be equal under the law is categorically not a pagan notion. Equality is a New Testament idea (Colossians 3:10-11, Galatians 3:28) that was central in shaping the ideas of free speech, human rights, property rights and eventually women’s rights.

  Following are five lies being shoved down our throats on a daily basis concerning Western civilization:

 Western Civilization is mean-

 The notion that western civilization is meanspirited and cruel has evolved into a cornerstone of liberal thought. It is typically one of the justifications given for replacing capitalism with socialism. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been incredibly vocal in her belief that capitalism is a dreadful system that leaves people who do not work to die. This may have been true in say Victorian England but is hardly true today. If it were true, the streets of every city in America, Canada and Europe would literally be strewn with decaying bodies and all the poor people would be dead. It is true that in societies untouched by Christian morality people without jobs are sometimes left to die. But, because Christian ideas about the value of human life have infiltrated western societies there are programs that care for the less fortunate. That being said, no society has perfected a system that adequately provides for human needs without humans getting off their backsides and getting some work done. The notion that anyone can have food, shelter, and cable television without someone doing some sort of work flies in the face of common sense and is extraordinarily moronic (Ephesians 4:28).    

 There is a superior alternative to the economic system (capitalism) that evolved in Western civilization-

 Capitalism is a human system. Therefore, it is far from perfect. However, it is the best economic system in existence because capitalism rewards behaviors that benefit society, such as hard work, skill, and innovation. Capitalism penalizes laziness, shortsightedness and carelessness. Capitalism rewards those who meet human needs, which has led to a more comfortable, inventive and stable society. Capitalism is also the only economic system that permits people the freedom to move from a lower economic class to higher one. Capitalism is no respecter of persons, capitalism rewards hard workers regardless of gender, race or age (1stThessalonians 4:11). The only viable replacements for capitalism are socialism, communism and democratic socialism. Each has been tried and found wanting because those systems enslave rather than free people.   

 White Westerners are historically worse than other people-

 This view is a result of the scourge of American slavery. American slavery was inexcusably awful by any standards. However, it is critical we remember that all cultures throughout the checkered history of humanity were all pretty horrible on some level (Daniel 9:5, 1stCorinthians 6:8-10). Until recently every people group in history has taken, held and sold people into slavery. To believe otherwise is willful ignorance.

 Western Civilization is at the root of all the world’s evils-

 Sin is at the root of all the world’s evils. Sadly, sin is not going anywhere anytime soon. Moreover, our sin problem will not improve so long as humans insist on blaming society for the problems we created out of our own selfish sinfulness.

 Western Civilization is bad for women-

 It is simply a fact that no civilization in history has been all that great to women. However, Western civilization (thanks to Christianity) has done more to right the wrongs done to women through the ages than any other civilization in history. Those who doubt should visit Iraq, India, Malaysia, Saudi Aribia or Egypt. Those nations all have two things in common: a lack of significant Christian influence and the women in those countries are oppressed, subjugated and, in many cases, badly abused.

 Western culture is not perfect, neither is it something to be ashamed of. Believers should fight for the best parts of our culture, not because Christianity is somehow dependent on Western culture. It is not. If Western culture were to vanish from the scene tomorrow Christianity would endure (Matthew 16:18). Western culture is worth defending because it is a vehicle God has used to spread truth and those who hate truth wish to see it destroyed.