Category: Hard issues

The Fragile and Sometimes Fleeting Power of Influence

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil~ Ephesians 5:15-16

 Unless you have spent the last week on another planet, you have likely heard that Josh Duggar reality television star and former spokesman for the Family Research Council has confessed to something that is best defined as serial infidelity.

 Mr. Duggar was forced to own up to his actions when a security breach revealed he was a longtime member of the website Ashley Madison. Ashley Madison is a business created for the singular and skeezy purpose of facilitating adulterous affairs. The hacker is believed by many to be a bitter spouse whose assumed domestic tranquility was shattered by Ashley Madison. I was reminded as this little narrative unfolded that God is still in the business of seeing to it that folks reap what they sow.

 My initial response to the scandal was sorrow. I was heartbroken to learn that yet another high-profile Christian leader was caught living a life of almost absurd duplicity. Adultery is a terrible sin. Signing up for membership with a website that exists for the purpose of helping people commit adultery is the most inexcusable form of premeditated sin there is. Josh Duggar compounded his many sins by falsely presenting himself to the world as a paragon of Christian virtue and an authority on traditional family values while sleeping with strangers.

 This is a tragic situation. I do not know, nor am I fit to judge the state of Josh Duggar’s heart or the condition of his soul. I refuse to go there.

 What I do know is that that Josh Duggar was blessed with an abundance of the most valuable gift any Christian can be given: influence. He squandered his influence in a series of astonishingly bad choices that has wrecked devastation in some obvious and not so obvious ways.  

 There are countless victims caught in this foul mess. My heart goes out to his wife. That poor woman is caught in the unenviable position of having no really great choices at this point. Whatever she chooses to do will be tough and painful. It will also be judged as incorrect by a whole lot of people who have never walked in her shoes.

 Then there are his Mom and Dad. Whatever missteps they may have made as parents, no one really deserves the level of parental humiliation they are experiencing. The folks at Family Research Council have their own set of issues thanks to Josh Duggar. They gave a kid a job and now they are left to dig themselves out of what can only be described as a public relations nightmare.

 Then there are the not-so-innocent victims in this mess. It is difficult to muster compassion for the women Josh Duggar had sex with. Nonetheless, they are human beings made in the image of God with eternal souls. It is unlikely any of those women will repent and turn to Jesus after one of God’s spokespersons behaved in such a hypocritical and ungentlemanly fashion.

 Perhaps the most hapless victim in this whole ugly mess is the average Christian who is just doing his or her level best to serve God, bless others and live a righteous life. Being salt and light in this world just got a whole lot harder for these folks. All thanks to the actions of one person.

 The Bible depicts Christians as a body (1st Corinthians 12:27). This means that essentially Christians of all types are a single unit made up of many parts (people). Because Christians are, for all intents and purposes, a single entity, when one Christian sins it makes all Christians look bad. Christians look really bad right now.

 Sadly, Josh Duggar is not the first believer in recent years to fail morally. He is one of many on a long list of Christians whose behavior has reflected badly on Jesus and other Christians. I do not know what specifics led to Josh Duggar’s downfall. His upbringing, easy access to pornography, the declining culture and lack of personal accountability have all been mentioned as possible contributors.

 I suspect the real issue is twofold. First, he got into the in the routine of concentrating most of his spiritual attention on outward appearances and behaviors rather than inward thoughts and attitudes (Matthew 23:25). It is also possible that Josh Duggar bought into the popular but erroneous notion that because God forgives sin, sin is without actual consequences for a Christian.

 Few are blessed with the kind of opportunities to impact the world that Josh Duggar was given. However, every Christian has spiritual influence over someone. We can lose that influence in the span of one bad choice when we forget that one consequence of sin is loss of positive influence. If we want to keep our influence, we have to be willing to give us much attention to inner thoughts and attitudes as we do to outward appearances, and have the guts to tell ourselves “no” sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whatever Happened to Higher Standards?

Lisa M. Price3 Comments

Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel~ Philippians 1:27 NASB

 I recently reached a milestone I was not expecting to reach for at least another couple of decades. I have officially lived long enough to be astounded by the changes I have seen in my lifetime.

 Just a few short years ago blackberries and apples were fruit. Green was a color not a movement. Crocs were reptiles. Living together prior to marriage was considered way out of the mainstream. People used payphones in emergencies. Restaurants had smoking sections and watches had a practical rather than simply decorative purpose.

 Tweeting was something birds did. Microwave ovens were for rich people. No one had ever heard of social media, reality television, iPods, helicopter parenting, DVDs, online dating or life coaches.

 Changes have not been exclusively reserved for the technological and secular spheres of life. The Church has seen more than its fair share of radical shifts in the years since I became a Christian.

 There was a time in the not-so-distant past when no one in the Church had ever heard of coffee bars, the emergent church movement or the purpose-driven ministry model. Worship teams, small groups, overhead projectors for music and padded chairs (as opposed to pews) were considered cutting edge ministry innovations.

 I don’t have a problem with tweaking the way we do Church. There is nothing heretical about changing how we reach a relentlessly changing culture. I do have a problem with change for the sake of change. Change for change’s sake is a silly waste of time, spiritual energy and fiscal resources

 One change I find particularly troubling is the tendency to shy away from holding anyone to a higher standard of behavior. Back in the day, Pastors and Bible teachers spent a great deal of time highlighting the importance of Christians being different and living their lives at a higher level of morality than the rest of the culture.

 Today I want to make a case for living life at a higher standard. I am not advocating high moral values for non-Christians. Non-Christians should not be expected to behave like Christians. Neither am I advocating eccentricity (being different for the sake of being different) or legalism (doing things or adopting behaviors in an effort to earn salvation). I am advocating a return to a pursuit of holiness and Christian distinctiveness (1st Peter 2:9). Higher standards of behavior benefit believers in at least three ways:

 Higher standards cause non-Christians to self-evaluate- 1st Peter 3:1

 When Christians make the effort of living their lives according to God’s standards, marriages tend to be stronger and families more loving. Folks tend to be more content with what they have and suffer from fewer life-controlling addictions and behaviors. Non-Christians observe the differences and sometimes the disparities trigger self-evaluation of their priorities and lifestyle choices. Assessments of lifestyle choices often lead to repentance and a relationship with Jesus.

 Higher standards act as a safeguard- Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalm 119:45

 God’s decrees aren’t magic bullets but sometimes they look and feel like it. Families are happier and healthier when parents follow biblical principles for family life. Managing money according to biblical principles shelters folks from many financial disasters. God’s rules for sex have protected generations from heartbreak, disease and unintended pregnancy. Doing life God’s way inevitably produces superior outcomes and happier human beings.  

 Higher standards deepen our relationship with God- Psalm 62:7, 2nd Corinthians 12:9

 Living life by biblical standards is not easy, and it is not something we accomplish without God’s help. The commitment to live at a level we are not really capable of forces us to seek a deeper dependency on God. If you don’t feel you need God’s help to live up the moral standards you’ve set for yourself, your standards are not high enough.

 Christians have confused moral standards with legalism and rigidity for far too long. It is not legalistic to be vigilant about what we allow into their minds via books, television, music or other forms of media (Proverbs 4:23). It may be antiquated, but it’s not legalistic to be cautious about the words we use (Ephesians 4:29). It is not puritanical to believe that Christians should not divorce without biblical grounds or that God’s views on sexuality (1st Thessalonians 4:3-8) are still relevant today.

 A return to higher standards of morality will empower individual Christians to reach a world that urgently needs to witness the power of holiness in action.

 

 

 

How Exactly Does the Human Heart Harden?

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death~ Proverbs 14:27

 News commentators call it the “coarsening of society;” some call it the “cheapening of life.” The label one chooses to define it is irrelevant.

The real issue is that “it” is going on all around us. 

 Arbitrary acts of violence, the euthanizing of the old and sick, sexually active twelve-year-olds, no-fault divorce, pornography, child abuse, human trafficking, and legalized drugs all point to a culture that has lost its moral footing in every measurable sense (Ephesians 2:1-3, Romans 1:18-32, 2nd Timothy 3:1-5). I concluded a few years back that I have pretty much seen it all, and there is nothing left in this world that could possibly shock me.

 Then the Planned Parenthood tapes were released.

 The first two videos were objectively speaking, appalling. The videos feature Planned Parenthood doctors casually laughing, joking and sipping wine with someone posing as a fetal tissue buyer. The cheery banter is punctuated with some rather disturbing exchanges concerning abortion techniques and some callous haggling over what ought to be the going rate for the aborted body parts of tiny humans.

 The third installment makes the first two videos look like suitable preschool programming. The third video shows a doctor, a technician, and a “fetal tissue buyer” standing over the aborted remains of a human child referred to only as “ the 11.6” (eleven weeks and six days into pregnancy). The tech points out all the fetus’ intact parts including a liver, heart and hands to the “fetal tissue buyer”. The video ends when the doctor and tech agree that the clinic should be compensated for each intact body part rather than simply receiving a single payment for each aborted human.

 As troubling as they are, the ghoulish practices of Planned Parenthood are simply symptoms of a deeper and much more vexing issue. Human trafficking, child abuse, drug use, pornography, euthanasia, random acts of violence, along with abortion and the profiteering around the abortion industry all stem from one common and widespread cause. Something the Bible refers to as the hardening of the human heart and the searing of the conscience (Ephesians 4:18, 1st Timothy 4:2).

 The human heart is a spiritually delicate and fragile thing. Most folks are born with a natural bent toward revering the Creator and with a measure of empathy towards others. That is not to say that people are born morally perfect, they are not. However, most young children hurt when other people hurt, love God (unless taught otherwise) and desperately want to make God happy. This is what the Apostle Paul meant when he wrote that the law of God and the truth of God’s existence are written on the human heart (Romans 2:14-16).

 Hearts become hardened and consciences become seared as we resist and disobey God. The more we violate what we instinctively know to be true, the easier it becomes to descend further into immoral behavior. If the progression continues unabated our priorities become hopelessly confused and eventually evil will seem good and good will appear to be evil (Isaiah 5:20).

 This is where we are living as a culture.

Folks get more wound-up over the death of a litter of puppies or a monkey than they do over the deaths of millions of preborn humans. No one is concerned that adolescents are having their sexual attitudes shaped by the vilest forms of pornography imaginable. But everyone gets their knickers in a knot if there is even the slightest hint of sexism coming from some silly article in a women’s magazine.

 Christians cannot stop the slide into moral oblivion in the lives of others. We are not called to police the behavior of non-believers. We are commanded to consider how our actions and attitudes affect all people.

 Christians who choose to view pornography financially support and validate an industry that exploits women and sometimes even children, enslaves millions, and creates a market for prostitution. When Christians divorce because they “just aren’t happy anymore,” they cheapen a sacred ceremony and make it considerably easier for others to do the same (Matthew 5:31-32). When we mimic the sexual standards of the unsaved we give license to others and increase the odds of compounding our sin of immorality with the sin of abortion (1st Thessalonians 4:3-8, 1st Corinthians 6:9-10, 1st Corinthians 6:18).

Anytime we snicker or giggle at the sinful behavior  of others we minimize and mock the sacrifice Christ made to pay for that sin.

 Being a Christian is about more than having our sins forgiven and getting to spend eternity in heaven. Being a Christian is about more than being nice and loving people. Being a Christian is about doing all of life God’s way, all the time. God’s way is rarely easy (Matthew 7:13-14).

 God calls us to a life of holiness, selflessness, genuine goodness, and social distinctiveness (Romans 1:7, Ephesians 1:4, Galatians 5:22, 2nd Peter 1:3-11). When all of us who call ourselves Christians choose the narrow path we are called to, then, and only then, will we become the preserving and sanctifying influence our world so obviously needs right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Real Have-Not’s

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them~ Deuteronomy 4:9

 

All hell broke loose in the Charm City this past week.

 Madness and pandemonium erupted after the funeral of twenty-five year old Freddie Gray. Gray died of unexplained injuries sustained while in police custody. The particulars of this case are unsettling and raise serious questions about police practices and potential brutality.

 From a social and spiritual perspective the reaction to Gray’s death is every bit as troubling as the case itself. It appeared that the entire city collectively lost its mind: buildings were burned to the ground, businesses plundered, onlookers attacked for any and no reason. Twenty police officers were injured, six of them seriously.

 These events have had the chattering class chattering around-the-clock. Reporters and pundits have debated the details of the case nearly to death and have theorized endlessly on why the people of Baltimore would react with such tremendous violence. Poverty has been identified as the principal cause for the behavior of the rioters.

 Journalists and social commentators have repeatedly referred to residents of West Baltimore as “have-nots.” Some of these same commentators have used poverty not only as an excuse for bad behavior but as a justification. I do not dispute the fact that many, if not most, residents of West Baltimore are poor and in many respects disadvantaged. That fact is plain and indisputable. I do take issue with the notion that poverty automatically puts people in the category of “have-nots” and that poverty is a viable justification for violence, anarchy and hate.

 The poor have been a part of human society since the dawn of human society. Jesus himself promised that poor people would continue to be a part of human society as along as human society endures (Matthew 26:11). There is nothing fundamentally wrong with being poor, just as there is nothing immoral about being rich. It is how one reacts to the conditions they were born into that determines how that individual turns out.

 Much of how an individual responds to their circumstances depends not on the size of their bank account, but rather on what their parents sowed into them when they were young. Parenting—not tax bracket—is the real dividing line between the haves and the have-nots.

 There is a ridiculous myth that has taken root in Western thought. The crux of the myth says that in order to produce a civilized, respectable, God-fearing and useful human being; one is required to have two good incomes, money in the bank, a four-bedroom house in a highly rated school district and a college degree. Nothing could be further from the truth. Things may be helpful, but ultimately things are just things. Things do not produce god-fearing, decent human beings; good parents do.

 Good parents work hard, at menial jobs if necessary, to support their children financially. Good parents model honesty and virtue don’t cheat the social welfare system. Good parents get married before bearing children and do what it takes to stay happily married afterward.

 Good parents introduce the concepts of discipline and self-control early in life understanding that discipline and limits help ensure that children will become law-abiding citizens later. Good parents teach the truth that right and wrong are fixed standards rather than squishy opinions that adjust to the times and setting.

 Good parents value education enough to insist that children stay in school, pay attention to their teachers and do the homework. Good parents demand that that kids respect authority and discipline kids who are disrespectful towards teachers, police and other authority figures. Good parents teach their kids that human beings are obligated by God and human law to do right even when life is hard and circumstances are trying.

 Just as poverty is not an excuse for bad parenting, poor upbringing is not an excuse for bad behavior. People are only savage, soulless animals ruled by circumstances if they wish to be. We are moral beings capable of making moral choices regardless of resources or upbringing. The events of this past week support the notion that we need a rebirth in this country. A rebirth of good parenting, personal responsibility, common sense, and fear of God. When one has those things, they have everything no matter their tax bracket.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Handling Persecution with Grace-

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed~ 1st Peter 4:12-13

 Persecution. It’s a twenty-first century problem.

 According to Open Doors International, every month 322 Christians are killed solely for the offense of being Christian. Two hundred and fourteen Christian churches or Christian owned properties are destroyed. And 722 acts of violence (rapes, beatings, expulsions, abductions, forced marriages) are committed against Christians. At least fifty countries are systematically targeting Christians for extermination; in some countries Christianity is on the edge of extinction.

 Even in countries where Christians are not routinely mistreated, attitudes towards Christians are rapidly shifting. These shifts can be scary and unsettling.

 Christian speech is openly discouraged and sometimes even suppressed in public arenas. The President of the United States recently called out Christians at a Christian prayer breakfast for “not being loving” and glibly equated recent slayings of Christians by Muslim extremists to exploits committed nearly a thousand years ago during the Crusades.

 Christian symbols are being removed from the public square for fear of offending those of other faiths or no faith.Christians who voice views outside accepted social norms are bullied and ridiculed in public forums and have in some cases lost their livelihoods. Many predict that that Christianity or at least some forms of Christian speech will be criminalized in the near future.

 These developments have left many Christians anxious about the future. We are uncertain about what to do for Christians who are experiencing persecution in other countries. There are at least five things Western Christians can and should be doing in these tough times to prepare for the future and help others experiencing persecution.

 #1 Refuse to Panic

 This is not the time to become unnerved, unsettled or weird. Panic benefits no one. Christians have been persecuted in the past and we will be persecuted in the future (1st Thessalonians 3:2-4). This is a time to put our trust in God and put every effort into bolstering our faith through deeper prayer, study, service and friendships with other Christians.

 #2 Commit Already

 Many American Christians have a rather feeble relationship with Jesus. The typical self-identified “committed Christian” attends church an average of 1.5 times per month, does not read or study the Bible regularly, pray, follow Christian teachings, or contribute to Christian causes. None of these behaviors are prerequisites for salvation, but they do reveal commitment level. If your relationship with Jesus looks more like a casual hook-up than a committed relationship, today is the day to get off the fence and start taking your faith seriously.

  #3 Live a Consistent Life

 Everyone agrees that Christians should treat non-Christians with kindness. However, unkindness is not the only only misstep that hurts the cause of Christ. Lifestyle choices inconsistent with biblical teaching, sexual atheism, hypocrisy, publicly bashing Churches and tearing down fellow Christians create just as many issues as unkindness or lack of love. Christians who consistently live inconsistent lives make it easier for unbelievers to rationalize the mocking and mistreatment of Christians.

 #4 Get Out There

 This is not the time for Christians to retreat into their own little worlds. Locate a reliable news outlet and read up on the issues. Find out who your legislators are and contact them regarding issues that concern you, especially issues regarding religious liberty and oppression of Christians around the world. If the legislators in your state don’t care about these issues, work to elect new ones.

 #5 Pray

 Prayer is a neglected discipline. Christians should pray more often, and rethink the substance of our prayers. Most prayers tend to be focused on physical and financial needs rather than the spiritual. God cares deeply about our physical needs but He is truly moved when we ask Him for wisdom, spiritual understanding, and hearts inclined toward repentance. Prayer is the most powerful and consequential thing we can do for persecuted Christians around the world. They need us to pray that they will have peace in the midst of their trials, the strength to endure the pressure, and relief from their tormenters. They pray for us; the least we can do is to return the favor.

 Jesus never promised that life would be easy. Nor did He promise that everyone would like us or grasp our motivations and message. This period of history is shaping up to be one of those times when Christians are misunderstood and sometimes even hated. This is not the time for retreat or compromise. This is a time to deepen our commitment to our God and trust Him with every thing we’ve got.

 

What the Church Must Do to Win the War Against Muslim Extremists

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

What does the Lord your God require from you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul~ Deuteronomy 10:12

 I am a competitive person. I am so competitive, in fact, that I inevitably feel like a dirty fraud anytime I am required by circumstance or social custom to repeat the ridiculous axiom we have all heard at least a thousand times:

 It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose; it’s how you play the game that really counts.

 It’s not that I have no regard for the concept of sportsmanship. I do. It’s just that the above-mentioned axiom is not true all or even most of the time. In some instances how well you play is irrelevant if you don’t actually win the game.

 Whether or not one wins or loses a game of baseball or checkers is irrelevant in the grand scheme of history. However, repeatedly being bested by a two-year-old child in a battle of wills could have long-term, possibly even eternal consequences.

 Christianity is locked in a battle with radical Islam for the hearts, minds and souls of the young and searching. Radical Muslims are actively engaged in powerful a recruitment campaign aimed at converting young, aimless Westerners to their worldview.

 Terrorists are peddling a skillfully crafted bill of goods. They promise purpose, significance and tight-knit communities. Islam offers fixed standards of morality to guide people through life in a complex and ever-changing world.

 It’s becoming clear that in some cases the hucksters are playing the game better than we are. Young people with noble intentions are buying into a belief system that will end in earthly bondage and eternal judgment.

 Despite expending untold millions on youth Pastors, coffee bars and programs designed to attract and keep young people, Christian Churches are losing nearly eighty percent of their young adults following graduation. Meanwhile, thousands of Europeans, Canadians and Americans are forsaking Western freedoms for the cause of Islam.

 In a misguided attempt to reach the un-churched, Christians have watered down the very truths that people are starving to hear and Islam has slipped into the void created by our foolish neglect of truth. It’s not too late to turn the tide, but there are three key things we must stop doing if we want to win this game.

 Stop acting friendly and strive to be inclusive

 Christian churches have worked tirelessly in recent years to create welcoming and friendly environments. Leaders have spent countless hours training volunteers to be approachable and friendly. Friendliness is great but it’s community that the world is crying out for. Community is created when Church members go beyond outward friendliness and invite people to become a part of their day-to-day lives. Community and the accountability that comes with it is the key to life-changing discipleship. Authentic community can only occur when folks know and trust one another well enough to comfort in times of trouble and correct wrong behavior when necessary.

 Stop peddling salvation and start teaching people to obey Jesus

 Forgiveness has become the end game of the Christian experience. Many have converted to Christianity without ever learning the crucial discipline of following Jesus. Forgiveness of sin is a benefit of salvation but not be the end goal. Following Jesus requires death to selfishness and a great deal of effort. Self-sacrifice and effort result in lasting change and a deep sense of purpose. Change and purpose occur because Jesus calls us to live beyond ourselves. He takes us to new heights of sacrifice when we heed that call. Youth are crying out for a sense of purpose and yearning for a cause worth sacrificing for. We can give it to them by teaching and modeling the hard work of following Jesus.

Stop treating conviction and judgment as if they are the same thing

 Judgment and conviction sometimes look alike, but they are entirely different. Judgment declares one guilty and deserving of hell. The severe nature of judgment can leave people feeling hopeless and condemned. God is the only one who can rightly judge. Conversely, conviction is a tool that God uses to drive sinful humans towards repentance. Conviction is the sense of guilt that all people feel when they transgress God’s standards of right and wrong. The Church has become so fearful of seeming judgmental that we have dropped discussion of anything that might possibly cause conviction. Our trepidation has left no room for the Holy Spirit to convict the hearts of people.

 For decades now Western Christians have attempted to attract converts by dropping standards and watering down the gospel. It’s becoming increasingly clear that our efforts have failed. It’s time for Christians to get back in the game. The only way to this is to form communities that foster accountability, teach people to follow Jesus (rather than “get saved”) and by communicating truth in a way that leads to conviction rather than complacency.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Response to the Guy Who Called My Views on Marriage Naive

Lisa M. Price4 Comments

 You do well when you obey the Holy Writings which say, “You must love your neighbor as you love yourself”~ James 2:8 NLV  

Dear Guy who called my views on marriage naïve (AKA Tim),

 Contrary to how things probably look, I really am not a jerk who has been ignoring you or your comment. It appeared in my inbox late Monday night and, frankly, it was long and I was tired, too tired to read it thoroughly, let alone formulate a lucid response. When I did get around to giving your comment a thorough reading, it didn’t take me long to realize your feelings on the subject of marriage merited more of a forum than a hasty reply would allow.

So here goes.

 Your comment was polite and articulate (a rare thing in the blogosphere). However, it did seem to indicate that you’ve had some unfortunate personal experiences with marriage and for that I am truly sorry. It is not my intention to underplay the power of your personal experience or the experiences of millions of people who have faced the pain of divorce. I have never experienced the trauma of divorce. However, I do have friends and family members who have, and even from the outside looking in, it’s clear that divorce sucks. Everything humanly possible should be done to prevent it.

 All that being said, it’s really not fair to blame marriage when marriages end. Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not an entity or a living being or even an institution. Marriage is a contract—a legal, moral and spiritual contract—and every contract becomes over time a situation involving people. A contract cannot be blamed for the conduct of the parties who signed on to the terms of the deal.  

Responsibility for the death of a relationship has to lie squarely at the feet of the people in the relationship. Admittedly, fault is seldom equally distributed. One party quite often carries the lion’s share of the blame for the demise of the relationship. Marriages struggle and end for many reasons, but at the root of all lay almost always one or two issues.

 The roots of divorce frequently go back to unrealistic expectations long before the “I do’s.” The romantic notion of soul mates has set up millions of couples for failure. The myth of the “right one” is a silly fairytale. No matter how well matched and compatible a couple is in the beginning, no marriage can survive gross mismanagement of the relationship.

 Furthermore, marriage will not make an unhappy person happy, nor will marriage solve underlying problems or character issues in the lives of the people getting married. Weddings are not magic bullets we can shoot at loneliness, laziness, poor self-image, meanness, sloppy relationship skills or general discontent. Those problems must be dealt with long before the wedding day or the relationship will be doomed.

 Selfishness is a cancer that kills many marriages. Self-centeredness shows up in big and little ways in marriage. Rudeness, cheating, overspending, laziness, stinginess, dishonesty, withholding sex and lack of attention to the likes and dislikes of the other person all reveal a heart that is unwilling to work on the relationship. Perhaps self-centeredness is epitomized most clearly in a refusal to apologize, acknowledge bad behavior and take responsibility for problems in the relationship.  

Unhealthy patterns of communication are another relationship killer. Giving the silent treatment, name-calling, screaming, criticizing and relentlessly bringing up past misdeeds is a sure-fire way to effectively poison a marriage.  

You called my views on marriage naïve because I listed the established benefits of a stable, happy marriage. The benefits of matrimony include good physical and mental health, financial security, well-adjusted children and a good sex life. It is not naïve to believe in something that has been proven. Naiveté is found in believing that there is somehow a superior, less painful alternative to marriage.  

The alternatives to marriage are limited: cohabitation, serial monogamy and singleness. Singleness is not a realistic alternative for most of us, leaving cohabitation and serial monogamy. Cohabitation and serial monogamy offer none of the benefits to individuals, children and society that marriage does and yet the end of those relationships are every bit as psychologically painful and financially costly as divorce.

 Marriage is not perfect, Tim, because people are not perfect. The solution to the problems in marriages is not to look for a viable alternative to marriage. Nor is the answer to avoid marriage altogether; the world would be a dull and gloomy place indeed without the security and camaraderie of enduring relationships. The answer to the marriage quandary is to educate people, before and after they say “I do,” on how to have the kind of relationships everyone wants to have. The real solution is to gently come alongside those who are struggling in their relationships and show them a better, less painful alternative to divorce.            

The Little Girl-

Lisa M. Price1 Comment

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live~ Deuteronomy 30:19

 Recently Pope Francis tarnished his image as the hip, cool Pope when he came out with a bold, rabble-rousing condemnation of recreational drug legalization. Pope Francis could not have been more unequivocal about his feelings regarding drug legalization. His message stated in part…

 “The problem of drug use is not solved with more drugs.”

 He went on to clarify…

 “Drug addiction is an evil, and with evil there can be no yielding or compromise. To think that harm can be reduced by permitting drug addicts to use narcotics in no way resolves the problem.”

 The internet went wild with disapproval over the Pope’s archaic views. The haters were out in full force, overjoyed to bash the Pope, organized religion, and anyone ridiculous enough to believe there’s a God who cares about drug use or any other moral issue. There were some weary attempts at defending the use of marijuana made by pointing out that alcohol is legal and widely used (I, for one fail to see how one is connected to the other).

 Then there were the gloomy souls who seemed sincerely baffled that a Christian leader who appears to be as left-leaning and cool as Pope Francis could be opposed to recreational drug use. But by far the most common sentiment asserted by those who wish to legalize drugs was the tired line that is rapidly becoming the rallying cry of our civilization:

 “People should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies!”

 As I read page after page of comments extolling the virtues of personal sovereignty and unlimited freedom, I couldn’t help but think of the little girl who lives upstairs in the room that used to be my office.

 She’s a precious little thing.

 She has long, dark blonde hair, wonderfully expressive hazel eyes, and a mischievous smile. She adores animals and is currently campaigning hard for a hamster that she intends to name Sir Edward Fluff Ball. She loves to swim in our pool and she likes craft projects (Psalm 127:3).

Her favorite color changes almost daily.

 She is the daughter of a relative, the offspring of two people who sincerely believed that they had the right to do whatever they wanted with their own bodies. A few years ago her Mother died from choices she made with her own body. 

 Moving in with us was tough on her in the beginning, but she is becoming a bit more comfortable in our home all the time. Although they are much older, she enjoys spending time with our kids. She and my husband share a love of the silly and absurd that is bringing them together. She and I have connected over decorating her room and a mutual love of stories. Her growing bond with our family does not keep her from crying sometimes because she misses her Mom and yearns to live with her Dad.

 She is a bright and imaginative girl.

She reads above grade level and performs well in school. Unfortunately, she struggles more than most kids her age with impulse-control issues, remembering things and telling time. On nights when sleep evades me I worry that her problems are more than childish immaturity. My gut tells me her issues may very well be the outcome of choices her Mother made with her own body while she was pregnant.

 Her story is far from unique.

There are millions of little girls and boys just like her. Children who are the human fallout of arrogant and foolish choices their parents have made with their own bodies. Children who are plagued by nightmares, children who struggle to connect with their peers, children who long for an ordinary life with their biological parents.

Children who cry themselves to sleep at night.

 The vast majority of those children do not have the advantages she has. Most are not as naturally bright as she is. Nor do they have extended families that are able and willing to pick up the slack for parents who are busy making choices that prevent them from parenting their children properly. The less fortunate children are fated to become cogs in the wheel of an apathetic, overburdened public system. A system that lacks the human element necessary to help children mature to adulthood in a healthy way.

A system we all pay for.

 Sadly, societies reap what they sow as surely as individuals do (Hosea 8:7). I fear the harvest we will reap in the coming years with these kids, as we loudly and arrogantly demand the right to do whatever we want with our own bodies.

 In an ideal world, we would not need laws to tell individuals what they can and cannot do with their own bodies. In an ideal world, people would make wise, unselfish, rational choices with their bodies. In an ideal world all people would cheerfully agree that an individual’s right to make choices should end at the place where those choices begin to negatively affect others. In an ideal world, there would not be any children like the little girl who lives upstairs in the room that used to be my office.

The Hardest Question

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help~ Psalm 22:24

 From time to time I get a message or phone call asking me to share my opinion about a particular issue. Because the issue in question is inevitably thorny, contentious, and well above my pay grade, I generally dread these requests.

Such was the case this week.

 A sweet, mature Christian friend who is deep into the grieving process asked me to consider sharing my views on one of the most controversial issues of our time. She had some very well thought out, heart wrenching questions. The emotion behind them broke my heart.

Following is a summary:

 Why does God allow people to feel pain at death?

Why is it okay to blunt the pain of death with medication but not to use the same medication to hurry up the process of death?

If death is inevitable, why is it wrong to end life and reduce the length of time a person suffers?

Death and pain in childbirth are both a result of the Fall. Why is it okay to eliminate the pain of childbirth and not end a life that is destined to death a little early?

 Death and suffering are deeply emotional issues. No decent human enjoys seeing another human suffer. Suffering becomes even more personal when the person suffering is someone we love. All of this is made thornier by the fact that most of us are isolated from the only two events in this life that are common to all people: birth and death.

 Few of us have witnessed a child being born. Fewer have seen a person die. Most of us obtain our “education” on these subjects from television programs. Anyone who has actually witnessed a birth or death knows that the TV version of these events bears little similarity to the real-life version. The deaths we see on TV are typically swift and painless; the person quietly draws their last breath, closes their eyes peacefully, and goes serenely into the great beyond. This is NOT how death happens. Death is normally a long, messy, painful process that is excruciating to witness. Our reflex is to shorten or avoid any process we are uncomfortable and unfamiliar with.

 End-of-life issues are further complicated by the gift of medical knowledge. Our society has been blessed with medical expertise that makes it possible to save people from what would have been inevitable deaths just a few years ago. As wonderful as technology is, it creates some unintended consequences. Doctors possess the knowledge to prolong life but sometimes lack wisdom as to how and when that knowledge should be applied. Prolonging life often means prolonging and even intensifying suffering.

 I am not stupid or arrogant enough to pretend I know everything there is to know about this issue. I do not. That said, one thing I do know for absolute certain is that it’s not wrong or sinful to use medication to ease the suffering of a dying person. Proverbs 31:6 is clear on the issue of pain relief at death.

 Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish!

 The use of alcohol is a contentious issue amongst Christians but one fact is clear from this verse: a legitimate use of alcohol is for pain relief at the end of life. If it is acceptable to give alcohol to a dying person then I cannot see any reason why it would be wrong to use morphine for the same purpose. As for the whole childbirth issue, I honestly don’t know whether or not pain relief during childbirth is a sin.

 I certainly hope not.

 Nowhere in the Bible does it say, “assisted suicide is a sin.” However, most Christians believe that assisted suicide falls pretty neatly under the category of “Thou shalt not kill.” This particular commandment is an imperative statement clearly lacking the wiggle room needed to make a well-defined and compelling biblical argument for assisted suicide.

  I had my first experience with death and suffering at nineteen when my beloved Grandmother died of lung cancer. I was not there when she died, but I did spend a lot of time with her in the weeks prior to her death. Those visits were some of the toughest things I have done. As an unsaved teenager, her suffering and the dignity she maintained as she suffered impacted me in ways that are difficult to express. Her death caused me to evaluate my own mortality in a way I had never considered before.

It caused me to seek God.

 Death sucks. There is nothing good or redeeming about it. Death is the most visible reminder of the Fall of mankind (Genesis 3). It makes a sad sort of sense that the single greatest consequence of mankind’s sin and disobedience would be painful and would linger until the earth is fully liberated from the curse of sin (Revelation 21:4). But God, in His infinite wisdom, sometimes brings good things out of death and the suffering of others, when we are willing to submit to the process.

 

 

 

Love is Not Enough

Lisa M. PriceLeave a comment

Those officials of Pharaoh who feared the word of the Lord hurried to bring their slaves and their livestock inside~ Exodus 9:20

 

It’s been a depressing week.

Nothing truly awful occurred; just a whole bunch of petty little first-world problems that conspired together to wreck my week. I’ve been sick, my husband has been out of town, and we’ve had car problems, problems with the dog, scheduling issues with our kids, and on top of everything else it’s September and it still feels like July in Tucson.

 My blue mood intensified on Tuesday while I was searching the Internet for an article. I could remember what the article was about, but not the title or who wrote the stupid thing. As a result, I spent the better part of an hour undertaking the modern equivalent of searching for a needle in a haystack. I never did find what I was looking for, but I did come across a rather bitter tirade written by a former Christian turned irate atheist. Among other things, his diatribe contained a list of prominent Christian leaders who have failed morally in the last decade. The length of the list was appalling.

 But it got me thinking.  

Why do Christian leaders fail?

 They shouldn’t. If there is any type of leader on earth who should be able to hold it together it’s a Christian leader. And yet the last three decades have given the world some really outstanding examples of leadership failure within the Christian community. Jim and Tammy Faye Baker, Doug Phillips, Bob Coy, Ted Haggard, and Tony Alamo are just a few of the more notorious examples of Christian failure the world has witnessed in recent years.  

 This is an issue all Christians should think about for a couple of reasons. First:

All Christians are leaders.

 Parents lead children, managers and business owners lead employees, employees and students lead their peers, and teachers lead students. If you are a believer in Jesus and you aren’t leading someone in some way, you are doing something terribly wrong. There is no leader on earth who is immune to temptation. We need to understand why leaders fail so we can avoid moral failure in our own lives and preserve our influence in the world.

 Christian leadership failure hurts everyone.

 Failure damages the person who fails; they lose their incomes, influence, reputations, and sometimes even their families. Moral failure devastates followers, shatters trust and tests faith. Moral failure makes it challenging for all Christians to spread the gospel. It is difficult to convince those on the periphery of the faith that Jesus has the power to change and empower people when Church leadership can’t uphold some very basic principles of the faith. Tragically, moral failure hurts unbelievers most of all, giving them a handy excuse to never ponder the claims of Christ, ensuring that they will spend eternity without Him.  

 Popular theories of why moral failure occurs are many and varied, but a list of contributing factors usually includes:

 Lack of accountability

Isolation of the leader

Stress

Pride

Too few boundaries

Too many temptations

Fatigue and depression

 All of these issues can and do contribute to leadership failure. However, I believe there is typically a lot more to it. One thing is clear, for most Christians moral failure is rarely about a lack of love for Jesus. I cannot speak for every Christian leader who has fallen. But I can tell you that every Christian I have ever known who has failed morally has loved God deeply and passionately.

 Lack of love is rarely the problem. Lack of fear is.

Love (even love for God) is a soft squishy emotion that is easy to push aside when other emotions like greed and lust are riding high. Fear on the other hand is much harder to ignore or push aside. For that reason, fear of God has become a central part of our belief system. If it doesn’t, we will undoubtedly fall victim to the first appealing temptation that comes along during a moment of stress or weakness.

 Fear of God has gotten a bad rap in the last few years. The expression conjures up images of harried-looking believers biting their nails and cowering in corners. It’s really a deceptive image of fearing the Lord. Fearing God is not about being afraid. Fear of the Lord simply means that we really believe that God will bring the consequences He has promised in His word to those who violate His commands.

 A fear of the Lord must be cultivated in a person’s life. Fear of God begins with remembering that not all of God’s promises are pleasant and that God really does discipline those whom He loves most.