Category: humor

Satan’s Diary- September 13, 2020

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil– Ephesians 6:11 NASB 

Dear Diary, 

I love lies! I love politics! I love COVID-19! I love hate! I love Marxist teaching! I love sexual deviancy!  I LOVE 2020! 

But, mostly I love the 24/7 news.

Decades ago I took control of most print and broadcast media. The task was not difficult to accomplish. I had been heavily influencing college professors for decades. Under my watchful eye journalism schools became strongholds of liberal thinking in no time at all.   

It’s been nothing but sunshine and blue skies ever since. 

Thanks to 24/7 news channels most human beings are being gaslighted every moment of every day. Stupid fools never think beyond what my toady’s in the media tell them.  It’s beautiful.  Those who report the “news” insist what people see with their own eyes isn’t truth. Every day, all day, the media tells the public the thugs burning down cities, destroying business, attacking police and harassing innocent bystanders are not the problem. Those people are peaceful protesters. The demonstrators never articulate what kind of change would make them alter their behavior and newscasters tell viewers it’s the police who are the problem. If the police ceased to exist crime would be eliminated and the looters would fade into the woodwork.   

As if!

Even I know most Americans are decent people who welcome immigrants of every skin color and people group. Immigrants give up everything they know to go to America, some spend their life savings getting there. They do it because they know they will enjoy more freedom and economic opportunity there than in any other place on earth. The news media tells viewers those facts mean nothing.  The media has those moronic fools despising themselves for racist attitudes most of them don’t even have! The “everyone’s a racist and doesn’t know it” movement is actually causing the races to become more suspicious and even fearful of each other. 

LOVE! 

Speaking of fear. I just adore COVID-19.

That lovely, little virus has made more people afraid of more than things than anything I’ve seen in a millennium. My pets in the news media have becomes experts at increasing fear over Coronavirus. They do it because they believe it will get and keep their preferred political party in power. Not that I mind, their beloved political party just happens to be my personal darling right now.  Those fools are so delightfully misled and so intent on misleading others!  The media refuses to discuss politicians who refuse to follow their own rules regarding coronavirus. Stupid humans don’t realize that when a politician does anything that’s prohibited for “normal” people to do, like go outside without a mask, get their hair blow dried, or eat indoors at a restaurant they reveal their true beliefs about the dangers of COVID-19. They tell the world with their actions they don’t really believe COVID-19 is as deadly as they insist it is. Legislators wallow in hypocrisy and no one questions their motives for making the rules in the first place. It’s literally the most beautiful thing ever. Seriously.  

Okay, so, politics is good but it’s not actually the most beautiful thing EVER. The most beautiful thing EVER is the normalization of pedophilia! I have been working towards this goal for decades and I am on the edge of success.  A small but vocal minority wants to begin calling perverts and child molesters “minor attracted persons”.  How beautiful is that? I chose it myself. I simply adore how wonderfully clean sounding it is. I have been busy influencing Hollywood producers regarding children and sex. A full-length movie recently came out that sexualizes pre-teen girls and makes conservative parents look like a bunch of abusive kooks. If I play my cards right in another year-or-two there will be a full-length cartoon with a truly delightful child who is “in love “with a “really nice” and “really loving” adult character. By the end of the movie the star-crossed lovers will realize love really is love. Idiots easily swayed by emotional twaddle will soften their stance on “minor-attracted persons” and the kiddies will be more open to adult “love”.  I can hardly wait!  Parents have actually been very helpful to me in this crusade. They purchase phones for their children that give them access to every kind of lie and perversion the world has to offer long before their kids have the wisdom, discernment or self-control to sort through those messages.  Then those chumps trust their kids to never look at anything questionable. They wonder why their kids are so sexualized and such easy prey for perverts, oh, I mean “minor attracted persons”.

Ha! Ha! I literally crack myself up sometimes! 

Then there’s the Christians. Thankfully, most don’t have the slightest clue as to how much power they have to bring about change in the world. They complain about the culture but very few are actually praying about much of anything. Christians are actively consuming the worst of their toxic culture through television and internet; this habit makes it almost impossible for them to live the kind of holy righteous lives that draw the world to their stupid savior and protect them from my deception.

WINNING!

 Half of all Christians have used coronavirus as an excuse to drop out of church and not just the old people. Christians under forty, are mostly healthy and most likely to believe online church is a reasonable substitute for the friendships, community and accountability in-person services provide. The idiots deliberately separate themselves from the body of Christ not realizing that when they do that they become easy prey for my demonic minions.  If they don’t make a daily practice of examining themselves in light of Scripture they won’t pray and they won’t repent. If they don’t pray and repent there’s zero chance of revival. No revival means big VICTORY for me.  😁

Satan

Satan’s Latest Diary Entry-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

You live in the midst of deception; in their deceit they refuse to acknowledge me,” declares the Lord- Jeremiah 9:6 NIV

Dear Diary, 

Life is perfectly splendid here in hell. 

This morning, I received month-end reports from all department heads. My scheme to distract humans from the truth of God and completely destroy them in the process is exceeding even my wildest hopes and expectations.

 Western civilization has bought into the absurd notion sexual pleasure is the key to happiness and self-actualization.  I have managed to get half the human population so fixated on their own genitals that they are incapable of thinking of little else. The pornography industry has been incredibly useful to me in this area. A few decades back lobbyists for the industry convinced the courts that pornography is a harmless form of “free speech”. Now pornography is available on every smartphone in the land. Generation Z has been exposed to so much pornography that many of them would rather watch other people have sex than actually have sex. The ones that do have sex tend to have some pretty creepy ideas about the whole thing.  Thanks to my efforts and the help of the porn industry many humans will never be capable of having normal, healthy relationships. 

WINNING!

I love a good lie and I hit on a winner a few years back. I actually persuaded educators, parents and activists that the science of biology is an irrelevant “social construct”. Ridiculous humans now “choose their own gender”. The concept is so obviously preposterous I secretly questioned whether or not I could pull it off. Nevertheless, I am pleased to report that gender confusion is “a thing”. Schools teach children there are dozens of genders to choose from. The results have been magnificent. It is now trendy for children in elementary school to” identify” as “transgender” or “gender fluid”.  I am most pleased with how I convinced some parents they should allow their children to “transition”. “Enlightened” parents give doctors (who ought to know better) the go-ahead to pump their kids full of powerful hormone blockers and perform irreversible surgeries on their beloved children. I love it when kids transition. It destroys their natural sex drive and ensures their developing bodies will be mutilated beyond repair. It also guarantees that kids will never be capable of producing children of their own.  I am tremendously eager for those children reach adulthood. They will soon recognize all that was stolen from them thanks to their parent’s desire to appear openminded to their progressive peers. I predict those kids will someday loathe their own parents.  I amaze myself with my own ingenuity. I really am that smart. Seriously. 

But, I digress. 

 Thanks to fake news and self-absorption I haven’t seen so much social turmoil and class envy since the days of the French Revolution (good times).  Americans have the highest standard of living of any country on earth and yet all they do is demonstrate and demand free stuff. It looks as if socialism might be taking root. I adore socialism.  What’s not to love about a system motivated entirely by envy that leads free people to hand their God-given rights over to godless bureaucrats who crave power and control? All I need is a few more of those idiots in power and all my dreams for that stupid country will finally come true. Thanks to media lies they are hovering on the brink of civil war. I LOVE civil war. It’s s just so magnificently bloody and destructive. Christians in America send out more missionaries than any other nation on earth. War will bring that nonsense to a screeching halt and there will be more souls in hell. I see nothing but potential in this situation.

 LOVE IT.  

I was a wee bit disappointed to discover that the abortion rate is down a bit in the U.S.  All is not lost. I am on it.  I have influenced a number of celebrities to glamorize and celebrate their own abortions. Young girls read those glowing testimonials and want to be like the women they admire.  The abortion rate should be rebounding any day now. 

The church has aided me greatly in my efforts in recent years. I have nothing but gratitude towards those stupid but well-meaning Christians who bought my lie that talking about sin will keep the church from reaching the lost. Those fools go on and on about the love of God without ever realizing that it is only when people understand their own depravity that they seek God and are healed. Then there are the Christians I convinced that God doesn’t care about how they live. They live exactly like their unsaved neighbors and coworkers. Literally no one is being drawn to Jesus by those people.

Satan   

Five Ways We Made the Facts Feel Sad this Week

Lisa M. Price3 Comments

 

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free~ John 8:32 NIV

 It was a tough week to be a fact.

 During an interview with Anderson Cooper, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said something that implied she might be a-wee-bit intolerant towards certain facts:

 “I think that there’s a lot of people more concerned about being precisely, factually, and semantically correct than about being morally right.”

 Later in the week Kirstjen Nielsen (Secretary of Homeland Security), presented some statistics (a fancy word for facts) concerning the number of migrants, drug smugglers and gang members crossing the Southern border in a given year, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi interrupted Ms. Nielson’s presentation to say:

  “I reject your facts”

 Hmm.  That’s all I have to say about that.

 Dems were not the only ones coldshouldering the facts this week. During an interview with Mike Wallace, Whitehouse Press Secretary, Sarah Sanders stated that accuracy regarding the number of terrorists captured at the Southern border did not matter so long as the overall numbers of terrorists captured in the country were accurately reported.  

 Sigh.

 If I were a fact I would be a bit miffed.

 As I considered the flagrant fact-shunning, I found myself thinking some rather scornful thoughts regarding worldly people and their lack of logic.  Then I had a weird and fairly awkward epiphany. I realized that Christians do the same kinds of things with a different set of facts. We sometimes disdain, disregard and disrespect facts or truths simply because we do not like them. Following are five things Christians say when we just don’t like certain facts.    

 I think that God just wants me to be happy –

 Folks typically whip this weary line out when they really, really, really, want to do something that the Bible explicitly prohibits (adultery, bitterness, homosexuality, divorce without biblical grounds, premarital sex, etc.). Like it or not, it is a fact that God forbids certain behaviors (Galatians 5:19-21, 1stCorinthians 6:9-10, Ephesians 5:3-6, Revelation 22:12-16). That said, I do not believe God forbids things because He is indifferent to the feelings of people. God is not an uncaring monster who gets a kick out of seeing people living out their lives in abject misery. Truth-be-told God just cares more about our eternal wellbeing and holiness than our momentary happiness.  God sees the bigger picture and potential consequences we are incapable of seeing in our fallen, finite state. He knows what making a specific choice (like committing adultery or becoming bitter) will do to our souls, our families and our ability to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit. God loves people and He knows that we are all just stupid enough to forgo our future health and spiritual wellbeing on the altar of pleasure and expediency. God loves people too much to simply let us be led by something as stupid (and subject to change) as feelings.  

 My God wouldn’t do that-

 People typically say this in response to being told that God judges sinners who refuse to repent of their sin. They might say “my God doesn’t judge” or “my God loves everyone”. The biggest and most basic problem with this particular line of reasoning is that it is firmly grounded in willful ignorance. There is only one God and He does love everyone. However, God makes it clear in His word that He will judge anyone who refuses to repent (John 5:28-29, 1stTimothy 2:5, Job 21:22, Revelation 6:9-11, Revelation 20:12-13).

 That’s not my conviction-

 Conviction is a firmly held belief concerning whether or not something is right or wrong. Christians should feel conviction (a sense of guilt) anytime they knowingly violate God’s standards. In recent years some have concluded that if they don’t feel conviction (guilt) over something then it’s not a sin. Their lack of guilt or conviction makes the thing okay. But, here’s the thing, one does not have to feel conviction or guilt about something for it to be wrong (Romans 1:28-32, Jeremiah 8:12). There are people in thisworld who do not feel an ounce of conviction about doing really terriblethings (murder, bigotry, infidelity, blasphemy, theft). Their lack of conviction does not make a sin any less sinful.  The Bible clearly states that the only time our feelings should dictate whether or not something is right or wrong is when the issue is not clearly a sin (grey area). If we feel guilty doing something (even if that thing is not clearly violating Scripture) then God does not want us to do that thing (1stCorinthians 8)

 I haven’t experienced that so I can’t say if it’s right or wrong-

 There are actually people who sincerely believe that one must experience something in order to judge whether or not something is sinful. This simply does not pass the logic test. If you carry this line of thinking out to its reasonable conclusion it means one cannot know if it’s wrong to kill someone until they have actually committed murder. Please. That’s just stupid.

 I reject that reality-

 Reality is a fact. Facts cannot be debated or rejected (sorry, Nancy). Reality is what it is. Only crazy people reject reality and they are crazy precisely because they choose to reject reality.  People who do not wish to be labeled as crazy should not reject reality.

  Please be courteous to the facts this week folks. Last week was a rough one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Guilt is Good-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment


Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin~ Psalm 32:5

Not long ago I happened upon a Psychology Today article on the topic of guilt. Closer analysis revealed the article wasn’t really about guilt per se. Rather, the article was about how destructive and futile the writer (a psychotherapist with an alphabet soup of degrees behind his name) believes the whole notion of guilt is to the average human.

 The writer went to great lengths to convince the reader (in this case me) that guilt is nothing more than a societal and religious construct (a concept invented by society and religion to motivate people to do what “society” wants them to do). In the writer’s estimation, guilt serves no positive or healthy purpose for individuals and tends to keep people stuck in self-defeating patterns of behavior

 When I finished reading the article I was convinced of little but the likelihood that the writer is simply a well meaning, highly educated, and extremely articulate nut-job. However, his views did get me thinking more deeply about the subject of guilt. More specifically, it got me thinking about whether or not guilt is a good or a bad thing.

 The answer is “yes”.

 But, before we go there, I want to define the meaning of the word guilt for the purposes of this post. According to the word wizards at Dictionary.com, guilt is a feeling of responsibility or remorse for an offense, crime, wrong and etc., whether real or imagined.

 Okay.

 Call me old-fashioned, nutty or whatever you wish to call me. But, I have a tough time accepting the view that a feeling of remorse or responsibility after committing a crime or offense is a bad thing. The exception of course would be if the person were feeling guilt-ridden over a fictitious or imagined offense. That situation is a bit trickier to navigate. The nitty-gritties of dealing with imagined guilt are without a doubt way above my pay-grade and outside of the scope of this blog.

 That said.

 I am convinced that guilt is neither good nor bad. Guilt is like the check engine light on a car. It’s simply an indicator there’s something going on that ought to be explored more thoroughly. A persistent sense of guilt warrants some self-examination to see if we need to change course or apologize for something we’ve said or done.

 Admittedly, there are folks whose check engine light goes off for no good reason. Those types of people feel guilty over situations they had absolutely no control over. There are also those who feel guilty when someone sins against them, some even feel guilty over the sins others people have committed (like their parents, kids or spouse).

 Feeling guilty when we’ve done nothing wrong or sinful is false guilt. False guilt is one kind of guilt that really is a pointless waste of time. Wallowing around in false guilt can feel good and even self-righteous at times. However, it can keep us from seeing clearly the things we really did do wrong and are in need of repentance.

 Feeling guilty or regretful when we do sin or commit an offense is a good and healthy thing to feel (Psalm 51, Isaiah 66:2). Guilt drives spiritually and emotionally healthy people to contrition. Contrition motivates people to repentance (change) and changing bad people into better people is what God is all about. However, guilt can quickly morph into a bad thing if we stay stuck and let the guilt fester into condemnation.

 Contrary, to popular belief condemnation is not the same thing as guilt. Condemnation is guilt’s ugly cousin, it breeds hopelessness and self-loathing by telling us that there is no way we can ever be good enough and that there is nothing we can ever do to be forgiven or become better. Condemnation, not guilt, is what keeps people stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior.

 The Bible is clear that there is no condemnation (although there might be guilt when we sin) for Christians (Romans 8:1). In a society where people tend to either wallow in false guilt or deny there is any such thing as guilt, Christians need to model a healthy understanding of the issue. Christians should be quick to confess sin, eager to repent and ready to tell others about the freedom we have from condemnation in Christ.

Sex, Theology and Politics

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

 Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires~ 2nd Peter 3:3 NIV

 I started blogging because, well, frankly I was naïve and weirdly overconfident in my ability to attract an audience. I figured if I took the time to write it, people would read it.

 My expectations were quickly brought down to earth.

 It didn’t take long to conclude that I had fooled myself into believing I am far cooler than I actually am. My world was briefly shattered when I discovered (much to my chagrin) that most people are not interested in the subjects I find fascinating. I now have irrefutable evidence that there are two subjects that the average person cares nothing about.

 History and theology.

 If I were foolish enough to write a blog on the history of theology I can give you the first and last names of the three (possibly four, five if you count my husband) people who would take the time to read said blog.

 Sigh.

 On the other hand, sex is typically a huge draw.

 I briefly considered putting the word sex in all of my blog titles just to get the clicks. However, I was told it would be misleading to write a blog on say, the pros and cons of the doctrine of determinism; and then trick people into reading it by leading them to believe it was actually about sex.

 I have also found that a rousing political blog typically attracts readers. I also learned that broadcasting my political opinions is the most efficient way to get un-friended by family members on Facebook.

 Today I have decided to throw caution to the wind and combine the topics of sex, politics and theology and see where all that takes us…

 This morning I ventured away from some of my preferred books of the Bible and read through the book of Jude. There I found a verse that got me thinking about how a faulty interpretation of theology can affect both sex and politics…

  For certain individuals whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord~ Jude 4 NIV

 On the surface this verse is fairly straightforward from a historic perspective. Teachers in the ancient church had introduced teachings regarding grace that were generating all sorts of moral chaos and even causing some believers to turn away from Jesus.

 Like I said, fairly straightforward.

 However, Jude was not writing entirely for the benefit of the 1st century Church. Any warning given in the New Testament was intended for all believers throughout the ages. Furthermore, with all the dubious notions concerning the subject of grace floating around today; it’s safe to assume that Jude’s warning was prophetic and more applicable today than at anytime in history.

 The word translated as license in English is a Greek word (exousia) that means authority. Jude seems to be indicating that some had/would come into the church and make themselves into the ultimate authority on what the grace of God is really all about. In the process they would/had pervert the subject and lead many away from truth about God and life.

 We live in a world where many (including some Christians) believe that things the Bible calls evil are good and the things the Bible says are good, are evil (Isaiah 5:20-21).

 This is the fault of the church itself.

 For years the church in America has taught that grace is a giant bucket of forgiveness believers can dip into anytime they please. Not just for unintentional sin but also for intentional sin as well. We have conveniently forgotten that in the Old Testament there was no provision in the law for intentional sin. We have also failed to teach that there are lists of sins in the New Testament that, if they are deliberate and ongoing, promise to defile and ultimately disqualify folks from the Kingdom of God (Mark 7:21-22, Romans 1:24-31, Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3:5-9, 1st Corinthians 6:9-10, 1st Timothy 1:9-10, Revelation 21:8).

 Christians are called to be the moral leaders of the world. Because believers have adopted a wobbly view of right and wrong- especially where sexuality and divorce are concerned- social chaos has followed. Now politicians are busy sanctioning sexual sin into the law of the land. The Church paved the way for the world to believe that there will never be any sort of consequences for anything, no matter how sinful.

 We need a restructuring of our thinking regarding the subject of grace. Christians are called to be holy people, not exploiters of God’s willingness to forgive. A return to holiness might just stimulate a much-needed sea change that affects every sphere of society.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

The two most Abused and Misused Words in the World-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint~ Proverbs 17:27a NIV

 I am a staunch defender of free speech.

 Free speech is ultimately the underpinning of every other human freedom. No one really has the freedom to do much of anything if they cannot first discuss what they want to do freely and without fear of retaliation.

 That said,

 I have developed some very real preferences as to when, how and where others exercise their right to say what they want to say, especially if they are determined to say something moronic, crude or ignorant.

 I have grown particularly weary of creative uses of the F-bomb. I am not a fan of the current trend of augmenting the F-word with suffixes such as -tard, nugget, weasel, blossom, weed or -ity. Neither do I advocate the adding of prefixes to said word, especially other swear words.

 Truth-be-told I would prefer that we keep the use of any and all F-bombs to a minimum in public spaces. It’s not that I wish to stifle creativity or prevent folks from conceiving new ways of using old words. It’s just that I support the old-school notion that free speech doesn’t give anyone the right to be a foul-mouthed turd in front of someone else’s preschooler.

 There are other words I object to simply because I am sick to death of hearing them used incorrectly. I am not talking about the standard grammar-cop kind of stuff some folks get bent out of shape over. How one chooses to use words like their, there and they’re is entirely their business. That being said, I do reserve the right to silently mock anyone who uses those words incorrectly.

 My issue is with words that are used by people who have no idea what those words actually mean.

 Take for example the word “fascist”.

 Historically speaking a fascist is simply a socialist who also squashes free speech, regulates the public and private behavior of citizens, and eliminates any religious expression that does not directly support the interests of the state. Fascists will punish anyone who is unwilling to conform to standards set by the state.

 For the record, politely declining to bake a cake for a gay wedding does not make one a fascist. Although, to be fair it could be argued that a government that would penalize someone for not baking a cake for a gay wedding has clearly stepped over the line into fascism.

 Nazi is another word that makes me crazy.

 Nazi’s are for all intents and purposes just extraordinarily bigoted and brutal fascists. Contrary to popular belief, those who believe in rigorous immigration standards and border enforcement are not Nazi’s. They are just people who believe in borders and the rule of law. It is silly to classify anyone as a Nazi unless they are advocating for or committing actual acts of genocide.

 People who don’t agree with a particular set of political views are not Nazis and fascists. They are just people who have a different set of views.  It is not nice, wise or morally justifiable to demonize someone simply because they see the world differently than you do.

 That’s what Nazi’s and fascists do.

 Another peeve of mine is when folks overuse a perfectly good word. The word “offended” is a perfect example of a good word gone bad due to overuse. Not a day goes by that I don’t overhear someone sniveling about how offended they happen to be.

 The list of things I find offensive these days is nearly endless. On any given day I am offended at least a dozen times. You know what happens when I am offended?

 Nothing.

 I don’t demonstrate, cry, set things on fire or demand a puppy to cuddle (even though I love puppies). I don’t do any of those things because I am an adult and I figured out a long time ago that offended-ness is the price we pay to live in democracy where people have the freedom to make choices about what they do and believe.

 When we overuse, misuse or abuse a word that word loses it’s meaning as well as its shock value. Words like Nazi, fascist, and even offended are powerful words that ought to shock us when we hear them. When we stop being shocked by words like Nazi and fascist we may find ourselves unable to recognize an actual fascist or Nazi when they knock down our door and take our freedom.  

 

 

 

Please Stop Telling me To Breathe

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord~ Isaiah 1:18a ESV

 Reader be warned.

I was feeling a bit snarky as I composed this post. The views expressed are undoubtedly a bit a petty. However, the opinions articulated also accurately depict how I feel and what I think. Since I take the time to write a weekly blog I feel (rightly or wrongly) that effort entitles me to occasionally express a snarky/petty opinion in writing from time-to-time.

 With that little disclaimer out of the way, read on.

 I am not a person who is typically quick to hop on a bandwagon or embrace a popular trend. I like to think this is because I am a thinker, blessed with classic good taste, and am securely grounded in what I like and believe.

 However, truth-be-told the real reason I reject the latest fashion trends is because I’m cheap and lazy and I figured out long ago that most trends die before the credit card charge is processed. I simply refuse to invest in anything until I am at least reasonably certain it’s going to stick around for longer than a single season.

 I reject most parenting trends because, unfortunately, my kids came along during the early years of the “self esteem” parenting movement. Therefore, they were among the first kids in the history of the world to receive lavish levels of praise for pooping and trophies for doing nothing more remarkable than simply existing. I have witnessed first hand the damage that trend has done to individual children as well as society at large. As a result I tend to roll my eyes at the “never say no, only no thank you” movement and other aspects of the “positive” or “enlightened” parenting trends. Neither am I a proponent of the “helicopter” or “conscience” parenting movements that have gained popularity in recent years.  

 Trendiness in churches bothers me even more than trendiness in the fashion or parenting world. It’s not that I am opposed to new ideas. I am actually a big advocate of strategic change.

 Thoughtful adjustments to the way we do church and present the gospel are often the engine that fuels church growth and even revival. Sadly, a good number of current church trends are not particularly strategic or well thought out. They are just someone’s pet idea or phrase that gets circulated around the greater Christian community until it catches on and becomes a “thing”.

 Which brings me to my latest trend peeve.

 Drum roll please….

 Breathing.

 No. You did not read that wrong.

 Reminding Christians to breathe is now a real thing. There’s a song about it and everything. Hardly a week goes by when I don’t stumble across some syrupy meme on Facebook reminding me that ALL God really wants me to do is breathe.

 For the record, I doubt that.

 This emerging trend annoys me mostly because it presupposes that there is some sort of spiritual value to the act of breathing. There’s not. Nowhere in the New Testament (or the Old for that matter) are Christians told by God to “just breathe”. In Christianity breathing is not considered a valid spiritual discipline or exercise; it is simply a God-given involuntary function.

 God designed humans to breathe. We drop dead if we don’t.

 I understand the deeper issue behind the “just breathe” movement. Life is stressful. Circumstances often feel overwhelming. And I cannot find anyplace in the Bible were we are instructed to worry ourselves into an early grave or take on all the cares of the world.

 That being said, stress is a lot like the check-engine light in a car. The stress is not the problem; it’s simply a sign of a bigger problem and an indicator that God is calling us to do a prayerful evaluation of our situation. Rather than just breathing when the pressures of life feel overwhelming we need to take six steps:

 Stop long enough to evaluate the situation and seek counsel- Proverbs 12:15

Pray for wisdom- James 1:5

Decide how we can simplify our lives- Romans 14:19

Ask for help- Galatians 6:2

Repent of any people-pleasing that is creating more stress- Ephesians 5:10

Trust God to see us through a difficult season- Proverbs 3:5-6

 We are commanded in Scripture to Cast our anxieties on Him (Jesus), because He cares for us (1st Peter 5:7). There is a whole lot more to that command than simply breathing. God wants us to think through our situation, seek wise counsel, live to please God instead of people and trust Him to guide us through difficult seasons.

 

Stupid Stuff Christians Do

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Be very careful, then how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil~ Ephesians 5:15-16 NIV

 We all do stupid stuff sometimes. It’s simply a small piece of this thing we call “being human”.

 Some stupid stuff is essentially inconsequential in the grand scheme. Things like shopping at Costco the day before a holiday, ordering the triple cheeseburger meal, or forgetting to turn the heater down at night are all choices that will cause no serious harm to anyone but us.  

 Then there’s the big stuff.

 When I say ‘big’, I am talking about actions that are potentially life altering and destructive. Driving drunk, using drugs, having affairs, and committing armed robbery all fall neatly into the category of really stupid stuff that has the potential to hurt all kinds of people.

 Then there’s the stupid stuff Christians do.

 Most of the stupid stuff Christians do is not intended to harm anyone. We just do stuff without bothering to question the rightness, wrongness or wisdom of our actions.

 If we are lucky and circumstances merciful we are the only ones hurt by the stupid stuff we do. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as luck and circumstances are rarely merciful. When one Christian does a stupid thing it becomes harder for all Christians to share the gospel effectively, it also causes all Christian to appear ignorant, mean-spirited and/or hypocritical to the unsaved world.

 Any list of stupid stuff Christians should avoid needs to begin with…

 1. Speaking in anger- James 1:20

 I know there are times when things just need to be said and saying them when we are angry feels really good. However, I have learned the hard way that speaking our minds when angry rarely leads anywhere beneficial or productive.

 2. Refusing to take advice or accept correction- Proverbs 19:20, Proverbs 12:1.

 Imprudent people assume they already know everything about everything. Wise people receive criticism and evaluate it honestly, seek out divergent opinions and request guidance. Wise people don’t do everything others tell them to do (that would be stupid) but they are willing to hear others out.

 3. Tolerating sinful behavior from the people we love- Matthew 18:15, Luke 17:3, Galatians 6:1-2, Jude 22-24

 In a culture where the highest value is “judge not lest you be judged” confronting sin feels counter-intuitive and wrong. However, a well-timed, well-worded and loving confrontation might just be the only thing that saves a rebellious person from a lifetime of self-destruction and an eternity spent in hell.

 4. Allowing personal sin to take root in secret- Genesis 4:7

 If you do not wish to participate in a particular activity (with a few notable exceptions) in front of your Mother, Pastor, supervisor or a police officer, that activity likely has the power to destroy you. Stop it. Now.

 5. Playing with dangerous behaviors that may or may not be sinful- Ephesians 5:15

 Just because an activity is legal that does not make it a wise thing to do or to do excessively. We should think long and hard before we entangle ourselves in any behavior with that has the potential for self-destruction.  

 6. Isolation- Genesis 2:18

 A natural response to hurt for certain types of people is to isolate himself or herself from anyone who might possibly cause more pain (basically all of humanity). This form of self-protection feels noble and even wise but is a really terrible idea. Isolation inevitably breeds peculiar ideas and weird behaviors. Neither helps the cause of Christ.

 7. Choosing to have the wrong kinds of people in our lives- Proverbs 13:20, 1st Corinthians 15:33, 2nd Corinthians 6:14

 Sadly enough good people rarely affect bad people to the same degree that bad people affect good people. That’s why even grownups ought to choose their friends, spouses and associates wisely.

 8. Believing everything we hear or read- Proverbs 18:15, Matthew 10:16

 Christians are sometimes the most gullible people on earth and it really hurts Christianity. God calls His people to be wise, perceptive and discerning. If a news story (no matter how juicy) cannot be substantiated by more than one source, assume it’s false and do not post it on Facebook, mention it to your prayer group or write a blog about it. Please.

 9. Not listening to others- Acts 17:16-34

 I am shocked at the number of Christians I know who simply will not listen to anyone or even watch an interview with a person who does not share their opinion on EVERYTHING. It’s true that we need to be discerning about what and whom we allow to influence us. That said, if we never engage with people who think differently than we do we will never impact our world for Jesus.

 Most of this stuff is less about smart and stupid than making the decision to consistently seek God and do life His way. When we look to God and His word for guidance He directs our steps and we cannot help but become wise; and in the process of becoming wise we stop doing stupid stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why We Cannot Do the Christian Life Solo

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing~ 1st Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

 When I was in the third grade I missed winning the classroom spelling bee by one word. I remember the stupid word as if it was yesterday.

 Banana.

 It was the n’s that messed me up. They still do. More often than not, I still spell banana with three n’s. For some reason banana with two n’s still feels a bit sad and inadequate to me.

 Although I did not win the third grade spelling bee that year, the taste of a near-victory ignited within in me a fiery-hot passion to dominate at the next year’s spelling bee. I vividly imagined the sweet victory I would bask in as I sauntered into my house sporting the snappy blue ribbon the teacher awarded to the winner. I believed with all my heart that if I could win the classroom spelling bee I would surely go on to win the school spelling bee and then the regionals, perhaps even nationals. I would be the spelling-bee champion of the entire universe.

 Every human being on earth would bow to my spelling prowess.

 Unfortunately, I lacked commitment to the one component essential to any sort of academic success, studying. My intentions were noble, but I was kind of lazy and had yet to make the connection between short-term sacrifice (studying) and long-term payoff (spelling bee champion of the universe).

 Since then I have learned that there is more often than not a connection between commitment to one thing and success at something that feels completely unrelated. This is particularly true of spiritual growth.

 If you have been a Christian for longer than fifteen minutes you have likely heard the tried and true formula for Christian growth and maturity.

 Bible reading + prayer + church attendance = Mature believer in Jesus

 Bible reading, prayer and church attendance have long been thought to be the holy grail of Christian growth, and with good reason, all three are vital to spiritual growth. However, I am convinced it takes more than just those three things to grow into the people God has called us to be.

 We need people.

 Sadly, most of us have all but forgotten the fact that spiritual maturity is a complicated process that takes place most successfully in the company of other believers. Bible reading, prayer and church attendance absent of close relationships with other Christians can easily devolve into reading without understanding, prayer without power and the awful sensation of being utterly alone in a gathering of people.

 That is a recipe for hopelessness.

 Spiritual growth happens when we are exposed to people who have successfully walked through the junk we are currently walking through. This takes place most effectively in small groups or classes where we really get to know people, where we have our ideas about the Bible and life challenged by people who know more than we do and who have experienced things we have not. We grow when we learn to love people, and we cannot truly love people we do not know.

 Some things simply cannot be accomplished alone. It is almost impossible to encourage ones self without sounding like a crazy person. But without encouragement there is a very real danger our hearts will become hard towards God (Hebrews 3:13). We will never become wise without the ongoing influence of wise people in our lives (Proverbs 13:20) and it is only in the company of others that our faulty thinking is exposed and rough edges made smooth.

 Nothing worth having occurs without some sort of sacrifice, and relationships are no different. Building relationships with other Christians might mean giving up a night of television or having your kid cut back on sports so you can make time for a small group. Building relationships might mean dragging your weary butt out of bed an hour earlier on Sunday mornings so you can attend an adult Sunday school class. It might mean volunteering to lead a small group in your church or inviting a group of people over for dinner so you can get to know them better.

 Building relationships is time consuming and tricky but the payoff we receive is well worth the effort it takes. Because God has designed the universe in such a way that it is only within the context of Christian friendship where we find the support and encouragement we need to grow into the people God has called us to be (Acts 2:44-46).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Church Peeves

Lisa M. Price3 Comments

Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.  Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God~ 1st Corinthians 10:31b-32

 I am a big believer in the local church.

 The local church is where unbelievers have their consciences awakened, find truth and become believers. Church is where baby believers study, grow, and become strong in the faith and where mature believers can share the wisdom and knowledge they have acquired along their own faith journeys.

 A good local church is much more than just a place to go for an hour on Sunday mornings. Best-case scenario, church is a support system for families, a place to meet like-minded people, a training ground for kids and teens and just an all-around invaluable resource no matter your age or stage of life.

 All that being said, our latest move has prompted a church search that has tested my patience with how Americans do church these days. I have in fact acquired more than a few pet peeves where church is concerned (more on that later).

 A few of my peeves are basically just matters of personal preference, and therefore of no real significance. Some, doubtless, reveal an age related bias and are, truth-be-told, at least marginally ridiculous. However I believe others expose a potentially dangerous shift in the way we do church these days.

 This list of personal annoyances is mine alone and is not meant to offend. Nor is it intended to be an exercise in church-bashing. Rather, my objective today is to get all of us, whether we be a leader or a layperson to think about what we do and why we do it in the church; and what each of us can do to make church the place God intended it to be.  

 So without further ado, here’s my list:

 Fog machines-

 Admittedly, this peeve almost certainly falls into the category of age-related and petty; nevertheless I cannot believe I’m alone in my bewilderment over this trend. I think the fog is meant to give the worshipper a sense of the ethereal. To me the fog feels weird and spooky, like a haunted house. It also smells bad.

 Pitch-black worship centers-

 Seriously, I just don’t get this one. Aren’t there like a dozen different verses that command us to step out of darkness and into God’s light? Doesn’t the Bible say that God is light and in Him there is no darkness? So, then someone please explain to me why on earth we worship the God of light in total darkness?

 Lack of opportunities to learn-

 On our short list of requirements for a new church is some sort of in-depth, systematic Bible teaching for adults and kids. For eons Sunday school was the preferred medium for such instruction. In recent years Sunday school ceased to be cool and has been replaced by “home groups” “service opportunities” and “doing life together”. I understand that Christians are commanded in Scripture to serve their community and do life together. I also believe Christian friendships are a vital piece of our spiritual growth process that should not be neglected- but neither should doctrinal instruction and corporate Bible study.  

 Information centers totally lacking information-

 The whole concept of a centralized location where visitors can go and learn more about the church is great in theory. However the system only works in practice if the folks stationed in the information center know at least at little something about what’s going on at church they attend.

Speakers who refuse to say the thing that is begging to be said-

 Over the course of the last few months I have watched in dismay as Pastor after Pastor have danced over or have done some sort of oral acrobatics in an attempt to sidestep what the biblical text says. I wish Pastors would be a little less timid about saying hard things when the text calls for it. God put it there because He knew there would be times people needed to hear it.

 Greeters-

 I don’t have an issue with the whole notion of greeters per se; although I have observed that in many churches the only folks who talk to anyone are those people wearing name badges. Churches would do well to lose the badges and make everyone a greeter or keep the badges and give one to everybody.

 Sometimes I think the modern church has all but forgotten the purpose of church. The Church should not be a business and does not exist to entertain the masses or accommodate the personal preferences of individual Christians. The Church was intended to be a living entity that is altogether separate from the world and it’s way of doing things. The Church exists for the purpose of making God look good and training believers to evangelize the world and do the work of ministry. All the rest is just smoke (pun intended) and mirrors.