Category: Waiting

How to Best Love a Prodigal-

Lisa M. Price2 Comments

My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins- James 5:19-20 ESV

Love is an issue that doesn’t look particularly complex or messy on the surface, but it is.  Actions that look and feel loving sometimes aren’t and actions that appear harsh are sometimes the most loving course of action.  God’s love for humanity demonstrates this conundrum perfectly. God loves us more than anyone can even imagine (John 3:16, Romans 8:38-39). Nevertheless, God doesn’t always (ever) give anyone everything they want or think they need. God also frequently allows individuals to experience trouble, discomfort and hardship because struggles draw folks closer to Him and refine their character (Isaiah 48:10, James 1:1-3, Hebrews 12:5-7)

Like I said, it’s complex and messy.

The muddle promptly becomes messier when we are called to love a prodigal child. A prodigal can be defined as anyone who once knew God (or knew of God) and has since walked away from any pretense of a relationship with God. The Bible tells the story of a prodigal son who wandered far from God and estranged from his earthly father. 

Our world is full of prodigals. Many prodigals have also cut ties with their earthly parents.  This leaves parents wondering how to best love children who have wandered from home and left their parents brokenhearted by their choices. The biblical story of the prodigal son (Luke 11:15-32) is a story with more than one level and meaning. On one level it is a story about how God relates to people. It was intended to prepare the Jews (who represent the older brother) for God’s welcoming of the gentiles (who represent the younger brother) into His Kingdom through faith in the sacrifice of Jesus (Ephesians 2:1-22, Colossians 1:25-28, Galatians 3:28). On another level the story gives much needed guidance and wisdom as to how best love a wandering son or daughter.

We love a prodigal when we:

Understand the spiritual reality behind the child’s choice-

Most prodigals sever relationships with family for the same reason the prodigal son did. They want to live a life of sin. They know they cannot comfortably live a sinful life in front of the people who love them, so they do what the prodigal did. They make their choice to sever ties about the parent rather than their desire to live a sinful life.  (Luke 15:11-13). It’s critical parents of prodigals recognize that a child living in sin will avoid anyone whose presence sparks any kind of spiritual conviction. The choice to leave is not always all about the parent.  At least some of the choice is very much about the state of the child’s heart. 

Choose restraint-

One truly notable aspect of the prodigal account is the restraint of the father.  The man clearly loved his son. Nonetheless, he did not beg him to stay, nor did he send long letters or servants to plead with his son to return. He certainly did not endeavor to make his son’s life easier by sending him little gifts or monetary support.  Instead, the father let him go and prayed like crazy. He worked on himself and trusted God to do whatever hard thing needed to be done in the life of his child. His goal was not simply to reconnect with his son. He wanted his son back in right relationship with God because he understood that a right relationship with God is a healing force in all our earthly relationships. It is not wrong to attempt to connect with a wayward child. Adult children need to know they are loved unconditionally. That said, it is critical we trust the Lord and avoid using emotional appeals, money or gifts to lure them back into relationship. We must accept the reality that God may need to do some hard things in their life that simply cannot be done if mom and dad are “helping” too much or working too hard to win them back.  

Don’t affirm or celebrate anything God wouldn’t affirm or celebrate- 

Many of today’s prodigals demand their parents celebrate and affirm sinful lifestyle choices as a condition of continuing the relationship. This is wrong on many levels. It is critical parents do not allow their children to become idols (1st John 5:21). We cannot put their preferences before God and His commands (Exodus 20:3). Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to love someone without affirming their sinful choices. God does it all the time. 

Pray for them-

Refusing to forgive someone is a serious sin (Matthew 6:15, Matthew 18:21-35, Mark 11:25-26). Sadly, unforgiveness is at the heart of most estrangements. Furthermore, just like the prodigal in Luke 15 most prodigals are also tangled up in all sorts of other sins (1st Corinthians 6:9-11, Galatians 5:19, 2nd Timothy 3:1-5). Godly parents can best love a prodigal by praying fervently and often that the child “comes to their senses” and repent of their sins (Luke 15:17-19).

And finally, 

Keep growing- 

Waiting is never easy. Waiting for a prodigal is a whole new level of hard and the temptation to give into bitterness is real (Hebrews 12:15, Ephesians 4:31).  I am convinced God wants us to do what the father in the story did. The father trusted God do what needed to be done in his son. He never gave up hope and he never stopped praying for his child. I also believe (although the text doesn’t say it explicitly) that the father chose to grow as a believer and as a person while he waited. I suspect that hurting dad made a regular practice of examining his heart. Then he worked on the things he needed to work on and repented of the things he needed to repent of. It was his commitment to trusting, praying and spiritual growth that prepared him to welcome his son home with open arms, a soft heart and big party. 

What’s Happening While we Wait on God?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

  Maintain kindness and justice, and wait for your God continually- Hosea 12:6b NASB

Waiting. 

It’s literally the worst.

Seriously.

Just hearing the word can make otherwise rational, mature people cantankerous, anxious and irritable. 

Okay, maybe it’s just me.

But still.

  Waiting is terrible. That said, some things are easier to wait for than others. It is not pleasant to wait for a barista to finish your latte. However, unless you have a childlike absence of self-control waiting for coffee will not present any real challenges to your faith.  Waiting on God can be another matter altogether.  There is nothing worse than being stuck in a bad situation that is one-hundred-percent outside your control and waiting for God to do what only He can do. 

Waiting on God is always bewildering and frustrating. However, if the situation is dire enough or goes on long enough, a protracted waiting period can and often does present some very real challenges to our faith. The story of Hannah in 1st Samuel 1:1-2:11 provides valuable insight into what goes on behind the scenes as we wait on the Lord. 

Hannah was married to Elkanah. Hannah and Elkanah loved each other.  The only real sticking point in the relationship was Hannah’s infertility. The text strongly implies (but does not say outright) Elkanah chose to take a second wife (Peninnah) in order to build a family. This plot twist is appalling to our modern sensibilities. However, Elkanah’s actions were culturally appropriate and even expected at the time. Having children (especially sons) was critically important to ancient people and they would go to great lengths to make it happen. 

All that being said. 

 It’s simply a fact that humans were not created to flourish in polyamorous relationships (Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:7-9). As a result this arrangement created all sorts of difficulty for both women. Peninnah appears to have effortlessly conceived children. However, she was (understandably) devastated by Elkanah’s lack of affection and care for her. She responded badly. She cruelly taunted Hannah for her barrenness. Poor Hannah had nowhere to run from her problem. It literally confronted her at the dinner table every night.  Year after year Hannah pleaded with God to change her situation and year after year she got nothing but crickets from the Almighty (1st Samuel 1:1-8).  First Samuel reveals God may have been silent in the face of Hannah’s pain but He was far from absent in her situation.  Anytime we are stuck in a holding pattern God is actively doing at least one of the following four things. 

Teaching us to live by faith rather than by sight- 

There are times in this life when we just don’t get what we want when we want it or think we need it. When this happens, we are left with one of two options. We can get mad at God, take matters into our own hands and see where that lands us. Or we can choose to believe God is good and He still loves us in spite of the fact life is hard and we are not getting what we want or need. When we choose the latter our favor with God increases exponentially because nothing in this world pleases God more than faith in the face of impossible situations (Hebrews 10:38, Hebrews 11, James 2:23).

Preparing us for the next thing-

God eventually answered Hannah’s prayer in a big way. She ultimately gave birth to three sons and two daughters (1st Samuel 2:21). Her first child was Samuel, a little boy who would grow up to be a Prophet, Priest and the final and most important Judge of Israel. Samuel led the Israelites faithfully, anointed the first two kings of Israel and mentored David, the man who would be called a man after God’s own heart and the great-great-great-grandfather of Jesus. In order for Samuel to become the man God needed in that moment of time, it was mission-critical he receive in-depth instruction from an early age. Hannah took Samuel to the tabernacle when he was about five-years-old to be trained under the Priest Eli. Hannah’s years of waiting, praying and trusting God for a miracle made her strong and prepared her to do what needed to be done so Samuel could become the man God needed in the moment. It was a big stinking deal with all sorts of blessings that Hannah would not have received if she hadn’t been ready.

Breaking strongholds-

A spiritual stronghold is an area of our lives where our flesh (humanness) or Satan has more control over our actions and attitudes than we do or God does. Just like everyone else Christians have spiritual strongholds in their lives. God wants to free us from our strongholds so that we can become more like Jesus and more spiritually productive in every way (2nd Corinthians 10:3-5, Matthew 28:18-20). Periods of waiting have a way of creating stress that reveal our strongholds. Sometimes God makes us wait so we will see the things in our lives that need to be transformed (Romans 12:2, 2nd Corinthians 3:18)

He’s working on the people in our sphere of influence- 

There are times when our pain isn’t all about us. Sometimes the way we handle our struggles has a huge impact on the people around us. Such was the case with Hannah. Through her faithfulness, persistence and trust in God Hannah showed Eli (the priest) what it really looks like to seek the Lord in the midst of a trial (1st Samuel 1:12-17). By following through on her vow, she also showed Eli what real obedience looks like (1st Samuel 1:9-24I. it was a lesson he needed to learn (1st Samuel 2:12-17)

If you are in a period of waiting I want to encourage you to make every effort not to give into despair during your trial (Psalm 31:24, John 16:33. 1st Peter 1:3-7).  Instead, do what Hannah did and seek God until you have peace or see transformation in your circumstances. Above all, trust God is doing something in you or through you cannot see or understand just yet.

Because that’s what He does in a period of waiting.

Surviving Unwelcome or Unplanned Change-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 

Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there~ Genesis 39:1 NIV

There was a time in the not-so-distant past when I believed with all my heart I was one of those unicorn-like individuals who actually liked and even thrived on change.

 I now know I was an idiot (Proverbs 29:20).

Seriously.

I’m pretty sure I  aggravated the decency out of anyone unfortunate enough to have a conversation with me about the subject. I suspect there were a large number of people who sat quietly contemplating homicide, as I waxed eloquent on my love for change and my nearly superhuman ability to adapt to whatever came my way.

Insert gagging sounds here.

 Then about five years ago I had an unpleasant reality check in the form of at least a dozen different changes I did not like, want or understand.

 Sigh.

 The good news is that I got to be a lot less annoying really quickly as I figured out that I, like all normal people really only like change I have a level of control over. Change is wonderful in the abstract or when you’re contemplating something fun, like a move to a new city, a new baby or a job promotion.

Change is just not nearly as thrilling when it is thrust upon you like an ugly blind date, completely lacking in social skills. Or when it shows up uninvited in the shape of something awful and unwanted like a job loss, a car accident, a death in the family, a grim diagnosis or a divorce you didn’t ask for.

Sigh.

 However. As Christians we have the confidence that nothing enters our lives without God’s foreknowledge. We also understand that if we choose to live for God, even in the midst of circumstances we do not like or understand, good will eventually come out of even the ugliest of situations (1st Corinthians 7:17, Romans 8:28). Because I truly believe those things to be true, I came to terms with the fact that God had a purpose for the changes disturbing my peaceful reality.

 I learned some hard lessons during that period of my life; and not just to shut my pie-hole about circumstances I didn’t fully understand.  I also learned that whether or not we barely survive changes or thrive in the middle of it all depends on whether or not we understand and live-out these four truths…

 Unwelcome change brings losses that should be grieved-

 I am not intimating that the trauma of a married woman’s unplanned pregnancy is somehow equal to the trauma of the death of loved one. However, both changes involve loss and all losses deserve at least a quick trip through the five stages of grief. Taking the time to feel the feelings that come with loss, rather than pretending those feelings don’t exist, or worse, putting on a happy face that’s basically just a lie will prevent emotional problems (such as depression) and spiritual problems (such as bitterness) in the future (Hebrews 12:15).

 Guard your heart against bitterness and hate-

 The greatest danger in unwelcome change is bitterness. We can easily become embittered towards the people who wronged us, didn’t see our value or who betrayed our trust in some way. We can also become bitter towards God for not working our circumstances out in a different way. Bitterness towards anyone is poison to our souls and must be dealt with decisively by grieving the loss, forgiving the jerks that hurt us and choosing to accept the new normal (Ephesians 4:15, Psalm 71:20, Colossians 3:13).

 Embrace the opportunities change brings-

 I hate trite sayings. Truly I do.  However, it’s just a fact that when one door closes another one opens and it only makes sense to bloom where we are planted (Jeremiah 29:4-12) That being said, we can get so caught-up in what we are losing that we don’t see the opportunities that opening up right in front of us. If you find yourself in the messy middle of unwelcome change, ask God to show you the doors He’s opening on your behalf. I guarantee there will be some (Isaiah 43:19, Philippians 2:13).

 Unwanted changes are a time for reflection and self-improvement-

 God did not bring unwanted change into my life because I was doing anything wrong or sinful. However, in retrospect I was really bad at being assertive with certain people. As a result I was going in a direction others had chosen for me and I had little inclination (or time) to do the things I was actually called to do (Ephesians 2:10). That period in my life gave me the downtime I needed to self-analyze and eventually become a lot more assertive when I needed to be. I also got to know God and myself a whole lot better. In the process of all that reflection I figured out who I really was and what I was really good at.

 Joseph (Genesis 37-50) is the poster-child for surviving and prospering in the midst of unwelcome and unpleasant change. He was sold as a slave by his brothers, jailed for a crime he didn’t commit and forgotten by the person who had the power to rescue him. Through all that he never stopped learning, growing and trusting God. As a result of his willingness to embrace the opportunities that came with unwelcome change he literally transformed the future.