I loathe my very life; therefore, I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul~ Job 10:1 NIV
Bitterness is not a subject we discuss much in the church. It should be, because bitterness is something everyone struggles with at some point in their lives.
Bitterness is simply a byproduct of living in a fallen world. We are all sinners (Romans 3:23, Romans 5:12-14). Sinners universally have a tough time seeing their own faults and problems. They also have a tough time seeing the effect their faults and problems have on others. Because most people, even most Christians are really just clueless bumblers. People hurt others, sometimes without even realizing they are doing it. There are evil people who hurt others intentionally simply because they like hurting people, but in my experience those people are fairly rare. Most folks just stumble around blindly, not realizing how much suffering they are generating with their actions.
I have done my time in the pit of bitterness. Thanks to God’s mercy I came out of it with my faith, sanity and love for humanity firmly intact. Through the process of getting free I learned a thing or two about this rather painful subject. Including:
Bitterness feels awesome-
Only a very few excessively sensitive souls become really bitter over stuff that wasn’t a big deal in the first place (Luke 17:1). As a result, when we wallow around in bitterness it feels AWESOME, at first. Alcohol and bitterness have some weird things in common. Alcohol is a slow-acting poison. As we indulge the poison begins to work we feel euphoric and awesome at first. However, if we drink too much for too long that choice can end in sickness, liver failure, brain damage and sometimes even death. Bitterness acts on our spirits in much the same way alcohol acts on our bodies. Because bitterness is almost always the result of a valid hurt, nursing feelings of bitterness is emotionally satisfying and feels great, least in the beginning. However, if we do not get a firm handle on our bitter feelings the choice to indulge them inevitably ends in the spiritual equivalent of acute alcohol poisoning or liver failure. Every analogy breaks down at some point and it is true of this one as well. The biggest difference between alcohol and bitterness is that a little bit of bitterness is never okay and there are no known benefits to bitterness. No one can indulge in a bitter spirit and walk away unscathed because bitterness is far more addictive and damaging than alcohol could ever be.
Prevention is the best medicine for bitterness-
Hebrews 12:15 warns against allowing the sin of bitterness to take root in our lives. The text says: See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. The “see to it” wording of this verse tells us that the writer believed individuals have some personal responsibility when it comes to the sin of bitterness. There are times when circumstances that produce bitter roots appear out of nowhere and we have zero control over whether or not to allow those situations into our lives. There are also times when we simply cannot walk away from people or circumstances that have the potential to make us bitter. When that happens, our spiritual and moral responsibility is to deal with our feelings before God in a healthy way so that bitterness has no opportunity to take root in our lives. That being said, there are also times in life when we willingly place ourselves in situations, or refuse to walk away from situations that we know from day one will be fertile ground for bitter roots. Taking responsibility for ourselves in the area of bitterness means being cautious about which situations we allow ourselves to get into and which situations we choose to stay in (Proverbs 6:1-3).
Bitterness is a temptation before it is a sin-
Bitterness is a choice (Ephesians 4:31). Like all choices, bitterness is not something we fall into like helpless chumps. We are tempted long before the sin overtakes us (1stCorinthians 10:13). Wise, mature Christians are emotionally vigilant, they pay attention to their feelings so that they can avoid getting caught-up in something sinful, like bitterness (1stPeter 5:8).
Getting free from the sin of bitterness begins with recognizing that wallowing around in bitterness is every bit as sinful as whatever situation caused us to become bitter in the first place. In other words, we must confess our own sin. Then we must forgive the person who sinned against us. A key component of forgiving others is trusting God to deal with the person who sinned against us. Praying for the person who sinned against us can help us let go of the desire for revenge. Forgiveness is never easy and is typically a process that takes time. To get free we must take our hurt and pain to God until we are free from the hurt, anger and bitterness.