Category: Narcissism

The Best way to Pray for a Narcissistic Jerk-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

When he became strong, his heart was so proud that he acted corruptly, and he was untrue to the Lord his God, for he entered the temple of the Lord to burn incense on the altar of incense- 2nd Chronicles 26:15 NASB

Every once in a while, a concept comes along and takes popular culture by storm. The concept (whatever it may be) quickly becomes the thing everyone talks about. Inevitably, many individuals begin to believe they possess expert-level knowledge of the subject. One such concept is narcissism. An individual cannot scroll a social media feed, listen to a podcast, read a self-help book, turn on a television or read a newspaper without coming across an article or program referencing narcissists or narcissism.  

For the record: narcissists are real. 

Narcissists have an unhealthy preoccupation with themselves and a grandiose sense of their own significance. Narcissistic people believe deep down in their inmost being they are better and more important than pretty much everyone else. As a result, they see others as insignificant in comparison to themselves. As a result, narcissists treat people very badly unless they want something from the other person. The most dangerous narcissists are proficient, unrepentant, shameless liars. A narcissist will gleefully distort truth, gaslight and fabricate stories out of whole cloth to make others look bad and paint themselves in a positive light (Psalm 40:4). 

Popular culture typically presents narcissism as an unpardonable sin. Many believe narcissists are so heartless, wicked, malevolent and lacking in self-awareness they are for all intents and purposes, irredeemable. Even many Christians present narcissists as so lost they can never be found. This is simply untrue, no one is beyond God’s reach or so far gone they cannot be saved (John 3:16, 2nd Timothy 2:3-5), not even a narcissist. 

The Bible talks about narcissism at length and warns against it in the strongest possible terms. However, the Bible never uses the word narcissist or narcissism. From a biblical perspective narcissists are just people with a pride problem. A very serious pride problem but a pride problem, nonetheless.  God despises pride because it causes people to become so braggy and self-willed they forget God or write Him off as unimportant and irrelevant (Deuteronomy 8:14, 2nd Chronicles 26:16, Proverbs 16:5). People who sideline God inevitably become manipulative, mean, self-focused and sometimes even violent (Psalm 17:9-11, Psalm 56:2, Psalm 140:5). 

Narcissism is a growing problem (2nd Timothy 3:1-5). 

The further our world drifts away from God the more people become bloated with the sin of pride. Because this is where we are living right now most of us know a narcissist and many love a narcissist (or two). If we want to see narcissists come to know Jesus and be transformed into the image of Jesus it is critical we love them well and pray the following four prayers for them: 

Pray you will love them how they need to be loved-

Loving a prideful, narcissistic jerk is no easy task (Luke 6:32-33, 1st Peter 4:8, Luke 17:3-4). All people need to be loved. Narcissists need to know they have people who love them and will be there for them. However, prideful people also need firm boundaries. Narcissists need people who will love them enough to call them out on their hurtful shenanigans. Narcissists do NOT need people who will make excuses for their behavior or minimize their sin. It is not loving, kind or Christian to excuse away sin, manage others sin or make it easy for people to sin. This is especially true with narcissists. God is the only one who can give someone the strength, wisdom and discernment to love a narcissist well. If you love a narcissist pray daily for the wisdom, discernment and moral strength to love like God loves. God’s love is the personification 1st Corinthians 13:1-7. God’s love always believes the best is possible in a person’s life, but it never devolves into people-pleasing (codependency) or cheap grace (Titus 2:11-12).

Pray they will see themselves as they really are-

All narcissists have a distorted view of themselves. They tend to see themselves as unflawed and the hero of their own story. It is our job to pray that they will begin to see themselves as they really are, warts and all. Seeing our own sin as sin is the first baby step towards salvation. It is also the only thing that makes true personal growth possible. Pray for a spirit of revelation and wisdom to invade the life of the narcissist you love (Ephesians 1:17). If necessary, pray God will bring enough pain into their lives to make them open to the truth about themselves (James 1:2-3). 

Pray they see God as He really is-

One key to a healthy (not overly grandiose) sense of self is to have a clear-eyed understanding of who God is and what He’s all about. God is eternal, perfect, all-powerful, all-knowing and completely free of sin and immorality (Matthew 5:48, Deuteronomy 32:4, Psalm 19:7). He is also the standard of what is good and bad. When we compare ourselves to other people it is easy to believe we are better than we really are (Ecclesiastes 7:20). When we understand God’s perfection, we automatically have a much clearer grasp of our own sin and moral frailty. 

And finally,

Pray your narcissist will experience godly conviction concerning their pride- 

Godly conviction is a gift (2nd Corinthians 7:10). Godly conviction is simply the voice of the Holy Spirit telling us the truth about ourselves (Romans 3:23, 1st John 1:9-10). If it is responded to properly, godly conviction has the power to make the vilest, most prideful sinner as white as snow and a beautiful trophy of God’s grace and mercy (Isaiah 1:18, 2nd Corinthians 7:11, 2nd Corinthians 5:17). Without godly conviction we would all be lost. 

The Big Uglies that Lead to Bigger Trouble-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new- 1st Corinthians 5:16-17 NKJV

Most Christians get what sin is.  

The most basic definition of sin is disobedience to God’s commands. We sin when go our own way and do our own thing with no thought to God and His will for His creation (us). Because we are endlessly creative in our degeneracy it is nearly impossible to give an exhaustive list of ALL the possible sins. Some classifications of popular sins would include sexual immorality, deceit, murder, and idolatry. 

Here’s the thing though: 

Sin is much more complex than a simple act. There’s always a lead-up. No one just wakes up one day and out of the clear blue sky decides “today I will commit murder”. The book of James tells us that sin has roots. James calls these roots “desires”. Some translations use the word “lusts” (James 1:15, James 4:1). 

I call them the big uglies. 

The big uglies are the attitudes and aspirations that, if left untended eventually give birth to life destroying sins like adultery, bitterness, murder, greed, deceit and slander. If we allow ourselves to entertain these attitudes sin is without question knocking at our door (Genesis 4:7). 

The top five spiritual uglies are:

Pride-  

Pride is perhaps the most pernicious of the uglies. Pride was the sin that transformed Lucifer into Satan (the deceiver) and got him thrown out of heaven (Ezekial 28:12-15, Isaiah 14:13-14).  Pride is easy to spot in others but difficult to see in ourselves. Prideful people see themselves as more important than others and therefore entitled to certain rights and privileges others are not allowed.  Prideful people are reluctant (to the point of unwillingness) to admit wrong even when it’s painfully obvious, they are wrong. Prideful people (sometimes called narcissists) refuse to humble themselves, or admit fault (Proverbs 29:23, 1st Peter 5:5-6). Prideful people believe in their heart-of-hearts they are better than others. This makes them unforgiving and unwilling to extend grace (Matthew 6:15, Ephesians 4:32, Matthew 18:4). A prideful person will do ANYTHING to save face and come out on top. Anything includes (but is not limited to) big sins such as lying, controlling others, slandering and boastfulness (Leviticus 19:16, Psalm 101:5, Romans 1:3, Revelation 21:8). God despises pride (Proverbs 6:16-19, Luke 14:11). 

Rebellion- 

Rebellion is the stubborn rejection of legitimate authority. Rebellion is the big ugly sin that led to the fall of mankind (Genesis 3). Rebellion is closely related to pride. Rebellion begins with a prideful belief that “I know what’s best” and usually ends with a determined unwillingness to take “no” for an answer. Rebellion eventually manifests itself in open defiance towards all authority including God. A rebellious person has an “it’s all about me” view of life. They have no respect for authority, rules or the needs of others.  God puts rebellion in the same category as witchcraft. Rebellion is ultimately a veneration of self and therefore a super icky form of idolatry (1stSamual 15:23). 

Selfish ambition-

Selfish ambition is the yearning to create a following for oneself.  It’s a longing to be a big deal. Selfish ambition hurts the church because the selfishly ambitious person is mainly interested in using Jesus to become well-known and well-thought of (Philippians 1:17, Galatians 5:19-20, Philippians 2:3). Selfish ambition sometimes looks like “spreading the gospel” or “growing the Kingdom”.  It’s not. Those things always lead to peace, flourishing and healthy community. Selfish ambition, on the other hand always leads to strife, envy and conflict in the church (James 3:14-16).  The whole point of Christian leadership is to point people to Jesus and help them grow into the image of Jesus (Ephesians 4:11-12). At the end of the day a selfishly ambitious leader is always more interested in elevating themselves than Jesus. 

Jealousy- 

These days most folks see jealousy as more of a character defect or a moral shortcoming rather than an actual sin. However, God sees human jealously as one of the foulest and most dangerous of sins. Jealousy or envy is deeply rooted in the sin of covetousness (Exodus 20:17). Jealousy is never content with what it has (1st Timothy 6:6, Hebrews 13:5). It wants what others have and will stop at nothing to get it. The pharisees were so profoundly jealous of Jesus authority and influence they murdered Him (Matthew 27:18). A truly jealous person cannot stand to share the stage with anyone. 

 Self-reliance-

Self-reliance is when we choose to do any part of life without consulting God through prayer and Bible study for direction.  Self-reliance is choosing to lean on our own flawed understanding of the world rather than seeking God’s wisdom and moral insight (Proverbs 3:6). A self-reliant person often sees God’s commands as cumbersome and difficult rather than God’s way of protecting His people from harm. This stupidity harms the self-reliant person and creates chaos in the lives of those they lead and influence. 

Here’s the thing about the big uglies: 

Literally, ANYONE can get entangled in a big ugly (Hebrews 12:1). Seriously. Some of God’s best and brightest drifted toward pride, rebellion, selfish ambition, jealousy and self-reliance (David, Solomon, Hezekiah, Peter). The key to avoiding the attitudes that lead to us (and those we love and serve) to hell is a gut-level commitment to sticking as close to Jesus as we can possibly get. No one can escape the appeal of sin without God’s help. Therefore, it is imperative we make God, prayer, God’s word and intimacy with God our number one priority. 

The Scriptures Christians Ignored to get to 2nd Timothy 3:1-5-

Lisa M. Price4 Comments

Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray- Proverbs 10:17 ESV

A couple of months back, I did a deep dive into 2nd Timothy 3:1-5. I carefully studied the original definition of all the Greek words used. I did so because 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 is a prophetic passage of Scripture. Paying careful attention to prophecy (2nd Peter 1:19, Hebrews 2:1) prevents spiritual drift and keeps us focused on the things that matter most (Matthew 22:37-40). 

Truth-be-told. 

The whole experience was a bit startling and deeply disturbing. Startling because the words we read in our English Bibles fail to do justice to the colorful and extremely expressive language found in the original writings. It was disturbing because I gathered pretty quickly we have arrived at and are living in a 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 world.   

Not good.

 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 describes a world where the vast majority of people, including many who identify as Christians will be hopelessly self-focused and evil in a very understated kind of a way. An inordinate number of people will lack natural affection for their parents and other family members. They will purposefully slander others to gain an advantage and have zero desire to forgive anyone for even the tiniest of offenses. People will be monumentally ungrateful and unkind. They will also love money and celebrity and the pleasures that can be bought with both. A lot. 

Yikes.  

However, these same folks will have a pretense of goodness that will fool many into believing they are as Christian as they pretend to be. The term “having a form of godliness but denying its power” means people will behave properly (at least outwardly) and will be very focused on having “Christian values”. However, they will lack holy fear of the Lord (Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 16:6, Psalm 128:1). This produces people who are selfish, conniving, deceitful and incredibly dangerous in every sense (2nd Timothy 3:5). 

I spent a great deal of time wondering how we got from a world filled with normal sinners to the kinds of deceitful, underhanded, super-sinners Paul depicts in such detail 2nd Timothy (Jeremiah 17:5). It occurred to me that prophecy is never accomplished in a vacuum. There is always a pattern of disobedience that opens the door for the prophecy to be fulfilled. In this particular case I believe the church has followed the world’s lead when it comes to character development, self-image and moral training. Even Christians have focused on fostering and building “self-esteem” in themselves and others rather than obedience to God, Christ-like humility and godly confidence. I concluded that in order to get to where we are now we have had to ignore the following biblical directives: 

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought- Romans 12:3 

For a generation we have been told we should feel good about ourselves simply because we exist. Our mere presence in this world makes us worthy of praise and special treatment. The Bible teaches we should only feel good about ourselves when our motives are pure and our actions are good.  God knows the inner working of every human heart (Jeremiah 17:9). Therefore, He cautions us to think about ourselves with “sober judgment” and to apply a great deal of self-examination to our motives (Proverbs 3:5-6, 1st Peter 5:8). God wants us to seek to understand the reason why we are doing whatever it is we’re doing. Good “self-esteem” without healthy dose of self-knowledge paves the way for all kinds of wrong thinking about ourselves and others. It also makes it easy to justify almost anything that ultimately works in our favor. 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit- Philippians 2:3 

Nothing in this world is more harmful or likely to end in an ugly moral failure than ambition motivated by a craving for money, attention or followers (Daniel 4:1-33). The anecdote to that kind of trouble is passion for giving God the glory only He is due (Daniel 4:36-37, 1st Peter 2:12, Psalm 63:3).

Never stop adding to what God began in you- 2nd Peter 1:5-11

For decades now, many Christian teachers have taught that salvation is the end-goal of the Christian life.  Once we are saved there is nothing left to do but wait for Jesus to come get us. The Bible teaches that salvation is a beginning. It’s the starting point of a whole new life that will completely reorder our entire existence (2ndCorinthians 5:17).  In order to get all the new life has to offer, we must be willing to walk with our Savior and Lord through the long, grueling process of sanctification (Revelation 3:20, Colossians 3:1-17, Romans 12:1-21,1stThessalonians 4:3-8). Sanctification is not “works theology” rather it is the essence of James 2:14-26. Sanctification is the practical process of working out our salvation with “fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12-13). When we choose to get to know God through Bible study and prayer, He empowers us to shed all the sinful attitudes and behaviors of our old life. In time, we are transformed into the image of Jesus (Romans 12:2) The lack of emphasis on sanctification has made space for “Christians” who have a form of godliness but no real understanding of what it means to be a Christian.  

And finally, the Bible teaches all people (even Christians) have narcissistic tendencies that can take over our personalities. In order to avoid being overcome by those tendencies we must make a regular practice of examining ourselves to see if we are really walking in the truth of the gospel (2nd Corinthians 13:5, 1st John 1:6, 3rd John 1:3).  Doing so ensures we are part of the solution to our world’s problems rather than the problem. 

“Easter Eggs” and Eschatology-

Lisa M. Price7 Comments

A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle- Proverbs 18:19

The term “easter egg” is an expression that refers to a clue, detail or reference hidden in a movie, video game or other media. Easter eggs are designed to enrich the viewing experience and give viewers hints concerning future projects the studio is working on.  The term was coined in 1980 by Steve Wright the-then director of software development for Atari.

With all due respect to Mr. Wright, Atari and all the gaming/movie nerds in the world, it was God who conceived the whole concept of an easter egg. The Bible does not use the term “easter egg”, however it does give us clues and insights into future events, especially end time events. Jesus was clear:  no one knows the day or hour of His return, not even Jesus (Matthew 24:36, Matthew 25:13, Mark 13:32). 

Nonetheless, the Bible does give clues as to what the season of His return will look like. These “easter eggs” are critical to pay attention to because:

  1. Jesus instructs His followers to be ready for His return (Matthew 24:32-33, Luke 12:35-40, 2nd Peter 3:3-10)
  2. Jesus warns many professing Christian will NOT be ready for His return (Matthew 25:1-13, Luke 12:42-48, Matthew 25:31-46). 
  3. There will be a lot of spiritual deception specifically surrounding the return of Jesus (Matthew 24:12, 2ndThessalonians 2:1-12, Mark 13:5-22), making every clue critical. 

Some signs of Jesus return are familiar (earthquakes, wars, famines, rumors of wars, persecution, etc.), others, not so much. Over the course of the next few weeks I will discuss some of the lesser known signs of end time events. The first is found in Matthew twenty-four, a long discourse on the end of the age. It says;  

Many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another- Matthew 24:10 NKJV

Offense or “getting offended” will be a huge issue just prior to the return of Jesus. There are those who believe this verse simply means people will be opposed to Jesus and the truth claims of Christianity. Without a doubt, opposition to Jesus and the Christian faith is growing. However, opposition to Jesus is not new. There have always been those who were offended by the truth claims and moral demands made in Scripture (John 14:6, Hebrews 12:14, 1st Thessalonians 4:3). The real easter egg in this passage is offense.  

This is kind of where we are living right now. Everybody is offended by everyone and everything these days.  Words are thought to be violence. As a result, there are all sorts of words that are no longer okay to say. Some make sense, no one sane would ever advocate for a return of racial slurs or misogynistic speech. 

That’s just gross.

However, there are a lot of folks who want to eliminate words that have been a part of our language for a long time, words like “manhole”, “ghetto”, “hooligan”, “uppity”, and “savage.” These same people want to ban phrases like “peanut gallery”, “food coma”, “long time no see”, and “grandfathered in” simply because they once (long ago) may or may not have been offensive to someone. This unparalleled attempt to control speech is either a clear indicator of widespread mental illness or a pervasive egocentric fixation on controlling other people, or both. 

Sigh.

The proclivity towards taking offense goes way beyond silly people attempting to criminalize words they don’t like. The Bible predicts narcissism will eventually take root in the hearts of the majority (2nd Timothy 3:1-5) and it has. Narcissists lack empathy, are hyper focused on personal boundaries, do not respect others and have no real fear of God, although they may be professing Christians.  Narcissists love themselves and are entirely self-focused. Anyone is entirely self-focused will inevitably be both easily offended and incredibly unforgiving. 

The epidemic of narcissism in our world has led to an rise in people cutting friends and family out of their lives. Sometimes, this means ghosting folks (ghosting is when someone simply stops taking a person’s calls and responding to their texts). Other times this means going “no contact” or “low contact” with friends or relatives. Even some professing Christians have fallen headlong into the offense trap. Ghosting and “going no contact” typically happen without following the biblical standard for resolving conflict found in Matthew 18:15-17 and with zero grace or mercy (Matthew 5:7, Matthew 7:1-2, Luke 6:37).

Picking up offenses is more than just silly, annoying and potentially harmful to personal relationships. According to Jesus it’s dangerous because it makes us susceptible to spiritual deception and can even lead to a loss of faith. Seriously. Matthew 24:11-12 tells us: 

Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold- NKJV

Picking up an offense about anything causes a person to become hyper-focused on feelings. Anytime feelings are running the show the ability to discern truth from error is diminished. If we stay in the feelings zone for long enough, discernment disappears completely and we become a sitting duck for all of Satan’s schemes (Ephesians 6:11, 2nd Corinthians 2:11, 1st Peter 5:8). 

Like, seriously. ALL OF THEM. 

The Bible says the end times will be perilous because people will be awful in ways and to a degree they have never been before (2nd Timothy 3:1-5). Christians must live counter-culturally in these times. This means doing everything in our power to stay free from offense and the sin that comes with it (Proverbs 4:14-16, Romans 16:17-18). Doing so is a powerful protection against deception and it allows Christian to shine for Jesus in a generation that’s rapidly losing its way (Philippians 2:16-17).   

Satan’s Diary- Fall Quarter 2023

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

In the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires.They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation”- 2nd Peter 3:3-4 NIV

Dearest Diary,

As the kids like to say: “it’s been a minute” since I updated you of my progress, but to be perfectly honest, I haven’t been this busy in two millennia.

Seriously. 

Life has never been more productive for me on this silly, stupid, little planet. Most of the human race has lost their moral compass and their minds, in that order. I, for one, could not be more pleased. 

My mission is to lead people as far from God and abundant life as possible. I do this by assisting humans in creating a hell for themselves through their own stupid, sinful choices. Then I find fun and creative ways to turn them away from God so they will never be forgiven and spend eternity in actual hell.

 Business is booming! BOOMING!

Thanks to parents who refuse to correct their children or tell them “no” the whole planet is swarming with creatures’ psychologists have dubbed narcissists.  Narcissists are my kind of people. Narcissist is really just a fancy-Nancy word for a person who loves themselves with wild abandon. A narcissist will place their own ambitions and pleasures above everyone and everything. Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes but the one thing they all have in common is they worship themselves as an idol. 

It’s lovely really. 

It has become fashionable among humans to be entirely self-focused and proud of their selfishness. Psychologists are quick to assure folks that selfishness is good for one’s mental health!  One rather beautiful way this plays itself out is in an obsession with the toxicity of others. If one of those stupid little demi-gods feels someone is toxic then they are OUT. It does not matter who it is. It could be a life-long friend, a parent, an acquaintance, or even their own child. If a person is categorized as toxic, for any reason, they are gone. I have never seen anything like it. It’s beautiful. The thing I love most is “toxicity” is one-hundred-percent subjective. A person can be labeled “toxic” for literally any reason. Disagree over politics: toxic! Invite an adult child to one too many family events: toxic! Argue with me over anything, no matter how stupid or trivial: toxic! Try too hard to be helpful: toxic! Behave in a way I decide is controlling: toxic! Don’t ask my opinion about something: toxic! Tell me “no”: TOXIC! Choose a bad restaurant: toxic! Dislike my favorite stuff: toxic! Do something culturally inappropriate, even accidentally: toxic! Don’t do exactly what I tell you to do: toxic! Make a judgment about sexuality or any other moral issue: toxic! 

LOVE IT! 

This crazy emphasis on toxicity has caused people to ditch anyone who does not affirm every single choice they make or anyone who does not make them happy all the time. After all, when you are your own little idol you shouldn’t have to put up with anything or anyone you do not really love.  This obsession with cutting people out effectively prevents individuals from growing emotionally. Because they never participate in relationships that stretch them or require them to give more than they take. 

Adults remain emotional children indefinitely! 

They never have to work anything out or compromise in any way. So BEAUTIFUL! They just go “low contact” or “no contact” and that’s the end of that relationship! Even Christians do this! It’s not at all unusual for “Christians” to cut their parents or friends or pastor out of their lives simply for not doing or saying exactly what they want. It’s like these “Christians” have completely forgotten the Bible tells them to: 

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I KNOW THE BIBLE BETTER THAN THEY DO!  

SO GOOD!

Personal-autonomy run amok has led to the most senseless public policies imaginable. Governments allow very young children to undergo barbaric medical procedures that mutilate their sex organs and destroy their fertility because the little tikes believe they may be the opposite gender. Imagine that!  Kids some no older than four or five being allowed to mutilate their perfectly healthy bodies over something as fleeting as a feeling? It’s beautiful. I suspect transgenderism will be the gift that keeps on giving for me. Those kids will either grow up entirely without hope and turn to drugs or alcohol to cope or they will grow up angry at the idiots who allowed their fertility to be stolen from them. Maybe both? Who knows! 

There’s more!

Everyone is encouraged to do what feels good and judgment has become the unpardonable sin. As a result, drugs have infested the planet.  I simply adore drug use. It’s just so dang degrading. The addicts live out their lives like miserable little zombies. They spend their time getting high, until they overdose, then someone comes along and revives them with Narcan. Then the whole wretched process starts all over again. Like the movie Groundhog Day with degradation and near-death experiences!  

 So GOOD!

The worship of self is the most spiritually dangerous thing in the world and it’s the most prevalent form of religious expression today! 

LOVE.  

Christians could help by choosing to model Christ-like selflessness (insert gagging sounds here). Though, I have observed a good many of them of them are just as caught up in self-absorption as their unsaved counterparts. Adult Christians cut their parents out of their lives almost as often as unsaved adult children. Friendships end over trivial matters all the time. Thankfully, many pastors have become more like influencers than spiritual leaders or moral guides. Many go out of their way to avoid being offense. It’s beautiful! After all, the gospel is inherently offensive. The one prerequisite of salvation is sinners must admit their sin and their own inherent goodness. It’s why those losers need Jesus.  

Any-hoo I digress. 

Time is short. I must be going.  There are some humans I simply must get focused on themselves and their feelings. Little do those fools know: anytime they worship themselves they give ME glory! 

Regards,

Satan

The Bitter Truth about Jealousy-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy- Romans 13:13 NIV 

My friend has a new pastor she likes very much.

She feels he is smart and insightful. His sermons are excellent and all-in-all she feels he is taking the church in a solid direction. The problem is with his wife. She plays a significant role in church leadership. My friend has zero problem with her role and initially really liked the woman, she’s bright, funny and my friend said she seems to really love Jesus. 

The problem started a couple of months back. My friend, who has been involved in a leadership capacity at the church for years was suddenly removed from groups and boards she had previously led. This was done without so much as a word to her or an explanation as to why. Furthermore, the pastor’s wife had made some public comments that were subtly demeaning and even blatantly rude to and about my friend. My friend has refused to discuss the issue with anyone at her church but she said that people were starting to ask what was going on.   

Sigh.  

This woman is content with taking a lesser role at her church. She understands sometimes new leaders take ministries in a different direction. However, she didn’t expect to be completely dismissed in such a hurtful manner. As her story unfolded it became clear, my friend is likely the victim of something as old as sin itself: jealousy (Genesis 4:1-13).   

I have observed most Christians tend to see certain sins as more ethically acceptable than others. Such is the case with jealousy.  Christians see jealousy as a problem, but not in the same way homicide or slander or lying are a problem. Christians typically place jealousy in the same category as telling someone their hair looks nice when it doesn’t.

Jealousy is wrongly seen as more of a personal shortcoming than a sin.  

The New Testament does not treat jealousy as a personal failing or a spiritual misdemeanor. The apostle Paul empowered by the Holy Spirit saw fit to place jealousy in the same class as witchcraft, hatred, selfish ambition, sexual immorality and debauchery (Romans 13:12-13, Galatians 5:19-21).  At best, the New Testament presents jealousy as an obvious indication of worldliness and spiritual immaturity (1st Corinthians 13:3, James 4:1-3). At worst it’s presented as a fast track to spiritual ruin. 

 Yikes.  

Jealousy is problem because it’s a gateway sin. Jealousy naturally opens the door to feeling more comfortable with other, much bigger, much more serious sins. If jealousy is allowed to run wild it can (and usually does) lead to even worse sins like slander, lying and even in extreme cases homicide (Genesis 4:1-7, Genesis 37:1-36, 1st Kings 21:1-14, 1st Samuel 18:1-16, Acts 5:12-18, Acts 17:4-6).

 Jealousy manifests itself in two ways. Sometimes jealousy is the result of wanting something a person feels they lack (a talent, characteristic, possession, opportunity, platform or relationship). Other times it’s the result of desiring to be the one only really important person in a friend group, organization or church. At the root of jealousy there is always a spirit of self-promotion, craving for more of something (greed) and covetousness. The writer of Proverbs tells us that anger and rage are intimidating but jealousy is the real destroyer of people and relationships (Proverbs 24:7).  

In an age of social media, self-promotion, celebrity Christians and “Christian influencers” believers, especially believers in leadership positions (paid or volunteer) must be on guard against jealousy. Even good, godly people can become inflamed with jealousy. It is not unusual for jealousy to make its way into the church through a spirit of competition that disguises itself as a desire to reach the lost, mentor people or disciple others.  Jealousy is the ugly offspring of pride. It often begins with the belief that “I’m irreplaceable” or “no one can do X as well as me”. It ultimately manifests itself in a poverty mindset that leads to territorial thinking about things Christians should never be territorial about like ministry opportunities, leadership roles and mentoring opportunities. At the root of jealousy is the sin of unbelief. Jealous people do not believe there is ever enough of anything to go around.

 Spiritually speaking, we live in the grimmest of times (2nd Timothy 3:1-5, Matthew 24). People are deconstructing their faith in droves, violence is the new normal and out-and-out evil is thought to be virtuous in our culture.  

There is no room for jealousy among Christians in such times. 

 It is up to us to deal with jealousy aggressively. Jealousy never goes away on its own. We strangle feelings of jealousy with gratitude and thankfulness (Colossians 3:15, Colossians 4:2, Ephesians 5:3-5, Hebrews 12:28). The more intentional we are about being grateful for what we have the less likely we are to become envious of what other people have or are doing. Community kills jealousy.  It is much harder to be jealous when you know someone’s story and are in community with them. Praying regularly for people we feel jealous of is another way to chase away feelings of jealously or greed.   

And finally.  

There are some who have defended jealousy because God describes Himself as a jealous God (Exodus 20:5, Deuteronomy 4:24, Nahum 1:2). The difference between human jealousy and God’s jealousy is that God’ jealousy is never selfishly motivated. It’s never about Him. He is jealous out of concern for our well-being. Whereas human jealously wants what it wants only for its own glorification.  

My heart still breaks for my sweet friend. Seeing the hurt and pain caused by a jealous spirit is painful. However, the person I worry about most is the one who’s doing the hurting.          

How our Flawed Understanding of Church Authority is Wrecking the Church-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit- Matthew 15:14 NIV

Christianity has a leadership problem.

Accounts of bullying, embezzlement, adultery, duplicity, abuse, control and even pedophilia involving high profile pastors, churches and entire denominations have become routine. The Catholic Church, Jim Baker, Mars Hill, Ted Haggard, Bob Coy, Willow Creek, Sovereign Grace Ministries, Mike Warnke, Hillsong, Josh Duggar and The Southern Baptist Convention are just a few of the leaders, churches and organizations whose names have become synonymous with corrupt Christian leadership.  Leadership problems aren’t restricted to high profile pastors, mega churches or big-name Christian ministries. Many churchgoers have experienced hurt at the hands of insensitive pastors or pastors who acted much more righteous in public than in private. 

Sigh. 

Experts blame the rise of bad leadership on an increase of narcissism in churches and Christian organizations.  A narcissist has a strong sense of entitlement, is extremely self-focused, has an unusually high need for attention, is overconfident and a has profound lack of empathy. Narcissism is what we used to call “having a pride problem”. Therefore, it’s totally possible for a Christian to be a narcissist. Narcissists have enormous blind spots where their behavior is concerned. Narcissistic Christians can justify almost any action, including actions they know are sinful. Narcissistic Christian leaders truly believe God will overlook their behavior because they “do so much for the kingdom”.  Narcissists do not understand how their behavior affects other people. As a result, they can do a great deal of harm to people without even knowing it. Most experts believe narcissism is a growing problem among Christian leaders. This is concerning considering the contrast between a narcissistic leader and the model Christian leader described in Titus 1:7-9, Timothy 3:1-3 and 1st Peter 5:1-5. 

This begs some hard questions: 

Why is there so much bad behavior in Christianity? 

What does the church do to produce and attract all these narcissistic leaders? 

How does an average Christian enable narcissistic leadership?  

I personally believe Christianity is plagued with narcissistic leadership because Christians have a flawed understanding of what New Testament authority should look like.

Here’s what I mean:

Most Christians form their views on spiritual authority from Old Testament stories, principally from the system of Kings found in the Old Testament. Old Testament Kings had absolute God-given authority. This is most famously played out in the story of Saul and David. Saul was an awful king. He was evil, volatile, selfish, and guided almost entirely by pride and sinful passions (1st Samuel 16:14, 1st Samuel 18:14, 1st Samuel 19:4, 1st Samuel 15:22-24).  

However.

 Because Saul was anointed King, David faithfully submitted himself to Saul’s authority. David did not disparage Saul, physically harm him or challenge his authority.  Christian teachers (including myself) universally applaud David’s submission to Saul’s authority. It’s an example of Old Testament obedience God clearly blessed (1stSamuel 26:9-11, Acts 13:22). 

Many Christians apply the same concept of “anointing” to present-day pastors. Many deacons, board members and elders refuse to correct or question a pastor even when they know the pastor is wrong because, in their view the pastor is God’s “anointed” and therefore unchallengeable, regardless of their behavior. Many Pastors, especially narcissistic pastors tend to see themselves as having the same unchallengeable authority as Old Testament Kings. The rotten fruit of this understanding of authority is at least partly to blame for the large numbers of people who have left the church in recent years. It’s also literally obliterating the churches ability to do our one job: reach the lost (Matthew 28:18-20). Non-Christians see leadership situations like the ones at the Southern Baptist Convention, Mars Hill and Hillsong as unacceptable, indefensibly gross and entirely inconsistent with the whole notion of a good God. They reject God because of what they see in those churches. This is entirety unacceptable and should grieve us all.

Because:

There are to be no human kings in the Church. Jesus is the only King among His people. Period. End of story. Jesus is the only leader who can make demands or who deserves absolute obedience. Pastors are simply not anointed to lead churches the same way kings were anointed to lead Israel in the Old Testament. The word anointed or anoint in reference to people and/or Jesus is used a total of eleven times in the New Testament. Eight explicitly refer to Jesus’ anointing (Mark 14:8, Luke 4:18, Luke 7:46, John 11:2, John 12:3, Acts 4:27, Acts 10:38, Hebrews 1:9). The remaining three references teach that all Christians are anointed for ministry, not just a few specific leaders (2nd Corinthians 1:21, 1st John 2:20, 1st John 2:27). 

All Christians are given gifts to benefit the church (Ephesians 4:11-12, 1st Corinthians 12:7-11, Romans 12:3-9). Some spiritual gifts have a leadership component to them (apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, overseers). The New Testament commands Christians to treat these leaders with respect and to make their task joyful rather than difficult (Hebrews 13:17). Christians will be judged for how they treat their spiritual leaders. Therefore, any challenge to a leader’s teaching or behavior must be prayerfully contemplated before action is taken.

 However.

Pastors simply do not have the same authority as Old Testament Kings. Instead, the Bible promises leaders and teachers will be judged at a higher standard than other Christians (James 3:1). ALL Christians will be accountable to God for how they use or misuse any authority they have in the home, workplace or church. Christians are called to humble servanthood, and specifically commanded not to lord their authority over others (Matthew 20:25-26). 

Truth-be-told narcissism has taken root in churches because too many pastors have been given unchallenged authority and too many Christians have foolishly chosen to follow human leaders more closely than they follow King Jesus.  

What is a “Depraved Mind” and how does a Person “Go There”?

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done- Romans 1:28 NIV

 Recently, I found myself attempting to encourage the close relative of a person deep in the weeds of an ugly addiction. The addict (a professed Christian) flatly refuses to repent of their sin or even entertain the notion their problem is a problem let alone a sin. To the dismay of the entire family the addict is willfully refusing to see the effect their sin is having on the lives of those they profess to love. Further complicating the whole messy muddle, the addict is actively attempting to manipulate friends and family into believing their perception of the situation is faulty and the obvious is not reality.  

 Sigh.

 The Bible teaches that individuals become entangled in sinful patterns of behavior because they develop a “depraved mind” (Romans 1:28, Hebrews 12:1). Deceitfulness, addiction and the refusal to deal with issues related to dishonesty and addiction are not the only indications of a corrupt and depraved mind. Evil and depravity is not reserved for the worst of the worst: serial killers, sex traffickers and child molesters. Anyone who runs with reckless abandon into sinful behavior (pride, addiction, gossip, lying, covering sin, sexual depravity) and is determined to keep on keeping on is likely suffering from, or in the process, of developing a corrupt and depraved mind.

Yikes.

 The Bible does not exclude professed Christians from thinking or behaving in ways that ultimately lead to having a depraved mind. Like most issues in life, prevention is the best cure. Once wrong thinking leads to an entrenched pattern of immoral behavior it is difficult (but not impossible) to come back from it (Luke 18:27).

 It is critical we remember people, even unsaved people do not become evil or depraved in a day.  Developing a depraved mind is a process that begins with the willful decision to ignore a known truth about God. For an unbeliever this can be as simple as choosing to deny the existence of a Creator despite all the evidence that exists to the contrary (Romans 1:18-20). For Christians it ALWAYS begins with choosing to straight up ignore a clear New Testament command or teaching (Hebrews 12:25). The next step is choosing to disregard the guilt that goes along with choosing to ignore one’s conscience.  Then the person becomes bloated (metaphorically speaking) with pride. Pride convinces them they are above all the silly rules that apply to “regular” Christians. They convince themselves they are special enough to sin without the consequences lesser humans inevitably suffer. Then they begin actively resisting accountability. Eventually, the sin morphs into the driving force in their lives. At this point the sin (addictive behavior) is just a symptom of a bigger sin: idolatry (1st John 5:21).

 Okay, so, a couple of things:

 First, when we see these behavior patterns in the lives of professed Christians we should never entertain the notion we are better than they are. That response to someone else’s sin indicates pride. Pride is a serious sin to be avoided at all costs. Once we become prideful we are more likely to get tangled-up in the same sins (Mark 8:15, 1st Corinthians 10:12).

Besides.

Pride is just super gross (Proverbs 18:13, 2nd Chronicles 26:16). Nor, should we ever help anyone escape the consequences of the choices they have made. The technical/psychological term for helping people avoid the natural consequences of their choices is codependence or enabling. The problem with codependence or enabling is that enablers secretly think they know more about what will actually help people than God does. God knows everything about everything and He brings consequences into the lives of people because He is constantly working to mold Christians into the image of Jesus (2nd Corinthians 3:18, Colossians 3). No good ever comes from helping people avoid what God is using to make them healthier, wiser, and more like Jesus, even if it’s painful to watch.

 Secondly, we should always be alert to sin in our own lives. The human heart is capable of insane levels of self-deception when it comes to the issue of sin (Jeremiah 17:9).  For that reason it is possible for Christians to be well on the road to developing a depraved mind and not even know it. Therefore, it is critically important we take every opportunity to self-examine and evaluate our own moral and spiritual condition (2nd Corinthians 13:5).

 Finally, anytime we see another Christian struggling with sin our first response should always be to pray for them, not judge them. Once we’ve done that we need to beg God for the wisdom, grace and supernatural insight to know how to be Jesus to them in their time of need.