Category: 2016

What to Do When You Have no Idea What to Do-

Lisa M. Price2 Comments

Be strong and have strength of heart. Do not be afraid or shake with fear because of them. For the Lord your God is the One Who goes with you. He will be faithful to you. He will not leave you alone~ Deuteronomy 31:6-7 NLV

 I do not pretend to know everything there is to know about life.

 I freely admit that there is more I don’t know than there is that I do know. Moreover I am well aware that even after more decades on this planet than I like to talk about I probably still don’t know what I don’t know.

 Sigh.

 That said, there are some things I am convinced are true. The first is that God is a good God. He always has our best interests at heart, even when our feelings or circumstances tell us something different. The second is that spiritual truth simply does not change or become untrue because the culture in which we live tells us otherwise. God’s opinions do not “evolve”. If something was true from a spiritual perspective two thousand years ago then it is still true today. Notwithstanding all the reports you have likely heard to the contrary.

 And lastly, I am persuaded that every human being who walks through life on this silly, sin-sick planet has or will experience the frustration and confusion that comes with not knowing what to do or how to respond to a particular situation or problem. Sadly, there are times in this life when education, wisdom or extensive personal experiences still leave us thoroughly ill equipped to handle the junk life throws at us.

 An unpleasant and sometimes overwhelming sense of defeat generally accompanies these times. The muddle is further compounded by the fact that the stuff that vexes us most in life is generally profoundly personal and often deeply painful. This ends up leaving even the best of us feeling bewildered, vulnerable and peeved with God (Psalm 10:1, Psalm 13:1, Psalm 27:9).

 Which leads to doing a whole lot of nothing.

 I am convinced that the nuts and bolts story of how we got to this place in life matters a whole lot less than what we do with the circumstances we are faced with. Don’t get me wrong; there is value in self-examination (2nd Corinthians 13:5) . Self-examination and an honest assessment of our actions and reactions is the only thing that will keep us from repeating the same stupid mistakes over and over again.

 However.

It’s what we do when we don’t know what to do that determines our character and ultimately it’s our character that determines our destiny (please pardon the trite, overused platitude).

 Again, I do not know everything there is to know about this or any other subject. However, I do have more experience than I care to admit with not knowing what to do in a particular situation (don’t ask). So today I want to share a few tips for maneuvering through the morass of what to do when you don’t know what to do.

 First…

 Don’t get stuck in a muddle of misery and self-pity–

 Personal blows such as a job loss, personal rejection, business failure, or a divorce are horrendous, life-altering, episodes that really do warrant a legitimate grieving process. It’s crucial that we allow ourselves be sad or angry when we experience a big hurt or loss, it’s also crucial we don’t get stuck in feelings of sadness or self-pity. At some point we have to heal from the hurt, take risks again and find a new normal (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).  

 Do something good–

 Anytime we make a big mistake or suffer through a hurtful situation it’s tempting to isolate ourselves and just kind of wait around for circumstances to change and for good things to come our way. Sadly, good things rarely just happen. Good things typically transpire because we are doing good things (Ephesians 2:10, Galatians 6:7). So turn off the phone, laptop and T.V and and go interact with humanity. Volunteer in a soup kitchen, get to know a lonely neighbor, or help out at your church. It may not change your circumstances but it will make you feel better about life (Matthew 6:12).

 Don’t blame God–

 Trust me, it’s not His fault. He is in fact, the one who cares most about you and your situation (Psalm 40:1, 1st Peter 1:3-9). You need Him now more than ever.

 Forgive the jerks that hurt you–

 Lack of forgiveness keeps us trapped in a never-ending cycle of bitterness that makes it almost impossible to see a way out of our current circumstances. The only way to break the cycle is to let go of resentments and forgive (Acts 3:19, Matthew 6:12-15). Forgiveness is beautiful because it frees us up to see the future that God has prepared for us.

 There is one other thing I am staunchly persuaded is true. I am sure God never allows anything, no matter how painful or futile it may feel to us, into our life without a greater purpose (Romans 8: 18, Romans 8:28, Philippians 2:13 ). Sometimes when we don’t know what to do, God just wants us to take a little time get to know Him better. When that task is accomplished, then He will show us what to do.

How Hate and Fear Got Trump Elected

Lisa M. Price2 Comments

The truth shall make you free~ John 8:32b NKJV

It’s been nearly two weeks since the votes were counted and Donald J. Trump was elected as leader of the free world. Sadly, half the American electorate is still deep in the weeds of a bitter grieving process. Because anger is not an easy emotion to sustain over a long period of time I figured that the riots, temper tantrums, and malicious Facebook tirades would be easing in intensity by now.

 I figured wrong.

 Over the course of the last two weeks I have seen a steady stream of social media posts and liberal columnists demanding that Trump step down (seriously, like that will happen). Others are hanging on to the fantasy that a large enough percentage of state electors will go “faithless” to reverse a Trump victory at the eleventh hour.

 As if.  

 Others are descending deeper into a state of denial. The vast majority of progressives out there are convinced the only reason Donald Trump won the election is because half of America is racist, poor and stupid.

 This belief exposes an ugly truth. We have become a nation of reflex labelers. We no longer take the time to discover the nuances of what people think or how they feel about issues. Instead we slap a label on those who do not think like we do do. Sadly, this is typically done based on the scantest of information, which makes it almost impossible for those in denial to see the truth.

 For the progressives who read this blog (I know you’re out there) I want to clear up a few misconceptions concerning the Trump win.

 One piece of Trump’s success was his competition. Hilary Clinton was a flaming-hot mess of a candidate. She was a scandal-ridden nominee who presented no new ideas and in spite of a lifetime spent in public office she could boast of no actual accomplishments.

 Clearly, anyone could have beaten her.

 However, Trump’s success was not due entirely to Hillary’s weakness. Economic concerns were on the minds of many Trump voters, but the election results were about more than just the economy. I believe the issues that propelled Donald Trump to the Presidency run deeper than all of that.

Ultimately the Trump win was about:

 Fairness-

 Prior to 1973, abortion was outlawed in thirty states and legally limited in the other twenty. America was a steadfastly pro-life country. Nonetheless, seven Supreme Court Justices overrode the majority and legalized abortion on demand in all fifty states.

 Three states (Maine, Maryland, Washington) legalized gay marriage due to a vote of the people. No state enforced prohibitions on homosexual sex or same-sex cohabitation; most states simply refused to recognize gay marriage. Nevertheless, in 2015 the Supreme Court marginalized the masses and overturned thousands of years of social wisdom when they pulled the “right” for same-sex marriage out of thin air.  

 It is estimated that roughly one-percent of Americans identify as “trans-sexual” and yet the federal government is attempting to force schools and business to make costly and difficult “accommodations” for a tiny minority, despite the practical concerns of millions.

 Clearly, none of this is fair. Unless of course your definition of fairness differs dramatically from the commonly accepted meaning of the word.

 It was also about common sense and respect for others-

 Contrary to popular belief, it is common sense—rather than hate—that dictates that we carefully screen immigrants who belong to a religion where some of the adherents commit acts of senseless violence against innocent people. It’s absurd to insist that state mandated education teach children there is an endless array of genders for them to choose from.  Especially, when one considers the sorry state of public education in many areas. Contrary to popular belief, most Christians LIKE gay people. However, they also believe it’s irrational and disrespectful to demand they bake a cake for a gay wedding.

 Finally, it was about fear and hate-

 Not fear of Muslims, women, gay people, Latinos or a changing America. It was fear of the liberal left and their hatred of conservatives that drove folks to the ballot box. Conservatives have been watching liberals for years and the riots in Ferguson, Baltimore, Seattle, Milwaukee, Portland and St. Louis have proven that sane people ought to fear a progressive majority. Sadly, fear is increasing, thanks to the aggressive vitriol coming from the left since the election. Hilary Clinton reinforced that fear when she called Trump supporters “deplorable” and when she declared, “religious beliefs must change”.

 Conservatives knew what religion she was talking about and it scared them. It was the intolerance and hate that has become endemic on the left that drove conservative America to vote for Donald Trump.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of Words Should Christians use?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed~ Proverbs 12:18-19 NLT

 Words.

Most words fall into one of two categories:

 Life-giving and soul-sucking:

Life-giving words are instructive, helpful and motivating. The Bible tells us they are literally like honey to the soul (Proverbs 16:24). Life-giving words build others up and remind them in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways human beings are the image-bearers of God and what we do matters to Him. A life-giving word from someone who cares is sometimes all it takes to begin the process of healing a hurt or restoring a wandering soul. Life-giving words cause others to feel cared for and confident about the role they play in this world. Life-giving words are not always “nice” (more on that later) but they always motivate us to become better versions of ourselves. Life-giving words have the power to propel people to true moral, spiritual and practical greatness.

 Soul-sucking words, on the other hand tear others down and crush the life out of people (Proverbs 12:18).

Soul-sucking words can be either cruel and insensitive or deceptive and misleading. Cruel and insensitive words are spoken selfishly with little thought to how they will affect the hearer. Sadly, cruel and insensitive words tend to be the words that stick with us the longest and make the most impact on how we see ourselves and other people. Insults, name-calling, cursing and general cattiness all fall neatly into the category of soul-sucking speech. These types of words have no place in the life of a Christian (Ephesians 4:29, 1st Peter 4:11). Deceptive words are by definition a little trickier to spot. Deceptive words often come in the form of worldly wisdom or subtly deceptive speech. Deceptive speech in its most obvious form would be outright lies, twisting truth, gossip and backstabbing (Proverbs 18:8, Proverbs 11:13, Romans 1:29, Galatians 5:14-15). Deceptive words sometimes sound legitimately wholesome and innocuous, at least on the surface. Sometimes they even come across as wise and life-giving but they have an edge to them that plants doubt rather than hope.  Deceptive words eventually lead all involved down a path of destruction.

 Christians universally place a high value on words, and for a whole lot of really good reasons. God has quite a lot to say on the subject of words. The Bible literally contains hundreds of verses instructing God’s people on the correct and incorrect use of words.

 That being said.

 Many Christians have bought into some erroneous and rather silly beliefs concerning speech. This flawed thinking is quickly becoming embedded in much of our Christian culture and it’s causing all sorts of problems and issues. People are being deceived, discipleship has become compromised and, in some cases, our ability to share the gospel and communicate truth to a dying world has been compromised.

Sigh.

 The first lie says that in order for a message or word to be life-giving, good and godly the words communicated must be “nice”, “encouraging” or “uplifting” to the hearer or reader. Those who have bought into this lie reject out of hand any message or statement that causes the hearer of said statement to feel guilty or uncomfortable about anything at all.

This is a problem because:

 If we assume this drivel to be true then logically Christians should get busy throwing out huge chunks of the Bible. This would include most of the Prophets, many of the Proverbs and vast portions of New Testament books. We should also seriously consider pitching parts of the Gospels, 1st and 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Hebrews, James, 2nd Peter, 2nd Timothy, Jude and Revelation. All of these books contain warnings or passages that are far from “nice” ‘encouraging” and/or “uplifting” (Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:43-47, 1st Corinthians 6:9, Ephesians 5:5, Hebrews 6:4-6, 2nd Peter 2:4). The Bible as a whole is good and life-giving but’s it’s not always nice (Matthew 12:34, Romans 3:12-14, Galatians 5:12).

Seriously.

The second lie is essentially the inverse of the first lie: many have somehow been deceived into believing that it is more “authentic” or “real” to say what needs to be said in the bluntest and in some cases rudest way possible. Those who have bought into this drivel confuse political correctness with respect and believe that the only honest speech is raw speech. In my experience “raw speech” or “honest speech” is frequently just a thin cover for intentionally aggressive and cruel speech.

Here’s the thing:

 Truth lies almost always lies somewhere in the middle and, there is wisdom in striving for balance. Ephesians 4:15 is the gold standard of instruction concerning Christian speech, it instructs Christians to tell people the truth about their choices, even though truth can be unpleasant and hard to hear. It also commands speaking truth in a loving way (which is incredibly tough to do). When we use words in a loving AND truthful way the God of the universes uses us to help people to grow into Christian maturity and the image of Jesus Christ.

What Does Authentic Christian Love Look Like?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 

If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us~ John 4:12

  Every few years I switch out my Bible translation for a new one.

My absurd fondness for novelty aside, the slight differences in the texts forces me to pay attention to what I’m reading. It keeps me thinking, and I have found thinking is always better than the alternative.

Over the years I have made my way through the NIV, NKJV, NASB and The Message.

 With the notable exception of The Message (TOO MANY WORDS) whatever version I am currently reading typically morphs into my new favorite. My current favorite is the English Standard Version. However the ESV it is certainly different than the last version I read (NASB) and the differences have led to some thought-provoking discoveries.

 This last week was challenging and I found myself in desperate need of a spiritual kick in the pants. So I headed to Romans chapter twelve, it’s kind of my go-to passage anytime I need little spiritual straight-talk or a firm reminder of what the whole Christian thing is all about (Romans 12:1-21). Over the years I have probably read that particular chapter at least a hundred times, but, for some reason verse nine caught me up short and got me thinking and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since. 

 It simply reads…

 Let love be genuine.

 Because the text tells us our love should be genuine, then logic dictates there is a form of love Christian people sometimes express that is NOT real or genuine. It is somehow fake, phony or counterfeit, and like every decent counterfeit, it looks genuine, at least on the surface. It’s also safe to assume that this verse serves as a warning to Christians to be vigilant about how we love others.

 All this made me want to find out what other people think about the subject of love. So I did what people do these days when they want to know what people think about a subject.

 I posed a question on social media.

 I got sixty-five responses and the responses were divided into two distinct groups. The first group defined love almost entirely in terms of feelings. They talked about how they felt about family and friends. They described the security they felt with certain people, general thoughtfulness and those they care about or people that care about them.

 Others focused more on actions. This group tended to define love in terms of what we do rather than how we feel about other people. Many used words like commitment, thoughtfulness, selflessness, and compassion. Some spoke of courage, personal sacrifice, providing for the physical and emotional needs of others and grace.

 All good stuff.

But not exactly what I was looking for.

 The answers I was looking for didn’t come from social media (shocker) but they did come. It kind of hit me out of nowhere that genuine Christian love is unique because it is about more than just warmhearted sentimentality, or even a firm commitment to sticking with another human being through thick and thin.

Authentic Christian love is distinct and categorically different from any other kind of love. Christian love goes beyond providing for daily needs or showing grace to a struggling soul. Love is about more than simply being kind, although kindness, care for others, commitment and grace are at the very core of authentic love. There is no love without those things. Nonetheless, Christian love is much deeper and more complex than all of that. Authentic Christian love is about more than making people feel good about themselves or the choices they’ve made in life.

 Genuine Christian love is chiefly concerned with the eternal destiny of other people (John 3:16, Mark 8:35, Romans 1:16-17, Romans 13:10).

 All Christians should be kind, generous, courageous, compassionate and gracious people . Christians should do everything possible to help meet the physical and emotional needs of others (1st Corinthians 13:1-13, James 2:14-17). Christians should always consider the feelings of others before they speak or act (James 1:19-20).

Those are all givens.

However any expression of Christian love that does not attempt to change the eternal destiny of the other person by telling the truth about heaven, hell and the sin problem of mankind is not really love at all.

 It’s a fake, a fraud, a phony, a counterfeit.

This fact ought to cause us all to evaluate how we choose to love others. Is our love primarily focused simply on kindness? Not hurting people’s feelings? Providing physical needs? All of these things are good things.  

However.

They fall tragically short of fulfilling the law of Christian love (James 2:8).  

 

What is the Right way for Christians to Deal with Personal Injustice, Evil or Unfairness?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 Job said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God~ Job 1:21-22 NASB

Recently, I have felt as if I might be stuck in a weird version of the movie Groundhog Day. I have had numerous conversations with all sorts of different people who all have vastly different stories but the exact same problem. At the root of all the stories is always a situation we all experience at some point in our journey through life. The details of the individual stories differ but at the root of problem is always a terrible or unjust situation completely outside of the person’s ability to control.

 Sometimes the person is born into said situation.

 One of the sadder consequences of living in a fallen world is the untold number of children who (through no fault of their own) lose the parental lottery at conception. Those children are born to immoral, selfish or sometimes even sadistic parents. The psychological fallout of being born to selfish or cruel parents is experienced well into adulthood.

 Other times the situation manifests later in life.

 A spouse we assumed would be loyal chooses not to be.  A person we care deeply about becomes the random target of senseless violence. A friend who claimed to be a Christian does something Christians just don’t do. The child we raised right goes terribly wrong. A boss or colleague takes credit for our hard work. We become the victims of injustice, bigotry or prejudice. A loved one dies long before we think it’s time. Someone we loved and trusted tells a terrible lie and our reputation takes a hit.

Sigh.

 Whatever the details might be, the problem always begins the same way: we are wronged or cheated in some profoundly unpleasant and unfair way. Hurt and anger follow, anger takes root and we do what humans do when we get angry about things that are unjust, unreasonable and completely outside of our control.

Then we blame God for things He had nothing to do with.

 We blame God because blaming God gives us an outlet for our rage and  it makes us feel better, at least temporally. That being said, blaming God for things He had nothing to with actually compounds our problems rather than solving them.

 I am convinced anger is not a “bad” or a “sinful” emotion. There is such a thing as righteous and even healthy anger (Matthew 21:12-13, Ephesians 4:26). Some things that happen in this world are horrible. Horrible things ought to make us angry. If  horrible things don’t make us angry it’s a sign something is terribly wrong with us.

That said.

Anger directed at God—rather than at the injustice that was suffered— always causes us to act out in sinful, inappropriate, and astonishingly self-destructive ways. Sometimes we indiscriminately vent our wrath on undeserving people or hurt others in the same way we were hurt. Other times we choose to abuse alcohol, engage in sinful sexual behaviors or use drugs in a misguided attempt to numb the pain and forget the hurt.

Sigh.                                                                                                          

 We blame God for the actions of people because we have a fundamental misunderstanding of God, human sovereignty and how God relates to His creation. God creates every person with the capacity to do good things with the gift of life given to them. However.  God does not force anyone to do anything good or bad. God is not a creepy puppet master who forces people to “be good”, obey His commands or do His bidding. God gave humanity freewill and we are able to use that freedom in anyway we choose.

 Most of us are comfortable with this arrangement so long as it applies to our own personal choices. However, when individuals use their freewill in a way that hurts others sometimes we become outraged with God, the one being in all of existence that is the most brokenhearted by the depravity and ugliness of a good deal of human choices.

 It is critical to our emotional and spiritual health we remember that we remind ourselves when we have been hurt by someone else’s sin that God does not cause people to do cruel, insensitive or evil things. Nor does He endorse, condone or excuse bad behavior. God hates evil. However, just because God allows something to take place it does not mean that anyone is actually getting away with anything (Hebrews 4:13, Matthew 18:6, 2nd Peter 2:4-10).

 God promises in His word that there will come a day when every human being who has ever lived will be judged for what they did and didn’t do here on earth (Revelation 20:11-15). It is imperative we remember that NOTHING goes unnoticed by God and every deed, thought and motivation will ultimately come under His judgment (Hebrews 4:12-13).

 Until that day dawns, it is imperative to our spiritual and mental we go to God with our pain, rather than blaming Him for it. Blaming God for stuff He had nothing to do with inevitably leads to shutting the door on the only one in all the universe who can give us the comfort, peace and healing we really need to move on.

 

Where We Went Wrong With the Millennial Generation

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things~ 1st Corinthians 13:11 NKJV

 Over the last dozen or so years a countless number of articles and blog posts have been written on the subject of the Millennial generation and their well-documented indifference towards organized religion in general and Christianity in particular.

 Most writers focus almost entirely on solving the immediate spiritual crisis. Concerned parties want to reach the eighty percent who have wandered from the faith, before the entire generation is irrevocably lost to secularism, humanism, and atheism. I truly care about reaching the millennial generation on a spiritual level. However, I believe its every bit as imperative we understand how we got into this mess in first place.

 History is always critically important.

 Unless we know where we went wrong in a particular area we will be doomed to repeat the same stupid mistake until we die. Sadly, a countless number of blunders were made with the millennial generation. Parents, schools and churches all carry a share of the blame.

It all began with how my generation was raised.

Few in my generation were ever told we were special or smart when we were kids. This was true even when we did things that were genuinely special or smart. We were seldom permitted to voice our opinions or encouraged to share our thoughts. It was NEVER okay to contradict an adult. So when we became parents we did what Americans do when they encounter a wrong.

 We overcompensated.

 We told our kids a hundred times a day that they were smarter, more special and better informed than any children in the history of forever. If they pooped we threw a party, complete with M&M’s and party hats. If they shared an opinion, we celebrated that opinion no matter how irrational or poorly thought-out it happened to be. We insisted every kid get a trophy and made certain no child ever felt less than AWESOME about his or her academic or athletic abilities, regardless of actual ability.

 Educators were quick to focus on feelings rather than facts and hop on to the self-esteem bandwagon. Discipline went out of fashion and subjects like history were taught from an extremely one-sided perspective. Kids were rarely expected to examine both sides of an issue nor were they taught to judge historical figures actions and attitudes in the context of the time period they lived in. Absurd viewpoints were rarely, if ever challenged in academic settings.

 Churches and youth ministries focused on having fun, forming relationships and making kids feel good about themselves. Learning the Bible was dropped in favor of “service projects” and “doing life together”. The whole notion of sin was marginalized. Youth ministries focused on transforming children not yet out of puberty, including some who exhibited no indications of salvation into “leaders” who would “reach their generation for Jesus”. Do not judge, lest you be judged (Matthew 7:1) was the one Bible verse every high school student memorized.

 The end result of this collective madness has been devastating to our culture.

 Many millennials never let go of childish ideas about life and reality. It’s appallingly common for grown people to think that feelings are more important than facts and that if you believe something to be true then it must be. Many become anxious and overwrought when a flaw is pointed out in their thinking or when a viewpoint that differs from their own is presented. That is why we now have “safe spaces” on college campuses and in workplaces, to shield people from words or ideas that make them uncomfortable.

 Sigh.  

 The most tragic consequences of our folly have manifested themselves in the realm of the spiritual. Many millennials believe that if a Bible verse FEELS wrong to them then the Bible got it wrong on that subject. Because teenagers were placed in positions of spiritual leadership long before they were actually converted, acquired any wisdom or knew much of anything about the Bible; many are prideful and will not tolerate correction, even when the correction comes directly out of the Bible.

 Sadly, that is the root reason many millennials have left the church to “work out their own spiritual experience”. They simply cannot tolerate the fact that there is a higher authority than them, be it God or the Bible.

 We must change the way we look at life, God, parenting, and the nature of reality. It’s time to put away childish thoughts about such things and think like adults, this is especially true for Christians.

 It is time to acknowledge some basic truths: facts are more important than feelings, believing something does not make it true and only children shield themselves from ideas that challenge their thinking or hurt their feelings. While we’re at it we need to get back to the understanding that God is real and due to His position as Creator and Sustainer of all things He really does have a fundamental right to tell us what to do.

 Before it’s too late.

Some How-to’s on Making A Marriage Work-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord~ Proverbs 18:22 NIV

 I have been married for more years than most millennials have been alive. My husband and I were barely into our twenties when we got married and like all couples who marry young, we more-or-less  grew-up together.

 I would love to tell you that every moment of our marriage has been a blissful one. Like all married people we have had good and bad times, however, at this point in our relationship I can honestly say that I would not trade even a minute of any of it for anything this world has to offer. There is simply no sweeter or more effective way to learn about life, love, God’s grace and what it really means to forgive and be forgiven than in marriage.

I do not pretend to know everything there is to know about marriage, even after all these years I am still learning. However, through the years we have made some mistakes, done some things right and in general have learned a thing or two about the art of keeping love alive. Today I want to share six practical things I have learned (mostly the hard way) about the art of keeping a marriage healthy.

It starts with:

 Learning to let go-

 I am convinced that most divorces aren’t caused by big problems that cannot be solved. Divorces are the result of little irritations we refuse to let go of that eventually morph into bad habits we form to escape the misery we feel over the little things we can’t let go of. I learned this a few years into our marriage when I observed that my sweet husband had what I concluded were some vexing personal habits. Most notably my Alan is a “piler”. He piles things neatly and continues to pile them until he is ready to deal with the mess or the pile outgrows the space available. This habit came to my attention via an enormous heap of clothing in the corner of our bedroom. I decided to see how big it would get before he did something about it. It took longer than I liked, and my outrage grew in direct proportion to the size of the pile. Three weeks in, I was done with keeping the peace and spent the better part of a day formulating an impressive lecture on the merits of tidiness and importance of respecting shared spaces. I was prepared to nail him with it, and then I had one of those gut-wrenching moments that are painful to experience but are totally necessary sometimes. It hit me that the pile of laundry was going to be the beginning of the end my marriage if I didn’t let go of my need to have it my way all the time. I promptly quashed my “righteous” indignation and vowed to stop letting that particular habit get the best of me.

 Connect without having sex-

 It’s easy to get carried away by the busyness of life and fall into the trap of living like roommates rather than two people who have made a life-long romantic commitment to one another. The key to changing that reality once it takes root is intentional connection. It’s important (especially for women) to connect in ways other than having sex. Get in the habit of making time to do the things you did while you were dating. Go places together, set-aside time just to talk, text each other, do the chores together and hold hands in public places. Those things are one of the reasons you were happier when you were dating.

 Have sex-

 Find a pattern that works for both of you and have sex on a regular basis. Sex keeps the roommate vibe at bay and makes it easier (especially for men) to connect relationally outside of the bedroom.

 Stop dropping the D-bomb-

 Screaming you want a divorce in the middle of a stupid squabble is the emotional equivalent of choosing the nuclear option. There is absolutely nowhere productive the conversation can go from there. Divorce is not a word that should be uttered casually, in anger, or ever, if you care anything at all about staying married.

 Don’t let your marriage become entirely kid-centric-

 Little kids can suck-up all of our physical and emotional energy and sometimes it feels like they will always be a part of your daily routine. But I can assure that the little nippers do grow-up and move on with their lives. When they leave, you and your spouse will be stuck with whatever relationship you built while they were growing-up. Make it a good one.

 Become a student of your spouse-

 Learn everything you can about the likes and dislikes of your spouse for the sole purpose of bringing joy into their life. I promise it will bring joy into yours as well.

 Divorce is a heartbreak on every level, morally spiritually and relationally; our culture’s causal attitude towards marriage has devastated millions and generated incalculable social chaos. The Christian divorce epidemic is a big part of the reason the church has lost its moral authority in the culture. But most importantly divorce is a tragedy because even when every other alternative has been exhausted and divorce is deemed the only option (due to chronic infidelity or abuse) divorce is agonizing. Every divorce statistic represents two hurting and broken humans who had their dreams of a blissful, enduring union crushed and a large share of their personal history made null and void by a single legal decree.

 Prevention really is the only cure.

 

 

 

Finding Authentic Freedom-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly~ Psalm 84:11

 Content warning ahead:

 Our family drove to the Oregon coast this past weekend to connect with my four siblings for the first time since our Mother died eight-years-ago. The reunion was a blessing in every sense. However, it was also chaotic (in a good, loud, big-family kind of way) and a marathon of frenzied activity from start to finish.

 I left the beach emotionally gratified and seriously sleep deprived.

 The emotional hullabaloo and lack of sleep combined with too much time to think on the drive home left me feeling a bit navel-gaze-y. Evidently, one possible side effect of too much reflection is an overly emotional blog post. That little disclaimer out of the way, I do believe that I may have hit on some spiritual truth in the midst of at least some of my musings.

 For that reason I pray you’ll give it a read.

 As we passed through a really ugly part of Eastern Oregon it occurred to me that Christians seldom talk about the fall of mankind anymore. We should because our world and everything in it was dramatically distorted in the blink of an eye and not just spiritually. The fall altered how we relate to God, one another and even the natural world. Relationships that were once carefree and easy to navigate suddenly became complex and even adversarial.

 One of the results of living in a fallen world is that even the best stuff in life often has a distinctly sad edge to it.

 Reunions are happy but the separations that instigated the reunions never are. Parenthood is one of the most joyful events a person experience in this life; it is also one of the most difficult and befuddling. Roses have thorns; every profit has a loss built into it. Human innovation typically has at least one unintended and profoundly unpleasant consequence- and cake makes us fat.  

 This reality plays out in the spiritual realm as well.

 Spiritual growth and the blessings that go with it can only be achieved through an oftentimes-painful surrendering of our very selves. Forgiving others brings freedom but at the cost of forfeiting the basic right most of us feel we should have: the right to seek revenge on the jerks that hurt us. The fall even affected our feelings about right and wrong and our perception of reality. Wrong typically feels right and is usually the path of least resistance. Right is always the harder road to traverse.

 Even the grace of God has a sad side to it. Grace, that thing we rejoice in, venerate and write songs about is only necessary because of sin, sin ruined literally everything and sin breaks the heart of God.

 Gloomy, I know.

Grace is necessary because human beings blew it and were powerless to stop blowing it for even a single minute. God is relentlessly generous, so when it became appallingly obvious that there was no way any of us could be good on our own God stepped in. He sent His son to die for us and gave us the grace we needed.

 This realization was almost too much to bear. I was done in.

 Mostly because I have come to believe that our generation has a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of grace and our lack of understanding is keeping us from becoming the people God has ordained us to be. We tend to view grace as nothing more than a massive bucket of forgiveness we can dip into anytime we have a sin that needs forgiving. We treat forgiveness like a magic concoction we apply to sin to make it acceptable, rather than an essential concession to our sinfulness.

 Thankfully, grace is much more than just a big bucket of forgiveness.

 Grace is power that frees us from the oppression of sin. The grace of God does more than simply forgive our transgressions. The grace of God gives us the power to overcome the sin nature that plagues us all (Titus 2:10-12). When we make the choice to live a holy life (Colossians 3:5-14, 1st Thessalonians 4:3-8, 2nd Peter 1:3-11) God dispenses the grace we need when we need it. That grace empowers us embrace the behaviors we need to embrace and let go of the behaviors we need to let go of so that we can be like Jesus.

Is Being Nice Enough?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Therefore having overlooked the times of ignorance, God is now declaring that all people everywhere should repent~ Acts 17:30 NASB

 My daughter has joined a gym. Her fitness goals are commendable and realistic.  She wants to gain muscle, increase her endurance and best-case scenario: drop a few pounds.

 Last night she confessed she’s run into a bit of a glitch in reaching her goals. The problem lies less with her than with the gym she belongs to. The staff is pleasant, but hands off when it comes to assisting clients.

 The staff does not help with technique or correct the wrong use of machines. There are no scales anywhere in the building. There is an enormous dish of candy at the front desk and the gym serves pizza to members every Friday. If a client wishes to munch on a jelly donut while running on the treadmill, the management is perfectly cool with that. They do ask that you wipe the goo off the machine once your workout is completed.

 The goal is a noble one. The want to create a safe place for out of shape people to get into shape, without even a hint of disapproval or judgment from anyone.

 As always the only hitch is the curse of unintended consequences.  

 The employees are so wary of causing offense that the clients are not getting the help they need to make the changes they want to make. This is a legitimate problem when you consider that any gym anywhere in the world would assert that their sole purpose for existing is to help out of shape folks lose weight and get into shape.

 Her tale of woe reminded me of a story I read this week.

 The writer (a Christian) shared that one afternoon while she and her husband were out shopping, they ran into a guy she had attended youth group with when she was a teenager. Except the guy wasn’t a guy anymore. He was a girl.

 Awkward.

 She handled herself with composure considering the delicate nature of the situation. She did not cast judgment, give disapproving looks or hurl Bible verses at him. Nor did she inform him he was headed straight for hell.

 She went out of her way to make friendly conversation and set him at ease. She asked about his family and inquired about what he had been up to in recent years. She introduced her husband, shared some of her own story, gave him a couple of big hugs and went on with her day.

 It was a nice exchange and frankly it’s probably what I would have done given the same set of circumstances. So, please don’t accuse me of judging her or anyone else, because I’m not. That said, as I pondered her story I was overcome with a deep sense of spiritual conviction and left wondering:

 Is being nice enough?

 Being nice or “showing love” to sinners is bandied about as the latest and greatest in “being like Jesus” and “loving the unsaved”. But again, I wonder is it enough? And is it really and truly “being like Jesus”?

 I am not questioning whether or not Christians ought to be kind, respectful and compassionate towards all people, including those people with obviously sinful and/or super messy lifestyles. Jesus was and I believe being kind is a given. If you are a Christ-follower and do not routinely treat all people with respect, you have a serious sin problem called pride and you should deal with it. Today.

 That being said, I do wonder if simply “showing love” to people who are obviously stuck in a sin spiral is doing more harm than good from an eternal perspective. I’m not proposing we stop being nice. I am proposing we stop helping sinners to feel safe in their lost state. Our compassion and acts of kindness need to be followed up with a coffee date and a loving, but truthful conversation about the eternal consequences of choosing a lifestyle of sin over a heart of repentance. We forget that Jesus (arguably the nicest guy ever) made it uncomfortably clear on more than one occasion that an unrepentant sinner is anything but “safe” from a spiritual standpoint (Matthew 4:17, Luke 5:32, Mark 9:47, Matthew 23:1-39).

 I fear that we have we have traded the hard work of evangelism and making disciples (Matthew 28:18-20) for the path of least resistance: being pleasant and inoffensive. In the process we have become a lot like my daughter’s gym. We are safe and welcoming to sinners, but nothing significant ever really happens and no one ever changes anything that matters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do we Avoid Breaking the Ninth Commandment in a World Ruled by Lies?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long~ Psalm 25:4-5 NIV

 There was a time in the not-so-distant-past when facts mattered and feelings were considered immaterial to most discussions. Those days are in the rear-view. Few people care about facts anymore. Even in the very rare cases where logic and reason are allowed entrance onto the debate stage, the facts nearly always take a backseat to whatever emotion is driving the aforementioned argument.

 Feelings have become the god we worship.                        

 This truth is most clearly revealed in the whole transgender bathroom debate. The kerfuffle over who gets to pee where is not really about fairness; if it were, we would be done discussing it already. Nor is it about men dressed convincingly as women using women’s bathrooms.

 Like it or not, that sort of thing has been going on for as long as there have been bathrooms in public places and most folks have been none the wiser. Contrary what the LBGTQ community would have the world believe, conservatives do not routinely do “parts” checks or demand to see birth certificates at the entrance to public toilets.

 The real issue at hand is a small minority of men who do not routinely dress as women who claim there are times when they suddenly “feel” like women and should therefore be treated like women. These men are demanding the right to enter women’s restrooms whenever that feeling happens to strike them. According their supporters the “needs” of men caught in deception outweigh the rights of everyone else.

 The notion that men ought to be permitted to use any restroom they wish based on something that simply cannot be proven (feelings) is clearly absurd and obviously rife with potential for abuse. However, the brave few left clinging to reason are losing this debate. Not because the truth isn’t evident or because the facts aren’t compelling; but rather because the debate is being framed around feelings rather than facts or common sense (Isaiah 59:14).

 Sadly, the proclivity to allow feelings to drive every argument is not restricted to men who wish to have access to women’s bathrooms. Now we are expected to use the any pronouns a person chooses and Feelings rule the day in all sorts of different situations and it seems everybody is hopping on the feelings bandwagon.

 Decisions are made, marriages dissolved, political opinions shaped, and votes cast. Not based on promises made, facts examined or the painstaking vetting of views, but rather on the basis of how we feel about those things. Commitment, character of the individual and reason all take a backseat to feelings.

 Feeling statements are oftentimes cleverly disguised as “I don’t think” declarations. Usually an “I don’t think” declaration will follow the delivery of an irrefutable, but unpleasant fact or the teaching of an exceptionally clear but hard Bible passage. The hearer will scrunch-up their brow, take a deep breath and state, in a very serious tone “I don’t think a loving God would ______________” or “I don’t think _______________ is actually true”. “I don’t think” declarations rarely involve any deep thought; rather they reveal the hearers’ feelings about the fact stated.

 When facts are ignored or dismissed as irrelevant, society quickly devolves into the messy muddle described in the book of Judges: in those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes~ Judges 21:25. The only discernible difference between our time and theirs is that we do have a king, we are led by king feelings and feelings are proving to be more tyrannical and terrifying than any human leader.

 The American public and even those in the Church have been conditioned over the course of several decades to buy the lie that a hurt feeling is every bit as serious as a broken bone and perception is reality. The truth is that hurt feelings do hurt.

Sometimes they hurt a lot.

 However, a hurt feeling only causes permanent damage if someone allows the hurt to take root and grow into bitterness (Hebrews 12:15). Perceptions are essentially just feelings with a fancy title and should never be treated as facts and it’s a dangerous form of lunacy to kowtow to anything as capricious as a feeling. Therefore, Christians should be very careful in this area. It’s critical we remember that we are breaking the ninth commandment and the heart of God every single time we concede that a man is a woman or a woman is a man (Exodus 20:16). It’s critical Christians be kind and compassionate to EVERYONE (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:12).

However.

It’s just as critical God’s people be true to what’s real and true (1st Thessalonians 5:22).