Tag: Self-leadership

How Does a Person “Shipwreck” Their Life?

Lisa M. Price3 Comments

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him.  1stPeter 5:8-9a NIV

  Recently I had a conversation with a very nice guy who has shipwrecked his life (1st Timothy 1:19, 1st Timothy 6:21).

He is not alone.

A lot of people, even a lot of Christian people shipwreck their lives. When I say “shipwreck” I do not mean these folks just briefly made an ugly mess in one area of their perfectly good life, recovered and eventually moved on to bigger, better and more productive things. These poor people made such an epic mess out of their lives and relationships, there was simply no way they could possibly ever completely recover from their choices this side of heaven.

Sigh.

 When a Christian ruins their life in an irrevocable kind of a way the rest of us tend to assume the shipwreck occurred as a result of one-great-big-sinful-decision (having an affair, getting addicted to drugs, embezzling money). However, few people ruin their lives all at once. Shipwrecks can happen to anyone because they take place gradually.  The one great-big-sinful-decision that appears to be the cause of the shipwreck is actually just a symptom of whole bunch of other spiritual and moral problems.

 The Bible has a name for this root problem, it’s called “giving the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:27). There are at least a million different ways a Christian can give the devil a foothold. Giving the devil a foothold basically means that at some point someone willingly gave a small area of their lives over to sin, then chose to keep their behavior a secret. Which effectively permitted that area of their life to become the devil’s playground. Over the course of many years the person in question loses their ability to keep their sin a secret.  Eventually they get caught and their sin becomes obvious to everyone and their life is shipwrecked (Numbers 32:23).

 Sigh.

 The key to avoiding these tragedies is prevention (Proverbs 1:7, 2nd Peter 1:5-10). I already stated that there are at least a million ways we can shipwreck our lives, mostly because the capacity of the human heart to dream up clever ways to sin is nearly boundless (Jeremiah17:9). That being said, the areas where the devil attempts to gain a foothold in a person’s life are fairly standard to everyone. The first is:

 Pride-

 I have never known a person harboring secret sin who did not pridefully assume that they could handle “sinning a little bit”. At the root of this belief is almost always a sense that they are “different” from other people and don’t need to follow the same rules that all the other people have to follow. If pride is left unchecked it inevitably leads to a shipwreck because it causes people to believe that they are better and smarter and worthier than they really are (Proverbs 11:2, Proverbs 29:23, Obadiah 1:3). This core belief causes people to do incredibly stupid stuff guaranteed to be their downfall (Proverbs 16:18).

 Covetousness-

 Coveting is not just about wanting things we don’t have. It’s about wanting things that we should never have and refusing to be content with what we do have. Coveting is a dangerous sin because it always leads to bigger sins. It is not wrong to want a wife (or a husband). However, it is wrong to want someone else’s wife or husband (Deuteronomy 5:21).  It is also wrong to want a husband or wife more than we love God (Exodus 20:3). Coveting sex eventually leads to infidelity and/or some kind of sexual deviancy.  Money is not sinful, but loving money and craving material possessions leads to fraud, theft, and all sorts of shady behavior as well as a miserly unwillingness to share what God has blessed us with.  (1st Timothy 6:10).  Spending an undue amount time thinking about what we wish we had instead of being grateful for what we do have is a huge red flag for this foothold (Hebrews 13:5, 1st Timothy 6:6-7)

 Resentment and unforgiveness-

 Resentment and unforgiveness are without question the devil’s favorite foothold. These sins always lead to bitterness, cynicism, and offense. A bitter, cynical and offended person can easily justify any and every behavior under the sun (Job 36:13). For that reason, resentment and bitterness must be dealt with quickly and decisively before they take root and defile a person (Hebrews 12:15)

 Jealousy-   

 Jealousy is the original gateway sin. It opens the door for every other sin. Jealousy is the reason Cain killed Abel and its why Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery.  No one in the history of forever has ever done anything in a fit of jealousy that they should be proud of (Proverbs 27:4, Galatians 5:19-21). Therefore, jealousy should be dealt with decisively.

 Lust-

 Thanks to the internet and a nearly universal lack of self-control in our culture, lust is probably the devil’s most fruitful foothold at this point in history. It almost goes without saying that this one sin has ruined more men and women than any other sin in the long and sordid history of sin. Lust is dangerous because it’s an easy sin to hide and as it lies hidden in a person’s life it gradually changes the sinner, hardening their heart and making it difficult for them to hear from God or to care about hearing from God. When Christians stop hearing from God it is almost inevitable that they will act on the most deviant desires of their heart.

 Sinful footholds are preventable. We avoid them by dealing with our sin decisively day-by-day and when we choose to walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16).  Once a foothold is formed there is only one way to break its power: honesty. We get free by coming clean and then choosing to live our whole lives in the light (Psalm 119:9, Psalm 119:5, Hebrews 4:13).

One final word:

 God will forgive any sin. A shipwreck (even a big ugly one) does not mean we are no longer loved by God, valued by Him or able to be used by Him. A shipwreck does mean we lose some credibility with others. It will probably mean a change in HOW we operate in the Body of Christ. God loves everyone even sinners. His aim is to teach and train us as we walk through repentance and restoration.  God will still use you for His will in time if you humbly trust in Him give Him the space to do so. 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

The Me, Myself and I Do Trend-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God~ 2nd Timothy 3:2-4 NIV

 I was recently struck by a painful reality.

The nature of the times we live in is such that the instant I dare to think I have finally seen it all, something new (and unimaginably bizarre) comes along and reminds me all over again that the human race never stops inventing crazy crap to do and creative new ways to express their sin nature (Romans 1:30).

The latest epiphany came in the form of an odd new movement: sologamy. Otherwise known as the act of marrying oneself.

 Seriously, it’s a thing. For reals.

 There is a website (imarriedme.com) that sells kits for those folks (kits start at $50.00 and go as high as $230.00) interested in making the ultimate commitment to self-love. The individual making the promise to love him or her self till they breathe their last breath procures the kit and clothing befitting the occasion (some purchase wedding dresses or rent tuxedos). Guests are invited to observe as the person recites their vows while gazing into a handheld mirror. The service can be completed with or without a pastor or Justice of the Peace officiating. The vows are followed by a reception where the attending guests celebrate the happy individual and their promise to satisfy their own best interests above all others.

I am not making this up.

 Then, I suppose, (I have no actual data on this) the newly committed solagamist goes off on a solo honeymoon trip to memorialize their newly minted commitment and to spoil themselves a little bit.

 Sigh.  

 I struggled a little bit with where exactly to go with this post. On the one hand, the whole concept of marrying oneself is just a silly, frivolous and rather sad trend. It’s easy to argue that solagamy is really not significant enough to bother getting worked up over. It really is tempting to dismiss solagamy as just another weird example of 21st century self-indulgence run amok.

 Nevertheless, the trend of solagamy (and it is rapidly becoming a trend) says some significant and scary things about where we are at and where we are going as a culture.

 I find this peculiar trend troubling for a number of different reasons and on a number of different levels.

 The decadence of a ceremony that celebrates commitment to self-love leaves me with a skeezy, almost dirty feeling. It’s just kind of icky. Furthermore, the uninhibited hedonism of the whole affair is disturbing. The decadence of the trend is without question a sad indicator of a people who long for meaning and purpose in their lives. Then there’s the gloomy reality that marriage has been dumbed-down to a place where many in our culture sincerely believe that a wedding is nothing more than a big fancy party we throw for our own pleasure and an occasion to show-off our event planning skills. All that being said, mostly I just feel a soul-wrenching sadness that so many in our society have become so lonely and isolated that solo weddings are actually becoming an industry.

 Sigh.

 Sadly, it’s not just the world of romance and weddings that has been affected by our collective love affair with self. Instilling self-esteem (another term for self-love) in their children is now the number one concern of today’s parents, beating out almost every other parenting concern including teaching their kids right from wrong and ensuring that their children are educated well enough to enter the work force. It’s not just parents who are concerned with self-esteem. According to forbes.com, Americans spend a whopping eleven billion dollars on self-help and self-esteem books every year. We are encouraged in obvious-and not so obvious- ways to find ourselves, love ourselves and do right by number one, because if we don’t no one else will.

 All this self-adoration (worship really) flys in the face of the biblical mandate to “lose yourself” (Luke 17:33) and the biblical call to put the interests of others above our own (Philippians 2:3, Romans 13:8). Self-worship (and that is what this is) is as different from “love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18, Mark 12:30-33) as cats are from kangaroos. The biblical mandate presupposes that we already think enough of our selves and care enough for ourselves to set a reasonable standard for how we ought treat others. The self-esteem movement assumes that we need to focus more attention on ourselves before we even begin to think about anyone else’s needs or wants.

 As Christians we may or may not be able to change the trajectory of our self-focused culture (2nd Timothy 3:2). That remains to be seen. However, we can model healthy self-care (a biblical concept) and show people that it is possible to be happy, fulfilled and cared for while loving others and putting their needs above our own. We can also use this trend to point people hungry for love, affection and care to Jesus, the one who loves them even more than they love themselves.

The Peril of Hypocrisy-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good~ 1st Peter 2:1-3

 Their are groups who seek to end all forms of racism, fascism and hate-speech in America.

 A noble and commendable goal.

 Interestingly enough, though  every single one of those groups intentionally employ fascist methods and strategies including physical violence, hate speech, victim blaming and racist rhetoric. They engage in fascism, violence, hate speech and racism in order to end fascism, racism and hate speech.

 Insert confused face here.

 The first time I heard about the methods of these groups I remember thinking only a lunatic would attempt to stop something by engaging in the very thing they claim they want to end. However, after a little thought it occurred to me that it wasn’t lunacy motivating those groups. It was something far more fundamental, malevolent and dangerous than simple lunacy: hypocrisy.

 Jesus had a lot to say about hypocrisy and none of it was good (Matthew 6:1-16, Matthew 7:5, Matthew 23:13-33, Luke 12:56, Luke 13:14-16). Jesus treated hypocrites and hypocrisy with the utmost contempt because He understood a couple of truths at the heart of hypocrisy that we, as people who tend toward hypocrisy frequently overlook.

 Hypocrisy spreads like a virus, especially when it begins with leadership. Anytime a leader (parent, pastor, politician, supervisor) takes a hypocritical position on a subject, or chronically behaves in a hypocritical fashion, everyone who follows that leader is tempted or deceived into taking the same position and behaving just like their leader. Sadly, anyone who follows a hypocritical leader eventually becomes a mirror image of that leader.

 Jesus hates hypocrisy because it robs people of self-awareness. Hypocrisy is at the root of calling good evil and evil good (Isaiah 5:20). If a person tells themselves wrong is right, or at least right for them (because their circumstances are special) often enough or long enough they begin to believe their own lie and end up doing things they never could have imagined themselves doing. As they are instructing others not to do the very things they are doing.

 Sigh.

 The hypocrisy that has taken root in anti-fascist circles is more than just a humorous case study in irony; it’s a cautionary tale for us all. Especially, for those of us who follow Jesus. Christians sometimes write off hypocrisy as nothing more than a quirky personality trait, or worse yet, as a legitimate means to a needed end. In reality it’s a serious sin that grows out of pride (another serious sin) both sins are nurtured by a willful lack of self-awareness. If left alone hypocrisy ruins not only the hypocrite but also everyone around the hypocrite.

 Sadly, no one, no matter how spiritually mature is immune to the appeal of hypocrisy. It is simply a part of our fallen nature as humans to imagine that we can trick everyone around us, including God Himself into believing we are doing what we say we are doing-instead of what we are actually doing. In the end the only one who is fooled is the hypocrite.

 As a general rule, I am extremely wary about hunting for sin in the lives of other people. Most of us, including myself have more than enough sin in our own lives to worry about; we simply should not be focusing our attention on anyone else’s sinful junk. That being said, Jesus warned His followers that deception would be one of the defining characteristics of the end times (Matthew 24, Luke 21:5-36, Mark 13:1-23). Hypocrisy is deception that begins with an attempt to deceive others and ends with self-deception, hypocrisy is also at the root of almost every kind of evil. Because of that, Christians should deal ruthlessly with any hypocrisy they see in their own lives and run as fast as they can from any leader who is transparently hypocritical.

 Hypocrisy destroys individuals, families, churches, relationships and entire movements. Hypocrisy of Christians has done more damage to Christianity than any other single issue in the 2000-year history of the church. Any behavior that can do that much damage should be dealt with decisively and mercilessly.

Satan’s Useful Idiots-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour~ 1st Peter 5:8

 Recently I had a conversation with a friend who is struggling with some fairly serious family drama.

She has been putting a lot of energy into repairing some relationships damaged due to her own foolishness and has been baffled as to why she hasn’t made more progress. Recently, she learned a third party who she considered a friend has inserted themselves of these relationships. This person has repeated things said in confidence and exaggerated other things that were said.

Sigh.

 My friend is understandably irritated with the situation. She’s frustrated by her own carelessness and because the third party (a professed Christian) appears to be ignorant of the chaos she’s created. As the conversation progressed it became obvious to me her “friend” is what I like to call one of Satan’s useful idiots.

 “Useful idiot” is a term sometimes used in place of “unwitting accomplice.” An unwitting accomplice is a person who participates in a crime unintentionally—often because a criminal tricked them into becoming a part of some sort of criminal activity or enterprise. Sometimes the person is duped into believing that they are actually doing a good deed as they help the criminal break the law.

 The book of Job describes the devil as roaming the earth looking for opportunities to cause trouble, and 1st Peter 5:8 describes Satan as one who prowls around looking for people to destroy. Ephesians 6:11 and John 10:10 tell us that the devil is continually scheming up ways to wreck havoc on the lives of people, especially God’s people. 

It’s a big job and even Satan needs a little help sometimes. 

 My friend’s story demonstrates how even Christians can sometimes unwittingly help the devil to do his work (John 10:10). Christians become useful idiots when:

 They fail to get all the facts~ Proverbs 14:15, Proverbs 18:17

 It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of supposing that all our assumptions concerning people and situations are spot-on. The truth is that things are rarely the way they appear and there are two sides to every story. Wise people look beyond first impressions and go to the source to ask questions when a person’s character is in question. Proverbs 14:15 reminds us that only the simple-minded believe everything they hear and take every story at face value.  

 Involve themselves in situations that are none of their concern~ Proverbs 26:17

 There is nothing wrong with listening to a hurting friend or giving counsel to someone who needs it. We cross a line when we allow ourselves to become intermediaries in disputes that are none of our business or coach people to take drastic life-altering steps in their relationships without knowing all sides to the story. It is never okay to repeat something said in confidence and quarreling parties should always be encouraged to work things out between themselves or with a pastor or counselor. Be wary of any “friend” who is a little too eager to involve themselves in your private family affairs; it’s likely this person is a useful idiot.

 When they refuse to forgive~ Hebrews 12:15

 Refusing to forgive leads to bitterness. When bitterness takes root in our hearts, it colors the way we see the world and becomes a corrupting and defiling influence in our lives that negatively affects us and everyone we come into contact with.

 They allow pride to take over~ Proverbs 13:10

 The devil has figured out that the simplest way to recruit a useful idiot is to encourage pride. Pride blinds us to reality and is at the root of nearly every other sin. Pride is easy to spot in others but hard to see in ourselves because the nature of pride is self-deceptive (Obadiah 1:3). One sign we may be stuck in a prideful mindset is refusal to admit wrongdoing or when we justify our actions because of what somebody else did or didn’t do.

 Spread dissension~ Proverbs 6:16-19

 Dissension is an ugly thing that is spread by planting seeds of dissatisfaction in someone’s mind about a situation, person or relationships. Those who propagate dissension point out problems without offering solutions, cast blame and repeat things that were said clearly in confidence. As Christians it is our responsibility to be forces of good in our world. We are called to be problem solvers and reconcilers rather than faultfinders,  troublemakers and spreaders of dissension (2nd Corinthians 5:18).

The key to avoiding falling into the trap of becoming a useful idiot in life is self-examination and honest appraisal of the dynamics of every situation we find ourselves in. Sometimes the most loving and wise thing we can do for everyone involved in a given situation is to graciously remove ourselves from the situation and commit to prayer for all involved.