Category: Bitter roots

Three Root Causes of Bitter Roots-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you- Ephesians 4:30-32 NASB

Hebrews chapters twelve and thirteen are home to some of the most practical bits of wisdom in all the Bible. The writer encourages all sorts of smart behaviors including living at peace with others, practicing hospitality, cooperation with church leaders, sexual purity and obedience to God (Hebrews 12:14, Hebrews 12:16, Hebrews 13:1-2, Hebrews 12:25). The writer also cautions against foolishness like getting caught up in weird doctrine, greed and sinful living (Hebrews 12:5, Hebrews 13:9, Hebrews 13:17). 

All good stuff. 

The writer also warns readers against allowing a “bitter root” (Hebrews 12:15) to develop in their lives. Some consequences of a “bitter root” include missing the grace of God (yikes) and responsibility for the “defilement” of others (double yikes). 

Anyone who has lived long enough to acquire a little wisdom understands exactly what the writer is saying when they warn against bitterness. If a Christian (or a heathen) chooses to make their home in the bitter barn, they cannot help but become spiteful, judgmental, negative, hard-hearted and a challenge to get along with. Bitter roots also cause us to become deeply disappointed with God (Ephesians 4:31). These are all simply the natural consequences of choosing bitterness (Acts 8:23, Job 10:1). 

If bitterness is not dealt with these mindsets become a permanent part of the bitter person’s heart. This creates hurt, pain and confusion in those in closest proximity to the bitter person. Family almost always gets the worst of it. Most what we think of as generational curses are caused by a bitter root that never got dealt with. It is critical we understand the roots of a bitter root so we can be healed emotionally and spiritually. Healing allows us to live in freedom and pass on a legacy of spiritual and emotional health to the next generation. Following are three roots of a root of bitterness: 

Unmet expectations-

Everyone has expectations. Most folks do not know enough about themselves to know what their expectations are. Knowing what we expect out of life is critical. When we know what we expect from God, our spouse, our adult kids, friends and church family we can easily figure out if expectations are reasonable and fair. Oftentimes we (subconsciously) expect God to bless us with wealth and comfort. We want our friends and spouses to be perfectly tuned in to our needs. We expect our adult children to express gratitude for all our effort and churches to understand and meet all our spiritual and relational needs. These expectations are wildly unrealistic in a fallen world. Other times our expectations are more realistic. We anticipate that our spouse and friends will be loyal, our adult kids will be kind, and our church leaders will behave in a way that is respectable. Although, these expectations are reasonable they are not always met in a fallen world (Romans 3:23). Whether our expectations are reasonable or crazy town, it is critical we learn to recognize when they are not being met so that we can guard against the bitterness that naturally occurs with unmet expectations. 

Trauma-

Trauma is the biggest and most understandable cause of a bitter root. That said, just because something makes sense doesn’t mean we should allow it to become a permanent part of our personality. God cautions against bitterness partly because it steals the joy of living. The last thing a hurting person needs is to have their ability to enjoy life stolen after they endured a trauma.  Traumatic events would include (but are not limited to) rape, sexual abuse, sex trafficking, physical abuse, being denied basic needs (food, water, shelter) and severe mental abuse. It is typically necessary for trauma victims to get help from a professional to move past the very real effects of trauma. Unfortunately, many in our generation have dumbed down the definition of trauma to include events that are disappointing and difficult but not truly traumatic. These events include (but are not limited to) being left out, feeling unheard and not having our expectations (reasonable or unreasonable) met. Those who have experienced disappointment or hurt made need help as well moving past their pain as well. All counseling should have the end-goal in mind of bringing the person to a place of inner peace and forgiveness (more on this later).  

Betrayal- 

Anytime we experience betrayal there is an opportunity for bitterness to take root. This is doubly true if the betrayal was at the hands of someone who should have cared about us, like a parent, spouse, child or close friend. Betrayal needs to be worked through with a wise friend, pastor or Christan counselor to prevent bitterness from becoming permanent.

Bitterness doesn’t happen in a vacuum. 

Bitterness is enticing precisely because there is oftentimes a real reason to be bitter. Only a few insanely sensitive people become bitter without cause. This reality makes it even more critical we fight to be free of bitterness.  

Ultimately, bitter roots are a result of unforgiveness and a lack of spiritual healing (Jeremiah 17:14, Colossians 3:13, Luke 6:37, Psalm 30:2). In order to forgive and get free of bitterness we must receive the truth that God is not the author of evil or sin (Matthew 18:6, Luke 17:1-2). God weeps with those who weep. He was not asleep at the wheel when that person hurt us. Additionally, God will not allow an unrepentant evil person to go unpunished (Isaiah 13:11, Psalm 81:15, Jeremiah 2:18, Luke 20:47, 2nd Thessalonians 1:8-10). When we understand deep in our hearts that God is not the author of our pain it becomes easier to trust Him and let Him exact punishment on those who have caused us pain.   

Examining the Roots of the Estrangement Epidemic-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

If someone says, “I love God,” and yet he hates his brother or sister, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother and sister whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen- 1st John 4:20 NASB

For much of human history family estrangements were fairly rare. Even the average heathen believed blood was thicker than water and that honoring one’s parents was just something decent people did (Exodus 20:12, Matthew 15:4, Mark 10:19, Ephesians 6:1-3). When estrangements did occur, there was shame in being alienated from one’s parents.

That ship has officially sailed. 

Self-reporting indicates that at least 85 million adults (one-fourth of the population) are estranged from at least one family member (usually their parents). Many are proudly estranged, some even tout estrangement as the ultimate in “self-care”.  

The number one reason given for an estrangement is nearly always “toxicity”. Toxicity is subjective. Toxicity is rarely defined as physical or sexual abuse or even cruelty. Instead, family members are commonly labeled “toxic” for far murkier issues which include (but are not limited to) voting the “wrong” way, offering unsolicited advice, or refusing to celebrate a gender transition. Adult children have also canceled family for attending the wrong church, using the wrong pronouns or having any expectations of the adult child.   

I understand not all parent-child relationships are idyllic. There are parents who were physically or sexually abusive who remain obstinately unrepentant.  There are also parents of adult children who are addicted to drugs, cruel, or abusive towards their grandchildren. In these cases, the adult child should forgive as God requires (Matthew 6:14-16, Matthew 18:21-35, Ephesians 4:32). However, it is also totally appropriate for said child to establish boundaries and honor their parents from a bit of a distance (honoring from a distance might look like text communication, photos, cards and infrequent visits). 

That said

 No one can find a single Bible verse that grants anyone permission to go “low” or “no contact” with family over anything as nebulous as “toxicity”.  Such verses simply do not exist. 

This is an issue that need to be brought into the light.

Many of the children who have gone “no contact” are professing Christians. Many of the parents who have been canceled by their children have no idea why.  Most churches are silent where this issue is concerned. This leaves all parties with no spiritual leadership or comfort when dealing with a family conflict.

The problem of estrangement is huge. It cannot be solved or even completely explored in a blogpost. However, it is possible to shed some light on how we got here. Like most cultural phenomenon the estrangement epidemic has roots. In recent decades there have been dramatic cultural changes in how children are viewed and parented; as well as some profound changes in the value placed on relationships. I suspect much of the cultural transformation was brought on by:

Therapy culture- 

Even many Christians have traded biblical counsel and common-sense advice for secular therapy. A wise and godly counselor is literally worth their weight in gold (Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 24:6). However, a bad therapist is one of the most dangerous forces on earth (Proverbs 12:5). Unfortunately, there are therapists who will gleefully diagnose parents they have never met with serious disorders such as narcissism or borderline personality disorder. Some therapists literally specialize in helping young adults estrange from their families. With this type of therapy there is no goal of reconciliation or mutual compromise. The only goal is separation and conflict. No therapist (no matter how skilled) can effectively diagnose anyone without at least one meeting. Furthermore, any therapist who does not at least attempt to get both sides of the story before recommending estrangement is guilty of malpractice (Proverbs 18:17, Psalm 1:1). Run from such people. 

A pathological refusal to forgive-

Many parents are bad parents in a way that does not constitute physical or sexual abuse. Some parents were/are emotionally distant. Others divorced and lived their own lives with little thought or regard to the needs of their offspring. Some parents yelled too much or were controlling or did not allow enough space for personal expression (Ephesians 6:4).  There are at least a million ways parents can fail and most do in one way or another. However, the commandments that mandate forgiveness and honoring parents are unconditional. God’s word simply leaves no legitimate wiggle room for any course of action except obedience.  Alas, forgiveness is no longer in fashion, even for the smallest of offenses or unintentional mistakes. Instead, many Christians and virtually all unbelievers label the person a who offended them a filthy name and move on. This attitude runs counter to Scripture, ruins those who refuse to forgive and destroys any opportunity for generational healing. 

An idolized view of children- 

An idol is anything or anyone that gets first place in our lives. For at least a generation, parents have been encouraged to idolize their children. Children have been told by parents and teachers they are really special, and their feelings are always super important. The goal has been to make kids feel good about themselves regardless of what they do or how they behave. Sacrificing for a child’s wellbeing has always been a standard of good parenting. However, today’s parents are encouraged to sacrifice so their kids can have luxuries previous generations reserved for adults who had worked hard all their lives.  If an individual is treated like an idol, no one should be surprised when they start behaving as if they are a god who has the right to determine their own destiny.  Is it any wonder that an entire generation has concluded they can determine their own gender and cut people out of their lives without an explanation? 

Christians cannot control what unbelievers do or don’t do (1st Corinthians 5:12). If unbelievers continue to choose the dangerous path of embracing idolatry, hate and division, we have to let them. Our responsibility is to pray they have a change of heart before any more heartbreak ensues. Christians, on the other hand are called to embrace the heart of God (2nd Corinthians 13:11). This means we seek healing, peace and wholeness in every relationship (Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:15). Churches and Church leaders must ask questions when presented with an estranged family and not assume they know who is at fault. Pastors must return to encouraging healing and forgiveness in families. Refusing to do so will only lead to more brokenness, pain and evil. It will result in the removal of God’s blessing (2nd Timothy 3:1-5). No one sane wants that. 

The Things (and People) that Cause Bitterness-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment


A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the mother who bore him- Proverbs 17:25 NASB 

In my last post I wrote about bitterness and the trouble it causes. Choosing to entertain a bitter spirit is the fast track to a life of misery, distance from God, loss of spiritual purpose and broken relationships.  

Bitterness is bad.  

Really bad. 

This is why God straight-up commands Christians to avoid bitterness at all costs (Hebrews 12:15, Ephesians 4:30-31). 

As I reflected on the turmoil bitterness inevitably produces, I found myself making a mental list of the multitude of things that cause folks to become bitter. It occurred to me (kind of out of nowhere) that I have written a lot on what bitterness does, but precious little about what causes bitterness. Then it occurred to me (kind of out of nowhere) that if someone understood the causes of bitterness it could go a long way in preventing bitterness in the lives of a lot of people. 

I would call that a major spiritual win and there is nothing I love more than a major spiritual win.

Contrary to popular belief, the things that make people bitter do not always fly out of nowhere and smack us around. Sometimes they do (more on that later). However, there are also situations where bitterness is caused by our own choices and/or events that might have been avoided with a bit of foresight and a smidge of wisdom. The four things most likely to make a person bitter are:

Sin- 

Sin makes folks bitter. It just does. It does not matter if we are the ones sinning or we are the ones being sinned against. It doesn’t even matter if it the whole messy muddle was a mutual agreement to sin. Sin is the number one cause of human bitterness (Ecclesiastes 7:26). Sometimes, we are sinned against and there is little we can do to prevent feelings of bitterness. When this happens, we must ask God for the strength and power to forgive so fully that our bitterness dissolves. Forgiveness is hard, but it’s also essential because it is the only way to get free from the bondage of bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 6:15). That being said, anytime we knowingly place ourselves in a sinful situation, we run a high risk of making ourselves bitter.  Bitterness is just the natural consequence of sin.  All sin has the potential to produce bitterness. However, the sins most likely to create bitterness are sexual in nature. This is because these sins have far-reaching, sometimes even generational consequences (Ecclesiastes 7:26, Proverbs 5:3-5, Isaiah 5:20). The best way to avoid bitterness is to make a commitment to stay away from all forms of sexual immorality, including adultery, homosexuality, promiscuity and pornography. Nothing good will come from any of it. 

Totally foreseeable circumstances- 

 The best-known biblical admonition against bitterness begins with a “see to it” (Hebrews 12:15).  Anytime the New Testament begins some bit of instruction with a “see to it”, we are being told we have at least some agency in the situation (Luke 21:8, Colossians 2:8, Hebrews 12:25). Hebrews 12:15 is teaching that at least to some degree, some of the time, bitterness is avoidable. One critical aspect of preventing a bitter root is to avoid situations where we can look into the future and see there is a decent chance that we will become bitter towards the person or people involved if we don’t put an end to their antics quickly.  An example of this might be a woman offers to babysit her best friend’s child on Tuesday morning so her friend can run errands and get some “me time”.  In turn, the friend just assumes it’s okay to bring the child by EVERY Tuesday morning so she can run errands and get some “me time”. The woman who is taking advantage of the situation is obviously a source of bitterness. However, the kind-hearted woman who offered to babysit has an obligation to end the madness so that she does not become bitter towards her friend. Modern people call this “putting up boundaries”. It’s also bitterness prevention 101. 

Lack of wisdom and foresight- 

Wisdom is an undervalued commodity. Few people care about acquiring wisdom,  although everyone ought to. Wisdom is a protective force (Ecclesiastes 7:12, Proverbs 2:11-12, Proverbs 3:13-18). Wisdom provides safety, protection and it increases our odds of success in every arena. Wisdom also prevents bitterness. When a person is wise, they have foresight or prudence (Proverbs 1:3-5, Proverbs 8:12). Foresight gives people the ability to see around the corners of life (metaphorically speaking). This allows them to predict which situations or people will cause us them to become bitter. Anyone can get wisdom, all we have to do is ask for it (Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 19:8, James 1:5-6).

And finally:

Evil people cause bitterness- 

Ultimately, evil people are also selfish people. Selfish people simply do not care about the hurt or turmoil they create. Consequently, evil people spread bitterness everywhere they go. Sadly, we live in a fallen world (Genesis 3, Romans 5:12), therefore avoiding evil people is not always a viable option (Matthew 18:7). However, we can choose to put evil people in the hands of God and trust Him to deal with them in His own way and time (Proverbs 3:5-6, 1st Peter 2:6). Choosing to trust God and believing in His goodness is the number one way to prevent bitterness.

The Four Kinds of Trouble Caused by Bitterness-

Lisa M. Price2 Comments

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you- Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

Bitterness is bad. 

Really bad. 

In every reference to the emotion of bitterness, the Bible either clearly identifies bitterness as a sin or as the direct consequence of sinful human choices (Ecclesiastes 7:26, Proverbs 5:3-5, Proverbs 17:25, Jeremiah 4:18). Christians are straight-up commanded not to be bitter (Ephesians 4:31, Hebrews 12:15). The writer of Hebrews warns that bitterness is especially problematic for Christians because it triggers a unique kind of “trouble” for believers (Hebrews 12:15). It’s not overstating facts to say bitterness is an exceptionally toxic spiritual poison.  When we allow bitterness to take root it produces a playground for the enemy of our souls (Ephesians 4:26-27, 1st Peter 5:8). It also defiles (ruins, taints, corrupts) both the bitter person and the people they love. 

Yikes. 

Bitterness produces a special kind of trouble, one that has the power to trip of even the best and brightest of God’s people. That trouble includes:

Hindering our ability to worship God-

One of the biggest spiritual issues with bitterness is that it profoundly impairs our ability to worship God. At the heart of all genuine worship is a spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving (1st Chronicles 16:34, Psalm 107:7, Colossians 3:16). It is literally impossible to be grateful to God and bitter at the same time. It simply cannot be done; salt water and fresh water cannot come from the same source (James 3:10-12). A person can worship God or they can hang out in the bitter barn. No one can do both. Additionally, I have observed it is very common for bitter people to simply quit church altogether. This is because a bitter person struggles to worship God freely and worship is the primary reason Christians gather. If you are a Christian and worship holds no appeal to you, or worse yet annoys you, bitterness is likely an issue. 

Becoming bitter short-circuits the only good thing that can come out of a trial- 

It’s simply a fact that if we experience enough trials in rapid succession without processing them properly, trials will make us bitter (Ruth 1:1-21). However, it is also true that trials serve a valuable spiritual purpose (1st Peter 1:5-7, James 1:2-4). Trials refine us and help us to understand what’s important in life. Trials also give us a deeper and more profound longing for heaven, unless we allow ourselves to become bitter. If we become bitter due to trials all we get out of them is cynicism, broken relationships and lost spiritual opportunities. If a trial (or series of trials) has left you angry, reclusive or depressed bitterness may be to blame. 

Bitterness hinders our spiritual purpose- 

God could rapture His people off the planet as soon as they come to faith in Jesus. He’s fully capable and it would make things easier for us, but He doesn’t. Instead, God leaves us in our families, friend groups and communities for the specific purpose of being His faithful witnesses to a lost and dying world (Matthew 28:19-20, Acts 1:8). One of the chief objectives of salvation is to become as much like Jesus as we possibly can so that the unbelievers and skeptics around us see Jesus in us and want to know Him better (2nd Corinthians 3:18). Bitterness makes effective evangelism nearly impossible, partly because bitter people reflect God poorly.   

Bitter people make people bitter- 

I am convinced that with a few notable exceptions, bitter people don’t intend to make other people bitter, but they do. Bitter people spread bitterness like a bad cold because bitterness makes people entirely self-centered.  The constant self-focus leads the bitter person to do outlandishly thoughtless and just plain mean things to the people they care about most.  Sadly, the bitter person is so self-focused they are either blinded to what they are doing to others, or they feel justified in their behavior. When someone is routinely hurt or mistreated by someone being eaten alive by bitterness, they quickly become bitter themselves, this is how bitterness “defiles many”. 

Bitterness is never inevitable; it can always be avoided or dealt with. The best way to avoid bitterness (or deal with it effectively) is to routinely examine our lives (2nd Corinthians 13:5).   Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I become excessively angry at the sins or folly of others?

Do I lack grace? 

Do people annoy me for no reason? 

Do I have a pattern of cutting people out of my life? 

Do I routinely make bad decisions because I refuse to take advice from others?

All of the above are signs of a bitter spirit. 

Anger, resentment and irritation are the precursors to bitterness. Anytime we begin to feel those feelings on a regular basis, it’s a sign bitterness is beginning to take root in our hearts. The antidote to bitterness is honest prayer and a willingness to forgive those who hurt us (Matthew 18:21-35, Mark 11:25, Luke 6:37, Colossians 3:13). We must make a habit of sorting out our hurt, pain and disappointment with life and people before the Lord. Honest prayer is rarely a one and done when it comes to correcting a bitter spirit. We must be willing to take our feelings before God until our hearts soften, and we are walking in alignment with the God who forgives completely and loves without limits ( John 3:16, Acts 10:43, 1st John 3:1, Psalm 103:12)

How to Pull out a “Root of Bitterness”-

Lisa M. Price3 Comments

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery- Galatians 5:1 NIV

Bitterness is literally the worst.

Literally.

Bitterness is when chronic cynicism, resentment and hostility become a constant in a person’s life.  Other indicators bitterness is a problem are a tendency to isolate, a lack of compassion, relentless faultfinding and the inability or unwillingness to see the good in people and situations.  Bitterness hits its peak of awfulness when a person gets to the place where they want to see others suffer the way they feel they have suffered.   

Bitterness is one of those issues we rarely see in ourselves until after it has become an entrenched issue. This is because the emotions that lead to bitterness feel personal and private and more often than not: justified. When we perceive that we have been hurt or wronged it FEELS defensible and reasonable to allow our most negative, ugly emotions to run wild. However, when we let hurt or pain run the show we give the devil an opportunity (foothold) to sow chaos in our lives. One of Satan’s favorite things is a Christian who has been corrupted and hardened by a bitter spirit (Ephesians 4:26-27).   

The writer of Hebrews compares bitterness to a “root”. Feelings like anger, hurt, disappointment, jealousy or resentment create fertile soil for bitter roots to sprout. If left unattended bitter roots grow, spread and eventually choke out everything good, healthy and live-giving in a person’s life. Even more alarming, bitterness not only impacts the bitter person it also defiles (corrupts) the people closest to them (Hebrews 12:15, Ephesians 4:31, James 3:14). 

Yikes. 

It is on us to pray often that God will make us aware of any bitter roots that have sprouted up.  (Matthew 5:30).  Once bitterness has taken hold, the only way to get rid of it is to pull it out (metaphorically speaking). The keys to dealing with bitterness is as follows:

We must fully understand the implications of not dealing with a bitter root- 

Bitterness is no inconsequential thing. Making space for a bitter spirit is the fast track to spiritual uselessness, broken relationships and unanswered prayer (Leviticus 19:18, 1st Peter 3:12, Hebrews 5:7). Refusing to deal with the sin of bitterness is basically just acquiescing to the fact that you will be less spiritually productive than you could be. It also means accepting that your feelings of resentment will ultimately impact your kids, grandkids, church family and friends adversely. None of those realities should ever be acceptable to a follower of Jesus. Furthermore, Christians are commanded by Jesus to bear an abundance of good fruit and be a peaceful presence in the lives of others (Matthew 7:17-19, Luke 13:6-8, John 15:1-8, Colossians 1:10, Ephesians 6:15, John 14:27, Galatians 5:22-23). There is simply no way to fulfill that calling with a bitter heart. 

Stop nursing the dang thing- 

The most efficient way to kill a plant is to simply stop watering it. The same is true with bitterness. If we want to stop feelings of bitterness we must stop nurturing and indulging the feelings that lead to the bitterness in the first place. This means we must stop thinking about or talking about the situation or people who caused the bitter root to spring up. Instead, we must practice self-discipline in our thought life and conversations (Hebrews 12:11, 2ndTimothy 1:7). The easiest and most productive way to make that happen is to simply commit to only discussing the issue with mature fellow believers who are actively helping you to find freedom from the problem 

Bathe it in prayer- 

The most efficient way to kill a bitter root is to cover the situation and people involved in prayer. Prayer is the spiritual equivalent of a powerful weed killer (Philippians 4:6, James 5:16). Prayer is essential to pulling out a bitter spirit because it keeps us from ruminating on the situation or gossiping about the people involved. Gossip and ruminating on our pain are like pouring fertilizer on the bitter root (Matthew 26:41, Ephesians 6:18, 1st Thessalonians 5:17).

Let God be God in your situation- 

Most of the time, people do not become bitter without some sort of reason. There are situations where a very sensitive, immature or prideful person will become angry and bitter about something that wasn’t a big deal (like being called out on their sin or being slighted in some way). However, most of the time bitterness is the result of genuine hurt, loss or disappointment. In one sense bitterness is really just a desire for revenge that’s running amok in a person’s heart. The Bible is clear: revenge is best left to God (Romans 12:19, Hebrews 10:30). This is because He is far better at it than we are and the desire for revenge twists us up and turns us into a sad parody of what we could have been. Nobody wants that.

And finally,

The only way to totally break free of bitterness is to make the hard, sometimes painful choice to fully forgive those who have sinned against us (Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-35).  Forgiveness is rarely easy, nor, is it typically a one and done. It’s a process that takes time. It often requires help from a mature friend, Christian counselor or pastor. Forgiveness is difficult but it’s also worth whatever effort it takes because it frees us from the ugly consequences of a bitter spirit and sets us free to be the people Jesus calls us to be (1st Peter 2:9). 

Dealing with the very Real Temptation to Become Bitter-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

I loathe my very life; therefore, I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul~ Job 10:1 NIV

 Bitterness is not a subject discussed much in the church.

It ought to be because bitterness is something everyone struggles with at some point in their lives.

 Everyone is tempted to become bitter at some point, because bitterness is simply a byproduct of living in a fallen world. We are all sinners (Romans 3:23, Romans 5:12-14). Sinners universally have a tough time seeing their own issues and faults. Sinners also have a tough time seeing the effect their issues and faults have on others. Because most people, even most Christians, are really just sinful, clueless bumblers. People hurt others, sometimes without even realizing they are doing it. It is true, there are evil people who hurt others intentionally simply because they enjoy hurting people, but in my experience those people are fairly rare. Most folks just stumble around blindly, not realizing how much suffering, trouble and pain they are generating with their actions and choices.

Sigh.

  I have done my time in the pit of bitterness. Thanks to God’s mercy I came out of it with my faith, sanity and love for humanity firmly intact. Through the process of getting free I learned a thing or two about this rather painful subject. Including:  

 Bitterness feels awesome-

 Only a very few excessively sensitive souls become really bitter over stuff that wasn’t a big deal in the first place (Luke 17:1).  As a result, when we wallow around in bitterness it feels AWESOME, at first. Alcohol and bitterness have some weird things in common. Alcohol is a slow-acting poison. As we indulge, the poison begins to work. In the beginning we feel euphoric and awesome. However, if we drink too much for too long that choice can end in sickness, liver failure, brain damage and sometimes even death. Bitterness acts on our spirits in much the same way alcohol acts on our bodies. Because bitterness is almost always the result of a valid hurt, nursing feelings of bitterness is emotionally satisfying and feels great, at least in the beginning.  However, if we do not get a firm handle on our bitter feelings the choice to indulge them inevitably ends in the spiritual and emotional equivalent of acute alcohol poisoning or liver failure. Every analogy breaks down at some point and it is true of this one as well. The biggest difference between alcohol and bitterness is that a little bit of bitterness is never okay and there are no known benefits to bitterness. No one can indulge in a bitter spirit and walk away unscathed because bitterness is far more addictive and damaging than alcohol could ever be.   

 Prevention is the best medicine for bitterness–

 Hebrews 12:15 warns against allowing the sin of bitterness to take root in our lives. The text says:

See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

The “see to it” wording of this verse tells us that the writer believed individuals have some personal responsibility when it comes to the sin of bitterness. There are times when circumstances that produce bitter roots appear out of nowhere and we have zero control over whether or not to allow those situations into our lives. There are also times when we simply cannot walk away from people or circumstances that have the potential to make us bitter. When that happens, our spiritual and moral responsibility is to deal with our feelings before God in a healthy way so that bitterness has no opportunity to take root in our lives.  That being said, there are also times in life when we willingly place ourselves in situations, or refuse to walk away from situations that we know from day one will be fertile ground for bitter roots.  Taking responsibility for ourselves in the area of bitterness means being cautious about which situations we allow ourselves to get into and which situations we choose to stay in (Proverbs 6:1-3).   

 Bitterness is a temptation before it is a sin-

 Bitterness is a choice (Ephesians 4:31). Like all choices, bitterness is not something we fall into like helpless chumps. We are tempted long before the sin overtakes us (1stCorinthians 10:13). Wise, mature Christians are emotionally vigilant, they pay attention to their feelings so that they can avoid getting caught-up in something sinful, like bitterness (1stPeter 5:8).

 Getting free from the sin of bitterness begins with recognizing that wallowing around in bitterness is every bit as sinful as whatever situation caused us to become bitter in the first place. In other words, we must confess our own sin. Then we must forgive the person who sinned against us. A key component of forgiving others is trusting God to deal with the person who sinned against us.  Praying for the person who sinned against us can help us let go of the desire for revenge.  Forgiveness is never easy and is typically a process that takes time. To get free we must take our hurt and pain to God until we are free from the hurt, anger and bitterness.